The Way Way Back Page #4

so you're going commando.

Watch sitting.

Your junk will fall out.

Found that out the hard way

at a birthday party.

And like that you're impressed.

And grossed out.

Bye Lewis.

Bye.

Water Wizz Waterpark.

Built in the summer of '83,

it's the last bastion of everything

that time period stood for.

In fact,

it was decreed by its creator

that this place

shall never age.

On his deathbed, he said,

"I don't want this place

re-painted or updated.

"I don't even want

it brought up to code.

"And the minute someone tries,

it needs to be destroyed."

We actually have a nuclear bomb

for just such an occasion.

Bought it off the Russians.

Really? Still good with all that?

Even the Russian thing?

That's Cold War.

It's kind of dated.

All right,

that was a waste of a bit.

Hey.

Some kid threw up

near Crazy Tubes.

What? Why is this the first I'm

hearing of this? Damn it, woman!

Caitlin, Duncan.

Tony, Mary Beth.

Hi, Duncan.

Also, I need you to reorder more mats.

Did it.

Finish the work schedule

for next week.

Did it.

Change all the filters.

Done.

You know, I'm going to check

all that stuff, right?

Then, in that case,

I didn't do any of that.

So, I'm doing it.

It's called delegation.

I read about it in a book about it.

That's the one

you wait for, my man.

Oh, yeah.

She looked back.

She likes me.

This is Devil's Peak.

The largest waterslide in a 50-mile radius.

Stretch out the tube, end to end.

13 football fields.

Don't Google that

for confirmation.

That fact predates technology.

Owen, settle a debate for us.

Hello, boys. Duncan, this is Vladimir,

Ishmael, and Ming Lee.

Those aren't our names!

Those are the names

I'm giving you, Vlady.

These are my illegitimate sons.

They all have different mothers.

I'm trying to be a positive

influence in their lives.

Take them to Little League,

Boys Club, raising pandas to fight.

Shut up, jackass!

OWEN:
Cloud fencing,

hooker retreats.

Neil says that years ago

some kid figured out

how to pass someone on the water slide.

Is that true?

He did!

It's physically impossible,

Neil!

You can't catch up to

someone and pass them!

Actually, Ming Lee's right.

I was here when it happened.

All right, then how'd he do it?

It happened inside the tube.

So, no one really knows.

Only the kid and

the person he passed.

And Jesus Christ, our lord.

But, he's a little hard to get a hold of.

He won't return my calls.

We wore the same shirt to a

party and it got a little weird.

Be serious!

Don't interrupt him, Neil!

He's talking!

Guys, what happens in the tube

stays in the tube.

That's just the law

of the park.

Bullshit.

We'll just ask the kid how he did it.

Be my guest

if you can find him.

Last I heard he went

into a deep depression.

The fame was too much.

He turned to cocaine

to escape the limelight.

And eventually,

a life of male prostitution.

Oh, no. Wait. There he is.

You got sober. You look good.

Good for you!

Screw you, Owen!

Yeah, screw you, Owen.

I just said that, Neil!

I'm being supportive!

Actually,

that crack-addled male whore was me.

Really?

Wow!

Do you get comedy?

So, did he pass him by sliding

up the side of the tube?

I'm not telling you.

But I want to know!

That's a good thing.

Don't die wondering.

All right, Hot Rod,

what's happening?

Some kid threw up

near Crazy Tubes.

Wow!

Pointless news travels fast.

Can I get a special ride

"with benefits" for my man, Duncan?

Yeah, hold on.

This slide's out of order.

Watch this.

Yeah,

you gotta use the other one.

Actually, you know what?

I think it's back in order. Okay.

Come on, step up, please.

Okay. Hold on.

Just hold there for a sec.

Hold.

This guy's an artist.

Watch and learn.

And you are holding.

Still holding.

All right, I think we're all set

to hold a little bit longer.

Okay, step back a little bit.

Okay, step forward.

Okay, stay there.

Step back. And hold.

Okay.

Look at him.

It's gorgeous.

Just about ready to hold.

Okay and go.

Okay, go, go, go!

Put your mat down.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(WHOOPING)

Oh, excuse me. I'm truly sorry.

I can't get my footing.

Owen, come on!

Oh, no! It looks

like you lost something.

You just had to

take it too far.

Too far!

Happy Fourth of July everyone.

In honor of America's birthday,

the park will be closing early.

But our doors reopen

at 10:
00 a.m. tomorrow.

Be sure to bring

back your tickets stubs

to receive five dollars off

an all-day park pass.

Have a safe and festive holiday

from all of us at Water Wizz.

Hey. What's up, cowboy?

You want a ride?

No, thanks.

I've got my bike.

Where are you staying?

Over by the beach, on Hampton.

That's far. And, people drive

like idiots on the Fourth.

Throw your bike in the back.

No. You don't have to.

Come on.

Yeah?

Yeah.

No, it's too much trouble.

Duncan we've got to start

having faster conversations.

Throw your bike in the back.

I'd help you out but I got

my hands on the wheel.

Giving you a ride.

I think that's enough.

Where'd you get that?

The princess collection.

Hey, easy, easy!

The car's just

the right amount of shitty.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

So, what brought you

to the water park?

Not many kids head our way when

the ocean's their backyard.

I don't know.

I guess there's not much for me at home.

How long have you

been working there?

Oh! The park?

I've always been there.

Ever since I was

a small Cambodian child.

Of course, that was after 'Nam.

I was in the sh*t.

Then I joined the circus

to become a clown fighter.

I know about 46 ways to kill a clown.

I hate clowns.

I'm kidding except for the part

where I really do hate them.

(GROANING)

Nice teamwork.

I'm exhausted.

Thanks for the ride.

Hey, thanks for the memories.

Hey, Evel Knievel.

You're probably busy

or not interested,

but I need somebody

to be a floater at the park.

You know, do some odd jobs,

clean up some vomit.

What do you think?

Definitely.

Awesome. Yeah.

If it's too much trouble,

you totally don't have to, but...

If you need someone...

Duncan.

Yes.

There you go.

Tomorrow. 9:
00 a.m.

Who was that you were with?

Just a friend.

A friend who drives?

Mom.

What's his name?

Owen.

And how do you know him?

Mom, he's just a friend.

A friend with a license?

Well, you should bring him by.

Okay? I'd like to meet him.

Fine.

Whoa. I'm not done.

We don't stay out all night

and disappear all day.

Do you understand me?

I could say the same to you.

What?

I want you to make an

appearance at Betty's.

DUNCAN:
Okay.

I'm serious.

Okay!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Susanna! Susanna!

We're hanging over here.

Come on. Grab a cup,

we're playing quarters!

Maybe in a minute.

(ALL LAUGHING)

This is empty.

And, that's just not right.

Hey, Duncan.

You should hang out with Peter.

He's playing under

one of these tables.

Peter!

PETER:
What?

There you go.

Do you want me

to make you a plate of food?

No, I can do it.

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