The Women Page #2

- Since I'm fat.

Since you're fat?

Oh, honey, you're not fat, you're perfect.

I'll just do the book report myself.

- Now, go take a shower.

- Oh, yeah.

She thinks she's fat.

Oh, your father called.

He wants you to have lunch with him

when you come back from your vacation.

My father wants to have lunch with me?

Don't remember the last time he wanted to.

He said it was important.

Oh, Maggie, I think I know

what this is about.

I think he's getting ready

to hand me the business.

- Know how long I've been waiting?

- Years, you've been waiting.

- Just years.

- Years.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.

Oh. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy, off, off, off.

Molly, how many times have I told you,

no dogs on the bed?

Lucy, off. Go on.

- Hey, Mom?

- Yeah.

How come you design clothes

you wouldn't be caught dead in?

That's what your grandfather

manufactures.

Those are his customers,

but they're not gonna be mine.

What's this?

That is a travel coffee filter.

Here they come.

The population of Salem has just dropped.

All right, all right,

keep your Wonderbras on.

It's just a mess now.

Who knows if it's gonna come out?

- It's a brand-new Lexus.

- It's gonna come out, it's from nature.

Just calm down.

She splattered breast milk

all over the dashboard.

- Do you have a rag?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, here.

Maggie, Maggie, can you please put this

in the refrigerator for me?

I'll put it right next to the 2-percent.

Okay, thank you.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe you're here.

You know what? I don't know

that I've ever seen you in the daylight.

You haven't.

Hello, I'm Edie Cohen.

Natasha.

- Natasha?

- Just Natasha.

Oh.

Well, very nice to meet you,

just Natasha.

Natasha's a supermodel.

I hate that word. Do not call me that.

It objectifies me.

I'm a person, not an accessory.

Okay, fine. You're not a purse.

I'm gonna go and get something to drink.

Don't talk about me.

She just finished anger management.

Well, what does she have

to be angry about?

- She's hungry.

- Oh.

When are you just gonna settle down

with someone who's right for you?

Like a man? Please.

You know that I accept you

as my gay friend.

Thank you.

But all of a sudden, half the world is gay.

Explain that.

You just don't understand

how much better it is...

...being in a relationship with a woman.

If we're lost, we both ask for directions.

When we watch TV,

we watch one show at a time.

Nobody drinks out of the milk carton

or asks you to pull their finger...

...or obsesses over their decreasing ability

to piss 30 feet.

- And when we have sex...

- Oh, no, my...

- neither one of us wants it

with the lights on.

Are you jealous yet?

Hey, you owe me a hundred bucks

to have my car detailed, okay?

And tell me, Dorothy Parker...

...how much longer am I gonna have to wait

for your second book, huh?

I'd like to print an excerpt

before I'm dead.

You see, you don't just dash off a book

full of sharply observed, hilarious...

...yet deeply intelligent essays,

to quote The New York Times.

Yeah, that was six years ago.

Let's get on with it, huh?

She's a little distracted.

Did you see her date?

Hm.

So is Mary in here?

It's just so generous of you to open

your gorgeous home for Central Park.

Your mother was chair

of the women's committee for many years.

Yes, and it's very important to her

that I carry on the tradition.

- And me, of course.

- Well, of course.

I don't know

how you manage things in your life...

...and still make time

for your charitable work.

- Oh, well, pharmaceuticals.

- Oh, heh, heh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

There's a champagne buffet

out on the lawn.

Barbara, please help yourself.

- Oh, amazing, you're here on time.

- Hey, what do you mean?

I'm always on time.

You're the one who's late.

Will you put that thing away?

So impressive turnout. Congrats.

- Well, thanks for opening up your Rolodex.

- Hey, what are best friends for?

- What's wrong? Nothing.

- What's wrong? Nothing.

- Why are you asking?

- You looked at me funny.

- What's going on?

- Nothing.

Yeah, something. Your eyes just shifted.

- You're not telling me something.

- I tell you everything.

And what's with you,

and your tense shoulders up to your ears?

Oh. Okay, I wasn't gonna say anything...

...but I think my father's getting ready

to hand me the, uh...

- Business?

- Yes.

- Wow. Is that a good thing?

- Of course, yes, it's a great thing.

It's a fantastic thing,

it's just a lot to take on.

I have to talk to Stephen.

He's not gonna be thrilled.

Stephen, right.

So where is he on a Saturday afternoon?

The office, where he has been

almost every day and night...

...for the last month,

working on some hedge fund.

Hmm.

- Really? Ahem.

- Yeah, but in 24 hours...

...we are gonna be sipping cappuccino

at the Piazza San Marco.

- Are you sure you're all right?

- I'm fine. I'm just kind of hungry.

I'll get something to eat.

- Oh. Oh.

- Oh.

- No, that's okay.

- Lucy.

- Take this.

- Oh, no.

You have to.

You can come work for me.

- Oh, my.

- Take the card.

- No, I won't do it.

- Please take the card, sweetheart. Take it.

No carbohydrates at all, which is fine...

...because the human body

does not need them.

- Hey, cute dress.

Thanks.

Cool shades.

- There you go.

- Thanks.

Cheers.

Edie, that's a lot of food.

Where are you putting it?

Well, I might as well tell you.

You'll find out soon enough.

I'm eating for two.

- Aw. For crying out loud, Edie, jeez.

- Oh, my God.

- Don't you ever say no?

- How many kids do you need?

- What's happening?

- Edie's knocked up again.

Oof. Ugh.

- Are you sure?

- Of course I'm sure.

- I wanna keep going until I get a boy.

- Don't we have enough of those?

You know what?

You two don't understand.

There's absolutely nothing

more thrilling...

...than knowing that you're actually

growing a human being inside of you.

Right, Mary?

Well, you know,

I was going through some junk...

...in the attic the other day,

and I saw this box labeled "jars. "

Yes, I am a jar saver.

And I open up the box, anyway,

and I look in there, and it's not jars.

It's just a whole pile

of Molly's baby clothes.

I just picked up one of those little rompers,

I could just feel the tug on my uterus, so...

What are you saying?

You're thinking about having another baby?

I don't know, you know. I'd never thought

about having more than one, but lately...

Maybe since I know the gate's closing,

I don't know.

- What?

- Nothing.

Something.

I've gotta pee.

For the 10th time today.

I'll be right back.

- Edie.

- What, uh, are you doing?

I wasn't gonna say anything,

but now I have to.

Mary is like my sister.

I told you, Sylvie, I don't wanna know.

Oh, it's about Mary?

- This is in the vault, right?

- Vault.

- Stephen is having an affair.

- Oh, my God. How do you know?

The new manicurist at Saks told me.

He's fooling around with some woman

who works behind the perfume counter.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes