The Wild

So there I was,

face to face with the biggest,

meanest leopard on this side

of the Serengeti. And...

You roared so loud,

his spots flew clean off.

Dad, I've heard this

like a billion times.

Do you know the one where

I made the laughing hyenas...

Cry? Yep.

- The croc attack?

- Dad.

OK. Think.

Yeah, you do that.

All right, Mr. Smart Guy,

here's one I know you haven't heard.

It all started in the little place

I like to call...

...the wild.

They were the fastest wildebeests

on the savannah.

We're talking fast.

All the other lions

had given up the hunt hours ago,

except your old man.

Fortunately, I knew a short cut.

I thought I had 'em.

Until the dust cleared.

Classic wildebeest trap.

So, what did you do next?

- What did I do?

- Yeah.

That's when I gave them the roar.

- That's it?

- Hold on a sec.

I only thought it was over.

But they had a secret weapon.

He was the biggest wildebeest

I've ever seen.

- He was 14 feet tall!

- Fourteen?

I meant 1,401 feet tall!

Cool.

And he had two... No, four

of the biggest horns I'd ever seen.

- Whoa!

- His breath was red hot!

I mean, green.

And he hated the environment.

To pull this off, I knew I was

gonna have to dig deep,

deeper than I ever had before.

So I swallowed my fear,

sucked in the biggest breath I could.

Dad, I'm ready!

- You got it?

- I got it!

- I got it!

- Well, let him have it!

Roar, son!

Story of my life.

Your roar stops a herd of wildebeests.

Mine makes the babies laugh.

Hey, come on. That was much better.

I'm serious!

It dropped half an octave.

It dropped half an octave.

And it sure scared me.

- Made my hair stand up on end.

- Yeah, right, Dad.

- OK. Let's take it from the top.

- I'm done for today.

Come on, come on, one more.

You were so close.

Maybe it's something technical.

Maybe you're not opening your mouth

wide enough. Like this.

Dad, thanks for the technical help,

but if you wanted me to roar like you,

you'd take me to the wild.

Hold on a second. We've got

everything we could ever want here.

Great lifestyle, three squares a day.

- It's boring.

- Boring?

- I'll never learn how to roar here.

- Ryan.

But don't worry. I finally figured out

- how we can get to the wild.

- You did?

The pigeons say

those green boxes go there.

Those boxes are bad news. Stay away.

- But, Dad...

- I know you're frustrated,

- but a lion finds his roar...

- Here.

I'm so tired of hearing that, Dad!

It's a rat!

Get that rat off my baby!

A rat?

Hello!

Silly, silly rat.

- Rats do not got bling like this, lady.

- You little...!

Lastly, that is the ugliest baby

I've ever seen!

Benny, stealing candy from a baby?

Stealing is such a strong word.

I prefer "liberating."

Hey, kid, heard the roar.

Down another...

- Octave.

- Octave!

You ready to cheer me and your old man

as we capture our fifth straight

turtle-curling title?

I can't even roar.

How would you even know I'm there?

So, you really think

it dropped an octave?

Absolutely.

- What the heck is an octave?

- I heard that.

- Rabbit.

- Cholesterol. I'll stick with the nuts.

I don't know what his problem is, Benny.

He's 11, but he's still roaring

at a nine-year-old level.

Little help here, Sammy?

You know what?

Maybe you're setting the bar too high,

with all those stories

about Samson the Wild.

Hey, he's always loved those stories!

They inspire him.

OK. I'm not gonna argue with someone

who can use my tail as dental floss.

- You got something right there.

- Where?

- No, no, other side.

- Here?

- Sorry, Benny.

- You got it.

Attention, friends.

Stop by the gift shop and get

the most popular plush in America:

Nigel, the "I-Like-You" Koala.

- Look, honey! The crazy thing talks!

- I'm so cuddly! I like you!

That's right. He's so cuddly.

And better yet, he likes you.

Finally.

And the zoo will officially be ours

in T-minus three...

...two...

...and showtime!

Here I come!

Who put that bar there?

That tickles!

- Did too!

- Did not!

- Did too!

- Did not!

Out of my way, ya bum!

There's that moth-eaten koala!

I've told you flamingos

a hundred times, walk.

- How about an autograph?!

- Don't...

Birds! Find the string on his back!

- So you're havin' a really nice day!

- Guys.

Off my co-captain, now.

Sorry, Samson.

That didn't hurt.

I almost forgot to tell you.

I'm gonna ask Bridget out finally.

Slow down, Romeo.

You are a squirrel and she is...

Perfect, right?

Look, I know what you're sayin'.

Believe me, I got my eyes wide open.

Watch where you're goin', you big...!

Bridget.

Don't stare at my spots, Benny.

My eyes are up here.

Of course. I'm so sorry.

Oh, this is for you, honey.

It goes around your left hoof.

Did you get that out of the trash?

You did! You trash-picker!

I'm not a trash-picker. I'm a recycler.

That's a lot more romantic. Isn't it?

- Romantic?

- Sam, come here.

Romantic? Don't mention

romance to me, Benny.

- I've never had a boyfriend.

- That settles it.

I accept the job...

of boyfriend number one.

Benny, only the female

orb-weaver spider

will date a male

one-twentieth her size.

- So there's hope!

- And then she eats him.

But at least he dies happy.

Let's get Ryan, dude!

Dude! We said that at the same time!

Dude.

Hey! Hey, Ryan.

Listen, I'm headin' down to the game.

I'm gonna see you there, right?

Come on, Ryan. We need you.

You're our biggest fan.

Yo, Samson!

I'm your number one fan, man!

Thanks, man. Right back at ya!

You were saying, Dad?

Listen. About this afternoon,

I was just trying...

Dad, fine.

I'll go to your game, all right?

OK. I'll... see you there, then.

Come on, dude.

- Dude.

- Guess who's here?

Eze. Duke.

Man, he always guesses.

We're gonna stalk the gazelles

while everybody's at the game.

- You in?

- Let's go, bro!

The Ryanator.

I'm comin' down.

Fish heads!

Get your ice-cold fish heads!

Now eyeball-free!

We're into the final period

of the curling championships

and the penguins are up.

Here comes Victor.

What a beauty!

Yeah, sweep!

Heading straight for the bull's-eye!

This could be it, folks!

- Bo-wango!

- Yes!

- Oh, yeah!

- That's gonna be tough to beat.

What? "Tough to beat"?

That's just the way we like it,

right, guys?

I can't believe this!

If we lose, I'm gonna rip my head off!

And yours!

We cannot lose to flightless birds!

Whoa, whoa.

No one is losing anything around here.

As long as we stay focused.

- By the way, has anyone seen Ryan?

- Oh! I know!

Maybe he's sulking 'cause

he lives in his father's shadow

and he roars like a schoolgirl.

- Thanks, Lar.

- You betcha!

Nigel! Nigel! Will you sign my dolly?

- Not again.

- Nigel, ignore them.

I'm so cuddly! I like you!

- You're so cuddly! We love you!

- That's it! I am not cuddly!

I'm a vicious jungle animal

from the streets of London!

- Fear me!

- Get him! Get him! Get him!

- Help me!

- Girls! Put him down.

I am not a doll!

- Cushy tushy!

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes