Theodora Goes Wild

Hello!

Yeah, I'm listening. But I know just exactly

what you're going to say.

What?

Well, that's just too bad, Mrs. Moffat.

But I happen to be running this paper

and I think it was fit to print.

Good day to you.

Mrs. Moffat that time.

Stand by, Henry, for full returns.

Fifty other Lynnfield hens

will be heard from yet.

This hen says, "Not fit to print."

Yes, siree.

Hello, who is it and what...

Yes, yes, I know, Mrs. Perry, I know.

I know you don't like

that Caroline Adams novel

I'm running serially in the Bugle.

Yeah, unmoral and not fit to print. Yes.

Yes, Mrs. Perry. That is right. Yes.

Now look here, Mrs. Perry,

let me tell you something. I apologize.

I apologize for breaking my neck

trying to buy the serial rights

to the best-selling novel of the day.

I apologize for waking the town of Lynnfield

out of a 20-year sleep

to show it how people live and learn

and love in the wide-awake world.

I apologize.

The buzzards are swooping

down on us, Henry.

Yes, siree. Hot diggety.

Say, get your nose out of that paper

and answer the phone once in a while.

I want to eat some lunch.

Hello. Yeah.

-Yeah. Who is it?

-Who is it?

-Miss Lynn.

-Here, give me that.

Hello, Theodora.

No, don't tell me you called up

about that Caroline Adams story.

I'm afraid that's it, Jed.

Well, you'll have to admit Caroline Adams

doesn't exactly write bedtime stories.

-Tell him it's shocking.

-And scandalous.

Aunt Mary and Aunt Elsie

simply can't approve, Jed.

So the two Lynn oracles have spoken?

Well, well, now, wouldn't you think

after five generations

the Lynn family would be

tired running this town?

But the point is, Jed, the Literary Circle

is up in arms against this book.

They're having a meeting tonight

to discuss it.

-He better be there.

-Aunt Mary said you'd better be there.

So it's come to that, has it?

Yes, Jed, it's come to that.

8:
00, the public library.

All right, I'll be there.

"'I'd better be going home,' Pamela said.

'It's late.' Spencer smiled.

"lt seemed minutes before he answered.

"'Home, Pamela? Why, it's very early,

my dear. The night has just begun.'

"With these words uttered like caresses,

he started slowly toward her.

"Pamela stood rigid, frightened,

watching him advance.

"His steps were slow, deliberate.

Pamela felt imprisoned, helpless.

"She wanted to run past him out of

this strange apartment down to the street.

"But her brain was reeling with drink."

Oh, my.

"She was robbed of all purpose.

"'You're very beautiful tonight, Pamela,'

he said.

"The words mingled with the plaintive music

that filled the room.

"He was close to her.

He reached out violently.

"His hands fastened on her arms

and pinned them to her sides.

"She was suddenly pressed

tightly against him.

"He spoke in low rapid tones,

words she did not hear.

"She fought desperately

to break out of his grasp.

"'Let me go! Let me go!'

"She could feel his breath on her cheek

"and then his lips on hers

with a shocking, terrible suddenness.

"The room suddenly went dark."

That's enough, Rebecca.

I think we've heard plenty.

Well, I should think so.

If you don't mind,

I haven't been taking the Bugle regularly

and I'd like to hear the rest of it.

You certainly don't have to

hear more than that

to make up your mind about it.

Don't worry, Miss Jenkins. You'll get a copy.

I printed 100 extra today.

Jed Waterbury.

Well, I knew they'd be in great demand

with the womenfolk.

Well, I guess we've agreed about one thing.

This Literary Circle isn't going to

let sexy trash like this

come right into our homes and corrupt us.

Now, just a second. Just a second.

As long as I can remember, this community

has had its head in the sand saying,

"There ain't no evil."

Well, then that may be all right

for you old people.

You're practically dead anyhow

with one foot in the grave.

The impudence.

But your youngsters ought to be told

what it's all about.

You can't keep civilization

out of Lynnfield forever.

Jed Waterbury, if civilization is

like Caroline Adams writes about,

then it's best that our children get along

without civilization.

All right.

Theodora, what's the Lynn family

got to say about this?

Aunt Mary and Aunt Elsie told me

to tell you they want the story stopped.

And if it isn't, the Lynnfield Bugle

is going to find itself without subscribers.

-I'm sorry, Jed.

-There you are. All in favor, say "aye."

Aye.

Well, is that plain enough,

Mr. Jed Waterbury?

Yep, that's plain enough.

I guess I know a righteous spanking

when I get one.

All right, I'll quit printing the thing.

Yes.

By the way,

about those extra copies of the paper,

come early and avoid the rush.

Well, now, one thing more.

I think it no more than right that

the Lynnfield Literary Circle

should go on record

and tell whoever is publishing the book

that this community condemns it

lock, stock and barrel.

Absolutely.

In fact, I make a resolution to that effect.

-All in favor, say "aye."

-Aye.

Well, that will hold Mr. Jed Waterbury

for a while.

Surely ought to.

I'm going to New York tomorrow

to visit Uncle John.

-I'll probably see Adelaide.

-Give the lamb my love.

I'll never be done thanking you, Theodora,

for getting her to New York

for a change of scenery.

-Good night.

-Good night.

-Good night.

-lt was just too sweet of you

to take such an interest in my only child.

-Good night.

-Good night.

I declare to goodness,

you're a Lynn clear through.

Just downright fine.

I'll give you a batch of cookies

to take in to Adelaide.

-All right.

-The soft ginger kind.

They won't be all crumbs

by the time they get to her.

Come to think of it, I won't send a letter

to that Stevenson publisher.

I'm going to send a telegram.

"Fewer and stronger words," I always say.

Something like this...

"Gentlemen, so to speak." No.

"ln the name of decency

and good morals." No.

"This brazen filth..."

"...published by you is

a disgrace to American morals

"and a sin against American youth."

Signed, "Rebecca Perry,

President, Lynnfield Literary Circle."

Nice going, Rebecca.

Miss Adams will just love this.

See that those contracts are ready for her

to sign on the movie purchase of her book.

Yes, Mr. Stevenson.

And let me have

an up-to-the-minute statement

-on the sales to date.

-Yes, sir.

Show her in, please, the moment she arrives.

Yes, sir.

Miss Adams.

How do you do, Miss Adams?

-Hello.

-Well, come in, come in.

I'm awfully glad to see you.

Seems years between visits.

Come sit down. Sit down, Miss Lynn.

-Adams.

-I'm sorry.

But how much time do I get today?

Well, the usual hour.

Uncle John's expecting me.

Well, let's sit down.

Say, I got a wire this morning

that might amuse you.

I know. Signed Rebecca Perry.

Why did you sell those serial rights

to the Lynnfield Bugle?

Have you got an aspirin?

Well, I haven't even heard about the Bugle.

An aspirin for Miss Adams.

But I think it's very funny.

Very funny. Maybe you do,

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