The TV Set Page #7

I didn't know your mom very well...

but I know you.

A little.

And I think that she must've been...

one hell of a woman.

That's what they want to use;

It's clearly not as good, right;

- It's terrible!

- It's clearly terrible.

Thank you.

Well, they'll test

both versions tonight...

and hopefully this one

will just go away.

Well, what does that mean,

they're gonna test both versions;

They're gonna take 20 people, put them

in a room, and show them one version.

And then they take another 20 people

and show them the other version.

Honey, it's not even close. Your version

is beautiful. Their version sucks.

Well, yeah. I mean, granted I

only had ten minutes to write it.

We were losing the kid

and losing the lights and...

Honestly, Mike...

- Honey, are you all right;

- Yeah. It's just a spasm.

You guys carry on. It'll be over

in a minute. Lois, you were saying...

Well, I think it's gonna be fine.

I mean it's so black and white.

And it's all built

around the suicide.

It's very touching and I think

the audience will respond to that.

I'm just afraid that we made the

network version work a little too well.

I wouldn't worry about that.

Well, maybe we should f*** it up

a little more, make it even lamer.

I don't think that we can make it

any more lame, without them realizing.

We don't want it to look like...

we're deliberately trying

to sabotage their version.

But we are deliberately trying

to sabotage their version.

I know that.

But they can't know that.

I mean, why do you even have

to test that version; You can't use that.

You know,

if I become the difficult guy now...

that'd just give Lenny an excuse

not to pick up the show.

Well, if we're gonna make changes,

we're gonna do it now.

I've gotta start outputting in order

to get the tape to the place on time.

Mike, are you comfortable

with this version;

- It sucks, right;

- It's terrible.

- Let's do it.

- Andy!

Motherf***er.

I need a f***ing drink.

- No, five weeks, baby.

- Then I got breast feeding.

- I gotta pee again.

- Oh, you f***er.

Hey, Alice, did Lenny take a look

at the recut of the gas station;

- Yes.

- And what'd she say;

She liked it a lot more.

But;

But she's still concerned

that the mother is too sad.

So she didn't like it a lot more.

She did. But her concerns

are still concerning her.

Do you ever get tired

of doing that thing;

What thing;

Bending the truth

so that it's less objectionable;

Yes.

Yes, God, it's exhausting.

But when I don't do it,

you get all upset.

Well, because what you're saying

is upsetting...

even if you say

the opposite thing first.

- Mike, don't worry about it!

- Stop f***ing saying that! I am worried.

I'm f***ing freaked,

because this show, you know...

It's not Shakespeare,

I know that. It's not The Sopranos...

but it's, it's my show!

And if I don't worry about

the content of my show...

You know, if I just sit back

and let them turn it into...

another cannibalized

piece of sh*t...

then I'm part of the problem.

I am the one who is responsible for

pumping sh*t into people's living rooms.

I'm making the world

more mediocre!

I can't have that.

I have a kid! I got another on the way!

Mike, I think that you're overstating

the situation just a little bit.

But you've never seen Taxi Driver.

I am going to rent the Taxi Driver,

okay;

I just moved into the top

of my queue on Netflix!

Bless you.

- Mike, you okay; Wake up!

- I'm gonna call 911.

Yes, I'm going.

Yes. Okay. I'll see you. Bye.

Hey you;

What's up;

What are you doing;

Well, I was in the neighborhood.

I had a little time,

thought I'd stop by.

It's just that it's not

a good time right now, Zach.

Okay, that's cool.

That's all you have to say.

Actually...

Zach...

you're a really nice guy...

but I am just into doing my own thing

right now. You know;

Being single;

All right.

Listen, I was only hanging out with you

for the show, okay;

You know, for our acting;

But...

I guess that's not as important to you

as it is to me.

Okay, well, the show's not even

getting picked up.

No! The show is getting picked up,

all right;

My agent said that

it's not looking good.

My agent said it's a lock.

That's not what I'm hearing.

I gotta go.

What'd I tell you, Richard;

You take Lucy Lawless...

you put her in a show with

Jonathan Silverman and she's hilarious.

You were right, Lenny.

She's wonderful.

- Which one's next;

- Wexler Chronicles. Two versions.

- Right. Should be interesting.

- Yes, it really will be.

Have to do something about

that f***ing title.

You know, it's funny,

the title doesn't bother me.

- There she is.

- Hello.

- I'm sorry I'm late.

- Did you bring Mike;

- Yeah, where's our boy;

- You didn't hear;

- No, what's going on;

- He's not coming. He's in the hospital.

- What happened;

- He's not coming;

We were in the cutting room

this afternoon, we were having lunch...

and suddenly, I don't know what happened,

he collapsed all of a sudden.

- Is he okay;

- I think so.

He has back problems.

Anyway, his wife was there

and she rushed him to the hospital.

And I don't know anything about this,

but I guess there was a...

a disc that was pinching a nerve...

and they had to do surgery on it

to fix it, like right away.

- Oh, dear God.

- F***!

You know,

his wife's eight months pregnant.

- Poor guy.

- Poor wife.

- Both of them.

- I know.

He should be okay, but it's still,

it's spinal surgery! It's a little scary.

- He said we should go ahead without him.

- All right. Shall we get started;

So, we're gonna show you a TV show

that hasn't even been on the air yet.

And afterwards I'm gonna ask you

some questions...

and find out what you guys

thought about it, okay;

I'm sure a lot of you guys are thinking,

"What is this machine in my lap;"

Well, that is your dial.

This is what I'm gonna ask you to do:

When you're watching the show...

I want you to keep your hand

on that dial...

and if you like something

that's happening...

then turn it up a little!

If you turn it all the way

to the right, that's a ten.

That means you like

what you're watching a whole lot.

If you turn it all the way to the left,

well, that's a zero.

See; You understand; Okay;

So if you're enjoying what you're seeing,

if it's entertaining you...

making you laugh, cry or feel something

nice, well, turn it up a little.

But if you don't like

what you're seeing...

if it's making you feel

bored or angry...

or uncomfortable in some way,

then turn it down a little.

It's like the volume knob, yo.

Right!

It's exactly like a volume knob, yo.

Okay. And when you do that...

it's gonna talk to our computer...

and tell us what you like

and don't like in real time.

You want us to do this

the whole time;

Yes, ma'am.

I just want you to keep your hand

on the dial the whole time.

It's gonna feel

a little uncomfortable at first...

but then you guys

are gonna get used to it.

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