Thieves Like Us
- R
- Year:
- 1974
- 123 min
- 157 Views
BOWIE:
You know, they say there'ssome of the best fishing around here
in that pond
by the cow barn on Huett's land.
CHICAMAW:
Listen, I'm gonna tell youall something about fishing, Bowie.
Most people won't admit to it.
Best time to go fishing is in the rain.
Well, I ain't ever done that.
Of course you haven't.
Somebody says, "Fish in the rain. "
"Well, the fish won't be out. "
Hell, if they don't wanna be out.
Fish don't mind.
They live in the pond, the lake, whatever.
They're wet already.
Few more paddles and we're there, Bowie.
Good for you.
(GROANS)
Come on, son of a b*tch.
- Not a bad day's work, is it?
- I'll say.
- You fellas stay here. Guard the boat.
- See you.
(HORSE NEIGHING)
I know they're just not gonna be here.
Well, they might.
I told you. They're not here.
- No. Look there. See?
- Where?
Right there.
(CAR ENGINE SPUTTERING)
Who's driving?
Who was that guy
who sells marijuana, the prison guy?
Jasbo?
Yeah, I think that's who's driving.
I could tell he sells marijuana
just by the way he drives.
He just hit a pothole.
(JASBO SHOUTING)
BOTH:
Hey!Hey!
Howdy, Bowie.
What you boys doing out here, fishing?
Hi.
Hey, did y'all hear the one
about the little boy that bought the turtle?
Had one of them turtles,
you know, that they paint pictures on.
Well, the next day,
he took it down to the store,
and he grabbed the manager
and he says, "Look," he says,
"My turtle got blisters on his feet. "
Man looked at him and says,
"That's not possible, son. "
He reached down, he took
the turtle away from him, he looked at it.
He says, "Son, I believe you're right. "
He says,
"This turtle does have blisters on his feet".
Had two syrup buckets
sitting over there on the counter.
He reached over there and he dropped
that turtle in one syrup bucket,
and he reached down in that other
syrup bucket and pulled out that turtle,
and he handed it to the little boy.
Little boy took that turtle,
and he looked at it
and he said, "Thank you, sir. "
He put it right on top
of the counter and he says...
(IMITATING CAR ENGINE REVVING)
(GUN COCKING)
God almighty, man.
This is a stickup, Jasbo.
Bowie, you know me.
Tell these boys I'm all right.
BOWIE:
You just do like you're told.I'll do anything you say.
All you gotta do is just tell me.
CHICAMAW:
Come on, now, Jasbo.You're gonna put
your hands there high on that wheel.
- High, that's right.
- T-DUB:
All right.- You put your head between them.
- Okay.
JASBO:
Yes, sir.I'll put my hands down between my legs
if you want me to.
CHICAMAW:
Now, you don't haveto do that, Jasbo.
Yeah, yeah. Just tell me, though.
Fourteen?
Fourteen?
What do you think we are, midgets?
All right, come on, hurry up.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
- Okay.
What do you think we are, T-Dub, giants?
Come on, will you?
Jasbo, put your head down.
JASBO:
Yes, sir.Come on, let's go, let's get going.
T- DUB:
All right, come on.Let's go. Get in, get in.
All right, Jasbo, start your motor.
JASBO:
Yes, sir.I see you wince just once, Jasbo,
and I'm gonna
shoot you right in the side of the head.
Yes, sir. Yes.
- Just hang a U here.
- Yes, sir.
CHICAMAW:
I'll bet the colonel's bowelsare in an uproar by now.
I can just hear him saying,
"Get out and slap that bunch of no-goods.
"That's what you get
for treating them like white men. "
(ALL LAUGHING)
T- DUB:
No more baseballand passes to go fishing.
Now go and beat Bowie Bowers.
And that T-Dub Masefield, he isn't
gonna work in that commissary no more.
CHICAMAW:
Well, praise the Lord for that.I can hear him saying, "Get out the guns
- "and the hounds and the .30-30s...
- Yeah.
"... and you shoot them
sons of b*tches down. "
(ALL LAUGHING)
BOWIE:
Did you hearany baseball scores, Jasbo?
JASBO:
No, sir, I sure haven't.Well, don't the radio work?
No, sir. It don't.
It never has worked when it's raining.
Hey, Jasbo, why don't you sing us a song?
I don't know no songs.
What do you mean,
you don't know no songs?
The radio don't work.
You be the radio. You sing us a song.
Well, there is a song
we used to sing in high school.
Oh, that's okay, boys.
Sing the high school song.
(ALL SINGING)
(CHICAMAW LAUGHING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
T- DUB:
Thataway, Jasbo!BOWIE:
Yeah, Jasbo!CHICAMAW:
Just another what?JASBO:
Just another accident.(ALL SINGING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
T- DUB:
Hey, Jasbo!(TIRE BURSTS)
CHICAMAW:
Jasbo, I couldshoot you for this.
Bowie, get that spare tire.
That ain't my fault.
That tire's a brand new tire.
BOWIE:
His spare's flatter than a sailcat.Gentlemen, this wins the purloin bathtub.
Come on, let's walk it.
You go ahead, Bowie.
I'll take care of Jasbo right now.
- Take care of me?
- Come on, in the car, in the car.
- Yes, sir.
- Move it, move it, move!
Yes, sir.
Now, you know what to do,
don't you, Jasbo?
- Or am I gonna have to tie you up?
- No, sir, you don't have to tie me up.
- I know what to do.
- That's a good boy.
- Now, you bump your head on that wheel.
- Yes, sir.
And you close your eyes and you keep
your eyes closed, you hear me?
Yes, sir.
You keep those eyes closed
for the next two hours, hey?
- Yes, sir.
- Three hours,
'cause I'm gonna come back and check
every once in a while. You got me?
Yes, sir.
(LAUGHING)
You ain't fooling me.
I know you're there.
With the gun pointing at my head.
I ain't gonna open my eyes.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
I'm gonna keep my eyes closed.
You said that you was gonna come back,
and I believe you, so that's...
That's where I'm gonna be, right here
with my eyes closed when you get here.
(BIRD HOOTING)
I'll tell you one thing.
When I rob my next bank,
it'll be my 28th.
Well, I'm not gonna
mess around with any clodhopper banks.
Yeah.
Best way to case one of those banks
is to go in there and cash those $20 bills.
Country boy's up.
Your breakfast is ready, Bowie.
I ain't hungry.
I remember one time,
couldn't have taken
more than 2,000 off that niggerhead.
I see a cash slip, and I go over, I read it.
Then I go over to him, and I say,
"Friend, is your cash slip
usually accurate?"
And he says, "Yes, sir. "
And I said, "Well, in that case,
"you owe me $2,378.87
"because I just seen this slip. "
He knows I got him.
He starts cursing and swearing,
so I just put the twitch to him.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
He's jumping up and down and hollering,
"Calf rope, calf rope. "
So I let him go,
and he points to this bottom drawer,
opens it up
and sure enough, there it all was.
I'll tell you one thing.
You know what that banker would've done
- if you hadn't found that slip?
- What?
He would've squawked his head off
that he was robbed of it all anyway.
Yes, sir, those bankers got cash
stashed all over that bank,
and every night
they're just praying to get robbed.
(THUDDING)
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
BOWIE:
Jesus Christ, what'd you all see?CHICAMAW:
Well, there was something
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