The Wedding Banquet Page #5

This is wrong.

You just can't toast an entire table...

and just take a short sip.

You must toast a full glass to each of us.

We all go back a long way.

That's right.

Give me a break. You know I can't drink.

I get drunk from beer commercials.

I'll drink for him.

Protecting him already?

Come on, Tofu-head...

if you won't drink to us...

you must at least drink to Taiwan.

That's more like it.

We haven't seen each other for many years.

I drove five hours to be here. Drink with me.

I'll start first.

Bottoms up.

God, and I thought the Chinese

were meek, quiet, math whizzes.

You're witnessing the results of 5,000 years

of sexual repression.

After tonight, the best Chinese men

in New York are gone.

Those left are not worth a burned egg roll.

Come, Wai Tung, bottoms up.

You guys drinking or talking?

Cut the crap, we can't wait any longer.

Yeah. What about us? Come over here.

Gao. We dare you to come over here.

Let's make him drink.

Gao? Isn't this the Chen wedding?

The Chen wedding?

That's upstairs in the Phoenix Ballroom.

Thank you very much for coming.

Congratulations.

Get home safe.

Congratulations.

You all right?

Yes.

Yeah. I'm okay.

Can you take Ma and Pa home?

Yeah, I think they've had

about enough of this.

Mr. And Mrs. Gao, me drive home.

Thank you.

Pa, you overdid it tonight. Are you okay?

Just happy.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Good night.

- We are such trouble.

- Was it satisfactory?

Thanks.

Don't even mention it. Get home safely.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Good night.

You okay?

Room service.

No. Don't open the door.

Surprise. We're invading

the newlywed suite.

You really know how to choose

a room, huh? Number 1069.

I thought you passed out.

Passed out? Never.

And miss the Newlywed Invasion?

This old glorious tradition

we've now brought here.

What are you doing?

Dear comrade lover,

we're staying here with you.

The long struggle has begun.

Great.

Aren't you touched by such friendship?

I am.

Here we go. Me first.

Had a bit too much, huh?

Yeah, but I was so happy.

- Want your pills?

- Yes, I should.

We'll be the next to marry.

We should have more harmony.

Get lost.

I've got no luck. It's always the same for me.

No. I can't anymore.

Please spare me, guys.

Okay, he's had enough.

We'll leave you alone after one last game.

Then we'll go.

Another game?

Let's do it.

That's the spirit.

Okay, you two get under the covers.

Oh, sh*t.

Then take off all your clothes

and throw them on the floor.

Only when the last piece is off, we'll go.

- Where are the clothes?

- Are you not man enough?

I'm losing money. We play until I get it back.

Every minute of a wedding night

is worth 1,000 pieces of gold.

That's the way.

Beautiful, just beautiful.

Will they be back?

I don't think so.

They had enough fun for one night.

Wei Wei, what's your hand doing?

Just resting.

Don't do that.

Liar. You told me women don't excite you.

What the hell are you doing?

I'm liberating you.

No.

- Bye.

- Take care.

Come on, there's nobody around.

It's been a long time

since we did it in the afternoon.

What's wrong with you?

Let's go to my room.

You're back.

Pa, you didn't go shopping?

Shopping is a woman's game.

It requires unlimited stamina.

I can't keep up with them.

So I stayed home to write.

Age takes its toll. I only had a few drinks...

but it has taken me three weeks to recover.

Son, have you found a home yet?

We can't live here at Simon's forever.

You know, this gift has been very useful.

Here. May I?

Don't worry, Pa. As soon as

your pressure is down you can go home.

They're back.

There's more in the car.

I am exhausted.

Did you rob a department store?

Coming here is always a headache.

So many gifts to bring back.

We have been shopping

for such a long time...

and we haven't bought enough.

Fifth Avenue is too expensive.

And when we find something suitable,

it's made in Taiwan.

Are you tired?

When Ma enters a department store,

she turns into Michael Jordan.

I'm not tired.

You're so strong, you'll live to be 100.

You must be tired.

Look at the time. They arrived before you

and there's no dinner.

All you do is complain.

These are for your friends.

I'm doing your shopping.

- I'm ravenous.

- We could order sushi.

I thought you liked sushi.

You okay?

I'm fine.

You ready?

- Yeah, let me just get my jacket.

- No rush.

We're going to miss the 7:30 show anyhow.

Hey, Wai Tung, Wei Wei.

Hope you don't mind us

stealing away Simon for the evening.

Of course not.

Pascal's waiting in the car.

Simon has friends?

I didn't think he had any.

See you all later.

- Bye.

- Bye. See you.

When'll you be back?

Good night.

Where've you been?

Out.

What does it mean? Out? Out where?

Out, having a reasonably good time.

To the movies. For a drink.

I hooked up with Steve and we hung out.

We went to a couple of clubs.

Like life, remember? Our life?

You having an affair with Steve?

F*** you.

Listen, go get a good night's sleep.

I just had a really nice evening

and I don't feel like dealing with your sh*t.

Go.

Go. Really.

What's wrong, Wei Wei?

Don't touch me.

First it's Simon, now it's you.

And my parents are still here.

All I do is pamper the four of you.

My patience is running thin. Sleep.

All will be fine in the morning.

It's worse in the morning.

What?

What do you mean

it's worse in the morning?

I know you can cook an egg.

Give it a little thought here.

Just trying to help.

Pregnant.

But I told you, Simon.

Yeah, you told me you were drunk.

You said, I quote, "Things got out of hand."

Yeah, out of hand and into...

What difference does it make?

They don't even speak English.

I can say whatever the f*** I want

in my own f***ing house...

in my own f***ing language.

Simon, it wasn't Wai Tung's fault.

I can explain.

I don't even care who or what he fucks...

but talk about stupid unsafe sex.

I am talking to you.

How much more of this

do you expect me to put up with?

- Are we overstaying our welcome?

- Shut up and eat.

Put down the f***ing phone

and listen to me!

What? This whole thing was your idea.

You f***ing busybody.

Wei Wei wouldn't be here, but for you.

And I wouldn't have to

deal with any of this sh*t.

Sh*t? I'm sh*t? You're sh*t.

You are all sh*t.

I wasn't calling you sh*t.

Don't call me anything. You user. You fraud.

Did Wai Tung pay his rent?

You can't put your foot in your mouth

if you keep it closed. Eat.

Wai Tung, it's me.

Listen, don't be freaked out...

but your Dad had a mild stroke.

It's not too serious.

We're over here at St. Sebastian Hospital.

About this morning...

How's Pa?

Sleeping. Visiting hours are over.

Don't worry. It's just a mild stroke.

God was watching over him.

He must stay calm.

Wei Wei and Simon?

They went to get supper.

Ma, don't worry about my fight with Simon.

It's nothing.

Such a big thing. Why did you hide it?

I was afraid you couldn't take it.

It's been 20 years. I've been living a big lie.

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