The Undefeated Page #5

First time we've ever been invited|to a Confederate shindig!

Well, I'm not surprised,|all things considered! Get down!

- Thank you!|- Get down, all of ya!

Well, we didn't intend|to interrupt the festivities!

Well, what are y'all lookin' at? You|ever seen a Yankee before? Just people!

Start playin'! Captain!

- Sir!|- See that Colonel Thomas|and his men are taken care of!

- Sir, I--|- They're our guests, Captain!|Make sure they enjoy themselves!

Yes, sir! Wilkes!

I'm feelin' a little dry, Colonel!|Would you care to join me,|or don't you indulge?

Where's the sergeant?|I'll risk it!

- [ Laughs ] Follow me!|- Thank you!

You Yankee boys hungry? The captain|appointed me to tend to you!

There's a mess of beans|and ham up yonder, and there's|some coffee and grits too!

- Grits?|- I wouldn't touch 'em!

- Why not?|- Might be unclean!

- Well, it will be a change in cooking!|- I'll drink to that!

- Make yourself at home!|I'll be right with you!|- Thank you!

- Mrs! Langdon!|- Mr! Thomas!

That's a mighty attractive dress!|French, isn't it?

Yes! I bought it|in New Orleans before the war!

Seldom had occasion|to wear it since!

You surprise me, Mr! Thomas!

You have knowledge|of ladies' fashions?

Well, I was once married, and I have|knowledge of the cost of such things!

- Here you are, sir!|A little sippin' liquor!|- Ohh!

- Good!|- Somewhat finer|than what the sergeant provides!

[ Chuckles ]

May you be in heaven half an hour|before the devil knows you're dead!

- To your health!|-Jimmy!

- Excuse me, Colonel Thomas!|- Certainly!

Cousin Cora and that Sam-- Well,|they're havin' another go-around!

- Oh, shoot!|- Would you excuse us, please?

- Of course!|- Colonel, here! Help yourself!

- You said that you were|once married, Mr! Thomas!|- Yes, ma'am!

But lucky for me,|she left me!

I must say, Mr! Thomas,|that whatever your faults are,

you do have a quaint kind|of honesty!

Well, she was so busy being a lady|that she forgot to be a woman!

It was Indian country,|and she didn't like that.

It was cold in the winter, hot in the|summer and dusty in the dry spells,

and she didn't like that!

And when I wanna go huntin' and|fishin', I go huntin' and fishin',

and she didn't like that.

And I wanted children, and|she didn't like that either!

- She didn't like much, did she?|- She's happy now, I guess!

She's living in Philadelphia|with her cat, givin' piano lessons!

[ Chuckles ]|Won't you sit down, Mr! Thomas?

Thank you!

Is that Indian boy|really your adopted son?

Yes, but I'm as proud of him|as if he were my own blood!

-[ Fiddling Resumes ]|- Charlotte?

- How old are you?|- Sixteen!

Nobody ever looked at me|the way you do!

-[ Wilkes ] Charlotte!|- Oh, I'm gonna kill that Bubba Wilkes!

Charlotte!

Why are you afraid|to have someone see me kiss you?

Because-- Because|what I feel is private!

I've never|felt like this before,

and I want to keep it.

I want to keep it|just like it is!

-[ Continues ]|- Charlotte!

I believe|you promised me the next set!

- They bitin'?|- No!

Maybe you ain't|holdin' your mouth right!

My name's Hughlock Mudlow!|How are you fellas today?

Say, you wouldn't happen to have|a little jug of whiskey on you?

They won't give me one! They won't talk|to me 'cause I wouldn't join their army!

- Well, why wouldn't you join the army?|- I didn't wanna get shot!

- [ Spits ]|- Sure glad you fellas came over|here today though!

I ain't had nobody|to talk to in--

- Hey!|-[ Cowboy ] Yah!

[ Men Shouting, Indistinct ]

[ Men Shouting, Indistinct ]

!!!two, three!

- Get him!|- [ Men Shouting, Indistinct ]

- Y'all don't have to ask me twice!|- Here goes another one!

[ Indistinct Chattering ]

- One, two, three!|- Come on, boy!

- Any more takers?|- You made your point,|BobbyJoe! Let it go!

Begging|the colonel's pardon!

You know, we got an Arkansas|razorback that's just whupped|everybody in our outfit!

Well, me and the boys was|just wonderin' if maybe you had|somebody might could take him!

Are you speaking of the manly|art of self-defense, Sergeant?

Yes, sir! I'm here to tell ya!|Root, hog or die-- no holds barred!

John Henry, it wasn't my idea!|Trot him out!

- Little George never lost a fight!|- Little George?

- He'd better have some meat on him!|- You sure about this, BobbyJoe?

- Trot him out!|- Well, go get him, Newby!

Ho-ho-ho-ho!

Ring around the rosies|a pocket full of posies

Ashes, ashes we all fall down

[ All Chuckling ]

Tell me it ain't|what I think it is!

I can't fight!|I'm tired of hurtin' people!

This time, you gotta fight! You've|got to uphold the honor of the outfit!

I can't!

Them blue bellies|called you yellow!

You know I ain't no coward!

You young 'uns,|you go on and play! Go on!

[ Children ] Ring around the rosies|a pocket full of posies

Ashes, ashes we all fall down

- You wait right here!|Get you out of that blouse!|- Yes, Sergeant!

Well, gentlemen, here he is!

[ Onlookers Murmuring ]

- You sure you wanna|go through with this?|- Biggest Reb I ever saw!

[ Thomas ]|He's the biggest anything I ever saw.

Here!|I'll write your folks!

Huh? Oh!

I'm right proud to meet ya!|I'm Little George!

[ Onlookers Shouting, Indistinct ]

- Get him, BobbyJoe! He ain't tough!|- He ain't?

No!

Ooh!

This is fun, isn't it?

[ Shouting Continues ]

- Your man there is no coward!|- But he's outnumbered!

- [ Growls ]|- [ Man Whoops ]

[ Indistinct Shouting ]

Get in there, Yank!|[ Laughing Hysterically ]

[ Yells ]

- No, it's me!|- Oh!

Damn grits!

Ohh!

Well, it was bound to happen!

Bound to!

- I sure don't feel much like it!|- No! Me neither!

- [ Man ] Go get him!|-Just one fool thing after another!

Yep! It sure is!

[ Yells ]

Jimmy, can't you stop this?

Stop what?|It just started!

[ Grumbles ]

- [ Yells ]|-[ Yells ]

[ Yells ]

Thanks,John Henry!

- Well, now, I wouldn't call that|exactly fair, would you?|- No, I wouldn't!

- Oh, excuse me, sir! Ooh!|- Nice party,John Henry.

-Jimmy, this is ridiculous!|It's gone far enough!|- Ohh!

- Somebody ought to stop them!|- Not without takin' a lump, ma'am!

All right then!

Get him, Buster!

Hey, Newby,|will you look at Bubba?

Lieutenant Wilkes! Lieutenant!

Lieutenant Wilkes, is this|any conduct becoming an officer?

No, sir!

Hey--

Well, now, Colonel Thomas,|would you care to make this unanimous?

With pleasure, Colonel Langdon!

- [ Gunshots ]|- [ Horses Whinnying ]

[ Gunshots ]

Well, now, why'd you want|to do a thing like that?

I want this stopped!|I want this stopped now!

Well, that's civilization for you!

Not like Philadelphia!

- Huh?|- Nothing!

Oh, uh, Colonel,|Sergeant's got a barrel full!

Well, thank you, Colonel!|You've been a perfect host!

I've always heard|of Southern hospitality! Now|my men understand what it means!

Well, I thought my men'd|do better, Colonel, seein' as how!!!

this is the first time in years|we had you Yankees outnumbered!

Y'all come back, hear?

Windage and elevation,|Mrs! Langdon!

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