Thirty Day Princess

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

- Do I have to?

- Every half hour, Mr. Gresham.

How long have you been

gurgling this brew?

Since I was three months old.

Don't tell me you had the gout

when you were three months old.

- You are Mr. Gresham?

- Yeah.

- The big international banker?

- Not so loud.

We don't boast about

being bankers these days.

- We're all in the dog house.

- What do you do there?

Well, let it pass,

let it pass.

- What line are you in?

- Again, please?

- What do you do for a living?

- For a living? Oh, well, I...

Have you not seen me on

the postage stamps? I am the King.

You know, Anatol XII.

- Oh, Your Majesty...

- Don't get up, don't get up.

- How do you do.

- How do you do.

I admire your great country much,

Mr. Gresham.

I have always wanted to go.

My favorite character, he lives there.

- Who's that?

- Buffalo Bill.

I'm afraid he doesn't live there

anymore.

Well, we are here today,

and tomorrow where are we?

Search me.

I'm a stranger in these parts.

I find always unbelievable,

Mr. Gresham,

that in your country

the peasants have the electric lights,

the telephone, the hot water.

Sure, Your Majesty.

Only we don't call them peasants there.

If only I could do that for my people.

The hot water.

Well, why don't you?

We are so poor, so very poor.

The electric lights...

Why don't you float a little loan?

I don't see why we couldn't arrange

a bond issue, if it weren't too big.

- You are serious?

- Well, why not?

You have plenty of

natural resources here

and what's more important,

you're an honest people.

That, yes.

It is almost a vice.

Well, it's a pretty good vice

as vices go.

- How much would Your Majesty need?

- 100 million tarondas.

How much is that in 59 cent dollars?

In figures that are round,

less or more...

- $5 million?

- What?

- Impossible. Out of the question.

- I was afraid so.

- How much do you think, perhaps?

- Not a penny less than 50 million.

- Tarondas?

- Dollars.

$50 million?

Why, I couldn't float anything smaller.

They wouldn't take it seriously.

- There's only one trouble.

- I thought there would be.

- We need a front.

- A how?

A front, a showcase.

Someone to make America conscious

that your kingdom exists.

Why, don't they even know that?

Begging Your Majesty's pardon,

most of our people would probably think

it was a mythical kingdom.

- Sometimes I think so myself.

- We love pomp over there.

Uniforms, costumes,

plumes and palaces.

- We love crowns.

- They give me a headache.

You're the man to go to America.

You'd roll them in the aisles.

Of course, you couldn't get away

with anything like this.

I cannot go, anyway. If I went out

they might not let me in again.

They might have a new face

on the postage stamps.

- Is that a fact?

- It's no fun being a king anymore.

Isn't there anyone you could send

in your place?

(HORN HONKING)

Tony.

This is Mr. Gresham, my pet,

the famous American banker.

My daughter,

Catterina Theodora Margherita,

but we call her Zizzi.

She calls me Tony.

How do you do, Mr. Gresham.

Tony, may I have some money

to go to the cinema?

They play an American film

about gangers.

Well, why don't you get Nicholaus

to take you?

Count Nicholaus is

my daughter's fianc.

How many times have I told you,

he is not my fianc.

Oh, well, it has not been

officially announced.

- You see, she does not like him much.

- I do not like him even so little.

Catterina Theodora Margherita!

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

I know, Tony.

It is for the good of our country.

We need this alliance

with the House of Dohenberg.

It is my duty

as the Crown Princess.

Some day I suppose

I will have to marry him.

Excuse me, Mr. Gresham,

these family matters.

I'm sorry.

Can I have now the money

to go to the cinema?

I must have left my purse

at the baths.

Could I have an advance

of three tarondas on the loan?

That would be... 15 cents.

The perfect front.

(HORN BLOWING)

"The thieves of Wall Street

are again stalking their prey.

"Gorged with the blood of the poor,

the wolves are howling for more."

Say, how do you like that?

Your father preferred tigers

in that connection.

My father, eh? You've been with us

a long time, Hackett.

30 years with Madison I and Madison II,

and a year with you, Madison III.

Well, let me read you

some more of this.

- Where was I?

- The wolves were howling.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, it goes on.

"Beware, Mr. Citizen,

of the Greshams and their kind.

"Beware of foreign bonds that are not

worth the paper they're written on.

"Foreign flypaper,

that's what these bonds are."

Hey, you know,

that's a pretty neat touch there,

that "foreign flypaper,"

don't you think?

I wouldn't know. I encounter

so many neat touches.

Well, this'll put a damper

on Gresham's Taronian bonds.

Are you sure they ought to have

a damper put on them?

Maybe they're good bonds.

No, they couldn't be

with that crook Gresham handling them.

Say, I've been waiting for a chance

to get that big windbag.

Now, spread that across the front page

under my signature.

Get the editorial writers on the job,

and dig up statistics.

You know how to run

a big campaign, don't you?

I made Lincoln free the slaves.

Will you say a few words

to the American public, Princess?

- But surely. In here?

- That's it.

Dear American friends,

forgive me if I speak bad,

as I am not accustomed

to making speeches in English.

But it is with great joy

that I step for the first time

on the soil of your

so beautiful country.

MAN:
Get a little nearer

the mike, Princess.

PRINCESS:
My country, it is very small,

but also it is very nice.

Here comes the old oil.

We should know each other better.

And the purpose of my visit is

to more strongly cement our friendship.

Sure, cement.

50 million bucks worth.

When I leave,

I hope I will take away with me

the affection

of your so great country.

And the 50 million fish.

It has been a great privilege

to speak to...

MAN:
Grab her, quick.

What's the matter? What's the matter?

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

It is nothing.

Only the emotion.

Already for two days,

Her Highness has had a slight fever.

You had me worried there

for a moment.

Do not for an instant be concerned.

We Taronians are strong people.

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

And steam the society editors

up into making a big splash.

That's right.

Mumps.

Moomps?

Mumps.

Mumps?

Oh!

Oh, it's nothing to worry about.

- She'll be all right in a month.

- A month? 30 days?

Some months have 31.

Well, we can kiss it goodbye, Baron.

Farewell forever.

You and your strong people!

I will go, me, myself

on the grand tour

and to all the receptacles.

Baron, your legs aren't

the right shape.

What we need is a princess.

In Taronia, we do not

manufacture princesses

like you manufacture

the automobile.

Manufacture...

Listen, Doc, not a word

about the mumps.

I've got an idea.

People come in twos in this world

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