The Wistful Widow of Wagon Gap Page #2

He did it again.

He said we did it.

Now they'll hang me.

Are you guilty?

No. Then what are you worrying about?

Oh.

Jim, the court thanks you

for simplifying matters.

I hereby sentence you

two coyotes... Your Honor,

may I remind you that you have

a jury? I picked them, didn't I?

You picked some

before they were ripe!

Shut up, you.!

You boys want to get your heads

together and bring in a verdict of...

Your Honor, I suggest you

first acquaint the jury...

with the statutes

pertaining to dueling.

Jim, let's not get all

snarled up in legal folderol.

I have the statues. Would

you like me to read them?

Or would you prefer

to quote them from memory?

No, no.

Go ahead.

Section 86-97 of the penal code

of the sovereign state of Montana.

"If any person slays or permanently

disables another person in a duel,

"the slayer must provide

for the maintenance...

of the wife of the slain

and for the minor children. "

And Section 86-98...

"Said slayer must pay all

debts of the person slain. "

What does he mean?

Yes.

Oh. In simpler language, the law

makes these men responsible...

for all the obligations

of the deceased...

both to his family

and his creditors.

Hawkins owed me $50,

Your Honor.

Considering what Hawkins owed me,

I'd say that's a right good law.

As a matter of fact, Jake,

I think so myself.

Especially the part about them

maintaining the widow.

Well, this is it. I don't

see any corn growing.

The widow

don't grow corn.

Then what's that scarecrow doing in

the yard? Who you calling a scarecrow?

You scatterbrained

numskull!

Ah, the Widow Hawkins!

Howdy, Mrs. Hawkins. These

are them. The culprits, huh?

Mrs. Hawkins, I'm awful

sorry. Oh, think nothin' of it!

I ain't hypocrite enough

to shed tears for Hawkins.

He wasn't any good. All he

ever did was drink and gamble.

Hawkins, come here!

All he ever did was drink

and gamble. Come on, Duke!

Nice dog.

Go on, Wolf. You have the

situation well under control, ma'am.

Guess we can get back to

town. Just a minute, Judge.

As long as our main obligation is to

take care of Mrs. Hawkins and the kids,

why can't we make some kind of

a financial arrangement? Such as?

We'll give her some cash now and send

a little every month from California.

How much you got?

Well, let me see.

Hmm, I have $70.

Precisely the amount the deceased

owed me. Poker the other night.

Duke, think of something else. I have.

Judge, there was only one bullet

found in the body of the deceased.

You can't hold both of us.

It's not legal.

Don't get technical.

You got a point, Eagan.

Yes, and he's pointing it at me. Quiet.

Ma'am, we have to keep this thing

legal. We've got to let one go.

Which one do you prefer?

Well... ain't much

to pick from, is there?

The little one looks good, but maybe

the big one would be a better worker.

Ahem. Judge, you have no

objections if we gamble for this?

There's no law against gambling

providing it's honest.

I'll play it as honest

as you would. Go ahead.

Take a card.

Any one? Any card. I won't even look.

Don't look at it! You

didn't give me a chance.

Don't try to cheat.

Play it on the up and up.

What card were you thinking of? What card?

What card were you thinking of?

C'mon, get it over with.

I was thinking of the nine of clubs.

Oh, no. It was the eight of spades.

That's the card you were

thinking of? That was the card.

How do you know it was the

eight of spades? Just a minute!

What does that look

like? The eight of spades.

That ain't fair. Just a minute, please.

You, you, you! I'll leave

it to the judge. Judge?

That's the way I'd have done

it. That's what I thought.

Good-bye, ol' pal.

I'm going to miss you.

On my way to California, I'm

going to be alone and desolate,

left with nothing but fond

memories of our long friendship.

Good-bye, Chester, old

boy. Good-bye, Duke.

Ma'am,

take good care of him.

I feel terrible bein' the cause

of you two good friends partin'.

It'll be hard for me for a

while, but I'll get over it.

Judge, my money.

What money?

You found me innocent. Therefore I

don't have to pay Hawkins's debts.

That's right.

Son, it sort of cracks my heart

to separate you two fellows.

So I'm gonna do you a kindness.

I hereby appoint you

custodian of the guardian.

And as such, you will see...

that he carries out

the terms of his sentence.

What's that for?

Legal fees.

But... that's not...

That's not legal.

Just as legal

as that card trick of yours.

Ma'am, they're both yours. I'll get

back to town. Good afternoon, gents.

All right, men.

Let's go.

Are you satisfied?

Now we're both stuck on this broken-down

ranch with nothing to do but work.

Hey, it could be

pretty nice work too.

Juanita?

Come here.!

This is Juanita, my eldest.

How do you do? I'm Duke Eagan.

This is my pal,

Chester Wooley.

This one's

your new guardian.

And this is a critter

that needs guarding.

She's got some frisky notions

I'm expecting you to halter.

I don't think you'll be mean

to me, Mr. Wooley,

or can I call you Daddy? Oh, ho-ho.

What's the matter

with you?

I'm a guardian to the guardian, but

you can call me... Call him Duke.

Juanita, get in the house and

rustle up something for supper.

You fellows go to

the pump and wash up.

Go with 'em, Wolf.

I hope this soup's

just right.

If I'm any

judge of character,

the way to Mr. Wooley's

heart is through his stomach.

You don't have to cotton to

him, Ma. He's a prisoner of war.

When a woman gets to be my age, the only

way she can be sure of a man is to marry him.

I've got the young'uns

to think of.

Suppose Mr. Wooley

isn't the marrying kind?

Oh, every man's

the marrying kind!

All you got to know is how

to go about gettin' him.

More flies are caught

with honey than vinegar.

So beginning now, I'm a

woman of honeyed words.

Everything I say to Mr.

Wooley will be sweet as nectar.

My muted voice will be tuned

to the strings of his heart.

My touch will be feathery light

as I stroke those strings...

to bring forth a

dulcet melody of love.

What ifhoney doesn't work

on Mr. Wooley?

Then I'll hog-tie him!

Come and get it!

Come and get it!

Matt, get outta there!

Beginning tonight, Mr. Wooley

sits at the head of the table.

Ma? Git before I take a ladle to you.

Take your rightful place,

Mr. Wooley.

Mr. Eagan, you sit on

Mr. Wooley's left hand...

and, Matt, you sit

on his right hand.

What do I eat with? My feet? Oh, sit down.

Ha-ha.

Fooled ya!

Ha! Ha, ha.

Ha!

Sit down. What's the matter with you? Okay.

Mr. Wooley, help yourself

to some bread, fresh baked,

especially for you.

Duke, can I have

a piece of bread?

Help yourself.

There's none there.

Have a piece of mine.

Hog, don't eat so fast!

Mr. Wooley, have

a piece of my bread.

Thank you.

You're such a good child.

Soup's one of my best dishes.

Try it, Mr. Wooley.

Please excuse

yourself.

I didn't do nothing. See

that it don't happen again.

Go on,

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