The Whole Nine Yards Page #2

is gonna sound crazy...

...but I spent some time

with the guy today...

...and he's pretty nice.

And besides, he hasn't done

anything to me.

-He came on to me.

-What?

He came on to me!

That animal, he made a pass at me!

When?

Earlier. This morning.

Before you came home.

He said you guys haven't even met.

Who do you believe?

A killer or your wife?

Do I have to answer that?

Let's say...

...that he did make a pass at you.

The guy's been in prison.

He's desperate.

He'd sleep with a meat grinder.

You pig! You disgust me!

There's a known killer next door

who might slaughter us in our sleep...

-...and you won't lift a finger!

-That's right!

I'm not gonna lift a finger

because this is crazy.

You do this for me...

...and I give you your divorce.

And if you don't do this for me,

I swear...

...I'll make your life

so damned miserable...

...these past few years will

seem like a pleasure cruise.

I already booked your flight.

You leave tomorrow at 9 a.m.

You better start packing.

When are you coming back?

I have to reschedule

your appointments.

Shouldn't be more than two days.

-Are you going alone?

-Yes.

Good. Can you do me a huge favor

while you're there?

Go out and get laid!

Jill!

Call me the second you get back.

Better yet, call me right after.

Call me during. I want details.

Now, don't expect too much.

I'm not sure I'll be able to

contact these people.

It's not as if the Gogolaks

have a 1 -800 number or anything.

I know you'll do what you can.

What is this?

Good luck, my darling.

And hurry home.

Do they have vomit bags on the flight?

You're Jimmy Tudeski, aren't you?

Jimmy the Tulip?

Don't worry, your secret's

safe with me, sexy.

But you will never believe what

my darling husband is up to.

You're back in Chicago?

Great.

Tell you what, meet me

at Ekins Oyster Bar in 45 minutes.

-Dave, you got nothing to worry about.

-How can I not worry?

You're back in Chicago

to rat Jimmy Tudeski out to Janni--

But I'm not going to rat him out.

You think I'm suicidal?

You are a dentist.

Look, I have no intention

of ratting anybody out.

The only reason I'm here

is to get Sophie off my back.

All right, I've got a deadline.

I'll come by when I'm finished.

In the meantime, promise

not to do anything stupid.

-Why would you even say that?

-You married Sophie, didn't you?

I'll get the check then?

I'm sorry.

I must have the wrong--

What room you looking for?

You're in the right place.

You Nicholas Oseransky?

Who are you?

We hear you have information about

the whereabouts of Jimmy the Tulip.

Did Dave tell you?

-Who's Dave?

-What did he tell you?

Forget about Dave.

For our immediate purposes,

there is no Dave.

Dave does not exist.

So just answer my question.

Do you or don't you...

...have information regarding

the whereabouts of Jimmy the Tulip?

I don't know what

you're talking about.

Really?

Then I must have been misinformed.

I apologize.

It's okay.

Now...

...let's try this again.

We understand you have

information regarding--

Who told you that?

Why do you wanna clutter your mind

with the inconsequential?

What's important is...

...we know that you know

where Jimmy Tudeski is.

Look, I really have no--

-Won't you cry for help?

-Will it do any good?

Who are you?

Franklin Figueroa.

A.k.a. Frankie Figs.

I work for Janni Gogolak.

Oh, my God.

So where's Jimmy?

Look, I sw--

My brother, believe me, you don't

wanna dance with me all night.

And for a scumbag like Jimmy T?

Save yourself the pain.

Look, I really have no--

I may know where he is.

Well, all right. But don't tell me.

Let's go tell Janni.

-Mind if I piss a little blood first?

-Please, by all means.

My father...

...is a great man.

A man of vision...

...and character.

A man who stood up for his beliefs.

Unlike that rat-f***...

...piece of sh*t...

...Tudeski.

Can you...

...ask Cynthia to join us, please?

-Want a drink?

-Oh, no, thanks.

-Have a drink.

-Scotch and soda, please.

I want you to understand...

...Frankie explained to me you're

having a problem with your conscience.

It's just that none of this

was my idea.

Think it was mine? No.

If I had my way, my father would

still be running things...

...and I'd be somewhere like....

I don't know.

...Aruba.

Aruba's not that nice.

Excuse me?

You may like it.

I honeymooned there, and that's

probably why I didn't like it.

The thing you gotta remember is, when

we're talking about Jimmy Tudeski...

...we're not talking about

a human being.

We're talking about a rodent.

We're talking about...

...vermin.

-Where was l?

-Vermin. I think vermin.

We're talking about someone--

Screw that!

Some thing...

...that doesn't deserve

to be breathing...

...the air.

You talking about yourself again?

Mr. Oseransky...

...this is Cynthia.

Jimmy's wife.

Cynthia, it seems that Mr.--

Doctor.

Excuse me?

Dr. Oseransky. He's a dentist.

Whatever.

It seems that our dentist friend here

knows where Jimmy is.

Come to collect on the contract?

Since I'm the one that found this guy,

I want it. The contract's mine.

Just as long as I'm in on the kill.

So long as I get full price.

I wanna see that spineless rat beg.

Money doesn't matter.

Now I've heard everything.

Don't believe it.

This one? Kill you for a quarter.

Frankie will accompany you

back to Canada.

You will lead him to the man

you believe is Jimmy Tudeski.

-But, sir--

-Frankie, you'll let me know?

All right then.

Mr. Gogolak.

My wife would make my life even

more miserable than it already is...

...if I didn't at least ask.

Is there gonna be

any kind of finder's fee for this?

Finder's fee?

I tell you what.

Tell your wife we'll

work something out.

Cynthia, don't rush off.

We should chat a little.

I'll call you in the morning.

We'll leave first thing.

You won't do anything stupid

like leaving me in the lurch?

Who did you talk to?

What do you mean?

-You know Frankie Figs?

-I know of him.

When I came back from lunch,

he was in my room.

-Frankie Figs was in your room?

-Yes.

-He knew that I knew where Jimmy is.

-What did he do?

After he played congas on my kidneys,

he took me to see Janni Gogolak.

You're kidding.

Who did you tell?

I wanna know who you told!

No one, I swear!

Well, then how--?

What am I gonna do?

I'll talk to you later.

-Room service.

-This is Dr. Oseransky in room 51 9.

I'm gonna need a bigger

bottle of scotch.

It's me.

How you doing?

I don't know.

I've done something terrible.

What could be so terrible?

You've gotta get out of Canada.

Just get the hell out.

I'm in Chicago.

Yeah, I heard about that.

Have you seen Janni yet?

How'd you know?

Relax.

I know about the whole thing, okay?

Don't worry.

I'll explain everything to you

when you get back, okay?

In the meantime, have a good time

while you're down there. Live it up.

We'll talk when you get back.

If you say so, Jim--

You gonna invite me in, or do I go down

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