The Women in Our Lives

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FADE IN:

EXT. ROAD- DAY #1#

The sky is clear blue and clustered with bright clouds that give the air a crispy tinge. It is a typical afternoon in Lagos; busy roads and restless pedestrians. We see a close-up of a car's tires rolling as Runtown's 'Mad over You' plays. We realize that the car tires belong to a taxi.

The taxi pulls over on the side of the road, in front of a residential building. 'Mad Over You' booms out from the car's speakers. IJEOMA MICHEALS, late 20s, comes down from the taxi holding a small luggage. She is obviously just returning from a trip. Just as she's about to enter into the gate, her phone rings. She looks into the phone to see the caller id. She smiles.

IJEOMA:

Our Iyawo!

GRACE:

(V.O/ FILTERED):

You did not even tell me you were leaving.

IJEOMA:

I'm sorry. You know I have school tomorrow.

GRACE:

(V.O/ FILTERED):

Oh yea that’s true. Your masters programme. Are you home now?

Ijeoma walks through the gate

IJEOMA:

Oh yea I just got in. …Haven’t entered the house though. How is our groom of life?

GRACE:

(V.O/ FILTERED):

He is fine oh! He said he liked the makeover. You're really good at this thing oh!

IJEOMA:

(Laughs)

Thank you! You are far too kind!

GRACE:

(V.O/ FILTERED):

Say Hi to Tunde for me oh! It would have been nice if he came with you.

IJEOMA:

Don't mind him. When I see him, I would give him your regards.

GRACE:

(V.O/ FILTERED):

He did not come get you from the airport?

IJEOMA:

No oh! I haven’t even told him I am coming in today. I want to surprise him.

GRACE:

(V.O/ FILTERED):

(Laughs) Oniranu! Sha greet him for me.

IJEOMA:

I will. Let me go and rest. Talk to you later! (Beat)

…You too dear. Bye-bye.

She hangs the phone up. She opens the door to the main house with excitement and goes through. She is immediately in shock at what she sees.

CUT TO:
MOVIE TITLE OVER WHITE BACKGROUND.

INT. RESTAURANT -NIGHT #2#

SAMARRO BASSEY, early 30s, looks rich, sits in a restaurant, a bit restless. He gazes into his exotic wrist watch, brings out his phone and makes a call.

INTERCUT:

INT. HOUSE- SANDRA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT #3#

SANDRA ENEH'S, mid 20s, phone rings. The caller id shows 'mechanic' Sandra sits on the bed with her legs stretched out on the mattress. She is half-naked, covering her chest with the sheets. She is with MICHEAL ADELEKE, 30, who hands her the phone.

MICHAEL (O.S):

Why is your mechanic calling you this late? (Beat)

I'm going to get something to eat. You want anything?

SANDRA:

Suya would be fine!

Michael kisses her

MICHAEL (O.S):

Stop staring at me and talk to your mechanic. Only God knows what issue your car has again.

There is the sound of the door opening and closing as Michael leaves

SANDRA:

Hello!

SAMARRO:

Sandra, where are you? I have been waiting for over an hour now.

SANDRA:

I’m on my way! Traffic is terrible. Be with you soon.

SAMARRO:

Traffic how? Sandra, you stay on the next street. That’s why we chose this place, remember?

SANDRA:

Yea true. (Beat)

Sigh! Truth is I’m still in the house. My mother's sick.

I need to take her to the hospital sef! Can you transfer some money for the bill? 30 minutes tops and I would be there.

SAMARRO:

Eya! It sounds serious. I just...

He suddenly remembers something.

SAMARRO (CONT’D):

Wait! But you told me your mom died when you were like six...that you are an orphan, didn’t you?

SANDRA:

(Feigning anger)

Are you calling me a liar?

SAMARRO:

No oh! I....

SANDRA:

Or you are saying I’m stupid abi?

SAMARRO:

No babe! Far from....

SANDRA:

You're sending the money or not?

SAMARRO:

Why don't you come first? Let’s discuss. Maybe we can go see your mum together.

SANDRA:

Let me just tell you! If you don’t send that cash, I’m not coming. I can't have a boyfriend who does not care about me.

SAMARRO:

Of course I care about you. Right now, I just feel like I have to pay money just to see you and…

Sandra starts to fake-cry

SAMARRO (CONT’D):

Wait! Are you crying? (Sigh) Why are you crying, Sandra? Is it your mum?

SANDRA:

(Sob!)

Bye Samarro!

SAMARRO:

Wait! Don't.....

She hangs up

SAMARRO sits for a while wondering what to do. He decides to transfer Sandra some cash. He feels awkward about it; looking around as he makes the transfer with his phone. Afterwards, he places the phone on the table and waits, still feeling self-conscious.

CUT TO:

INT. BAR - NIGHT.

We are at one of the busiest bars in Lagos littered with attractive people. We see a waitress take a tray of drinks from one table to another, before finally settling on a final table that belongs to SAMARRO and his friends.

JOSHUA'JOSH'EKPEYONG, late 20s is on the table as well. He is a fine looking man who wears a beard. He is also cynical but has a sense of humour.

CHUKS ANYAWU, early 30s is the oldest among the clique. He is the glue of the friendship.

In this meeting, SAMARRO tells his friends about his experience with Sandra.

JOSH:

You transferred the money? So did she come?

SAMARRO:

That’s not the point, Josh

They all laugh except SAMARRO who scowls.

SAMARRO:

(Uncertain)

She would have come. I am sure she was held up (Beat) or something.

Josh and Chuks laugh the more.

CHUKS:

Wait, is this the 'Sandra' that dated Josh for like two days?

SAMARRO:

What's your point?

CHUKS:

I'm just saying! You know...

Just then a hot young woman passes by and slightly waves to Josh, shyly and then walks pass

CHUKS:

Josh! Josh!! The polygamist! The woman slayer! Who be that one again na!

JOSH:

(Hisses)That's Ekene's sister! The one I was telling you is heavy romantic.

CHUKS:

Chai! She fine gaaaan! Jesus!

JOSH:

See married man! Shior! She wants relationship! Too stressful abeg!

CHUKS:

E no be like say you dey reason settle down anytime soon oh!

JOSH:

And end up like you? Taah! Do you think you look happy?

SAMARRO:

I wonder why it always feels like women want my money more than they want me.

JOSH:

Its women bro! They want money more than they want their mothers.

SAMARRO:

Eh! Eh! Captain Cynical

Commander-in-chief of anti-women squad!

JOSH:

But it’s true na! Everyone knows that women are self-centred jerks who only act based on feelings. I don't know what controls feelings more than money...(Beat)

...and alcohol

He sips his beer as he laughs expecting the others to join him in his laughter, but his friends just look at him with dead-serious faces and shake their heads. He ends his laugh awkwardly.

CHUKS:

Josh, because one woman was a self-centred jerk who only acted on feelings and broke your poor, fragile heart, does not mean all women are jerks.

SAMARRO:

Don't mind him! One small girl broke his heart six years ago and suddenly he becomes minister for women affairs; commissioner of all things women!

JOSH:

At least I’m not being scammed by a girl who claims to love me! (Beat)

…and my heart is fragile or poor!

SAMARRO:

But your pocket is!

CHUKS:

Haha! Nice one

JOSH:

My pocket is not poor or fragile either. (Beat) It’s just on hibernation for the mean time. Its not like teaching in a secondary school is the best of jobs in Lagos right now.

CHUKS:

Sha! One woman breaking your heart does not mean all women should be blamed.

And Samarro, why you keep spending money on women that pretend to be in a relationship with you? I know you inherited most of your cash but it does not give you enough right to waste it in the manner you are doing... (Beat)

Where is Tunde sef?! Where is our financial advisor? let him come and talk you out of your Davido lifestyle.

TUNDE MICHAELS, early 30s, walks in on their conversation. He is clean-looking man. He looks sad

JOSH:

Speak of the Devil! Oh boy! You are father's son!

SAMARRO:

Uhm! You do know he was raised by a single mum right?

Tunde sinks into one of the chairs, he seems unhappy.

CHUKS:

Ahan! Tunde wetin happen? Why you look drab?

Tunde only replies by placing a wedding band on the table

SAMARRO:

Wait! You want to sell Ijeoma's ring? Are things that bad?

TUNDE:

No Samarro! Not everything's about having or not having money!?

They all eye Samarro who just shrugs

CHUKS:

I.j left you?!

Tunde nods slowly

JOSH:

You see how women do not think of anything else apart from their selfish motives. They are just...

CHUKS:

Oh! Josh please be quiet before I have a headache. See this is not your blog; what you call it sef!? Womenarescum.com. you can't just be talking Yafu! Yafu!! Anyhow!!!

JOSH:

(Laughing)

Whats a 'Yafu-Yafu'

Yaaaaaaaaaafu-yaaaaaaaafu (mimicking Chuks)

CHUKS:

(IGNORING JOSH)

Tunde, what happened? Why?

TUNDE:

She got back from that wedding where she went to make up the bride and her train. Didn’t let me know she was coming back a day before she was really supposed to arrive...wanted to surprise me. You know women na! (Beat)

I was with Onome.

They all are taken aback

SAMARRO:

You were with Onome? Like what were you guys doing when I.J came in?

They all look at him as if he is stupid. There is weird quiet

SAMARRO:

They may have been watching TV, or doing whatever Tunde likes doing (Beat)

...that is not sex oh!

JOSH:

No, they were cooking pot of soup!

SAMARRO:

Really? Tunde why didnt you explain to your wife that you and Onome were just cooking?

JOSH:

Really? Sam,really?

SAMARRO:

(Suddenly getting it)

Oh I get it now. You were cheating on her and she caught you (Beat) Again! (Beat) it’s your fault man!

TUNDE:

Tell me something I don't already know.

SAMARRO:

(Ignoring Tunde)

You have...you had a good woman; a woman who loved you enough to want to surprise you; a woman that would do anything to make you happy, but instead what do you do? Sigh. If i had such a woman...

JOSH:

That's the problem, Sam. You cannot have such a woman. You are way too quick to spend and...

CHUKS:

Joshua Ekpeyong; Samarro Bassey! Please not now!

Our friend here has a big problem and all you clowns can do is make it about yourselves. If there is anytime you guys should have sense, it should be now. (Beat)

...but Tunda shaa! We warned about that Onome girl. That girl always was trouble.

So what are going to do now?

TUNDE:

I don't know mehn! I just know I want her back!

CHUKS:

I don't know how to help. I just know that you would need to win her trust back.

TUNDE:

How?!

CHUKS:

Remember that period we just finished school? I didn’t have a job but you were all working.

JOSH:

Yeeeaaa! You were frustrated that time ehn! You were still dating Anita then. That was the Sam period she had affair with her ex. (Beat)

But you been try sha! How you end up still marrying her. You see! Women are...

He notices his friends are looking at him; serious and expressionless stares

JOSH:

(Weird)

Uhm! I will just keep quiet

Chuks eyes Josh, and then continues

CHUKS:

My point is, if you were able to win her trust before, you can do it again. Just let her know you are sorry. Don't tell her; show her. (Beat)

Funny thing is I was the one that still had to still win her trust back, even though she cheated!

Women are scum sha!

Josh is about to respond but is hushed by Chuks

CHUKS (CONT’D):

But she's still totally worth it. (Beat)

Josh, throw away all that pessimism. One woman hurt you, but that was many years ago. Don't let one woman stop you from experiencing a woman's love.

JOSH:

Hey man! Stop making it look as if I have not gotten over Aisha.

CHUKS:

Yea we all see the women but since her how many stable relationships have you been in?

JOSH:

(Under his breath)

None

CHUKS:

What did you say? I can't hear you over your pride.

JOSH:

I said none, and it’s not because...

SAMARRO:

Shhhhhh! Just let it go Man! Let it go.

CHUKS:

And you, be yourself. Samarro, everybody knows that you try too hard to impress women, especially the women. And ditch that Sandra girl, she does not even like you.

Chuks gulps his beer from the glass

CHUKS:

Guys I have got to go before my wife starts getting worried.

SAMARRO:

You are just jealous! How can you say Sandra does not like me? Somebody that was comfortable enough to tell me that her own mother was sick? (Beat)

You done talk your jargons finish, you want run. Run home to your husband!

CHUKS:

I have sha said my own.

He shakes Josh and Sam who reluctantly shakes him, and he pats Tunde on the shoulder.

SAMARRO:

More drinks?

Josh nods excitedly; Tunde just shrugs. Samarro calls for more drinks.

CUT TO:

EXT. out door party - DAY #4#

We are at an out-door pool party. The sky is clear, and attractive people walk about in bikinis and dresses. There is light music. Samarro and Josh, each holding a glass half-filled with drinks, stand at a corner waiting for Tunde.

JOSH:

I just knew that Tunde would stand us up.

SAMARRO:

Don't give up yet. You know how Tunde is with parties.

JOSH:

Yea, especially when he is sulking, lonely and heart-broken. (Beat)

I just hope he is not doing like all those Nollywood people: small heart break and they surround themselves with bottles and cigarettes.

SAMARRO:

(Laughs)

Let’s not insult our friend.

Josh sees Sandra. She is behind Samarro

JOSH:

Is that who I think it is?

Samarro attempts to look but Josh stops him

JOSH:

Don't look. It’s Sandra. Behind you.

SAMARRO:

You sure?

JOSH:

Yea definitely. Big head, tiny waist. See lets form small. She'll come around if we ignore her. (Beat)

Thats how women are: they push you away when you chase them and chase you when you push them away. Crazy people!

He suddenly becomes aware that Samarro is too quiet

JOSH:

Sam?

Sam has long left him to meet up with Sandra. Josh sigh.

CUT TO:

Samarro walks up to Sandra. Sandra is dressed in a short gown and holding a purse. She seems to be waiting for somebody.

SAMARRO:

Hey Sandra!!!

SANDRA:

Ahan! Hey you! What are you doing here?

SAMARRO:

Well you know, hanging out with my cool bro (Beat)

He points towards Josh who had just spilled his drink on somebody, and was apologizing.

You remember him?

She seems confused initially as is not sure what to respond. She nods anyway.

SAMARRO:

So why did you not show up? At the restaurant? I was even worried if you got the cash or not...

SANDRA:

Look Samuel…

SAMARRO:

My name's not Samuel

SANDRA:

What did you say?

SAMARRO:

I said my name is not Samuel! Its SAMARRO!

Sandra pretends like she knows what SAMARRO was about to say. There is a bad overlay

SANDRA:

Samarro! I knew that!

SAMARRO:

That's why i like you! You never forget anything. My elephant brain!

SANDRA:

Elephant brain? What does that even mean? Look, now that you are here, i should probably tell you. I'm getting married in three weeks!

SAMARRO:

What?! You are getting married? to me? You are getting married to a guy that isn't me? I don't understand.

Sandra opens her purse, brings out an invitation card and hands it over Samarro

SANDRA:

You can come if you want. In fact, I would like you to come.

SAMARRO:

How?!

I mean I thought we were...

I was your boyfriend...right?

SANDRA:

(Laughs) Please I would see you later (Beat)

And try to attend.

She walks away leaving Samarro dumbfounded. Josh walks up to him

JOSH:

Looks like you need more drinks.

(Samarro can only manage to nod. Josh takes his empty cup from his limp hand and walks away)

CUT TO:

EXT. SAMARROE PARTY - SOME MINUTES LATER #5#

Later at the party, Samarro is sitting away from the excitement of the party. Josh sits with him as he tosses the invitation card thoughtfully.

JOSH:

What are you thinking about?

SAMARRO:

I don't know. (Beat)

You think stuff Chuks said are true? I mean look at us; lonely and lonelier!

JOSH:

Don't think on it too much. You know Chuks; he analyzes everything too much.

SAMARRO:

And you don't?

(Samarro slushes his drink while Josh ponders over Samarro’s question)

SAMARRO:

Let' go. I'm a bit tipsy

CUT TO:

INT. Tunde's house - home office.Night. #6#

Tunde sits in his home office. The laptop light splashes against his face but he does not seem to able to focus on work. He picks up his phone and tosses it on his palm for a while thoughtfully. He then scrolls through his contacts and places a call to Ijeoma.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. IJEOMA PARENT'S HOUSE - IJEOMA'S ROOM - NIGHT #7#

Ijeoma sits in bed. We see she is ready for bed as she wears a pyjamas. Her phone is beside her as she watches it ring. It stops ringing after a while and then starts again. She finally gives in and picks up.

IJEOMA:

Hello!

TUNDE:

Hey! How are you?

IJEOMA:

Tunde please! pretending like you don't know you are the last person in the world i want to talk to won’t make me talk to you

TUNDE:

I know. But I’m still your husband and we...

IJEOMA:

If only you had remembered that before you went in between her legs.

TUNDE:

If I could undo all of that, i would.

IJEOMA:

You can't. Goodnight Tunde!

TUNDE:

Wait! (Beat)

Look, you know the only way forward is for us to meet. We need to talk

(Ijeoma pauses for a short while. We can see that she knows Tunde is right)

IJEOMA:

Aren't we having a conversation now? How is it going for you? I have nothing to say to you.

Goodnight Tunde! I'm tired.

Tunde seems very sober as he falls back the chair.

Ijeoma clicks the phone. She ponders for a while, frustration slightly hangs over her forehead but what is more visible is her confusion. There is a knock on the door. It is her mother, mid 40s, EVELYN ONYEBUCHI, who appears larger than life. She is dressed in lace native wear. Over her head is a 'gele'. She is also adorned with gold jewelleries. It’s obvious that she has just arrived from a social function.

EVELYN:

Ada, are you busy?

IJEOMA:

No mum, come in.

Evelyn comes in and gently sits on the edge of the bed

EVELYN:

Was that Tunde?

Ijeoma nods slowly

EVELYN:

What does he want?

IJEOMA:

To talk!

Evelyn senses that Ijeoma is confused

EVELYN:

And what do you want?

Ijeoma is too confused to make any meaningful sound. Evelyn removes the gele from her head, calmly, and walks towards the window to stare at the landscape that spread other residential buildings into dark horizons.

EVELYN:

Its normal for you to be confused, does not, however mean it’s a good thing.

When I told your father I was pregnant for you...

We see Evelyn's face light up with nostalgia

EVELYN:

...he was only a youth corper then....

IJEOMA:

Mom, there is no...

EVELYN:

....he could barely afford to feed himself let alone take care of a wife and a baby. He quickly went on a rage and denied the pregnancy. It hurt me so much.

I did not know it then but he was afraid. Men don't like to feel fear. It was the only he could runaway from his fear...

Evelyn turns around to look at her daughter, Ijeoma, who still sits on the bed in her pajama

EVELYN:

...it took him two weeks but he came back. He said he wanted to be part of your life; my life. Forgiving him was easy; I had no one else, and I had you to think about. But forgiving Tunde would not be as easy for you. You have me and your father, honey, but that's not why it would not be easy...

Evelyn goes to sit on the bed, closer to Ijeoma

EVELYN:

You are concentrating on the hurt; the pain; the betrayal and heart break. All of these can blind you to the things you really want. I am not telling you to forgive. All I’m saying is you should not let what you want today hinder what you have always wanted!

IJEOMA:

I don't understand, ma!

EVELYN:

Tunde does not deserve that talk that he is asking for, but isn't that life? We get the things that we do not deserve. Look at me; mother to two beautiful girls. (Giggles) (Beat)

So like I said, it’s normal that you are confused, but don't be. Just think about what you really want. Do you still see Tunde in your future? Do you not? Take your time to think about it. Whatever decision you come up with, rest assured that I and your father would support you.

IJEOMA:

What if he does not?

EVELYN:

Then i would pull his ears until he does.

(They both laugh).

EVELYN:

Ehen! I came to tell you help me boil rice!

Evelyn starts to leave the room.

IJEOMA:

(Grumbling)

Mom! It’s late now!?

EVELYN:

Is the rice complaining?

IJEOMA:

But you can tell Chioma to....

EVELYN:

Madam?! Are you not the Ada of the house? Let’s lead by example.

IJEOMA:

You are not even a loving mother at all.

EVELYN:

You are mistaking love for over-pampering. Better go and put the rice on the fire now before it gets too late!

Evelyn leaves. Ijeoma grumbles

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL - JOSH' CLASS - DAY. #8#

We are in a private secondary school. Josh is a Chemistry teacher. He is seen teaching pupils who seem tired. His period is almost over. Josh is obviously the 'cool' teacher.

JOSH:

Who can remind me what i said the lightest element is?

(Josh notices AKIN ONIBODE, 16, sleeping)

JOSH:

Akin! Akin!!

(Akin jumps out of sleep)

AKIN:

(jumping out of sleep)

It’s not me sir!

(The class laughs at Akin's sleep talk)

JOSH:

How can it be you?

What did i say is the lightest element?

(Akin scratches his head. He is obviously confused and slightly frustrated)

JOSH:

Just tell us. If you are wrong, we would correct you right?

AKIN:

(Suddenly bold)

Amala!

JOSH:

Huh? Did you say Amala?

AKIN:

Very, very hot Amala

Amala to gbona feli feli!

(The class roars in laughter. Josh seems tired)

JOSH:

(Calmly frustrated)

How can a human being need so much help? You know what Akin? Just sit down. I would take your problem to the school clinic. You can't be mentally healthy.

JOSH:

Who else wants to try? What is the lightest element? And if you can even tell me why it is light, that would be a bonus. I might even give a gift.

A few students raise their hands.

JOSH:

And by 'light' I don't mean physical weight.

He eyes Akin.

A few students put their hands down.

JOSH:

Okay! KEVWE! I'm curious about your answer!

(KEVWE AKPOMODAYE, 17, M, stands up excitedly)

KEVWE:

Mrs. Aiyetoro's skin is the lightest element!

(The class starts to giggle. Josh is confused)

JOSH:

Kevwe, why is your French teacher's skin the lightest element?

KEVWE:

I dunno sir! Maybe lightening cream!

Josh looks stern as he approaches Kevwe who is self-conscious and uncertain.

JOSH:

(Suddenly giving Kevwe a fist bumb)

Okay that was a good one!

(The class laughs.)

JOSH:

But officially, Hydrogen is the lightest gas. If you go and write a certain woman's name that happens to teach French, in your exams, you are on your own oh! (Beat)

So class, we would continue tomorrow. That's all for today.

A pupil who sits in front raises her hand frantically

JOSH:

Yes! Matilda!

MATILDA:

Sir, you forgot to check our assignments.

JOSH:

Okay, we would do that next class!

MATILDA:

But that’s what you said in the last class.

JOSH:

I guess I would have to keep saying it until you know the meaning of deliberate forgetfulness. (Beat)

Bye Guys!

Josh leaves the class. Matilda is confused.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL - SOME MINUTES LATER. #9#

Minutes later, Josh comes out of the class. He walks down an aisle where he sees YEWANDE AKINLOLU, mid 20s reading from his blog. She is a pretty geek who still looks very chick.

JOSH:

Is that womenarescum.com?

YEWANDE:

Yes! You know about the blog?

JOSH:

Yea! Sort of. Didnt know women read stuff like this!

Yewande looks at him wondering what he means

JOSH:

Its not like the posts are pro-feminists’!

(Yewande laughs. Josh can see that she has a pretty laugh. Josh laughs too)

YEWANDE:

Well, i dont really like the point of view. Yes, its true. Women can be manipulative and self-centred, but so can men; that are not a woman-problem. It is a humanity problem.

...and all the writer seems to do is rant. How come he does not proffer any solution?

JOSH:

(Self-conscious)

Don't ask me! It’s not like I am the writer!

YEWANDE:

(Ignoring Josh)

All I see here is complaints and more complaints. If you ask me, the blog does not solve anything!

Josh is visibly upset which he tries to hide

YEWANDE:

In fact, it makes things worse: encouraging chauvinists, misogynists and...

JOSH:

(Voice is louder than necessary)

Alright!

JOSH:

(Realizing his tone was a little inappropriate, and becomes calmer)

Alright! We get it! The blog is the antichrist! (Beat)

But why do you read it if you think the posts is so...negative!

YEWANDE:

Oh! The style. I like the writing style.

She sees Josh is confused so she goes closer to him to show him the screen of her IPad

YEWANDE:

You see how the writer uses humour to make his mysoginistic themes more subtle? It’s almost like it’s on purpose! Easy to read. I see why the blog has a lot of followers!

JOSH:

So it’s just the writing style?

Yewande laughs. Josh does not seem so amused but he fakes a smile

CUT TO:

EXT. TUNDE'S HOUSE - DAY. #10#

It’s a bright evening and the sun sinks behind Tunde's duplex.

INT. TUNDE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY. #11#

We are in Tunde's house where the four men are in living room, playing video games.

JOSH:

My writing style?

She is reading my blog only because of the writing style? Can you imagine? Who even cares about writing style sef?

CHUKS, Tunde and SAMARRO laugh

JOSH:

Who does she think she is? Talk down somebody's hard work. All these bad belle people sef! Nigerians are just negative people! Tufiakwa!

TUNDE:

I really feel so much positive vibes from your blog.

They all laugh

JOSH:

womenarescum.com helps men cope with these irresponsible jerks called women!

TUNDE:

So why hasn't the blog helped Sam's career with women!

JOSH:

It’s only the most high God that can solve Sam’s problem

They all burst into laugh except Samarro and Josh

SAMARRO:

You dey craze! Which kind mumu talk! Your Dad oh!

Josh hisses, ignoring SAMARRO

CHUKS:

Ahan! You Josh calm down na! She at least said she likes your writing style!

TUNDE:

You sure it’s your writing style she was talking about?

She likes your staaaaaaaayle!

Tunde gives Josh a wink

JOSH:

Mtchew! I can’t even have your time. Let me first find something to drink.

TUNDE:

Because na your papa put drinks for my freezer!

JOSH:

Will you keep kwayett!

He ignores Tunde and heads to the kitchen.

CHUKS:

Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaah!

I told you not to test the champions! Red for life!!

SAMARRO:

CHUKS you won again? Na so you for done chop Tunde's money if e been done bet

CHUKS:

No mind am!

TUNDE:

You should just shut up. Is it not only just four goals?

SAMARRO:

Did you just call four goals 'just'?

TUNDE:

Please I’m not feeling fine

Josh comes back from the kitchen, holding a bottle of beer

JOSH:

Its true Tunde is not feeling fine!

SAMARRO:

True? Tunde you are sick?

JOSH:

Yes na! He is lovesick!

They all laugh except Tunde. Josh attempts to give Tunde a handshake for the joke. Tunde only stares at me with a scorn

JOSH:

You will leave my hand hanging? You would embarrass me like this?

TUNDE:

Please just remove your hand from my face!

JOSH:

ya such a bad loser!

CHUKS:

Ehen! Tunde, heard from Ijeoma?

TUNDE:

She still does not want to see me. I'm tired mehn! I wish... (Breaks off)

CHUKS:

Truth is it would not be easy convincing her not to avoid you. (Beat)

Just don't put so much pressure. Take whatever she can afford. Remember how you used to carry her on your head then? You were there before she even decided to date you ugly fool!

Tunde smiles. Its a nostalgic one

CHUKS:

Just do it all over again!

Chuks picks up the game pad as if he is ready to play another game

CHUKS:

Tunde you want to be flogged again!?

TUNDE:

Taah! Commot dia! I need a drink!

Tunde leaves the living room to get a drink

CHUKS:

(Laughs) run away oh! Fear fear. (Beat!)

JOSH:

I'll play. (Beat)

Ya just too scared to ask me.

Josh sits next to CHUKS and picks up the other game pad

CHUKS:

See this baby small children! You are a tata to me. (Beat)

Why does Samarro not want to play though?

SAMARRO:

Wo! I am enjoying just watching!

JOSH:

(Laughing) Lies! (Beat)

Don't mind him oh! He is heart broken! His heart has been crushed by Delilah!

CHUKS:

What happened?

SAMARRO:

Josh, shey you would not mind your business?

JOSH:

No! (Beat)

Sandra invited him to her wedding!

Tunde and CHUKS are both shocked

TUNDE:

Eya! And Sam is not the groom oh! Chai!

CHUKS:

Final burst brain! This is some Nollywood trips!

Saamarro scowls and walks away while Josh laughs

CHUKS:

Sam, wait na! Ya just very sensitive.

Samarro only eyes Chuks

INT. IJEOMA PARENT'S HOUSE - IJEOMA'S ROOM - NIGHT. #12#

We are in Ijeoma's room. She is on a study table with spread out books in front of her. We see that she tries to study but has problems focusing. She is frustrated. Her phone rings. She can see from the caller I.D that it’s Tunde. She lets the phone ring, but it does not stop. She eventually picks up.

IJEOMA:

Tunde, please not now! I really can't talk to you now!

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. TUNDE'S HOUSE - BALCONY - NIGHT. #13#

Tunde is on the balcony. He wears a sweat pant and a T shirt.

TUNDE:

I know. This would only take a minute. (Beat)

You seem exhausted though! You’re alright?

IJEOMA:

This is Lagos. Everyone is either exhausted or crazy!

TUNDE:

Careful before you sound both exhausted and crazy.

IJEOMA:

What do you want Tunde?

If it’s still about meeting...

TUNDE:

No! I don't want to meet (Beat)

No! Of course I want to meet, but I want it to be at your convenience. (Beat)

See, I know you are going through too much right now; school, and now this. I just want to know how I can help.

IJEOMA:

Well I have exams in the morning. If you are not going to write it for me, I don't see how you can help!

TUNDE:

I can do two things:

Remember when you first got admission to start your Masters? We had just wedded. Everyone said you could not handle the stress.

IJEOMA:

Your mother was not helpful!

She lets nostalgia tickle her; she smiles

TUNDE:

But i was, yea?

IJEOMA:

True. You were!

TUNDE:

Look at you now; preparing for your final exams.

You can win this I.J.

IJEOMA:

If you are trying to encourage me (Beat) its working. (She smiles)

(Beat)

So what's the second thing you can do?

TUNDE:

Leave you the heck alone. Go study.

We hear Ijeoma laugh over the phone

TUNDE:

You would be fine. I know.

IJEOMA:

Thanks! (Beat)

You know I’m free tomorrow? After my papers

TUNDE:

To meet? We can meet?

IJEOMA:

(laughs)

Just call me by 2

Goodnight, Tunde!

Ijeoma hangs up! She is more relaxed. She obviously feels better. She smiles to herself and then buries herself in her books

CUT TO:

INT. BAR - LATER. #14#

CHUKS, SAMARRO and Josh all hang out in their favourite bar. The air is exciting. Josh is looking into his phone.

JOSH:

Tunde just sent me a message. He wants to know where we are sitting.

SAMARRO:

The usual place na. (Beat)

Look at him sef

Tunde shows up. He looks excited. He shakes the three of them with enthusiasm

CHUKS:

This one you dey happy so. You done get big contract?

TUNDE:

Omo I.J talk say we dey see tomorrow.

CHUKS:

For real? That's cool. Na make she talk better!

JOSH:

She probably wants to look you in the eye when she's telling you that she wants a divorce

TUNDE:

This one has come with his cynism!

SAMARRO:

You no fit even allow person enjoy the good news small first?

JOSH:

I'm only being a realist!

SAMARRO:

Oshey! Josh the realist!

You know if I did not go out with you and all your negative vibes that day, Sandra would not have invited me to her wedding?

They all laugh, except SAMARRO who scorns at Josh

CHUKS:

Ehen! SAMARRO, you attending the wedding?

SAMARRO:

Which kain queshon be dat na? (Beat)

Whether I go attend wedding wey my babe (beat)…ex-babe be bride? (Beat)

Ehn! I dey attend. Na aso-ebi i dey rush go buy after now sef!

They all laugh

CHUKS:

Shey! You now see what we have been telling you since?

SAMARRO:

Nope! Only what Josh has been saying. (Beat)

Women are jerks!

Josh smiles with pride

CHUKS:

Actually you have been the jerk!

Everyone seems surprised at CHUKS statement

SAMARRO:

What?!

TUNDE:

Huh?

SAMARRO:

A girl I love invited me to her wedding (Beat)

And I am not the groom (Beat)

And I am the jerk?

CHUKS:

Oh please! If you really loved her, you would have noticed she was not being serious with you. We all knew she was playing with your feelings right?

Tunde and Josh both nod

CHUKS:

So how come you did not? (Beat)

You know why? You were so self-absorbed! You depended on her so much for your sense of worth, so much that you were willing to give anything to keep her (Beat)

Even pay her just to see you! (Beat)

She sensed your neediness and selfishness and took advantage of it! She isn't stupid SAMARRO. She can sense that you are trying to buy her attention.

TUNDE:

Makes a lot of sense to me.

SAMARRO:

I can't believe you all would use this as an opportunity to tell me I am insecure and bla bla bla. See, I dey go house!

TUNDE:

Wait! You quick dey vex!

SAMARRO ignores Tunde and attempts to leave but changes his mind

SAMARRO:

You know what?! I would prove to you guys that i have a huge self esteem. You see that hot babe at the bar? I'm coming back with her number! Una go believe!

CHUKS:

Chill SAMARRO, im sorry! (Beat)

You too dey over-do sha!

(SAMARRO ignores them and heads towards the bar where BERNICE sits with her friend, MIKA, both are in their mid to late 20s.

Both BERNICE and Mika look subtly exotic. They fidget with their phones; laughing at text messages and showing eachother pictures.

SAMARRO tries to hard to seem composed)

SAMARRO:

Hello! Hi!

BERNICE looks at him with disinterest, and then continues texting

BERNICE:

Hello!

SAMARRO:

You know God is probably upset right now!

BERNICE:

(Disinterested)

Okay

SAMARRO:

Wouldn’t you like to know why God is upset?

BERNICE:

Because an angel's missing in heaven?

SAMARRO starts to feel embarrased, so much that he begins to stutter

SAMARRO:

Yea err… I err… you know…

BERNICE:

See if you don't have any real thing to say, do you mind?

(She gestures that he leave)

SAMARRO:

I'm sorry to bother you. My girlfriend just invited to to her wedding. (Beat)

Look, i just needed attention from somebody. Anybody actually and you look like a very interesting person. I'm sorry!

While he talks, Mika admires his candour

SAMARRO walks away sad.

Tunde, Josh and CHUKS laugh at his failure to get BERNICE' number

SAMARRO:

Okay guys! You win!

I'm an insecure man who never has luck with wo...

Mika walks towards the crew. She looks into her bag and brings out a pen

MIKA:

Do you have a paper or something?

The boys seem too shocked to respond. She calmly takes his hand and writes her number on his palm

MIKA:

Call me (Beat)

As soon as you can!

Mika walks away. The boys are still too shocked to speak.

TUNDE:

Wetin just happen now?!

CUT TO:

INT. TUNDE'S CAR - DAY. #15#

Tunde drives into a parking lot. He sighs heavily. Through the window of what seems to be a fast food, we can see Ijeoma, oblivious to Tunde's arrival.

INT. FAST FOOD - MINUTES LATER #16#

Ijeoma sits, nibbling on a plate of food. Tunde appears.

TUNDE:

I see you have begun eating without me.

IJEOMA:

I would be breaking the most sacred foodie law if I have to wait for you.

They both laugh. Ijeoma hugs Tunde before he sits down opposite her

TUNDE:

You just had to pick this place.

IJEOMA:

Its closer to school. Except you want to come to the house where my mum would eavesdrop on our conversation.

TUNDE:

There is no other place that's closer to school than the place we used to spend our time in when we were still in the university?

IFEOMA:

Tunde, what is your point?

TUNDE:

Calm down! I like that you chose here. (Beat) I miss you, I.J! (Beat)

I miss us!

Ijeoma only shrugs and continues to eat.

TUNDE:

So how was the exams?

IJEOMA:

(Suddenly excited)

You would not believe it!

Three questions from the topics i read came out. I was just smiling through out in the hall! Three whole questions! Do you know what that means?

Tunde is smiling. He seems very relaxed.

CUT TO:

INT. HALL WAY - SCHOOL - DAY #17#

Its closing time. We see students walk excitedly through the hall way. Josh is walking through the hall way when he runs into Yewande.

YEWANDE:

Hey! You are...

A colleague, TAYO, calls out to Josh from behind

TAYO:

Mr. Ekpeyong!

Tayo runs up to meet Josh.

TAYO:

I just want to remind you not to forget to please help me get that package. I can't make it to Festac today!

JOSH:

No wahala Mr. T.

Where you dey go this man? Today na Friday. You wan go groove abi?

TAYO:

You know as e dey go na!

We go see next week!

They all exchange goodbyes and Tayo leaves

YEWANDE:

You leave in Festac?

JOSH:

(looking puzzled)

Yea? You don't live there too, do you?

YEWANDE:

You sound like its a bad thing if I do

JOSH:

No, just...

YEWANDE:

Anyways, maybe we can leave school together then, I...

JOSH:

Oh No! Uhm! My friend's coming over to get me.

YEWANDE:

I see. The girl that came to get you yesterday, right?

JOSH:

Angela? Oh No! A different friend. I mean, a family friend.

YEWANDE:

Hmm! Alright. Guess we would see next week.

JOSH:

Yea. We would definitely

Yewande walks on. Josh sighs. He is grateful that he has been able to do away with her. His phone rings. It’s a message from BOLA. The message reads "i'm sorry I can't make it today! I have to run an errand for my mum. I would make it up to you xoxo". Josh is obviously angry!

EXT.SCHOOL PREMISES - ROAD SIDE - DAY #18#

Josh is standing by the run waiting for a bus. Yewande drives pass. Josh is slightly embarrassed Yewande pulls over in front of him.

YEWANDE:

Looks like our family friend has not showed up.

JOSH:

Yea does not look like she is going to come!

YEWANDE:

Are you okay? I can still drop you off...

JOSH:

It’s okay. I'm good. (Beat) except if you insist then I would have no choice but to join you

YEWANDE:

(laughs)

Just get inside.

Yewande moves her hand bag from the passenger seat and flings it to thr back seat, making space for Josh. Josh gets into the car

CUT TO:

INT. FAST FOOD - DAY #19#

Tunde now has a meal in front of him. Ijeoma's only has a half-filled drink on the table.

TUNDE:

...and then you refused to eat the suya; Suya that you asked for in the first place (Beat)

Pregnant women and crying babies, i'm not sure which is more disturbing!

IJEOMA:

(Laughs)

You don't have any form of feelings, you know?

TUNDE:

(Nostalgic; smiling)

To think I thought you were disturbing my peace then. I would do anything to have you disturb me like that now.

Ijeoma suddenly becomes serious and thoughtful

IJEOMA:

Tunde?

TUNDE:

Hmmm?

IJEOMA:

How have you been?

TUNDE:

I'm fine...what do you mean?

IJEOMA:

I know we promised not tell a soul...We even agreed not to talk about it again, but do you realize you have been passive aggressive about the miscarriage?

Tunde is about to protest when Ijeoma interrupts him

IJEOMA:

Stop being self-centered Tunde. It hurts me too but you know what hurts me more than losing our baby? (Beat)

Losing you too!

Tunde looks beat and sober. Ijeoma sees she has gotten through to Tunde, she continues

IJEOMA:

After the miscarriage; after we agreed not to talk about it...because it made me so depressed and paranoid, you shut off! I could see you were trying, but something held you back (Beat)

Weeks later, was when Onome got into the picture. (Beat)

You may not realize but... (She breaks off)

TUNDE:

It just really hurt me to see you so sad and sick without being able to do anything. You were grieving alone (Beat)

I didnt know how to grieve on my own (Beat)

I guess I needed some kind of attention. You were too sick to provide

IJEOMA:

(Taking his hand)

I'm sorry I was not there when you needed me to be...

TUNDE:

(Holding Ijeoma's hand)

I'm sorry I was not strong enough!

They both look into eachother's eyes. Ijeoma smiles to show her contentment. Suddenly Tunde's phone rings; his ringtone is 'one corner'. It is pretty loud

IJEOMA:

Please tell me that's not your phone...

TUNDE:

Errr. No..err

Tunde Stutters as he struggles to put it off

Ifeoma looks embarrassed and disappointed

TUNDE:

What? I'm the life of a party

CUT TO:

INT.YEWANDE'S CAR - DAY

Yewande drives. Josh is in the passenger seat.

YEWANDE:

So you are the ladies-man?

JOSH:

What? No! Never…

YEWANDE:

You make it seem like it’s a bad thing to be a ladies-man

JOSH:

Yea! It’s my destiny to dedicate my life to pleasing women, who by the way do not know what they want! Nothing better than that

YEWANDE:

I beg your pardon?!

JOSH:

You've heard of Sigmund Freud?

YEWANDE:

Who hasn't? The prominent psychologist

JOSH:

He is also one of the smartest men who ever lived. He ponders on what women really want. A couple of years later, he commits suicide.

YEWANDE:

(Half-amused)

What's your point sir?

JOSH:

Men who give women attention always find way to end up ruined!

YEWANDE:

Very funny! (Sarcastic laugh) (Beat)

Misogynist!

JOSH:

I have been called worse!

YEWANDE:

You seem like the type that's all 'i don't care' on the outside but 'mummy i want to cuddle' on the inside though!

JOSH:

Oh so you been checking me out?!

YEWANDE:

Huh? Excuse me?

JOSH:

There's no need to deny it ma! Few minutes ago you just invited me to go home with you. Now I’m here in your car...

YEWANDE:

What? Oh! Please oh! It’s a poetry festival I wanted you to come with me to! It’s our first show and I’m a bit nervous! We have it Tuesdays and Fridays! Twice a week!

JOSH:

So you were going to manipulate support out of me? Women! How typical!

YEWANDE:

You would not have found out like this if you weren’t getting so corky! (Beat)

And it’s really not a womanhood issue. It’s just me voluntarily and willingly being a jerk to you!

JOSH:

And what if I say I’m not going with you to this...poetry thing?

YEWANDE:

I would just park and let you come down!

JOSH:

I can't get a bus here na! You won't!

YEWANDE:

You barely know me at all!

JOSH:

This is kidnap!

YEWANDE:

Did I force you into the car?

Josh scorns while Yewande seems happy with herself!

CUT TO:

EXT. CHUKS' OFFICE - DAY.

Clustered buildings stretch until they pierce into blue bright skies. Chuks' office is one of the offices in the office plaza.

CUT TO:

INT. CHUKS' OFFICE - DAY.

There is an establishing shot: A macbook and writing materials spread out on the table. The time is some minutes past five. Beside the table clock is a picture of Chuks’ wife. Chuks seats behind his office desk. His secretary stands few metres from him. She seems to be taking notes.

ANNE:

The Bank called

CHUKS:

(Hiss)

What did they want?

ANNE:

They wanted to know if you would be interested in another loan...

CHUKS:

But I just finished paying one na! Those people should allow me rest biko! (Beat)

Mrs. Ajayi is supposed to bring her son today abi?

ANNE:

Yes. She's supposed to have been here. Appointment was for four.

Chuks looks at the table clock again.

CHUKS:

Any other appointment?

ANNE:

Just the new person I told you about; Tajudeen. By five! He...

SAMARRO barges into the office.

SAMARRO:

Hey Doctor! Came to get you.

CHUKS:

Get me?

SAMARRO:

Today is Friday, mr. Man.

CHUKS:

Oh no I can't. I have to wait for an appointment till 6. Plus i'm tired!

SAMARRO looks at his watch

SAMARRO:

I can't wait for an hour, and i'm sure I can't leave this place without you! (Beat)

(To Anne) Start clearing his schedule for the day...

CHUKS:

Look at this one.

Anne looks at Chuks. He makes a gesture and Anne leaves.

SAMARRO:

Wait! You still take appointments till 6?

CHUKS:

My brother! The appointment was for five oh! I think it is a new patient!

SAMARRO:

It’s even a new patient...who is even late sef! Who wants to ruin my weekend for me?

Chuks looks at him; a knowing stare.

SAMARRO:

See how tired your eyes are.(Beat) If you don't stand up and lets start heading to the bar, i'm calling Anita and i'm telling her you are over working yourself again.

CHUKS:

You can't do that. You know how she freaked out the last time I got sick.

SAMARRO ignores him and starts pressing his phone.

CHUKS:

Okay! You win...

Chuks pushes the intercom.

CHUKS:

Anne, clear out the appointment!

SAMARRO is smiling with pride.

CUT TO:

EXT. CHUKS' OFFICE - PARKING LOT

Chuks and SAMARRO walk towards SAMARRO's car!

CHUKS:

I doubt Tunde would be ready now! He told me he was seeing I.J today. (Beat)

How about Josh?

SAMARRO:

Josh? He was saying something about being kidnapped! I don't understand. I'm sure he would show up later...

A 6-year old kid runs into Chuks and falls to the ground.

CHUKS:

Oh my God! Are you hurt?!

SAMARRO:

What? (At Chuks)

(Sternly) Young child, next time better look where you are going. That’s how they run up and down. Play-play!

The kid is now on his feet

DAVID:

But you are the one that was in my way!

SAMARRO:

What?!

SAMARRO is now obviously upset. Chuks tries to calm his down!

SAMARRO:

Can you imagine this small rrrrrrrat!

CHUKS:

Calm down SAMARRO. It’s really nothing. Let's just go!

SAMARRO:

Go? No way! We are not going anywhere until this child apologizes for being disrespectful...

(Turns to the kid) yes that's right! You better apologize now before i teach you not to disrespect older people.

Chuks sighs. He seems obviously fed up.

DAVID:

(Smirking)

My brother would just deal with you!

SAMARRO:

Eh?! Aiye mi te mi bami!

SAMARRO attempts to hit David but Chuks holds him. David runs away!

SAMARRO:

Can you imagine?!

Children of nowadays!

No single respect!

Chuks. This is your fault

CHUKS:

Its okay man! Just let it go. We are using your car abi?

SAMARRO:

(Hiss) yes jare!

They both walk towards the car. As SAMARRO is about to open the door, somebody calls out to him.

VIVIAN:

Which one of you tried to beat my brother?

SAMARRO becomes offended again.

SAMARRO:

We did! In fact I wish I had beaten him. Very disrespectful boy!

A tall, hefty boy in his early 20s comes into the picture

OLAMIDE:

So you are the one that beat my brother?

SAMARRO looks at the towering figure. He is quiet for a while. He swallows hard. He is obviously scared! He however tries not to lose face but he does not seem angry anymore.

SAMARRO:

Your brother? (Beat)

You see, I thought your brother was a bit disrespectful but I was willing to let things go. I'm a peaceful person. But my friend here was really offended! He is the one that beat your brother!

SAMARRO quickly runs behind Chuks. Chuks is confused! He protests

CHUKS:

No! Thats not what...

Olamide punches Chuks on the face. Black out!

CUT TO:

INT. YEWANDE'S CAR - DAY

JOSH:

Okay since you just like to argue. Which one of your parents did take things too far?

YEWANDE:

One time, when we were little, my father followed my brother to school to quarrel with his teacher...

JOSH:

So? Almost every parent has done that...

YEWANDE:

He taught my brother his maths assignment while he bragged about getting all As in school. The next day, my brother failed all the sums

JOSH:

(Laughing) Okay! Your Dad wins the competition! Savage King!

Yewande laughs too

JOSH:

You know you haven't told me your name!

YEWANDE:

Well, you haven't asked (Beat). I'm Yewande...Yewande Adekoya!

JOSH:

You are new?

YEWANDE:

Well sort of! I'm subbing for Mrs. Eze. She's on maternity leave.

JOSH:

She was pregnant? True I haven't been seeing her

YEWANDE:

(laughs) Boys would be boys!

JOSH:

So how come....

YEWANDE:

She's a member of my church. Two things I really want to do with my life is writing and teaching! Soon as I saw she was pregnant, I talked to her about taking her place in school while she went on maternity leave. She put in word for me, and viola...

JOSH:

Hmmm! You think you can take my place too?

YEWANDE:

(Laughs) I would but I am starting my PhD programme soon?

JOSH:

Woah! PhD? You are not playing!

YEWANDE:

(Laughs) Yea! Literature. I want to lecture in the university...

JOSH:

Hmm! Impressive!

YEWANDE:

So what's your story, Mr...

JOSH:

Ekpeyong! My friends call me Josh. (Beat). Uhm! Next to you, I should be intimidated. My story isn’t as grand as yours!

Finished school couple of years back. After years of not being able to secure your dream job, teaching becomes a passion (Beat) especially as it puts food on the table.

YEWANDE:

What was your dream job?

JOSH:

I'm not sure really! Never really thought about it. I liked essays and reading novels in secondary school. Dad would have none of that. He wanted me to be a doctor! Could not get high enough score to study medicine so I put in for Biochemistry. He was so disappointed ehn!

YEWANDE:

Really? But its supposed to be your life? I think education should train young people how to be esteemed contributors to societal development. Still young people should have a right to choose how they want to contribute.

JOSH:

Hmmmm! Nice! Your forehead isnt long for nothing. You have sense!

Yewande laughs. Josh laughs too.

JOSH:

(Suddenly sober)

I guess parents care too much. Maybe when we become parents too we would realize how difficult it is to trust kids to make their own decisions.

Yewande pulls over

YEWANDE:

Alright! We are here!

CUT TO:

EXT. IJEOMA'S PARENT HOME - ROADSIDE - DAY

Tunde's car pulls over on the side of the street, right in front of Ijeoma's parent's home.

CUT TO:

INT. TUNDE'S CAR - DAY

IJEOMA:

(Laughing hard)

You are just a nuissance!

TUNDE:

I'm serious oh! I don't mind packing into your Daddy's house

IJEOMA:

(Still laughing)

Tunde please leave me alone!

There is a silence as Tunde stares at Ijeoma.

IJEOMA:

What?!

TUNDE:

Thank you...for seeing me!

Ijeoma smiles. She stares at Tunde for a while. Tunde squeezes her hand.

IJEOMA:

I think we would be fine!

TUNDE:

Yea. We will.

She attempts to open the car door.

Ijeoma comes out of the car. She enters into her parents’ house as Tunde watches. She turns and waves to him before he drives away!

CUT TO:

INT. POETRY FESTIVAL - EVENING

Yewande and Josh enter into a mini-hall that is half-filled. The chairs are arranged so that they face a small staged. The room is slightly dark but the stage appears lit.

Yewande and Josh are late! There is an MC already on stage! The MC notices both Josh and Yewande who are both trying to sneak in so they do not disturb the ongoing event.

MC:

Ladies and Gentlemen, a very special person just walked in. Please join me as we welcome one of the brains behind this festival: Yewande Adekoya...and...her assistant!

Josh is suprised when he hears the announcement. He looks at Yewande who giggles. Josh scowls. There is a mild applause.

MC:

Please make your way to the front ma. We have a special place for you.

Josh and Yewande walk to the front and are ushered into one of the front seats!

MC:

Now without further ado, our first performance is from an amazing poet. He is new. He is fresh but most importantly he has the sauce! Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome; I-am-shakespearian!

There is mild applause. A young man with a boyish face climbs the stage. He seems nervous.

I-AM-SHAKESPEARIAN:

(Seems nervous)

Goodevening everyone! My name is I-am-shakespearian!

JOSH:

(Whispering)

What kind of name is i-am-shakespearian? I have bad feeling...

YEWANDE:

Shhhhhhhhh!

JOSH:

Oh you are shushing me now?

When...

Another member of the audience, a fat woman in her 40s who seems engrossed in the performance, sitting behind shushes Josh! Josh scowls.

I-am-shakespearian performs his poem with so much action and energy that it becomes funny.

I-AM-SHAKESPEARIAN:

I wrote this piece when I was at a low...

There is a voice from the crowd that yells him to go on with the poem.

I-AM-SHAKESPEARIAN:

(Nervous)

Err Okay!

(Sudden boldness and energy)

Run, Walk, Crawl;

Let their words become silence; let their silence bawl

I see leaves shimmer in the sun

Like gold. No like the wet vagina of a nun…

JOSH:

(To Yewande)

Is this guy well...mentally?

The same audience member shushes Josh again! Josh looks at her with a scowl

I-AM-SHAKESPEARIAN:

Would you side with me?

Society seeks to ride on me

Like hugh! Hugh!! Hgh!!!

He makes funny sexual noises

I-AM-SHAKESPEARIAN (CONT’D)

I fly like a bird

Squrrr! Squrrr!!

He makes bird sounds

I-AM-SHAKESPAERIAN (CONT’D):

I am stubborn as a goat

Mmeh! Mmeh!!(he bleats)

The words in my heart

Are still stuck in my throat

JOSH:

(Whispering)

Yewande, this guy...

The same audience member shushes Josh again.

JOSH:

You too, shhhhhhh!

The woman looks at him like he is unstable mentally

I-AM-SHAKESPEARIAN:

I am what society needs

I would ejaculate my seeds

Resurrection

I-am-shakespearian drops the mic on the floor and walks off the stage, gangsta style. The audience faces are initially expressionless. There is an awkward quiet, then the audience start clapping. They seem to be touched. The woman who shushed Josh is clapping excitedly while wiping tears off her face. Josh is very confused.

The MC runs into the stage

MC:

Wow that was… intense!

And almost confusing

CUT TO:

EXT. LAGOS HORIZON- EVENING

The sun now burns with a bright orange ball as it prepares to set and usher in the night.

SAMARRO and Chuks both sit in their favourite bar. Chuks has a bruised eye. He seems upset as he stares at SAMARRO. SAMARRO seems uncomfortable as he fidgets in his chair.

CHUKS:

Better look at me and see the nonsense you have caused (pointing to his bruised eye)

SAMARRO:

Shebi I have told you sorry na! I have apologized!

CHUKS:

And your sorry suddenly is a pack of ice that would sooth the bruise abi? (Beat)

Look at me! What I look like!?

SAMARRO reluctantly looks at him and then struggles to stop himself from laughing.

SAMARRO:

A Native doctor

Camera zooms in on Chuks face. He is serious, and with the bruise around his left eye, he really does look like a native doctor.

Tunde walks in on them, he greets SAMARRO with a shake. He turns to hail Chuks but stops when he sees his face, and starts to laugh.

CUT TO:

EXT. POETRY FESTIVAL VENUE - NIGHT

We see the exterior of a hall with colourful lights bursting out of the doors and windows. By now, the sky is covered with night and Lagos landscape is covered with well lit buildings.

We hear the MC's voice but it gradually fades.

MC:
(O.S)

Okay beautiful people, we have come to the end of the show. Don't forget to link up with us on social media! Thank you for coming.

CUT TO:

INT. POETRY FESTIVAL - NIGHT

The poetry show has ended and people walk about in the hall. Josh stands alone. He seems bored and restless. Yewande walks over to him.

JOSH:

Have you finished greeting the entire poetry community in the world?

YEWANDE:

You seem jealous

JOSH:

Ha! You wish!

Can we leave now?

YEWANDE:

Yea! Definitely.

Yewande smiles cynically! Josh looks at her, half confused, half impatient.

CUT TO:

INT. BAR - NIGHT

By now, they are people moving about the bar. The environment is an exciting one. A waitress sets a tray of drink in front on Chuks. SAMARRO tells Tunde how Chuks gets a black eye.

SAMARRO:

The kid was rude. I told him. I was going to handle the buff guy but Chuks got in the way and...

CHUKS:

You still get mind to dey lie??

TUNDE:

Calm down Guys. SAMARRO, you mouth wide sha! Just know the first two rounds on you

SAMARRO attempts to say something but Tunde hushes him...

TUNDE:

Oga keep quiet! You have to appease Chuks black eye. Sorry won't do it but a couple of beers would work magic, Chuks?

CHUKS:

(A bit non challant)

I suppose!

SAMARRO scorns.

TUNDE:

Anyone heard from Josh? He isnt here yet!

SAMARRO:

He said something about being kidnapped by a woman. I don't even know...

TUNDE:

By a woman huh? (Giggles)

Dude is fine...

CUT TO:

INT. YEWANDE'S CAR - NIGHT

JOSH:

I don't think I like being kidnapped by you so much

YEWANDE:

Nobody likes being kidnapped by anybody!

JOSH:

Speak for yourself ma! Kidnap me and feed me jollof rice with roasted beef and plantain, and I found me a new home.

Yewande laughs

JOSH:

Wait! Where are we going?

YEWANDE:

Night club! I can't end my Friday night with such hideous poetry performances. Shakespearian-something! Whatever!

JOSH:

Its I-am-shakespearian.

Josh stares at her and smiles slightly.

YEWANDE:

Why you staring?

JOSH:

Who's staring?! You are such a dramatic lady.

Josh looks out through the window at the moving road side covered in night.

JOSH:

I might end up liking this kidnap.

Josh continues to look out the window.

CUT TO:

INT. BAR - NIGHT.

TUNDE:

We had a nice time. We just sat and talked. Reminded me of those days...

SAMARRO:

You didn’t have to buy anything? You know to impress her?

CHUKS:

You think everybody's like you? (Beat)

So you think there's hope?

TUNDE:

I'm not sure. Right now,we are friends. At least, she's no longer mad at me.

CHUKS:

Thats s good place to be.

Samarro, how about that girl from the bar the last time? You call her?

SAMARRO:

Mika? Yea I did. Was with her today sef! Briefly.

There is awkward silence as both Chuks and Tunde wait for Samarro to complete the story.

TUNDE:

Ehen!? What happened?

SAMARRO:

She's interesting! Weird in a way. (Beat)

I joked around and told her I was hungry. She came to my office offering to get me food. Weird!

TUNDE:

How's that weird? Apart from the fact you guys just met...

SAMARRO:

Yea that’s the thing! We just met and she even isn't noticing that I have cash. You know, that I am… rich. I'm not sure if I should be happy or just take my desperate self and run

Chuks laughs

CHUKS:

He has been with too many women that want something from him. (Beat)

This one seems to know what she wants

SAMARRO:

Just feels somehow! Like I don't have to do anything.

CHUKS:

Actually, you do.

You have to be yourself.

It’s simple! I doubt it is for you though.

Chuks and Tunde both laugh as they sip their beer.

SAMARRO:

Its funny abi?!

Hey! Excuse me (Pretending to Call to the waiter). These two laughing men are paying for their drinks.

Suddenly Tunde and Chuks stop laughing.

TUNDE:

Ahan! Small thing dey vex you my guy! Oya no vex!

Tunde drags the hem of Chuks shirt and gives him a signal to help beg. Chuks refuses.

SAMARRO:

Chuks you are too big to apologize abi?

TUNDE:

Chuks apologize na! Its like you don't like free beer!

CHUKS:

No thank you!

I would rather pay for my drink (beat)

And tell Mika about Sandra!

TUNDE:

Nobody told me today is blackmail Friday...

SAMARRO:

Chuks, your blood dey quick hot. Small play wey Tunde and I dey follow you play, you done quick vex...

TUNDE:

Huh?!

CUT TO:

EXT. NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT

Yewande and Josh arrive at the night club. People move up and down and loud music can be heard from the building.

YEWANDE:

Suddenly I have a bad feeling about this...

Josh opens the door.

JOSH:

Nope! You are not going to bail out on me.

Josh goes to open her door for her. Yewande comes out of the car.

YEWANDE:

Who knew you can be such a romantic?!

Josh holds her hand and leads her towards the club entrance.

JOSH:

Enjoy it while it lasts!

CUT TO:

INT. NIGHT CLUB - DAY

The club's interior is a bit clumsy as there are people dancing. Josh and Yewande quickly made their way to an empty table.

JOSH:

Why do you seem tense?

YEWANDE:

What?! Me? Nothing!

Josh eyes her suspiciously.

A waiter walks towards them. She looks at Josh, holding a menu towards him.

WAITER:

What do I offer you?

Josh slowly points towards Yewande who seems distracted.

YEWANDE:

What?!

JOSH:

She wants to know what she should offer us!

Yewande picks the menu, scans through it.

YEWANDE:

I think we would go with this one...

She shows Josh.

JOSH:

I'm not the champagne guy. Lets go with this instead.

He shows Yewande. She looks at it, and nods to the waiter who picks it up and leaves quietly.

YEWANDE:

We would split the bill yea?

JOSH:

Oh no no no! We are not friends, my dear. I am being kidnapped and you are the kidnapper, remember?

Yewande scorns.

JOSH:

I know why you've been tense since you got here!

YEWANDE:

You do?

Josh nods, feeling a little proud.

YEWANDE:

Is it that obvious that I have never been into a night club before?

JOSH:

Yes and...wait what?

YEWANDE:

(hiss)

Oh you didnt even know. I should have just kept quiet.

JOSH:

Wait! You for real?

You have never been into a club before?

Yewande nods slowly.

JOSH:

That's unacceptable. (He becomes sober and holds her hand). You have just made the best decision of your life coming here today.

Yewande starts laughing as the waiter places a bottle of drink in front of them.

Josh picks up the drink to open it

JOSH:

Yeah! Lets get this party started!

Wande Coal's 'Ashimakpeyin' starts to play. We see other people dancing and having fun. The club lights are dazzling and happy people dance in them. Yewande dances too as Josh watches her. She is a bit shy at first, but soon relaxes and seems to be having fun. Josh seems impressed with her dance steps. Josh sips from his glass. Yewande sloshes her drink and whispers to Josh to pour some more for her. She continues to dance alone. She then drags Josh to dance with her. They both dance, more intimate than they should be.

Yewande sloshes her drink again, and falls on the cushion chair dramatically. The music suddenly stops, although the music in the club is still playing.

JOSH:

(Looking into his wrist watch)

Wow! We should be on our way! Are you done?!

Yewande shakes her head tiredly.

YEWANDE:

No! I want to dance some more

Josh notices that she seems tipsy.

JOSH:

Are you drunk?

YEWANDE:

Nope! I'm not home

I don't want to go drunk now!

JOSH:

(mutters to himself)

I am not home...what does that mean? Well... (shrugs)

Wande Coal's 'Ashimakpeyin' plays again. Yewande dances alone. Yewande and Josh dance together. Yewande attempts to drink but Josh takes it from her. She scorns. Josh dances alone. They dance together as the song ends.

CUT TO:

INT. BAR - NIGHT.

Tunde, Chuks and Samarro are still discussing in the bar. The three men are laughing hard and then Chuks stands up to leave.

CHUKS:

Guys I would start leaving. Anita's called me twice already.

Tunde stands up too.

TUNDE:

Yea me too. Feeling sleepy already.

CHUKS:

Oh good! You can drop me at the office then. That's where I parked. Sam, you still here?

SAMARRO:

Yea! I would just stay back a little while.

Chuks and Tunde both bid Sam a good night and leave. Shortly afterwards as Sam raises his beer towards his lips. He notices a really fat, odd-looking woman staring at him. She winks at him. Sam looks around to be sure the woman is winking to somebody else. There is nobody else round him. The woman points to him and makes a very sexual gesture. Sam is visibly irritated. He picks his car key, finishes his drink and leaves.

CUT TO:

INT. YEWANDE'S CAR - NIGHT

A Nigerian love song plays. Josh is driving while Yewande sleeps on the passenger seat. He looks at her, obviously concerned. There is a wrapper around her. He adjusts its edges and continues driving.

CUT TO:

EXT. JOSH'S HOUSE - NIGHT.

Josh's house is a small compound with different flats. He parks inside the compound. Wakes Yewande up but mutters in her sleep. Josh sighs.

INT. JOSH'S HOUSE - NIGHT.

Josh carries Yewande in his arms as he staggers into his house. It is a small, scantily furnished apartment. There is an opened laptop on the centre table. Yewande is now singing with a saprano, and disturbing Josh with the movements of her hands and legs. Josh struggles to respond to her. Finally, Josh is able to put her down on the sofa! She is obviously drunk.

YEWANDE:

Awwwn you are such a sweet guy...

Josh closes the laptop on the table.

JOSH:

And you are such a heavy woman...

YEWANDE:

I wish Steve was more like you. You are annoying but can be sweet when you want to be...Not like Steve who is always annoying even when he doesn't want to be...

JOSH:

That sounds like a complement! Who's Steve anyway?

The only response Josh gets is Yewande's mild snoring. He shakes his head and stretches in the couch, still staring at her.

CUT TO:

EXT. SUNRISE - DAWN

We see as the Sun slowly emerge, first it glows with an orange colour so that it seems like the surrounding clouds are burning, and then it settles in the clouds.

CUT TO:

INT. JOSH'S HOUSE - DAY.

Yewande is sleeping on the couch as rays of sunlight splashes against her face. She squeezes her face as she wakes up. She looks around; there is no sign of Josh anywhere. She is mildly alarmed. She sits up, closes her eyes and speaks to her self in a dramatic manner.

YEWANDE:

You idiot! You barely know this guy! What if! What if he had raped you!?

Yewande suddenly realizes the possibility of being raped. She quickly opens her eyes and finds Josh standing in front of her with a tray of food, smiling cynically

JOSH:

Yea, I thought of that! Just that you are not my type.

Yewande blushes. She obviously is embarrassed.

JOSH:

Hope you like pepper soup?! It’s good for drunkards who must be hung-over this fine morning.

Josh sits down beside her.

YEWANDE:

I'm not a drunkard

JOSH:

Right! And my mom's a nun! (Beat)

They start eating

YEWANDE:

This is nice! You made this?

JOSH:

Err Yea!? (sounding unsure)

JUMP CUT TO:

INT. BOOKA - DAY

Flash-back:
Josh is in a booka. Although the place looks neat, with tiled floors and large monitor hanging on wall, there are a lot of people who have come to buy food. The place is also a bit disorganize and rowdy. Josh is tired from all the rowdiness. Somebody taps him from behind; a man who stammers and speaks with so much emphasis that saliva pours out from his mouth. The man is also partly deaf.

MAN:

Excuse me!? Did you come here to buy food?

Josh looks around in tired, funny confusion:

JOSH:

No, I came to pay my children's fees.

MAN:

Eh?! (Not hearing Josh)

JOSH:

I say I came to pay...

MAN:

Eh?! I can't hear you? Ehn?!

He pours saliva on Josh as he speaks. As Josh settles to wipe off the saliva from his face, the man taps him again to get his attention:

MAN:

But why are they so much people today?

JOSH:

Sir, please you are pouring saliva on me!

MAN:

What did you say?

JOSH:

I said you are...

MAN:

Speak up! What are you saying? I can't hear you (Pouring more saliva on Josh's face)

JOSH:

(Frowning in defeat)

Never mind.

MAN:

Speak louder will you? (Still pouring saliva on Josh)

Josh loses it and shouts at him:

JOSH:

I said never mind.

There is silence in the booka as everybody now stares at Josh.

MAN:

(speaking more calmly)

You don't have respect! Is that how you shout at your parents at home?

The man walks away

Josh throws his hands in the air in exasperation.

CUT TO:

INT. JOSH'S HOUSE - DAY

YEWANDE:

Nice. You put the oil in the right time and the right quantity

JOSH:

Thank you! Thank you!!

I try!

Yewande starts laughing hard that she almost starts to choke. Josh quickly pours out a glass of water out for her.

JOSH:

What’s so funny that you think it’s worth killing yourself over.

YEWANDE:

I'm so sorry, I just did not imagine the all tough Josh would try to impress me...

JOSH:

huh?

YEWANDE:

Josh, nobody uses oil to prepare pepper-soup

JOSH:

Oh! Apparently

I cant lie in peace!

YEWANDE:

No, you can't

JOSH:

Lets hope the same goes for you as well!

Who's Steve?

YEWANDE:

How do you know about Steve?

JOSH:

He is your boyfriend abi? You were talking about him before you dozed off yesterday...drunkard!

YEWANDE:

Really? (Beat)

Steve is my ex!

JOSH:

Oh!?

YEWANDE:

(Giggling)

No you are not! (Beat)

I had a good time yesterday!

JOSH:

When you were dancing up and down!? (Beat)

I have never seen anyone look so happy and beautiful at the same time.

Yewande giggles shyly.

JOSH:

I have this pressing urge to kiss you... (Beat)

Please don't move!?

They both stare at each other for a while as Josh slowly moves to kiss her. As they are about to kiss, one of the plates they eat from falls off, jolting them back to a reality.

Josh moves to pick the plate but Yewande drags him and kisses him. They both kiss each other for a while. Then they stop and laugh at each other.

CUT TO:

EXT. YEWANDE'S CAR - DAY

Josh walks Yewande to her car. There is love themed afro beat song playing as Yewande and Josh seem genuinely happy in each other’s company.

JOSH:

My kidnapper! So you would call when you get home?

YEWANDE:

(Giggles)

I'll try (Beat)

Do I really have to go?

JOSH:

Same question I have been asking myself the past hour (Beat)

You do have to leave don't you?

Yewande nods

Josh moves to kiss her. Although Yewande seems self conscious, she kisses him back. They stop kissing and Yewande turns and starts walking away.

JOSH:

Yewande? (His voice is low and almost romantic)

Yewande turns.

JOSH:

We packed the other way.

Yewande feels slightly awkward to have realized she was heading the wrong direction.

CUT TO:

INT. JOSH'S HOUSE - DAY.

Few hours after Yewande has left, Josh sits, laptop on his laps. He attenpts making a post on his blog, but he does not know how to start. He punches in a few words and deletes them. He stares again, fingers drumming against the sofa he sits on. He picks his phone and makes a call.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. TUNDE'S HOUSE -DAY

Tunde is in his living room, relaxed. He is on the phone with Ijeoma when Josh's call comes in.

TUNDE:

You are still at the market? (Beat)

Okay. Just goat meat. All I want is just goat meat (Beat)

Why so harsh? (Beat)

Hold on I.J, let me pick Josh's call.

He picks Josh's call

TUNDE:

Hello! Josh, Baba for the girls! Where you been?

INTERCUT WITH:

JOSH:

Remember that Yewande girl?

TUNDE:

Yewande? It’s hard to keep up with your women!

JOSH:

Yewande na! The teacher from the school I work...

TUNDE:

The lady that does not like your blog? Oh! What about her?

JOSH:

I was with her all through yesterday. I think i'm in love

TUNDE:

Huh?! Josh? Is that you?

Tunde does not believe his ears

TUNDE:

You? Are in love?

Tunde bursts into laughter.

JOSH:

Why is this one laughing now? Look I just wanted to get your opinion on something

TUNDE:

What is it? (Still laughing)

JOSH:

I am trying to make a post on my blog, but this part of my life does not feel real anymore. Yea, its true women are scum but meeting Yewande makes me think they are beautiful scums. (Beat)

I just...I just have this sudden...err...thing to accept them. (Beat)

Like I love women now because she's a woman. (Beat)

I'm thinking of shutting the blog down.

TUNDE:

Slow down lover boy. I doubt you are making any sense. You can't stop the blog because you just met a woman! How about all the efforts you have put in? You do not even know who this woman is (Beat)

I would suggest you give it time, if you still feel the way you do, then maybe you can close it down then.

JOSH:

True. You do have a point. This is only sensible thing you have said since I know you.

TUNDE:

Common get out! But this Yewande girl, how...

JOSH:

Don't worry. I'll give you guys details later (Beat)

Alright bye!

He hangs up, places the laptop on the sofa beside him and leaves the living room. Camera focuses on the laptop as he leaves.

CUT TO:

INT. TUNDE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM.

Tunde has just finished talking with Josh. He is now back on the phone with Ijeoma.

L:

TUNDE:

Hello IJ,

You won't believe what i'm hearing (beat)

Josh is in love (Beat)

He just told me...

Tunde bursts into laughter while still on the phone.

CUT TO:

EXT. UPSCALE MODERN SALOON – DAY

We see the exterior of an upscale beauty saloon as clients go in and out.

INT. UPSCALE MODERN SALOON – DAY

BERNICE, MIKA AND KATE all sit. BERNICE and Mika are both having their nails done while Kate sits under the hair-dryer. The saloon is busy as hairdressers make women’s hair. Kate (mid 20s) is vain and always conscious of her beauty, yet she is dull and does not easily grasp things.

BERNICE:

That was how Mika disgraced me and went to be giving man green light!

MIKA:

But the guy is cute! Besides he was being…

BERNICE:

Oh! Please. You dunno what cute means! That guy seems daft to me…

MIKA:

Bernice, everybody seems daft to you…

KATE:

What are you people talking about?

Who gave who green light? Mika? When did you become a traffic warden?!

MIKA:

What?!

BERNICE:
(Laughs)

Oh! No, I meant Mika hit on a guy at the bar!

KATE:

Oh! I get it now!

But what did you hit him with?

What did he do?

Mika and Bernice look at each other quietly before ignoring Kate.

BERNICE:

Why though? Why him?

MIKA:

Guys, aren’t you tired? Aren’t you fed up of going out with men that seem tender, sweet and charming at first, but are so mean and callous, the Devil is afraid of them?

BERNICE:

I don’t understand what you mean?

KATE:

Me too!

MIKA:

We women are soft and emotional. Men know this and they try to take advantage of it by pretending to be romantic and tender to get us to open up. The moment they get what they want, Piaaaaaaan! They disappear!

BERNICE:

Yea, I know. It is the normal issue with being a woman: We want Mr. Right but don’t know who he is (Beat)

But what does that have to do with you being a hoe?

MIKA:

I am not a hoe. I am just a young woman taking my future into my hands (Beat).

May be the reason we do not know who Mr. Right is is because we are expecting Mr. Right to be right!

Kate and Bernice look at Mika with confusion, so she continues.

MIKA (CONT’D):

That dude was clueless sha! But he was sincere eventually. If a man would be sincere with you the first day he meets you, he would definitely be honest all through the relationship.

BERNICE:

It does make sense (Beat)! I hope you know what you are doing. So has he called?

MIKA:

Called? We have hung-out!

BERNICE:

What? Already?

Please don’t spare me all the juicy details.

MIKA:

Nothing to tell, really. He called later that evening, and we got to hang out the next day.

BERNICE:

Would you tell me how it went before I slap your teeth out of your mouth!

MIKA:

Such violence! Anyways it went well. He is smart and sensitive. At some point it seemed like he was trying to impress me with his wealth. I am not sure. I enjoyed myself.

BERNICE:

Wait! He is rich?!

MIKA:

Yea! He said something about inheriting his father’s company or so! He even…

Mika’s phone rings out. She stares into the screen.

MIKA (CONT’D):

Shhhh! He is the one calling me (Beat)

Hello!

SAMARRO (Filtered V.O):

Hey How are you? Still in the saloon?

MIKA:

Yes oh! Why?

SAMARRO:

I’m getting two movie tickets for this evening. Are you game?

MIKA:

This evening?

Mika looks at Bernice and makes a gesture. Bernice does not understand what Mika is trying to tell her.

MIKA:

Sam, give me a moment.

She holds the mouth piece of her phone and turns to Bernice.

MIKA:

He wants us to see a movie this evening.

BERNICE:

You can’t go! We are supposed to watch Big Brother together!

MIKA:

I would make it up to you!

Mika puts the phone back on her ear

MIKA (CONTD):

Sorry, I was clearing up my schedule up schedule.

Is four okay?

Alright then! Bye!

Bernice looks at Mika with a frown. Mika seems a little bit self-conscious.

KATE:

Mika, why is the guy you hit calling you? You have not told me what he did.

Mika and Bernice Sigh!

CUT TO:

INT. TUNDE’S HOUSE – DAY

Samarro has just finished speaking with Mika over the phone. His friends: Josh, Tunde and Chuks all surround him.

CHUKS:

So what did she say?

SAMARRO:

She said I should come get her by 4.

TUNDE:

Lucky you! At least you have a date (beat)

For the second time.

SAMARRO:

She seems really nice… I think I like this one.

JOSH:

To you, Sam, every girl is nice. You like every one of them. Hoe!

SAMARRO:

This is different! Last time we met, she just listened. She seemed to want to accommodate me, and know me. I can’t explain sha! She just seemed really interested in me. Not in the things I can buy her.

TUNDE:

Somebody’s in love (Beat)

Josh…

Josh makes a gesture, trying to signal Tunde to keep quiet but Tunde does not notice.

TUNDE (CONTD):

…you should know how Sam feels na!

You called me yesterday telling me you were in love with… what is the name of that girl sef… Yewande!

JOSH:

I don’t know what you are talking about.

TUNDE:

Lies! This boy can lie.

Lover-boy oshi!

CHUKS:

That’s true. You did not tell us what happened between you two.

JOSH:

Nothing. She offered to drop me from school. We went to her poetry thingy. Then we went to the club, she got high (Beat).

She spent the night in my place.

They all gasp.

SAMARRO:

Aah! Joshua Ekpeyong! You don go knack person pikin!

TUNDE:

Bad Guy!

JOSH:

We did not have sex!

TUNDE:

Excuse me!?

SAMARRO:

Did he just say he did not have sex with her?

TUNDE:

Yes! (Beat) But you said she was drunk yea? And she spent the night over?

Josh gets up to stare at the window!

JOSH:

Not everything is about sex! We kissed sha!

SAMARRO:

Chai! That geh done do jazz for my guy!

TUNDE:

Kiss?! Josh, what is wrong with you? You don’t seem like yourself. Did she give you anything to eat?

Josh sighs!

CHUKS:

You guys should leave Josh alone. I think my mans is growing up!

CUT TO:

EXT. NIGHT – PARKING LOT.

Samarro and Mika walk to where Sam parked. She is wearing a short gown and Sam’s jacket.

MIKA:

The movie was awesome.

SAMARRO:

I don’t like the film. Too many people died.

MIKA:

Awwn! Is that why you were crying?! (Laughs)

SAMARRO:

I was not crying! I have too much water in me. They come out of my eyes sometimes.

MIKA:

Err! That’s crying!

Mika runs away laughing. Sam pursues her.

SAMARRO (feigning anger):

You this girl! If I catch you ehn.

They both seem happy as they play through the park, both laughing. Soft music plays in the background. Sam holds her arm and draws her to himself, still laughing. They stare at each other, as their laughter gradually subsides. They kiss.

JUMP CUT TO:

EXT. LAGOS SKY – NIGHT.

The music becomes louder. The crescent moon sits in the sky, surrounded with bright stars. We see a series of scenes of Lagos metropolis through close ups and Jump shots. Song stops.

CUT TO:

EXT. SCHOOL COMPOUND – DAY

We see as students roam about the school compound in their uniforms. Teachers try to guide the students into their class rooms.

CUT TO:

INT. JOSH’S CLASS – DAY.

Josh wedges himself on the table. He is texting Yewande. We read their dialogue through a speaker-balloon:

JOSH:

How is my kidnapper doing today?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. YEWANDE’S CLASS – DAY.

Yewande is sitting at the side of the class, a wooden table in front of her, as she skims through a skim through a text book, studiously. Pupils stroll into the class, some greeting her as they pass. Her phone rings. It’s a message from Josh. She smiles and texts back.

YEWANDE:

Lol! I’m fine!

You seem eager to be kidnapped again.

She is about to put the phone down, but she sees that Josh is typing a respond. She waits:

JOSH:

Not today! Today I’m the one kidnapping you!

How about I drive you to my place after work

YEWANDE:

Somebody is being juvenile.

I see you got a car?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. JOSH’ CLASS – DAY

JOSH (TO STUDENTS):

Settle down. I would be with you shortly.

He continues texting Yewande

JOSH:

Nope. Somebody would lend me their’s

On Josh screen, it shows that Yewande is typing a respond.

YEWANDE:

Who?

JOSH:

You!

YEWANDE:

Oh! lol Kidnap me and my car!

This feels like revenge!

JOSH:

Yea it is! Gotta go! I am really eager to start teaching these kids. See you later?

YEWANDE:

Lmao! I can feel the sarcasm suffocate me! I would be waiting in my class, Romeo!

Josh smiles!

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. YEWANDE’S CLASS – DAY.

Yewande smiles as she keeps her phone aside. She closes the text book and heads to the front of the class, chalk in her hand!

YEWANDE:

Good morning Class!

The class respond in unison as Yewande smiles at them!

YEWANDE:

So how was your weekend?! Anybody wants to tell us about their weekend?

A few students raise their hands.

YEWANDE:

Okay! Chinanza, tell us!

CUT TO:

INT. YEWANDE’S CLASS – A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER.

Yewande is on her desk, arranging books. Students rush out of the class,playfully. Some greet her “bye-bye miss. Adekoya” to which responds cheerfully. The students have left, save a few who stroll out. She calls to one of the students, YUSUF, 12.

YEWANDE:

Yusuf!

She gestures that he approaches her. He goes over to her table.

YEWANDE:

Yusuf, why have you not paid for the excursion?

YUSUF:

My father said he sent me to school and not to go for excursions!

Yewande looks at the student with both curiosity and pity.

YEWANDE:

Do you know your father’s number off-heart?

The boy nods. Yewande provides a piece of paper from her desk.

YEWANDE (CONT’D):

Write it here. I would to talk to him

As Yusuf writes, Yewande notices Josh standing by the door!

JOSH:

Teacher of the year!

Yewande walks over to meet him!

YEWANDE:

My title today is not Kidnapper but teacher of the year?

JOSH:

I am the Kidnapper today, and I am fighting the urge to kiss you right now!

YEWANDE:

Mr. Kidnapper, you would have to fight harder, Except you want me out of a job.

She dangles her car keys. Josh stretches his hand and she drops it into his palm.

YEWANDE (CONT’D):

So what’s the plan?

JOSH:

Basically, it’s to drive to my place. I plan to cook lunch for you. (Beat)

And by ‘cook for you’, I mean we would get two plates of fried rice on our way in case the Afang soup I would Prepare becomes… uneatable.

YEWANDE:

Haa! Nice to see you… try to cook! Just say we are going to your place to eat rice. Why get my hopes up?

Yusuf interrupts.

YUSUF:

Miss. Adekoya?

YEWANDE:

Oh! You are done?! Just leave it on the desk.

Yusuf leaves the sheet of paper on the desk and attempts to leave.

YEWANDE (CONT’D):

Place the pen across the paper so it doe not float away.

Yusuf does as he is told, and then darts away.

YEWANDE (CONT’D):

Kids!!

JOSH:

They seem to like you! My students are terrorists!

Yewande laughs.

JOSH:

you coming?

YEWANDE:

Not yet! I have to pack up!

JOSH:

Okay! I would wait for you in the car!

YEWANDE:

Alright Kidnapper!

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