The Zero Years

A film by Nikos Nikolaidis

- Who are you?

- Who are you?

I live here.

Good. I'll be living here

too for a bit.

Get'em up.

I have to frisk you.

Is this necessary?

- Aren't you the new one?

- I am the new one.

Then get them up!

- What are you hiding here?

- What am I hiding?

One of your tits is bigger.

One of my tits happens

to be bigger.

How is that possible?

I don't think it's the right

time to discuss it.

I was born that way.

Yes... and I've come all the way

from hell, so I'm very tired.

Can I come in?

As soon as I'm done.

- Did you see anyone outside?

- Outside? No.

There are two men downstairs

watching the house.

To be honest. I didn't notice...

maybe, but I didn't notice...

Aren't you cold?

- What's that?

- Bag, clothes.

- And that?

- Suitcase, clothes.

All right.

Come in...

Hey, listen...

Go to the living room but stay

away from the window.

Come on, wake up...

The new one's here.

Did you tell her to stay away

from the window?

They've been broken

for a while...

Why don't you take off

your coat?

Oh yeah, right...

They've been that way since

the mice ate the wires...

Want one of mine?

- Where did you come from?

- Far away...

Twelve hours at sea...

I'm still swaying.

- How many years?

- What?

- How many years?

- Six...

In other words,

I'm almost done...

They told me to come here

to wait for my paper.

Anybody want coffee?

Good morning.

Isn't that what we do

every morning?

I was...

She's trying to impress

the new one.

One second...

- Are we sure about the cameras?

- They're broken.

- She knows.

- Mice ate the wires.

- She knows that too.

- Then why is she asking?

Coffee... smell it.

- It reminds me of real coffee.

- It is... real.

In fact it has some

chicory root too.

Where did you find it?

I can't smell a thing.

I feel sick.

An ashtray.

And...

- What are those?

- Open them.

Don't put it near your nose.

It could be poisoned.

They may have injected poison.

You know what they do? They

jab the needle into the stem...

- Move over.

- Can't you see I'm talking?

They jab the needle into the

stem, infuse the poison...

and you see nothing.

What are you talking about?

What do you think?

We don't know her...

She knocks on the door and says

"I'm the new one"...Great! So?

So! I've got all my papers

with me.

Big deal. I can make you

as many as you want.

We don't know you!

And all this... Where did

you get all this stuff?

Well, I say we throw

it all away...

and you go wash your hands

right now.

All right... all right.

Oh they've sagged... A bit.

- What are you doing?

- What did I do?

This is the best piece. Watch...

You take it and start to cut

it into tiny pieces.

Then you take the rest...

This is boiling. Do I throw

them in?

Yes... Did you cut

yourself?

Add some salt.

- Let me see. Is it deep?

- I'm okay.

But keep tasting them so

they won't overcook.

- Over what?

- Nothing.

Now, listen to this story,

just for laughs.

So, one day these cannibals

caught four hunters.

An Englishman!

An American, a...

- What were they hunting?

- What? What were they hunting?

For the record,

it doesn't matter.

The cannibals were hunting

people to eat and the people...

were hunting animals

so they could eat too.

Calm down... or you'll get

an egg.

Okay, why are you so touchy?

Why won't you let her

tell her story?

If it's one of those...

"dirty" stories...

I don't want to hear it.

- How do you know?

- What do you mean?

How do you know it's gonna

be "dirty"?

Besides you can't relate to any

of this since you can't come.

She's always going "oh oh"

using tongues and... sounds...

and... then... then...

nothing.

She's putting on a show.

- You mean you... can't...

- I once saw a 16 inch "thing".

You see lots of things.

Now, why did you say that?

You know they're down there

waiting for the right moment.

You've seen them yourself.

Who's down there?

Nobody.

For the record, I have to point

out... there's no such thing...

as a 16 inch thing.

Right, why don't you try

having an orgasm first...

and then an opinion.

Maybe I don't have orgasms, but

I do my job better than you.

Most of them want me.

Maro the Whip.

Throw the egg already.

Not another egg.

Throw the c*nt an egg.

Show her.

Why do you enjoy doing

this to me?

Because you enjoy it too.

Will you do me a favor?

What are you doing?

I'm shaking my b*obs

and swearing at them.

At who?

There's some people down there

watching me.

It's been ten months now

since I came here.

So every time they piss me off,

I pull out my tits...

and wiggle them,

like this...

- Excuse me.

- Yeah...

See for yourself.

- With the binoculars.

- Oh! With the binoculars.

It's two this time, but

sometimes it's three.

It's two, right?

You have pretty hair.

Do you see them now?

They're sort of moving.

Changing positions, huh?

They do that all the time,

to confuse you.

Do you see any little ones?

Sometimes they have little

ones along.

Little...

- Little... little!

- Little...

- Tiny.

- Tiny... froggies?

Children! They bring

little children.

Easy now!

You don't believe me either.

I've written everything down

in my notebook.

If it wasn't for me the others

in here would be lost.

I put myself on the line and

those freaks make fun of me.

Nobody's making fun of you, but

there are no kiddies today.

No kiddies?

Nope. I know those. They're

these blond little kids...

with little white coats.

- Little black coats.

- Little black coats, yes.

They wear little white coats

in the summer,

little black coats

in the winter.

And they have little

blond heads.

- What are you doing?

- I'm pissing myself.

- Don't leave me when I pee!

- You're squirting me...

You can't leave!

Hold me, like this.

What's the favor?

It's that you go to the

theater in my place.

Only for tonight.

Fine but that eye thing you do

when you come. Can't do that.

I don't come. I fake it.

It's an act.

Yeah, but sometimes...

Sometimes, when I'm bored,

I come.

Okay, but I can't do

the eye thing.

Especially the part

where you...

What eye thing?

The way you cross them a

little, sort of like this.

And then the lips.

My fingers keep going

up my nostrils.

I'll screw it up.

We'll practice till

you get it right.

And tomorrow we'll go

out shopping.

Really?

I want to buy baby clothes. I

saw some nice ones in a shop.

Can I tell you a secret?

Tell me a secret.

I'm stealing some of the money

they give us...

and hide it under the sink.

For my baby clothes.

Something like this?

That's ridiculous.

Pay attention.

Wait.

Again...

Fine but you cross only one

eye. How does that work?

I can't.

Fill it up a bit.

Yeah, fill it up a bit.

What do you mean

"fill it up?"?

Pretend you're coming,

fool, like this.

Is it that hard? Fill it up.

Fine, I'll fill it up.

Good, now add the eyes.

Right?

We should try something

else, huh?

- It didn't work did it?

- No.

Cross only one eye...

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