The Whole Nine Yards

I need money.

Yes, it is a lovely morning.

Sun is shining,

the birds are chirping.

Only dentist I know

who can't make money.

Oh, really?

What about her father?

As a dentist, my husband

was very successful.

It was just that other stuff.

There's a word for that stuff.

Embezzlement.

Speaking of which,

how much do you need, dear?

Five should probably do it.

Thousand? For what?

Your father would be proud.

I'll see what I can do. In the

meantime, ladies, have a lovely day.

I would, if you do me

a favor and die.

Excuse me.

Are you threatening me?

I didn't think so.

Look, I changed my mind, okay?

Yes, I'll get you your money back.

Morning, doctor.

Good news, Monsieur Boulez.

We won't have to pull the tooth.

All we have to do is drill.

-No drill.

-No drill?

No drill. I hate the drill.

So just gas me, pull the tooth out,

and we'll still be friends. Okay?

Good.

A hamburger and fries.

I'm gonna have a hamburger

with no mayonnaise this time.

-No mayonnaise?

-No mayonnaise. Not at all.

She'll put mayonnaise on it.

Mind if I say something?

Leave the b*tch!

-Excuse me?

-Your wife.

Leave her. Find somebody else

and just start over.

Oz, look, I know it's

none of my business.

I know I've only been working

for you for three weeks.

But I'm telling you what I see.

Your wife is not a good person.

You expect an argument?

So why do you torture yourself?

Just divorce her.

I can't afford to.

She'd take me to the cleaners.

I'm already paying her father's debt.

So she'll just ride it out

till Daddy's debt gets paid.

She's just charming.

She can't help it. Her mother....

What's a nice way of...?

Well, she's the Antichrist.

You'd be doing the world a favor...

...if you'd just have her whacked.

You know somebody who'd do this?

Present company excluded?

Hypothetically?

Or do you want me to name a price?

You should talk to my wife.

You'd make a fortune.

-What makes you say that?

-Life insurance.

I'm worth more dead than alive.

Dining room.

Take the plastic junk off of there.

Can you move any slower

than this, fellas?

You must be our new neighbor.

I'm Nicholas Oseransky. Call me Oz.

Jimmy.

Jimmy Jones.

Have we met before?

Are you sure?

Yeah. I'd remember.

I got a thing with faces.

That's weird. You look so familiar.

Where are you from?

Where do you want this?

Order!

Upstairs, back bedroom.

What were you saying?

You all right?

You sure? Because you look

like you got some gas.

Well, I had a hamburger for lunch.

They put mayonnaise on it?

Can you tell me why they do that?

Every red-blooded American knows...

...that the only condiment

you ever put on a hamburger...

...is ketchup!

Or maybe some of that special sauce

you like so much here in Canada!

Which has a little mayonnaise

in it too.

I swear to God, when they slop that

mayonnaise on, I could kill somebody.

I really didn't wanna upset you.

Who's upset? I'm just having

a conversation here.

I'm gonna go home.

-Feel better.

-Thank you.

-Oz.

-Yes!

Thanks for stopping by...

...welcoming me to the neighborhood.

Pack up! Pack it up, we're leaving!

Jesus!

Jesus!

I just bumped into our new neighbor.

You know who that is?

I suppose you'll tell me.

Jimmy "the Tulip" Tudeski.

And that means something?

Jimmy the Tulip was a hit man

for the Gogolak gang!

The Hungarian gang back in Chicago

that ran the North Side?

And that guy, Jimmy, was

Laszlo Gogolak's key enforcer!

Sexy.

Sophie, the man's killed 1 7 people.

Why the stupid name?

"The Tulip"?

That's his flower of choice.

It's what he sent

to his victim's funerals.

-I wonder why he's here.

-Hiding out, most likely.

He ratted out Laszlo Gogolak.

Now Laszlo's spending his life

in prison.

Jimmy only got five years, and Dave

told me he refused Witness Protection.

Protection? From...?

I'm sure Laszlo's son, Janni,

wants to put one of those...

...you know, a price on his head.

You mean a contract?

A mob contract?

Feeling better?

Yes, thank you.

Good. Let's go for a drive.

-A drive?

-Yeah, a drive.

I don't know anyone else in town.

I figured we could go for a drive.

You could show me the sights,

you know.

It won't kill you.

Promise?

-So I take it you're not Canadian.

-Only by marriage.

-Where you from?

-Chicago.

Not "Chicago" Chicago.

I was born there, but I don't really

know anything about Chicago anymore.

Totally oblivious to anything

even related to Chicago.

I'm from Jersey.

New Jersey?

Yeah. New Jersey.

If you're from Jersey,

you're from Jersey.

Jersey's another place

I know absolutely nothing about.

-You always this nervous?

-Yes.

Like everything else

that's wrong in my life...

...it all started

with the little missus.

Back home, her father and I

ran a dental practice together.

-You're a dentist?

-Afraid so.

You suicidal?

Why would you say that?

I read that dentists

are prone to suicide.

Jimmy, I may hate my life,

but I certainly don't wanna die.

Get used to it

because you're going to.

I'm gonna kill you!

I'm gonna strangle you!

Everybody dies.

Sooner or later. Tulip?

No!

So you were saying

your father-in-law....

Well, ironically, he was a suicide.

Stats don't lie.

He got caught molesting a patient.

An underage patient.

An underage male patient.

Please, stop.

I know.

So this kid starts to blackmail him.

At the exact same time, the IRS decides

to investigate him for tax fraud.

So big Aaron needs money, and fast.

So he goes to a loan shark...

...takes out a loan against

our company...

...which I had no idea about...

-...then proceeds--

-To hit Vegas, Atlantic City, Reno.

Loses all the money and sticks you

with the bill. Am I right?

You are right. That's exactly right.

So after the ensuing scandal

and bankruptcy and embarrassment...

...my wife and her mother decided it

would be best that we move back here.

You like living in Canada?

No, I live here with my wife.

You sure you're a dentist?

Yeah, why?

I've never met a dentist I liked.

Well, I try to keep things

as painless as possible.

Me too.

It's been good.

I'm glad we got to know each other.

You know what? Me too.

-You can go now.

-Great.

Yes, dear?

Thank God you're home.

Thank God I'm home?

I had an idea. I figured out a way

we can pay off Daddy's debt.

You're getting a job.

Our new neighbor.

There's a price on his head?

Your plan is you'll

murder our neighbor?

Here's what you're going to do.

You're going to Chicago...

...you're going to find out who's

offering this price on his head--

Jimmy Tudeski's head?

Then you'll tell them

you know where he is...

...after you negotiate

a finder's fee.

A finder's fee on a murder contract.

Is that a problem?

Other than the fact that would

make me a party to a murder?

But he's a killer.

You said so yourself.

That's another good reason

not to do it.

Whatever he's done, he's been to

prison, he's paid his debt to society.

Well, now he can pay our debt too.

All right, look, I know this

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