The Ugly Dachshund
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 1966
- 93 min
- 279 Views
[Fanfare plays]
[Up-tempo music plays]
[Rooster crows]
7-8-9, uh... 7-8-9...
Fran, I'm calling the doctor.
Everything all right?
FRAN:
Yes, dear,but we'd better hurry.
Yeah, all right, honey,
just remain calm.
DR. PRUITT:
Hello?- Hello? Yeah, Doc...
- Hello? Who's calling?
Hang on just one second.
DR. PRUITT:
Hello? Hello? Who is this?
Doc, it's Mark Garrison.
- I hate to wake you up but...
- Is she feeling any pain?
Yeah, it's starting. She thinks
it'll be pretty soon now.
DR. PRUITT:
I thinkyou'd better get over here.
We're on our way, Doc.
Thanks.
DR. PRUITT:
Bye, Mark.Hey, honey,
I got Doc Pruitt.
I'm gonna bring the car
around front.
FRAN:
All right, dear.Morning, Mr. Garrison.
You're up pretty...
[Engine revs, tires squeal]
...early.
[Tires squeal]
Take it easy, now...
steady.
I'll get the door for you,
Mr. Garrison.
No, I got it.
So this is the morning,
huh, Mrs. Garrison?
Mrs. Garrison.
Just let me know when
you want to hike your order.
[Tires squealing]
You're not worried,
are you, honey?
No, but I wish
we were there.
Yeah...
[Engine revs]
Only a couple minutes
more now, honey.
[Siren wails]
Oh, boy.
That's just great.
Mark, we can't stop now.
Yeah...
The hospital!
[Siren wails]
Well, now,
that's what I call service.
[Tires squeal]
Okay, on the ball!
We got a special delivery.
All right, let's get going!
Come on, go get a stretcher.
Well, how do you like that?
[Engine revs]
Be careful, sweetheart.
All right, what's the big i...
Oh, Officer,
I can't thank you enough.
in time without you.
Yeah, thanks a lot, Officer.
Oh, Dr. Pruitt!
Now, now, everything's
going to be all right.
Don't worry. I'll take her.
[Door closes]
- A dog?
- [Whistles]
Well, yeah. Yeah.
I thought you knew, Officer.
You see, this is the first time
my wife's had pups.
I mean, the dog has had pups,
and I... she gets...
[Both laugh]
- Well, how do you like that?
- Yeah, yeah.
[Laughter continues]
Boy, wait till the boys hear
about this one.
[Laughing]
A dog. [Laughs]
I certainly appreciate
everything you've done, Officer.
My wife was pretty nervous.
You know how women get
at a time like this.
Yeah, don't they always?
Yeah. Couldn't see it myself...
coming to the hospital and all.
Way I remember it,
dogs were, uh...
they had their puppies
at home in a...
in a basket or a closet.
Yeah, mine had hers
in a bureau drawer...
right in my shirts.
- Is that a fact? [Chuckles]
- Yeah.
How about that?
Thanks for your trouble,
Officer.
No trouble at all.
Now, just a minute here, now.
Let's see what we got here.
We got 60 in a 35...
- Now, wait a minute, I don't...
...crossing a center line...
- I followed it around, honest.
...running a boulevard stop...
I did stop! I did, I did!
No, sir, you only slowed down.
in a hospital zone.
Well, I'm sure I wasn't doing
any more than, uh, 40.
- 40?
- Yeah.
Okay.
40 miles per hour
in a 25-mile zone.
Do you have
a driver's license, sir?
- Oh...
- [Laughs]
- Left it home.
- Yeah.
It's understandable
in an emergency like this.
By golly, a fellow
gets up in the morning,
puts the first clothes on he can
find, never checks his pockets.
- [Laughs] Happens every time.
- Mm-hmm.
No operator's license.
This your car, sir?
Well, of course it's my car.
What's your name, sir?
Mark Garrison.
Your address?
336 North Bowling Green Drive.
- Your business address?
- The same.
I work at home.
I'm an artist.
Engine number?
Engine number?!
Now, why in the world
would I know the engine number?
Okay, it's your car.
I'll take your word for it.
- [Chuckles]
- [Sarcastically] Thanks.
Sign here, please.
[Laughs]
You forget something, maybe?
"No... parking."
I'd move the car,
Mr. Garrison. [Laughs]
FRAN:
Oh, wonderful, Doctor!Mark! Mark, we made it
just in time!
Danke had a puppy.
Oh, that's great, honey.
That's just great.
[Motorcycle engine
turns over]
FRAN:
Bye!Oh, wasn't he sweet?
You know, Mark,
policemen must have
a benevolent fund or something.
Couldn't we give a donation?
I'm giving, honey.
Believe me, I'm giving.
Mrs. Garrison? Two more...
I think that'll be all.
Mark, three puppies...
I can't wait to see them!
I'll be in as soon
as I move the car.
- When can we take them home?
- Tomorrow.
That'll give the pups a chance
to get a good start.
All right.
- Hey, Doc?
- Hmm?
Those three puppies...
all females, right?
Yeah, right.
My luck's holding.
[Car door closes]
[Engine turns over]
Gertrude.
Gertrude Van Dankelein.
[Clicks tongue] Ugh.
Martha Van Dankelein...
You call me, honey?
Oh, no, I'm just trying to think
of names for the puppies.
What's the hurry?
They have to be registered
so they can get their papers.
You can't begin
to get them in shows
until you get their papers.
And you laughed
when Jim Carstairs
enrolled his son at Yale
the day after he was born.
Winifred Van Dankelein...
Erma...
- [Yawns]
- Matilde.
[Sighs] It's been
a long day, honey.
I mean, a very long day.
Hildagarde, Dagmar,
Ermentrude.
Good night, love.
Huh? Oh, good night, honey.
[Sighs]
Mark... what do you think
of these...
Freda, Esmerelda, Ludmila?
Fran...
Daphne, Dora, Diana?
Frances...
Yes, dear.
Isolda, Alberta, Brunhilda?
Heidi? Clotilde? Wilhelmina?
Don't question it, Doc.
I want to get
some sleep tonight.
Huh? Get... oh, yeah,
I get it. [Laughs]
Are the pups ready?
Yeah, I'll get them for you
in a minute.
There's one thing
I've got to do first.
- All right, no hurry.
- [Laughing]
Clotilde... oh, my, my.
[Barking, yipping]
Quiet, quiet.
Yeah...
Okay, girl.
Great Dane, huh?
Uh-huh.
[Muffled grunting]
Easy now, easy now, fella.
Easy now.
Easy now, little fella.
Easy now. I got you.
I've got you.
That's my idea
of a real dog.
Ah, the greatest.
And Duchess there
is the best Dane
I've ever owned.
- She's yours, huh?
- Uh-huh, she sure is.
Just between
the two of us, Doc,
I'd give my back teeth
to have a dog like that.
Okay, all right, all right.
- [Yipping]
- All right, don't get excited.
I'm getting to you.
Okay, all right,
take it easy, take it easy.
Yeah. All right.
All right.
All right, come on, now.
Come on, come on.
What's the matter
with this one?
[Chuckles]
Looks like he's not hungry.
Oh, he's hungry, all right.
He's just not taking
to the formula, that's all.
All right, come on.
Why don't you put him
back with his mother?
No, no, that wouldn't work.
Why not?
Well, it's a case of too much
litter and too little milk.
Duchess just picked him out
and pushed him away.
Pushed him away?
Her own pup?
Well, they do that sometimes.
It's funny, the tricks
nature plays, huh?
[Chuckles]
Now, you take that dachsie
of yours, Danke.
- Oh, she's got too much milk.
- Yeah.
Why, she could feed
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"The Ugly Dachshund" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 3 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_ugly_dachshund_22451>.
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