The Whole Nine Yards Page #3

and tell Janni's guys you're impolite?

Janni's guys are downstairs?

Yes, come in.

Love a man with manners.

Janni sent me to see

if you're on the level.

Janni's the trusting type.

So do you or don't you?

Do I or don't I...?

Know where my wayward husband is.

Mrs. Tudeski--

Cynthia. Why be formal

with the woman you'll widow?

-You don't understand.

-What's not to understand?

You want your 30 pieces of silver.

My question is, why didn't you

do the job yourself?

Why didn't l...?

Why didn't you kill Jimmy

and collect on the contract?

Didn't you have the stomach for it?

Or is your problem

a little further south?

-Did you vomit recently?

-A minute ago.

-I was just gonna brush my teeth.

-I'll wait.

Mrs. Tudeski....

Cynthia, none of this was my idea.

You just happened to travel 1 000 miles

to rat Jimmy out to Janni.

That's what I'm trying to say!

It wasn't my idea. It was my wife's.

She wanted me to come to Chicago

and rat Jimmy out.

Maybe it would be best for everybody

if you went to Janni...

...and said that I'm crazy,

that I'm nuts.

I'm chemically imbalanced.

I'm wacko!

Maybe that would be the best thing.

Because....

Tell him I'm acting the way

I'm acting right now.

But you do know where

Jimmy is, don't you?

Look, Mrs. Tudeski, I don't want

anybody to die.

That is on the level.

What do you want?

What do I want?

I just want this all to end.

I am so damn scared.

That's room service.

Before I vomited, I ordered scotch.

There you go.

Thank you.

What would you say to a drink?

I'd say no ice, no water,

in a tall glass.

What can I say? I was young.

Jimmy was like no man

I'd ever met before.

Yeah, well, he's the

first killer I've known.

No one like him at my daddy's

country club. Lousy husband, though.

Cheated on me constantly.

So why didn't you just...?

Divorce him?

Jimmy doesn't believe in divorce.

Thinks it's a sin.

A hit man with morals.

Go figure.

Now that he's out of prison,

are you guys gonna get back together?

Assuming Frankie and Janni

don't kill him first?

Jimmy and I are over.

Even if I wanted to make

another go of it, which I don't...

...there'd always be

that other thing between us.

What other thing?

The fact that he wants to kill me.

Why?

You're a sweet guy.

Money.

Are you rich?

The money Laszlo Gogolak gave us

as a wedding present.

Only it wasn't a wedding present.

Laszlo was parking the money

with us to hide it from the feds.

How much was it?

Ten million dollars.

Hell of a parking space.

The only way to get the money

was if Jimmy and Janni and l...

...all signed for it together.

If you didn't have all three

signatures, you'd need two signatures.

And a death certificate.

-Or one signature and--

-Two death certificates.

That's why Jimmy wants to kill you.

Let's not forget about Janni.

Then he gets the money. All of it.

The whole nine yards.

What if you told him

you didn't want the money?

I did tell him.

I don't want a dime.

He knows I don't wanna be married,

and he doesn't believe in divorce.

But murder, he's okay with.

It's what he does.

If it was me,

How much would it take

for you to kill your wife?

-I'm talking about you.

-What's your price?

That's what I'm saying.

I think you are the most beautiful

thing I have ever seen...

...and I cannot believe

I am saying this out loud.

That's just the scotch talking.

No, it's me.

I've spent the last seven years

just waiting for something to happen.

I didn't even know what it was.

Until you walked in that room

at Janni Gogolak's house.

I'm sorry.

I've embarrassed you.

I should go.

Please.

You're a nice guy.

But I've gotta go.

Let's go.

The night's still young.

You boys in any rush to get back?

Did you mean what you said?

I've got till midnight.

In the meantime....

-Promise me something.

-Anything.

You'll go slow.

I haven't made love in five years.

Neither have l.

I've been married.

It's almost time.

Again?

What did you have, oysters for lunch?

Actually, I did.

Jimmy knows I'm here.

Here with me?

Here in Chicago. Talking with Janni.

How? How did he know that?

I told him.

-You what?

-He already knew.

-How?

-I'm guessing my darling wife.

-Is she trying to get you killed?

-That's all I can come up with.

But when I talked to Jimmy...

...he didn't sound upset.

He wouldn't. He'd be your best friend

right up until the moment he--

He's gonna kill me, isn't he?

And when he's done with that,

he'll come after you.

I'm not gonna let Jimmy kill you.

-I'm gonna take Frankie to Jimmy.

-So Frankie can kill him.

If there was any other way....

But better Jimmy than you.

Don't you get it?

Either way, I'm dead.

Why?

Once Jimmy's dead,

why would Janni keep me alive?

He'd kill me too--

So he can collect on the whole

$1 0 million.

I'm not gonna let that happen.

I swear, I am not gonna let

anybody kill you.

Under the circumstances, that's the

most romantic thing I've ever heard.

Thanks.

You what?

You told Jimmy?

What the hell did you do that for?

I felt bad. I like him.

-I liked him.

-Not anymore?

It's hard to be friends

with somebody who wants to kill you.

If you sold me out to Janni, then told

me about it, I'd ice your ass too.

I know.

-I can close that gap for you.

-Really?

-You'd be in and out.

-You're kidding.

No, not a problem.

So did you do it?

Did you do what I told you to do?

I won't answer that.

So you did!

I can tell! You had sex!

Full-size car, please.

I wanna hear all about it.

I gotta go. Any emergencies,

I've got my beeper on.

-Fine, be that way.

-I don't need no insurance.

The hell b*tch called.

She and her mom went to Niagara Falls.

Yeah, probably working on her alibi.

I gotta go.

Why don't you drive back

to the hotel with me?

Unless you'd rather go home

in broad daylight...

...with Jimmy right next door.

Yeah, I'll go with you.

Frankie Figs.

Jimmy T.

What's going on?

What's up, baby?

What's up, Frankie?

Welcome to Montreal.

-What up, partner? Good to see you.

-Looking good.

Oz, you look worried.

Doesn't he look worried?

He does.

Why don't you relax?

Come on, Frankie told me

what a standup guy you've been.

Now, change your pants.

We're going out.

I'm gonna keep the Coke

and the fries...

...but I'm gonna send

this burger back.

If you put any mayonnaise on it...

...I'll chop your legs off,

set your house on fire...

...and watch as you drag your

bloody stumps out of your house.

I'm fine.

You're fine?

Let me tell you something.

You are not fine.

You know your wife wants you dead?

That much I've figured out.

I thought you should know

I'm not the first one she came to.

-The first...?

-Hitter.

-There were others?

-At least one.

That fell through, so she came to me.

What did you tell her?

You mean, did I take the contract?

No. I didn't take the contract.

-How much she offer you?

-Ten grand.

No wonder you turned her down.

But you did turn her down.

Even though I went to Janni?

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