The Women

Get that thing away.

Has that ugly mutt had its shots?

Go for the shoes, bad shoes.

Last season's markdowns.

Oh, I never.

It's okay, sweetie.

There's a word for a woman like that.

And it's rarely used outside a kennel.

Okay, puppy, five minutes

to shop the first floor. Go.

- Here?

That's right.

Do you know about that list?

No.

- It's like that, but you know, I...

Oh, I need some blush.

Girl, I gotta be...

Complimentary sampler

of our new cream with any $25 purchase.

How about you?

Would you like to get a facelift in a jar?

This is my face, deal with it.

Hey, Sylvie.

I'm looking at a woman right now

who should be in my magazine.

"There's a fine line

between an outfit and a getup. "

Heh, heh. Where are you right now?

You're not shopping, are you?

Of course, I deserve it.

I was in my office at 6 this morning.

I love Saturdays at the office,

no one there to distract me.

Hey, shouldn't you be

on your way here right now?

What time is it, anyway?

Mary, what are you doing?

Are you having sex?

Would I be on the phone with you?

Don't answer that.

I'm on my way upstairs for a manicure.

What time is your little do today?

Oh, for the third time, 12:30, okay?

And do not be late, Sylvie,

I need you here.

Please, when am I ever late?

- Ha.

- I'll see you 12:30-ish?

No, no, no "ish. "

No "ish. "

Hi, welcome to Saks.

Would you like to try?

- Hello, Ms. Fowler, how have you been?

- Aretha needs water.

Sparkling or still?

Whatever. She drinks out of the toilet.

Tanya's ready for you, Ms. Fowler.

Are you Tanya?

- Yeah, that's me. Have a seat.

That's your name?

Or are you really Susie from Brooklyn?

If it's a long story, don't tell me,

I'm in a hurry.

I was born Eileen,

if you wanna know the truth.

I went to this numerologist who said...

...to change my life,

I should change my name.

I was working at Mr. Ronnie's

on Astoria Boulevard. Do you know it?

I don't get out to Queens

as much as I'd like.

The day I changed my name,

a limousine pulls up in front of the shop.

You're never gonna believe

who gets out. Madonna.

- I have to be at a luncheon at 1.

- Anyway, I can't believe it.

I look at her nails, thinking,

"What kind of butcher did this?"

So I gave her a manicure

like she's never had in this life.

Switch.

I use my own polish.

I mix my own colors. I have a gift.

The luncheon's in Connecticut.

That's a whole other state.

I put Jungle Red on her.

I'll never forget it.

Next thing, Saks is calling me saying

Madonna's raving about my manicure...

...and do I want a job.

- So you wanna try my Jungle Red?

- Hmm. Not bad.

I put this on one of the girls

behind the perfume counter.

She just moved to town, bang,

she's having an affair with a married man.

Who isn't? If you can't speed this up,

I'm gonna have to come back.

- What's your Wednesday like?

- Oh, I'll check.

The married-man thing is tricky, isn't it?

Especially when the guy's well-known.

He's some big hoo-hah on Wall Street.

I can never remember that guy's name.

Everybody knows him.

Wednesday, Wednesday... Haines.

That's it, something Haines.

It wouldn't, by any chance,

be Stephen Haines, would it?

Uh, yeah, that's it.

Wednesday, 11 or 2?

You know, Wednesday isn't good.

I think I'd better get this

taken care of now.

Oh, great, okay.

So you're telling me that Stephen Haines

is having an affair with a salesgirl?

What do you think that's all about?

If you ever saw Crystal Allen,

you wouldn't have to ask.

Yes, buzz, buzz, I hear you.

I swear to God,

it scares me to come here.

I'll be a few minutes.

I parked on 78th Street

in front of a vacuum-cleaner store.

Don't let me forget.

- Why would you forget?

- I just heard something, Edie.

It was very disturbing.

I don't know, I almost rear-ended

somebody on the way here.

April, give Mommy her hat.

May, teach June how to braid

her hair like Mommy taught you.

And, hello,

don't we say hi to Aunt Sylvie?

- Hi, kids.

No way.

I don't want to.

- They love you, they love you.

She scares me.

Dora, I'm getting ready to leave.

I have a splitting headache.

You have aspirin?

Sylvie, what did you hear?

Where is my purse?

Come here, June.

- Wait, what's that supposed to be?

- Oh, I'm painting now.

Painting?

Wait, what about the pottery thing?

Weren't you taking

some puppet-making class?

Let me tell you something.

Weird crowd of people,

the puppet people.

I'd go insane living here.

I don't know how Alan does it.

Oh, Alan moved out.

Whoa, what?

Oh, it's okay.

He's down in a studio

on the eighth floor.

I thought he could use a little space.

- Dora!

- Let's just go, I can't focus.

Dora?

- Will you drive?

Sylvie, whatever you heard,

if it's about anybody we know...

...don't tell me, I mean it.

Of course I won't tell you.

It's too personal.

It's about someone we know, isn't it?

Mrs. Edie,

we're running low on breast milk.

Oh, I have the pump in my bag.

It plugs into the cigarette lighter

in the car.

Well, forget it, you're not driving.

How are you today, little Miss January?

How are you?

Forget it, let's go.

Lucy, Lucy, Lucy, sit, stay, lay down.

Hey, Maggie, did you remember

to polish the silver for the, uh...?

- Lunch?

- Yes, lunch.

- Yeah, yes, ma'am.

Oh, boy.

How did it get to be noon?

I have 60 women

on their way here for lunch.

I haven't even showered.

Did you remember

to pick up my dry-cleaning?

Yes, I remembered

to pick up your dry-cleaning.

What is wrong with this picture?

How lovely. Thank you.

Okay, dog, clean.

Bread, flowers and... Oh.

Hey, um, do you know where the thing that

I made with the whatsits around the edge?

- Bowl with the freesias.

- Yeah, where is that?

Right in front of you.

Oh, yeah, I think the tortellini

will fit in that.

- What do you think, Uta?

- Oh, look at this.

The face of the Virgin Mary appeared

on a rag at a car wash in Los Angeles.

It's hard to believe that you were born

in a country that hands out the Nobel Prize.

That's Sweden.

How many times do I have to tell you?

I'm Danish.

Like the pastry.

- Mom, what's going on?

- Hey, honey.

You're supposed to help me

with my book report.

Oh, my God, I just completely forgot.

- I'm so sorry.

- It's due Monday.

Yes, but today is the luncheon for the park.

I'm co-chair.

Which is more important?

Some piece of grass or my education?

Molly, I don't know why you save

these things till the last minute, honestly.

- Uta can help you with your book report.

- That's her job.

Nicole Kidman has cellulite.

Where? Let me see.

- Oh.

I think they drew that in.

Let's do it...

We'll finish it after the lunch.

- No, we can't, I have to finish the...

- Sketches.

Sketches which are late.

- Then I've to pick up...

- Airline tickets.

Why do you always save these things

for the last minute?

Molly Jane Haines,

is that any way to talk to your mother?

Chocolate macadamia cookies.

No, that's like five points.

- Since when are you counting calories?

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