The Trouble with the Truth Page #8

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twist themselves up in knots just to avoid telling someone,

"Hey, I don't love you anymore." I mean, is that really so hard? Look, rationally,

I know you're right, and, you know... Absolutely,

I should get out of this. It's just that...

I don't know. I...I feel weird because I can't find a good

reason to break up with him. -What do I say?

-[ Scoffs ] You say, "I don't love you

anymore. Have a nice life." Yeah, right.

Well, maybe you could say that. I just -- I can't. Yeah. Be fair. I never told you

that I didn't love you. [ Scoffs ]

Yeah, well, you didn't have to. I kind of got the message

when your belongings started to disappear

from our apartment one by one. A-And the divorce papers?

They were a dead giveaway. Oh, God. Don't act

like a poor little puppy. You practically left skid marks

getting out of that apartment when you found out

you had your freedom. Well, what did you

want me to do? Sit around and cry,

beg you to stay, after what you did to me? Wait.

Do you really believe that I left you for Jack

because he had a bigger car? Yes. You did. Yeah, 'cause it couldn't be

about you at all. It couldn't be

that maybe you weren't giving me something that I really needed. Oh, come on.

What didn't I give you? Okay, maybe it was

what you gave everyone else. Look, there's other ways

of cheating than sleeping with people. I mean, you did that, too,

but... in those ways,

you were a really big slut. Okay, what the hell

are you talking about? Okay, okay, okay.

Remember... Remember

Caroline's big birthday party, and she wanted you to play

a song? Vaguely. Yeah, do you remember

what song you played? No. I think you do. You played our song,

the song that -- that you played for me

the night that you proposed... -Oh.

-...the song you wrote for me -- at least, you said you did. I did write that song for you. How do you think

that made me feel? Okay. Now, wait a minute.

All right. Let me just --

Let me just get this straight. You left me.

You -- You moved out. You married another guy because

I played a song for some girl? Not just a song -- th e so ng. You did sh*t like that

all the time for no other reason than

to make a pretty girl smile. Well, you know something? The longer I live, the more I treasure

those smiles from pretty girls. One of the few reasons

to keep on living. One of the few things in life

that's worth living for. Sometimes you have to give up

some things to make other ones better. You never quite got that one. Yeah. No, I got it. I got it a little late... but I got it. I see you found our lounge. We did. Did you save room for dessert

tonight? Oh, no. I'm stuffed. I'm stuffed, too, but... um... you don't have anything with

lots of chocolate in it, do you? We do. We have

a chocolate chocolate-chip cake that's amazing. Chocolate chip.

That sounds good. One. Coffee? No, I'll have some, too.

Thank you. -WAITRESS: Two coffees.

-Two forks. Coming right up. So much for all that

cholesterol watching, huh? Okay, the cholesterol --

Forget about it. You can only live forever if you give up everything

that would make you want to. Cheers. Okay, well, now,

can I tell you something and you won't tell anybody else? Who am I gonna tell? Jenny. Or your little

blonde bartendress. -Oh, come on. All right.

-Anyone? Please, honestly. -I won't tell, I swear.

-Between the two of us? -Promise?

-I promise. I tried cheating on Jack. [ Laughing ]

Look at how happy you are. No, re-- Really? [ Laughs ] ROBERT: You're unbelievable. No, I'm not.

I was bored. I'm unhappy. I'm really feeling old. And, you know, it just seemed

like a great thing -- the fun of -- of having sex

with somebody without any kind

of complications or, you know... Yes, I am familiar

with that particular impulse. Yes. Well, you know, it actually

just kind of happened. I was going out with a friend --

a fellow writer. Um, I've known him

for a long time. Jonas Marwood. Jonas Marwood. You have always had a crush

on Jonas Marwood. But, you know, I always thought

he was out of my league. I mean,

he's so much younger than me and he's so handsome

and he's brilliant. You know, he's kind of like

a literary rock star, like McInerny and Ellis were... -...back in our day.

-Yeah. Anyway, well, the thing is,

is that... I-I never got the vibe that he was even

remotely interested in me. But we went out to this,

um, you know, this opening for this book

of a friend of ours, and we got really smashed. Mm-hmm.

How long ago was this? A couple months. And he had a girlfriend,

and I, obviously, am married, but we ended up back

at his place. And...what? What's -- What's the downside?

W-What happened? You know,

that's the really weird thing. Like, believe it or not,

there was kind of no downside. It was great. I mean, I think

the whole forbidden-fruit aspect made it even better,

and then the weird thing is I actually liked

feeling the guilt. It was such an --

such an -- an intense feeling. It made me feel just younger

than I've...felt in years. And then, you know,

when it was over, I just kind of got it out

of my system, whatever it was that I needed

to get out. Yeah, but how did he feel? That's where the problem

kind of starts. Um, of course, I didn't spend

the night at his place. I hightailed it back home at about like 3:00 a.m.

in the morning. I slunk into bed with Jack

in shame. The next morning, I woke up,

and I figured that Marwood was already

regretting what had happened and that we would agree that, you know,

it was all a big mistake and that we could blame it

on the alcohol. That's what I was hoping. And then I-I got to my computer, and he had already written me

an epic e-mail saying he was always...

in love with me. Oh, boy. -Yes. Yes, and --

-Ohh. and that he didn't want

to put any pressure on me about Jack.

[ Sighs ] But now that he knew

what we had, he had to break up

with his girlfriend, and he did. -He did it the very next week.

-Oh, God. And so he started sending me

these mushy e-mails and texts, which, even if they were written

by a 13-year-old girl, they would be embarrassing, let alone

an award-winning novelist. So...So, what did you do? What do you think?

I slept with him again. -No.

-Mm-hmm. -No. Come on, Emily.

-A bunch of times. What are you gonna do,

be my Jiminy Cricket? Now you -- you, of all people? -No, no, no, no, no.

-You, Mister... I'm not judging, okay?

I'm not -- -...FMS.

-Come on. No. But I'm -- I'm shocked. I'm a little bit impressed. I mean, no, I didn't think

that you were that reckless. Well, the worst thing

about it... Yeah? ...is that this guy is

just as predictable as Jack, but, you know,

in -- in his own way. I thought that having an affair would be, like,

exciting and dangerous. But no.

[ Laughs ] I mean, I find myself

in this position where, instead of one bland, dull,

time-consuming relationship, -I have two.

-Wow. So, wait.

This is still going on? Yeah. Yeah, kind of. But I haven't seen him

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