The Wackness

So, what's on your mind,

Luke?

Nothing.

I mean, I can

make something up.

Fine.

Make something up, then.

Okay.

Um,

- I'm having trouble getting laid.

- Common problem.

How old are you

again, Luke?

Old enough

to be getting laid.

And getting older every day.

Have you ever

gotten laid?

Two years ago, I f***ed

Katie Randall in Battery Park.

But she had drank

like two 40-ounces,

and the cops came

and broke us up before we...

So, she was drunk?

Home girl weighs,

like, 60 pounds,

and she drank two

- Crazy Horse?

- Look, Dr. Squires...

- Call me Jeff.

- Look, Jeff...

Dr. Squires...

How much

do you need, man?

You're the one

who needs this, son.

- How much?

- A quarter.

Well, I can give you two eighths.

It's the same thing.

- That entitles you to another...

- Forty-eight minutes.

Forty-eight minutes. If you go now,

you're getting ripped off.

I'm just not feeling all this

feeling sh*t today, Dr. Squires.

Luke, tomorrow's a very big day

in your life. One of the biggest.

And I look at you

and there's...

There's just

no joy, you know?

Tell Stephanie

I say what's up.

Mmm-hmm.

Hey, you ever feel

kind of like a f*** up?

Buying weed from the same dude

that deals to your daughter?

- Stepdaughter.

- Stepdaughter. Exactly.

- Later, Mr. Squires.

- I'm a doctor, Luke.

Dr. Squires.

I met Dr. Squires

in the spring of '94.

First as a client,

then as a patient.

At the beginning we didn't

talk about much of anything.

I don't know why I kept seeing him,

to be honest.

But sometimes it's nice

to have someone to talk to.

Even if you're

just talking sh*t.

He told me the drug thing was

a cry for help. Maybe he's right.

I am Luke Shapiro.

I'm a drug dealer.

Hear my cry.

My occupation takes me to

exotic places like Brooklyn and Queens.

Now, I like it most in the summer

when no one's around. Just me,

the sweaty girls in their short skirts

with their breasts and their panties,

which I like to see

when I can see them.

I like fly ladies. I like tank tops.

I like short skirts.

I like my impure thoughts,

which go a little something like this.

# "The World is Yours"

by Nas #

# It's yours #

# Whose world is this? #

# The world is yours

the world is yours #

# It's mine,

it's mine, it's mine #

# Whose world is this? #

# It's yours #

# It's mine,

it's mine, it's mine #

# Whose world is this? #

Shapiro.

No, did you smell it?

You're holding it,

you smell it.

Well, I'm not... Listen, Mr. Bigshot.

You know all about expiration dates?

Just look at the jar

and tell me what you think.

I don't know.

Why don't you check it out yourself?

# Wipe the sweat off my dome

Spit the phlegm on the streets #

# Suede Timbs on my feets

makes my cypher complete #

# Whether cruisin in a six-cab

or Montero Jeep #

# I can't call it

The beats make me fallin' asleep #

I hate high school

so I'm alone a lot.

Which is fine by me.

Sometimes it gets lonely, I guess.

But I don't need

high school friends.

One week they're listening to Kris Kross,

the next, they're listening to Pearl Jam.

I'm not like that.

I'm loyal.

I mean, I still listen

to cassettes.

But tomorrow

my life changes.

Tomorrow I graduate.

And then I go

to my safety school.

And then I get older.

And then I die.

Robert Samuels.

Shana Sewart.

Luke Shapiro.

Congratulations, Shapiros.

Lucas, aren't you

going to introduce us?

- Mom, Dad, this is Mr... Dr. Squires.

- Jeff.

- And this is my wife, Kristen.

- A pleasure.

And here's

your daughter.

- Stepdaughter.

- Stephanie.

All right, team.

Picture time.

Tuck the f***ing shirt

into your pants, Jeffrey.

- Hello. You paged me?

- Yeah.

Yo, I didn't know there was

a party tonight, son.

Yeah. It's the

graduation party.

- I just graduated.

- Yeah. I know.

Yo, could you

spot me 26 bucks?

- Take the sh*t, yeah.

- Good looking out.

- I don't want your f***ing $4.

- All right.

Shapiro, you always

come through with the madness.

This is gonna last us

till that first weekend in Amsterdam.

- You're going to Amsterdam?

- Yeah, man. I told you that.

All right, man.

Have a good summer then.

Yeah, I gotta bounce.

They're almost out of Zima.

- Yo.

- Shapiro?

Hey, Steph.

What up?

Hey.

- You want some Ritalin?

- No, no. I'm cool.

So, what are you up to

this summer?

Chilling. Making money. Why?

You wanna go steady?

Yeah.

Sure.

Ha, ha!

What are you doing

for the summer?

I'm interning

for one of Daddy's patients.

So, it's just gonna be like you and me here

all alone and all, all summer.

But we'll never hang out.

# "Heaven & Hell"

by Raekwon #

# Jesus rollin' in

my right hand #

# Yup, you know

the steezo black #

# Got to go down like that #

# Shallah, cigars

and ball hats #

# Ninety-four

Takin' niggas to war #

# What do you believe in?

Heaven or hell? #

# You don't believe in heaven

'cause we're livin' in hell #

# What do you believe in?

Heaven or hell? #

# You don't believe in heaven

'cause we're livin' in hell #

# So it's your life #

# We're livin' in hell #

# What a chamber

F***in' with mad strangers #

# Yeah, you know

how it runs, baby Straight up, yo #

# Money, clothes

Designer whores and shows, y'all #

# That's how it goes #

# Whatever What do you believe in?

Heaven or hell? #

# You don't believe in heaven

'cause we're livin' in hell #

# So it's your life #

...what that is is a combination

of the temperature

and the humidity, those two combined.

So it'll be about 100 degrees today,

but it'll feel like 105 to 110,

and that's in the shade.

If you're in the sun

that'll add about 10 to 5 degrees,

5 to 10 degrees,

more hotter that it will feel.

No... I'll tell you

that much 'cause I...

He doesn't understand

the finer points about it...

What he doesn't understand

is what I don't understand,

which is I don't understand

what you're telling me half the time.

Your father lost

all of our money

and now we have to move to, well,

I don't know, somewhere poor.

- Oh, somewhere poor?

- We're moving?

No, no, Luke, I'm telling you,

I promise you we are not getting evicted.

- We're getting evicted?

- No, no. There's plenty of time. I'll fix it.

Oh, yeah, plenty!

What's wrong

with your face?

What's wrong

with his face?

Did you f***ing

scratch him?

- He hit me!

- I did not hit you, you goddamn liar!

She's a goddamn liar.

You never hit a woman, Luke.

The two of you are acting like

you're f***ing 12 years old.

- Stop cursing.

- F*** off!

- You see where he gets that mouth?

- Great. "That mouth."

- Thank you very much. Right.

- "That mouth" from your mother.

Republican political consultants

differ on the extent

to which Mayor Giuliani's support

of the President's crime bill

could hurt him

in the future.

I can't take that

from you.

- Where are you going?

- Somebody's gotta work around here.

# "The What"

by The Notorious B.I.G. & Method Man #

Jesus, fellows.

A little dramatic, don't you think?

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