The Way of the Gun

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Hey. Yeah, you. Get up.

What are you, retarded?

Get off the f***ing car!

Hey, dickless, get off

the f***ing car!

Hey, fucksuck, get your slippery

f***ing ass off the car!

Listen to me! Get off the f***ing

car with your f***ing ass!

Shut that c*nt 's mouth, or I'll

come over and f***-start her head!

Do something. Go.

You're gonna wish you never

got up this morning, a**hole...

because my boyfriend's gonna

f*** you up. And then after that...

while he's f***ing up your gay

uncle, I'll cut off your cock...

and mail it to your mother,

your f***ing f*ggot b*tch!

Gaylord f***ing b*tch! How do you

like that? A lot? F***ing f*ggot!

You like to ass-f***?

Want a f***ing head-f***?

You like to f*** baby heads?

You like to f*** boys?

He'll f*** you in the ass! He's not

even gay, but he'll do it just....

Honey. Honey.

She's got a big mouth, but she's not

kidding. I'm gonna whip you silly.

You want to do the man-dance?

First dance's yours.

Why would you pick a fight

with them? Why?! Look at me!

-Look at my f***ing face!

-You're more beautiful than ever!

I'll call myself Mr. Parker.

My associate will be Mr. Longbaugh.

There is a natural order,

the way things are meant to be.

The order says the good guys always

win,you die when it's your time...

or you have it coming,

and the ending is always happy...

if only for someone else.

Our path had been chosen and we

had nothing to offer the world...

our options narrowing down

to petty crime or minimum wage.

So we stepped off the path...

and went looking for the fortune

that we knew was looking for us.

Once off the path,you do what

you can to eat, to keep moving.

You don't blow your chance with

nickel-and-dime. No comforts.

Need is the ultimate monkey.

A pint of your blood can fetch you

50 bucks. A shot of cum,3 grand.

You keep your life simple,

and you can literally self-sustain.

-What qualifies you as a donor?

-I'd say I'm a fairly intelligent...

good-looking man,

physically fit, stable.

Thank you, mister.

Heterosexual?

-Can I ask you something?

-Sure.

Are you a f*ggot? See, you asked me

if I was heterosexual.

I asked you the same, only I was

clear about the answer I wanted.

-I asked if you were heterosexual.

-I've never killed a man.

-I beg your pardon?

-I said I've never killed a man.

-I didn't ask you if you had.

-You asked why I was qualified.

I wonder why that strikes you

as important for semen donation.

It 's a big f***ing.... Excuse me,

a very important qualification.

-No one's ever said that before.

-Have you ever asked?

-No.

-You should.

Take Los Angeles, okay? If I say

that Los Angeles has become...

a Mecca for homosexual migration,

I'm right. But look at what I said.

I make it sound like faggots are

miscreants who need to move around.

I'm also likening them to Muslims,

or Muslims to them.

-"LA's full of faggots" is honest.

-Why is that a big deal?

-Nobody brings up necrophilia!

-Of course they don't. It 's sick.

-You brought it up. I didn't ask.

-You should.

"F*ggot." Just say it.

-I can't say that.

-Funny. If I grab a woman's ass...

and she punches me,

she's fighting for her rights.

But if a f*ggot grabs my ass and

I punch him, I'm a homophobe.

-Let 's just move on.

-Are... you... a f*ggot?

Any trace of mental

illness in the family?

It 's not what you say anymore,

is it? It 's all in how you say it.

Yeah, can you hold on just a sec?

Where were we?

Okay, listen.

Let 's pretend you don't smoke and

and overlook the coke breakfasts.

Let 's imagine you get your life

together and get up before noon.

Steff, please! You're still not

cut out to be a surrogate mother.

Look, there's a girl comes in here,

due any day, getting paid a million.

Sounds like a lot? Wrong.

She comes in for treatment three times

before the damn embryo takes.

Turns out the couple

is perfectly healthy.

I guess the wife just couldn't be

bothered to carry her own child.

They tell the girl what to eat, when

to go out, bodyguards watch her.

Of course it 's fishy. It 's what I'm

saying. She's gotta live with them.

Poor girl's like a prisoner.

It 's just not worth it.

Look, if that 's what you feel,

then go with God! I don't know!

Why do you call and ask,

if you're not gonna listen?

Just call the doctor,

maybe he could help you.

No, he's in the book. His name's

Painter. Allen Painter.

And here was the thing: some deep

pockets,a pregnant woman...

some bodyguards

and a doctor's name.

The longest distance between two

points is a kidnapper and his money.

But we were through jerking off.

Feel that, hon? It 's fantastic.

Yes. It 's fabulous, Hale.

She doesn't hate you, Robin.

She most certainly

does, Mr. Chidduck.

-You're worried about the baby.

-No, it 's...

Come on. A woman needs security

like a man needs approval.

She wants her past, present and

future to all be secure. Right now.

And in a few days, this baby

will be a part of your past.

And for you to leave

and not know it 's secure....

I would never ask you to trust me.

It 's the cry of a guilty soul.

But trust life. Always trust life.

If you're careful enough to listen,

life does take care.

You're gonna be a good father.

She's gonna be a good

mother. You'll see.

As soon as she lays eyes on him,

nature will take over. I know it.

I hope to God you're right, Robin.

Because if this baby

doesn't change....

"Him"?

You didn't want to know.

I'm sorry, I....

-You did say "him".

-"Him".

I have to go to the appointment

now with Dr. Painter.

I'm going to have a son.

I'm going to have a son.

-So I didn't spoil it, then?

-No, you didn't spoil it.

Right? Right.

Come on!

Every goddamn time.

-Four to One.

-Go ahead. One.

I'm sure it 's nothing, but could

you just drive by the building?

-How's your back feeling?

-It 's better. Yes, it 's better.

Down here?

Bet you can't wait for

this little guy to get out.

Actually, I don't mind

if it stays in there forever.

So, unless there are complications,

I won't see you until the 15th.

The video I told you about. Things

you should know about your delivery.

Thanks.

We want this to go down nice

and quiet, so put the guns down.

-Guys, we got you. It 's over. What?

-The people, man. The people.

Can't you people see

there are guns here?

Get the f*** out!

Get out!

Come on, this is no good. Put the

guns down. I'll count to three....

What the f*** are you doing? You're

supposed to be protecting her!

-F***. What 'd I tell you?

-Walk away.

Just walk away. They don't care

about dying, just losing!

You won't make it out of here alive,

you know the cops are gonna come!

Just walk away!

Move! Move, yes!

Relax, relax. Moving.

-I got her.

-Okay.

-Moving.

-Move.

-Moving?

-No.

-Moving?

-Move.

-Get her.

-Move.

It 's okay.

Move!

Four to One. They made a pass.

They're coming out. Do not....

Take the girl.

Do not go to the doctor's office.

Go to the top floor and wait for me

for as long as it takes.

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