The Undershepherd Page #5

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You been throwing

up again?

No, I have

not been.

No, I haven't.

I don't need

to talk.

What's that

for?

This is all that

should matter to you.

So why don't

you take it

and go do

what you do.

Go shopping-

I don't want

to shop.

I want my

husband back.

No, no!

What are

you doing?

Don't talk.

L.C., please.

Sorry.

I just want you to

listen to me.

What, what,

what for?

- Because...

- What for?

- What for?

- To get back to us!

All you're gonna do

is just throw up!

Look at you,

you look a mess.

I'm not gonna

throw up.

Look at this, all this,

would you just...

become skin

and bones now.

This is not who

I married.

I'm not skin

and bones.

This makeup, these baubles,

this dress, all of this!

What is this!

You don't look

like my first lady.

I am your

first lady!

I bust my butt to be a

first lady for you!

And all you care

about is this!

Your filthy, dirty,

- rotten

- Get out!

- Stinking, demon money!

- Get out, out.

You can't...

Hello?

What?

No,

I can't.

I can't do it to...

Not right now,

I'm in the office.

Yes.

Is everything okay,

sir?

Sh"?

How's

the list coming?

There's a small

problem.

Nobody wants to

give up their seat, sir.

Okay, what about

Miss Bell?

Minister, I didn't

call Miss Bell 'cause...

I kinda felt bad

calling her.

What did

you just say?

I didn't call her.

I'm gonna ask you again,

what about Miss Bell?

What about her?

Minister?

Miss Bell is

a good person.

She's been here...

When I ask you

to do something!

I need you

to do it!

Do you

understand me!

Have a seat,

have a seat.

I want this cleared up

in the next 15 minutes.

Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

So the doctor has me taking

these pills for depression.

And I just wanna thank

the Lord for finally

finding medication

that really works.

And I feel human again.

Amen.

I just wanna

thank Jesus.

I just wanna

thank you Jesus!

Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

Thank you!

God is worthy to

be praised, Hallelujah.

Are you serious?

Are you

kidding me?

No.

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself.

What?

You're right because you are

not right with God.

I can't believe you would

thank Jesus for some pills.

You're depressed because

you're weak.

You're depressed because

you're not right with God.

L.C... L.C., this is

her testimony!

Pastor L.C.!

Did anybody see

Deaconess Carter's name

on the program this

morning?

No, sir.

The answer would

be no.

So with

all due respect

Deaconess Carter,

would you please

sit down.

Ooh.

Give me this,

what is this?

You don't need

any Lithium!

Amen, Amen.

You don't need...

any Vicodin!

You don't need it!

You don't

need it!

Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

God is all you

need.

How's it going?

Have you seen

these?

What's this?

Your numbers.

I don't know how

to read these.

Look, all you need

to know is

last week's telecast

received the highest ratings

in the history of

this network.

If

You know...

his whole message

has changed.

Becoming

so mean-spirited.

Publicly humiliating

people.

What is your

excuse, Americal?

No more excuses!

Thank you, Jesus.

No more excuses.

No more excuses.

Oh, praise God.

I'm so glad y'all

with me today.

So glad y'all

with me today.

Hey, Michael, how

are you?

I appreciate it.

Can you stand

up for me, please.

Okay.

Stand up, please.

Praise God,

Michael.

What is your excuse?

I can't think of nothing

right now, sir.

Amen,

are you sure?

Tell him, Michael,

tell him.

Yeah, Pastor,

I'm sure.

Just tell him,

Michael.

All right.

Kira, where

are you, sweetheart?

I'm here, Pastor.

Oh, there you go, hey, you

looking good, baby, how are you?

Fine.

Can you get those babies

to stand up, please?

Amen.

Michael, I'ma ask

you again.

What's your excuse?

I don't understand

what you're doing right now,

- I don't really...

- Michael?

What is

your excuse

for not paying

child support?

What is your excuse

for not playing

an active role

in these beautiful

little girls' lives, huh?

Amen, hold on,

hold on.

I'm not sure

what your excuse is

for coming in this church,

sitting behind your baby's mama,

bringing a stray...

this stray in the house

of the Lord!

I wanna know

what your excuse

is for being half

of a man.

You know what... I

ain't gonna take this.

Let's go, baby.

- You can run, Michael.

- Whatever.

Let him 90...

you can run!

You can run, Michael,

you can run!

You can run,

Michael, you can run!

You can't hide on

Jesus.

God is everywhere,

forgive me.

This whole

thing is broadcast on live TV.

The sad part is, everybody's

going crazy, they love it.

They love it.

Roland, did

you hear that?

I told you we should've

watched the show.

Listen to this.

You guys should

go to church.

Sunday.

Praise the Lord.

The Baptist convention will

take place in Atlanta next week.

Attending will be our

choir director,

Sister Evelyn Roberts...

Sorry I got off on

a bad foot with you.

Excuse me.

You know what?

You're a fraud

and an insult to

this church.

And God.

I am God.

Hm, hm, hm.

Good morning,

First Baptist Church of Christ!

Good morning!

Amen.

I gotta tell you,

it's so great.

Amen.

- Really seriously, it's so

great to see all

the new faces.

So blessed.

And some old.

You see the Lord knows

who the haters are.

Yeah, it's true.

Amen?

Amen.

So if you want to

hate on me!

Amen.

Because I'm smarter

than you.

Because I'm

better than you.

Because I'm stronger

than you.

Because I'm

more patient than you.

Amen, Rev.

I'll pray for you.

Y'all ready for

the sermon, today?

Y'all ready for

the sermon?

Oh, man, I think I

broke my glasses.

The Holy Spirit broke my

glasses, will you hold on...

Hey, you like that one?

Ma'am, I love

you so much.

I appreciate you so

much, please, come back.

Great service today, sir.

I appreciate that,

thank you so much.

Can you find Casandra

for me and, uh...

go around

and get my car.

Which car you driving

today, sir?

Which car am I driving,

which car am I driving?

CLS.

CLS, CLS, I need you to

find the CLS for me.

Got it.

Appreciate that, praise God,

appreciate it, appreciate it.

Hey, Law.

Hey.

L'ma pray

for you, man.

Pray for me?

You gon' pray

for me?

L'ma pray for you!

What you mean,

gonna pray for me?

I'm gonna pray for you.

You acting

the fool, Law.

- All right?

- Why did you come here?

How you gonna front to me

in front of all these people.

We're supposed to

be brothers.

We are brothers,

you left!

You gonna come back

here and try to judge me,

hate on me?

What is this

about, money?

No, I don't need your money.

I came back here because I

thought you needed some help.

I wanted to see if

it was true

all the things I

was hearing about you.

But you're lost, man,

you're lost.

Is that it?

Is that the best

you can do?

You know what,

I'm sorry I came.

I'm sorry I came.

I definitely did not expect

to see the devil at work.

I tell you what, Shirley,

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