The Women of Doctor Who Page #4

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"That's how I

wanted it to be!

Good!

Glad we got there."

River Song is better

at operating the TARDIS

than the Doctor is.

I just landed her.

She's unpredictable.

Moisturize me.

I think that "Doctor Who's"

one of the very few programs

that writes brilliantly,

gives excellent parts

for female characters.

They're not just

screaming women,

they're not just like

they used to be,

it's not a clich, it's not

sexist anymore, at all.

In fact,

the parts for women

are better than the parts

for men, a lot of the time.

River Song is

beautiful, glamorous.

I think

she's unpredictable

and you don't know what

she's going to do next

and the fact

she's a murderer

and the fact she's

good, but bad.

You always -- I like

a character like that.

River Song is basically

the female Indiana Jones.

She is so awesome

and badass.

She's smart;

She's human,

but not quite.

And she doesn't let him

get away with anything.

She was his wife

when he met her.

They're the blue

stabilizers.

Ugh!

See?

Yeah, well,

it's just boring now, isn't it?

They're boringers.

They're blue...Boringers.

Doctor, how come

she can fly the TARDIS?

You call that flying

the TARDIS? Ha!

River Song is better

at operating the TARDIS

than the Doctor is

and, for

the first time,

you see the Doctor

actually being

quite put out

by that.

Charted the ship

to its destination

and...

Parked us

right alongside.

"Parked" us?

You haven't landed.

Of course we've landed.

I just landed her.

But...It didn't make

the noise.

What noise?

You know, the --

It's not supposed

to make that noise --

you leave

the brakes on.

Yeah, well,

it's a brilliant noise.

I love that noise.

I like that the classic noise

that we all associate

with the TARDIS, the fact that

my ringtone is that noise,

turns out that

it's a mistake.

I imagine that that was just

a nice little Steven Moffat gem

for people who have watched

the show for so long.

[ Wheeze

What's great about river is

that she's this mysterious

character and, generally,

when the mystery is taken

away from a character,

they become

less interesting.

River becomes more

interesting.

A lovely twist is

when River Song

is about to be shot

by Amy Pond

and, suddenly,

River Song says,

"I'm doing this

because

I am your daughter"

and there's this wonderful

moment of recognition.

No, I still can't

read it.

It's because

it's Gallifreyan

and doesn't

translate.

But this will.

It's your

daughter's name,

in the language

of the forest.

I know

my daughter's name.

Except, they don't have

a word for "Pond,"

because the only water

in the forest is the river.

The Doctor will find

your daughter

and he will care for her,

whatever it takes,

and I know that.

It's me.

I'm Melody.

I'm your daughter.

That reveal

was another

Moffat moment

that I got at the exact

instant he wanted.

Holy crap.

This whole time, really?

The whole time.

Once you see it,

you're like "of course!

Like Melody, Song;

Pond, River"

and you feel

like such an idiot.

It was a good little

surprise, there,

Steven Moffat.

It makes perfect

sense now.

Makes perfect sense.

The Lady Cassandra is

the last human, self-described.

At this point,

she doesn't look

anything like a human.

She's had so many

plastic surgeries

that she's literally just

a sheet of skin,

with eyes and a mouth

and nose holes.

Because she had her

chin removed

because she said

it made her look fat.

She's not unlike

women I've met.

I lived in Hollywood

for eight years.

There's this wonderful scene

where all these dignitaries

from around the Universe

are coming together,

they're converging to see

the death of planet Earth.

And then, they wheel out

a tarp of skin

named Lady Cassandra, the last

human to ever be alive.

The Lady Cassandra

O'Brien.Delta17.

Oh, now, don't stare.

I know, I know,

it's shocking, isn't it?

I've had my chin

completely taken away,

and look

at the difference.

Look how thin I am.

Thin and dainty.

I don't look a day

over 2000.

Moisturize me,

moisturize me.

Truly,

I am the last human.

My father was a Texan.

My mother was from --

She has been

stretched so far

that she is literally

like a pinned

piece of leather,

drying out.

You know what?

They sometimes bring up

the concept "if you were

the last woman on Earth."

Even if she was the

last human on Earth,

I don't know what I would

be able to do with her.

No tears.

I'm sorry.

And she arrives with

all these medical staff

who have to spray her

and keep her moist.

If someone's not there

to spray water on her,

she dries up and cracks

and explodes into, like,

dust particles,

which is disgusting.

Moisturize me.

She's really, really proud

of being the last human

and sort of raises

all these issues

about what it actually

means, to be human.

There is something,

a good science fiction quirk

of like, you know, the last

human in the Universe

and she's just not

human anymore, right?

And she's rendered

inhuman

physically,

but also because

she's a villain,

she's a horrible thing.

Lady Cassandra tries

to basically

destroy the platform and

all the inhabitants in it

and, because

of her bad move,

the Doctor just

lets her dry out --

no Dove moisturizer

for her --

and then she starts

drying out so much

that she just explodes.

Pretty gruesomely,

too.

People have died, Cassandra.

You murdered them.

It depends on your

definition of "people,"

and that's enough of

a technicality

to keep your lawyers

dizzy for centuries.

Take me to court,

then, Doctor,

and watch me smile

and cry and flutter.

And creak?

And what?

"Creak."

You're creaking.

What?

Ah!

I-I'm drying out.

Oh, sweet heavens.

Moisturize me!

Moisturize me!

Where are my surgeons?

My lovely boys!

It's too hot!

You raised

the temperature.

Have pity.

Moisturize me!

Oh, oh, Doctor!

Help her.

Everything has its time

and everything dies.

I'm...too...

young.

And I love

how the Doctor's

so callous with her.

Like when Rose is like

"Aren't you going to save her?"

And he's just like

"Everything has an end."

Poof! "Aah!"

Bits of liver flying out.

Eccleston,

as the Doctor,

just kills her,

you know?

Like, he doesn't

have any problem

with saying

this is justice --

she has to die

for being bad guy.

The way that he deals with her,

versus the way that

the tenth Doctor

will later deal with her

really kind of

speaks volumes

about the difference

between the two of them.

They just create

fully grown human beings

out of tissue samples.

Hello, Dad.

You just get the sense that

you shouldn't mess with her.

That was

two years ago!

The thing that I think is

great about "Doctor Who" is

that, over the years,

the women

have always been

really smart, you know?

They've never been

horrible depictions

of femininity,

they've always been

really strong.

In this 2-part episode,

"Human Nature" and

"The Family of Blood,"

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