The Wood Page #5

- It's on me.

- You're crazy. It's on me, man.

- Mike, spin it again.

- No, this isn't for real.

Yeah, I'm tired of not getting

any coochie. We're juniors, man.

I need something real. Females get

way too much power with this sh*t.

It's like they ain't giving it up.

I've been after Monica for two months.

- Damn.

- It's time to move on, man.

I'm not warming her up to let the

next n*gger hit the jackpot. I'm close.

This has to be our year.

We're the head n*ggers now. Juniors.

You're on varsity

and I'm looking better every day.

N*gger, as pretty as you are,

you still ain't getting no p*ssy.

- I bet I'll be the first to get some.

- I'm gonna get Monica soon.

- Put your money where your dick is.

- Yes, in your nostrils!

You're always clowning.

It's because you know I'll win the bet.

The first one to get some p*ssy

gets five bucks.

But to keep it from going on forever, -

- if in a month no one gets none,

we put in five bucks more.

- I'm with it.

- Okay, I'm in.

Let the games begin, baby.

When are we gonna make this real?

- Stop, Slim!

- Why don't you want to do it?

I was just thinking

we could make this a physical thing.

Hello?

- I'm not ready.

- How long have we been going out?

A week and a half.

- What are you doing?

- Let's do something else.

We could make love.

- Don't say that. You don't love me.

- It sounds better than "bone".

You want me to let you

put that inside me? That's so nasty.

I could get blue balls. My sh*t

could just swell up and explode.

You remember that fool Andrew?

That n*gger still ain't walking.

- Nasty? It's natural. Suck on it.

- You need to back up. That's nasty.

- Why wait for what you can get now?

- Because it's in the Bible.

You're already on the wrong path.

Finish it.

Do you think I'm a ho?

You let Terry bone.

I look better than that.

Come on, girl.

I'll buy you something. What you want?

I had a girlfriend.

But Alicia was my friend, you know?

We could talk about anything.

Boyfriends, girlfriends... It was cool.

- Why say that?

- Why not? Explain her reasoning.

We're doing everything but it.

What's up?

Doing it ain't easy.

You don't just walk up to a girl and say:

"What's up? Can we get busy?"

- Everything's got to be right, right?

- Right, it's got to be special.

- I heard that before.

- Well, hear it again.

- Don't trick her into doing it.

- I don't need tricks. My game is strong.

- Then how come you ain't getting any?

- Oh, you got jokes.

Girls act like they don't want it

as bad as we do.

- That is not true.

- Yes, it is.

You ain't got nothing to say.

Maybe you need to find somebody

who wants it as bad as you do.

Maybe I do.

Let's go.

We won't get no studying done.

- All right.

- And you need to work on your game.

What are you wearing to homecoming?

- I got a suit from last year's...

- Are you too cheap to buy a new suit?

Times are rough.

I ain't trying to spend no more money.

- So, are you going with... Eric?

- You know his name. Come on.

Yeah, I'm going with Eric.

You're going with Kim, right?

- Monica.

- Oh, yeah.

- Is Eric someone special?

- You tell me. You play ball with him.

- He's cool. If that's what you want.

- He's all right.

- Is Bonita somebody special?

- Monica.

Monica.

She's special enough.

I knew she'd say yes if I asked her.

Did you ask her

only because you knew she'd say yes?

- Are you afraid of rejection?

- Yep.

- All the brothers ask you...

- Not all the brothers.

- What are you wearing to the dance?

- A little fly red dress.

- Do you wanna see it?

- Yeah, of course.

My room.

Her bedroom.

I always wanted to get up here.

- Ready?

- Yeah.

Here it is.

- Do you like it?

- Yeah, it's beautiful.

Thank you.

- Where's your mom and Stacey?

- My mom's working late.

- Stacey's out running the streets again.

- Down, boy.

We're slow jamming tonight.

If you've got any dedications, call us.

This next one goes out to Lisa

from Terence. Glenita, I love you.

- How sweet.

- Here's Luther Vandross.

Not Luther.

I love this.

Do you remember this song?

Yeah.

- La Tijera, 1986.

- La Tijera, 1986. See?

- I remember when I first met you.

- You met me with your fist.

- Right. You and that stupid bet.

- That bet wasn't stupid.

It was. That's why you got the fist.

You three probably bet on

who'd get the booty first, didn't you?

- Booty first?

- Yeah.

Come on, that's stupid.

Whatever.

You and your little nasty friends.

- Do you remember that dance?

- Yeah, I remember.

I remember you standing there.

Just singing.

I just had to ask you,

even though I was scared to death.

I'm glad you asked me, Mike.

You dance pretty good

for a guy with two left feet.

Oh, really?

I think I've improved. For real.

- You want to find out?

- Do you want to dance?

- Right now?

- While the mood is right.

Wait, wait.

This is how we do it in North Carolina.

You know, I still love this part.

My God, is this really about to happen?

Sh*t, it is.

- You've got protection, right?

- Yeah, it's here.

One of Slim's condoms that's

six months old, but work with me.

I'll be right back.

You okay, Mike?

Yeah, it's cool.

Is it supposed to look like that?

Yeah... I guess.

Go slow.

If you hurt me, the fist.

- What are you doing?

- What do you think?

- Not there.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Maybe you should back up a little bit.

- Come on, girl.

Oh, sh*t.

- It broke.

- Get another one.

We don't need one, do we?

Damn, that was my last one.

Go to Stacey's room.

He keeps them in his top drawer.

- I ain't going to his room.

- Do you want to do this or what?

Damn!

I can't believe

I've got to do this sh*t.

Oh, baby.

Oh my God, Mike!

Come on. She said the top drawer.

Baby, hurry up.

The things men do for sex.

I was stuck with no way out.

Stacey was getting lucky while I was

stuck with dirty drawers in my face!

What happened to your rubbers?

You had four rubbers.

- I counted. Now one's gone.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- What ho are you f***ing?

- No ho but you.

Don't call me no ho.

Shut up and take me home.

- I was just playing.

- Take me home now!

- What happened?

- Nothing.

I got it. It all worked out.

I guess that means

this was meant to be.

Yeah, I guess so.

I'm actually having sex, and with Alicia!

This cannot be real.

Oh, yeah, this is real.

Real good.

Oh, sh*t.

So that's it?

Yeah... that's it.

- So what's gonna happen now?

- I don't know. What?

What about me and you?

Me and you sounds good.

What about homecoming?

You're just going to have to buy

a new suit.

So I won the bet.

But I didn't feel right, betting.

This was Alicia, you know?

She was worth more than money.

So I didn't tell Slim and Roland

until after one of them won.

I never in a million years thought -

- that I would meet Miss Right.

When I asked Lisa, I kept thinking

of all the things I'd be gaining.

But I never took the time to think

of all the things I'd be losing.

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