They Call Me Mister Tibbs! Page #4

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that if your kids see you pat your wife on

the fanny and she looks like she likes it,

then it gives them

a healthy attitude towards sex.

That was for Ginny's benefit, was it?

Right!

Virge, if you're feeling so fatherly,

why don't you go upstairs

and fix the curtain rod in Andy's room?

Consider it done.

OK.

Virge?

There are some new developments.

I don't know how important they are yet.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Andy.

- Dad, I wouldn't...

- I think maybe it's time for dinner.

Bring that toolbox up to your bedroom

for me, will you, Andy?

If you're gonna do it, do it properly,

and make sure you enjoy it.

Puff. Puff.

Do I have to inhale this thing?

No, but keep puffing.

Puff.

Yeah.

And when you hold it, hold the end down

so the butt won't get wet. Like that.

How do you live like this, everything such

a stupid mess? Don't you ever clean up?

I understand Stevie

is first in your class again, hm?

You enjoy being second-best, right?

The kids hate him, and nobody hates me.

And he works hard, and he worries.

Puff.

You know, you're too big

to be swinging on curtain rods.

Those screws aren't gonna hold.

Practically have to build

the whole house again.

You know, man...

Nice house like this,

you don't even notice it.

Good schools are lost on you.

Maybe we ought to send you away.

Someplace fancy, where they're

gonna make you toe the line.

Why?

Because it's opportunity,

and that means that you grab it.

Do you know that any school you want,

you could have it? The best there is.

They're looking for you.

A slob who hits his sister.

You know, in less than ten years now

you're gonna be on your own.

School's through, the army's through,

your mother and me, we'll be through.

You'll be on your own then, mister.

Ever thought of that one?

And what are you gonna do?

What are you gonna be? Hm?

Well, that depends.

- On what?

- On you.

- How?

- Well, if you don't have any money,

I'll be a bum.

But if you're rich, I'll be a playboy.

There's so much I wish I could tell you.

But I guess it isn't possible.

Like try to understand what's going on.

Try to do something useful.

Like cleaning up this room.

Can you understand what I'm telling you?

- I mean, can you dig it?

- Sure, I can dig it.

You want me to clean my room,

and read books, and don't hit my sister.

And keep puffing.

Puff.

Drink.

Here.

- Thanks.

- Drink some more.

You're sure? Hold it a sec.

Baldy, the guy who drives

the campaign truck.

- Just picked up on possession of pot.

- Ten to one he was framed.

I been waitin' for the fuzz

to pull something like this.

- Who's gonna replace him?

- Do you need a special licence?

- You know, like a truck driver's?

- Hell, no. That's when it's for pay.

- You ain't gettin' paid.

- That's the misery with this deal.

Everything's for free but our blood.

Bud Ward'll be right over.

Yes on Four. May I help you?

Yes on Proposition Four. May I help you?

We'll try to get

somebody to pick you up.

No, don't worry about it.

We'll be there.

Thank you. Thank you for calling.

Is there any cream for this coffee?

Give me some cotton.

Are you gonna tell me

whose sneakers they are?

I don't think so. Got a box?

Well, I've been looking all over for you.

What's this all about?

It's glass from the carpet?

What the hell is going on here?

This isn't your own private case.

I got my name on it in big block letters!

- Will you stop talking like a policeman?

- It's what I happen to be. Are you?

Glass from the sole

of one of Logan's sneakers.

- It matches.

- Well, praise the Lord.

You weren't going to tell me

about it, were you?

Oh, no. Look, Virgil,

I really didn't mean that, uh...

But you can't let

personal feelings interfere...

Spare yourself, will you, Herb?

I can think my way through that one.

But let me try this out.

The lab checked out

his clothes and shoes. No blood.

- And also no carpet lint, right?

- It wasn't important.

- He admitted he was there on Sunday.

- OK. Then I remember the sneakers.

And they've got broken glass in them,

and that's damned important,

because it only could have

gotten there afterwards.

Yeah. Broken glass on the floor

would be a little scratchy

the way she did business,

all over the place.

So, what would you do?

I'd haul him in.

Then all hell breaks loose. "Cops

railroad leader of home-rule movement."

- They'll be in the streets, marching...

- Virge, I'm a liberal myself,

but home rule,

that's too far-out for me.

I don't wanna be pushed around

by a bunch of amateurs.

He had no known motive, and there

can be other explanations for this glass,

- so how sure can you be that he did it?

- Damn sure.

Except for one thing. You know those

two big fat fingerprints on the statue?

Well, they belong to Mealie Williamson.

That's the handyman.

- Has he got a record?

- Yeah, two minor felonies,

one for pandering... but nothing recent.

That statue was so clean,

chances are it was wiped.

Williamson may have picked it up

after the killer left. What'd he say?

He lives in the basement, but he wasn't

there. He goes out on a bat now and then.

What about that guy

who owns the place, Weedon?

His prints on that

business card match some

found on the window of her apartment.

- What the hell. He owns the joint.

- Has he got a record?

No.

But he has some very expensive lawyers.

You know what, Herb?

No. What, Virgil?

I'm going home to dinner.

Daddy! Andy hit me!

Andy said "I won't do it, and you can't

make me." Do you know what he did?

He took her Lego apart

and spread it around the room.

I asked him to pick it up,

that's all I did.

Ginny said to him

"Do what Mummy says", and he hit her!

He took her arm and twisted it.

Ginny, that maybe was

none of your business.

I mean, you might have been

asking for that, hm?

You're some father! You really are.

You're never home, and when you

are home, you can't control your son!

Why not stay home and control your son?

You can't solve that murder,

and you're late for dinner, as usual!

You go in there and make him

pick it up, if you can!

She told you to slug me, didn't she?

No.

But if I do, she wouldn't be

too unhappy.

She's always on my back!

Yeah, but you shouldn't

have hit your sister.

I can't stand her.

She can't do anything!

She's always standing

on her head for you.

Well, I'm... I'm proud

of what she's learned to do.

She's not quite as coordinated

as you are.

She's learned to live

with what she's got.

- What have you learned to live with?

- An uncoordinated sister.

Would you, uh... pick it up for me?

Please?

As a... sort of a personal favour?

Sure.

Good.

When?

A little later.

Look, man, I gotta keep peace

in this house, you know.

So would you please... pick it up now?

Now you're on my back!

Will you please stop bugging me?

- Don't make me hit you.

- That's what you want to do.

That isn't because she told you.

This is supposed to be good for you,

having me here,

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