They Died with Their Boots On Page #3

And if I did find you sitting on the porch,

perhaps you and I could go for a walk.

We seem to have been walking together

ever since we've met.

I can't imagine, ma'am, if I may say so,

any pleasanter journey...

...than walking through life

with you beside me, ma'am.

I must go now.

Cadet Custer, reporting as ordered.

- Have you any idea why I sent for you?

- No, sir.

Do you know that you have

the worst record...

...that West Point has had in years?

- Yes, sir.

- Why?

- I don't know, sir.

That's been puzzling me too.

Since you can't answer that, tell me why,

on the eve of your chance to graduate...

...you become involved in a brawl

with a civilian.

- It wasn't a civilian, sir.

- What?

Oh, no. Just a Marine.

Well, Marine or civilian...

...unbecoming for a West Point cadet

to engage in fisticuffs on a public street.

Only extreme provocation

could call for such conduct.

It was. He said he'd been through two

wars and never seen a dead cavalryman.

What? Why...

Well, I trust when he recovers

from your reproof...

...that he'll be shown the grave

of "Lighthorse Harry" Lee.

Mr. Custer...

...I suppose you had hoped to graduate

with your class?

- Yes, sir.

- And if you had, what were your plans?

An assignment to the 2nd Cavalry.

Finest regiment in the Army.

But there won't be any vacancies

if the others beat me to Washington.

In that case, I suggest you leave

on the next train.

- Sir? You mean, l...

- You're the last of the class to graduate.

The others have already received

their diplomas.

- Thank you, sir.

- I trust your future conduct...

...as an officer of the Army

will justify my confidence.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

And now...

...that train leaves in an hour.

- Yes, sir.

In an hour, sir?

- I'll have to catch the late train.

- What? Why?

Well, I...

Well, I sent my laundry out yesterday,

and it hasn't come back yet, sir.

You've been running three years

to catch that train.

I suggest that you keep on running.

- Yes, sir, but...

- With or without your laundry.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Oh, Father.

Hello, my dear.

Back from your walk already?

- What are you doing sitting here alone?

- A lovely night. I didn't want to go in.

Sounds as if you're falling in love with...

...West Point.

Oh, it's a beautiful place.

Especially when you have a handsome

cadet to show it to you in the moonlight.

I didn't go for my walk.

Why not?

- He didn't come back.

- He didn't come...?

Why, the young scoundrel!

A cadet is supposed to be an officer

and a gentleman. I'll speak to Sheridan.

- The insolent puppy.

- You mustn't talk like that.

- And why not?

- He's the man I'm going to marry!

- How does the adjutant general feel?

- He's barking like a fox.

- Any orders for me yet, corporal?

- No, Lieutenant Custer.

I'm sick of hanging around

to see the adjutant general.

I've written him time after time for

an assignment. I don't get any answer.

By Judas, I'm going in

to see him in person.

- He'll see no one except by appointment.

- He won't, eh?

Help! Fire!

Spies!

Sabotage!

What is all this...?

Get the fire brigade! Get water!

Get water, you idiots!

Don't let anybody in or out!

- Well...

- Why, Major Taipe.

I'm very glad to see you, sir.

Would you mind saying a word

to the adjutant general?

- I've been waiting weeks to be assigned...

- I feel you're responsible for this.

But it will serve you to no purpose...

...because I happen to be

the adjutant general.

I happen to be well aware that

you've been awaiting for orders...

...and you'll continue to wait...

...until every competent officer

has been assigned to active duty.

And then, Mr. Custer,

I may find a place for you...

...training infantry recruits! Good day!

Ain't done much with your soup.

Don't like?

- It's all right, but you can take it away.

- Yes, sir.

Got something over here that'll excite

your palate, yes, sir.

Creamed onions.

Specialty of the house, sir.

Ever since President Andrew Jackson's

time.

Say, waiter...

...isn't that General Scott,

General Winfield Scott?

- How do you do, Charles?

- Very well. Kind of late today, general.

These are busy times, Charles.

Busy times.

Yes, sir, that's the general.

Commander in chief.

A powerful-eating gentleman, sir.

Only time for a snack, Charles.

I'll have my hors d'oeuvres, soup,

double rib sirloin, potatoes au gratin...

...asparagus, spiced pears and, of course,

the creamed Bermuda onions.

I'm desolate, general. The last portion

of Bermuda onions just been served.

I'll prepare more myself,

if you'll just wait.

Wait, man? With the Southern patrol

at Manassas?

This is war, Charles, war.

- I'll order the sweet later.

- Yes, sir.

Pardon me, sir. Mr. Custer, sir.

I couldn't help overhearing what you said.

These onions have just been served me.

- It'd be a pleasure if you'd accept them.

- That's generous, but I can't deprive you.

That is, of all of them.

- Will you lunch with me, Mr. Custer?

- Thank you, sir.

That's a good one, sir.

You mentioned having no appetite.

How do you account for that?

I think I lost it in the adjutant's office.

Camping around for weeks

waiting for an assignment...

...all the time, the rebels rolling down.

- Indeed.

How did you do at West Point?

Well, sir, first in equitation, sir,

first in swordplay.

And studies?

I was afraid you'd ask that, sir. Last.

Confidentially, young man, I saw the

West Point examination papers myself.

The only question I could answer was,

"Name the commander in chief...

...of the United States Army."

Mr. Custer, I think you better

walk across the street with me...

...as soon as we've disposed

of the Bermudas.

Right, sir.

What...?

- It's a fatal mistake to steam onions.

- Even when they're sealed in containers?

Under any circumstances.

You steam the best out.

General, you certainly know your onions.

Hold him here, Jones.

I may need him later.

Mr. Taipe, you're the man we want.

Post this officer to the 2nd Cavalry.

I know they have a vacancy.

I drew on them for an aide this morning.

- Yes, sir.

- You have no objections to the 2nd.

If there's a finer regiment,

someone will have to raise it.

- When are you to report?

- Tonight. Second may go into action.

I can promise you it will, my boy.

It's impossible for him to report tonight.

There isn't a horse to be had.

If there is no horse, make the order

to report at the officer's first ability.

Very well, sir.

Sorry to disappoint,

but you'll see action soon enough.

- Good luck.

- Thank you, sir.

- This is General Taipe's horse.

- My compliments. Get out of my way!

Custer. Second lieutenant,

reporting for duty.

- Glad to have you.

- Thank you.

- Mr. Custer, gentlemen.

- Hello.

- Pleased to meet you.

- Have a drink.

- Thank you.

- To bloody war and quick promotion.

You bet! A fellow ought to

come out of this a major.

- You're quite an optimist.

- Just feel lucky.

It'll take more than luck

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