The TV Set Page #9

where great shows, you know,

somehow, sometimes...

good shows just happen you know,

and...

- You understand what I'm saying;

- Absolutely.

I'm just really excited

that you feel this way.

You're my favorite slut!

Lenny, thank you!

- Was it hard when you got kicked off;

- Well, I cried, you know;

But at the end of the day,

it was just such an amazing experience.

I'm sorry.

Can I borrow Carla for a minute;

- Go. Enjoy.

- Okay. Folks, so nice to meet all of you.

- She's adorable.

- Are you kidding;

I think that she's the Lucille Ball

of her generation.

Now what was it like

doing a show without...

any names

or recognizable faces or...

that would make you wanna tune in

and watch; What was that like;

It was great.

You know, these kids,

you may not know them...

but I mean, look at

that face right there.

- Yeah, sure!

- They're gonna be in your living room...

one night a week,

hopefully in a decent time slot.

This way, this way.

Beautiful. This way,

right to the camera.

- Can I get a smile, maybe;

- I'm not a big smiler actually.

I'm sorry;

I just don't get why we always

have to be smiling.

Y'know, we're actors,

we're not monkeys!

- Shut the f*** up.

- Excuse me;

Don't worry about it.

That guy's an actual idiot.

You look great. You were amazing.

How're your feet doing;

Your cane'll fall off the table

if you leave it there.

Thanks.

- So;

- Lenny!

- We did it, huh;

- Thank you for picking us up.

You're the one who did it.

It's a great show.

- It really is!

- I'm very excited.

- The critics are gonna love it!

- Hope so.

They will. I have a saying, though.

"Clippings are clippings. "

We've all gotten clippings.

I want you to get rich.

A hundred episodes. Syndication.

The whole enchilada.

- Sounds good.

- Sure does!

So I'm gonna work with you, in terms of

where we take it from here...

because I think we have

something very special here.

We really do.

And I want to make sure we reach

as wide an audience as possible.

In fact,

I have some ideas already.

You do;

That's great.

Boy, you really know

how to throw a party, Lenny.

It's nice, right;

Did you see the ice sculpture;

- I know.

- We've never done that before.

It turned out great, I think.

Now let's just hope the water

comes through. I'm gonna go find it.

Okay, you go. You go.

The clip reel turned out great,

by the way.

Great.

- Yeah, it's hilarious.

- Great.

What clip reel;

I didn't see any clip reel.

Oh, the promo people

cut it together.

They should run it by me first,

shouldn't they;

She just said it was hilarious.

Don't worry...

You know, I have to tell you...

I loved Weekend at Bernie's.

- Please.

- Seriously. Seriously.

I'm gonna sound like such a dork,

but I have seen it fifty times.

- Yeah. What;

- Nothing.

You do sound like a dork.

Shut up!

I saw your show and you,

you're fantastic.

Thank you. That's so nice.

Well, you know, it's really easy

when you have good material.

There he is!

So, is the wife here yet;

I still haven't met her.

No, she's not.

Kid's in school.

They went back to England,

actually.

F***!

Richard!

F***!

I'm hopeful it will resolve itself

in some way.

Listen.

I'm between marriages myself.

I have some experience with this.

Let me tell you something

I've learned about life.

And this might not be easy to hear,

but I need to say this, okay;

Are you ready;

Spouses are not necessarily

a fixture of the schedule.

Anyway put it out of your mind.

You've got ads to sell, kiddo.

Okay;

And this past season

has seen growth...

unprecedented in the history

of the network.

We've taken what was already

a commanding lead...

in the vital

twelve to twenty-two demo...

and turned it into a landslide.

Particularly with women.

At the same time,

in the last month...

with the phenomenal success

of Slut Wars...

we've seen our audience of males

eighteen to thirty-four...

increase by more than

seventy percent!

As Cole from Slut Wars

might say...

Wowzah!

It was another great year for us.

And we're gonna do it again

this year!

But this year we've brought in

some new blood...

to help us keep our schedule

fresh and exciting.

We have brought in a guy

all the way from England...

where a lot of excellent television

has happened.

A man I can only describe

as a television genius.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please give a big Panda welcome...

to our new President

of Prime Time Programming...

Richard McAIlister!

Thank you.

Thank you so much

for that kind welcome.

And thank you, Lenny, for an introduction

that I can't possibly live up to.

It's been great fun putting together

this year's schedule.

Hard work, but fun, nevertheless.

Tonight, we have four excellent

new dramas...

and five brilliant new sitcoms

to show you.

This is great stuff, folks.

Really exciting television.

Appointment TV,

as you say over here.

So you're a lawyer now;

Yeah, we're getting old.

Hey, you speak for yourself, okay;

You're the one who's a lawyer.

Rob Wexler is going home.

Anyway it's great to see you again,

Rob Wexler.

He is rediscovering

his past.

Do you remember Coach Roberts;

How could I forget Coach Roberts;

I have this recurring dream

about that guy.

I'm ninety years old

and I have dentures...

except, I'm in my high school

gym class.

Everybody else is the regular

high school age.

I'm the only one who's ninety.

And Coach is yelling at me

and I'm going...

Give me a break!

I'm ninety friggin'years old...

homes!

And he's finding out

what really matters.

Being here with you...

it's like I never even left.

I guess some things never change.

- This fall...

- Don't forget about me, bro.

You and me.

To the end.

Brothers!

Yeah. Brothers.

Was that a fart;

That's hilarious!

There's no fart there!

- Why'd they put a fart...

- Hilarious, hilarious.

It's just that she was my mom,

you know;

And when the person

who was your mom...

suddenly has a heart attack

and dies slightly before her time...

it just makes you think

about everything, you know;

- Uncle Rob;

- Hey, Teddy.

Can I hang with you for a while;

Call me Crazy!

Coming this fall.

That's Call Me Crazy,

the terrifically new series...

from Executive Producer

Mark Feldman.

Starring Zach Harper

and Laurel Simon.

Mondays, nine o'clock,

only on the Panda.

And if you thought that was good,

wait till you see the next 22 episodes.

For one of these sluts,

the journey ends here tonight.

But who will it be;

America voted...

Carla.

Put your clothes on and get outta here.

You're going home.

Will you join me up here on the landing,

please; I'm sorry.

Carla, you've got 65 sec...

to evacuate the premises

and collect your things in the alleyway.

- Okay.

- All right.

- Bye.

- Thanks very much.

Well, that's how it goes.

One down, eight to go.

Their lives hang in your hands,

America.

So don't forget to vote

and text message.

See you next week

on Slut Wars.

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