This Happy Breed Page #9

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coughing her heart out in the vestry.

It was only three months after that

she was taken.

- That's right.

- I should be lucky if I last out another year.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

I don't suppose anybody would mind much.

There's many as might say it was

a blessing in disguise, I shouldn't wonder.

Now then, Mother, none of that.

Dr. Spearman said my heart

was thoroughly worn out...

ever since that bronchitis

I had in February.

Dr. Spearman.

He's a lot better than your Dr. Lewis

any day of the week.

If it hadn't been for him having

presence of mind...

Mrs. Spooner would be

as dead as a doornail this very minute.

That's what you say.

At 11:
00 she was doing her shopping.

She was putting the joint

in the oven at 12:00.

A nice bit of leg of lamb it was too.

And at half past 1:00,

she was in the hospital...

lying flat on her back on the operating table.

And if it hadn't been

for Dr. Spearman -

I wonder what's happened to that car.

It's getting on, you know.

Shall I go out and have a look?

There's no need to do that.

It'll turn up in a minute.

I had those pains again in the night, Ethel.

Something terrible, they were.

- Started about 2:00.

- It's all those sweets you eat.

There's nothing like sweets

for giving you wind.

It was not wind!

- Morning, Queen.

- [Vi] Hello, Queenie.

Hello, all. It's nearly 10 to,

and if that car's not here soon, I'm going.

I've got to be on time to meet

Marjorie and Doreen Weaver.

[Ethel] Well, if it doesn't come soon,

we can walk. It's only just up the road.

I do wish everybody would stop fussing.

It gives me the pip.

It shouldn't have taken Reg and Billy more

than three or four minutes to go there.

I'm sure I hope nothing dreadful's

happened to them.

Oh, Granny, what could have?

Accidents will happen.

Some people seem to think

of nothing but horrors.

Morbid, that's what it is.

I'll thank you not to call me names,

Sylvia Gibbons.

You make me tired.

Now don't answer back, Sylvia.

It'll only mean a row.

I'm sure I don't want to say

anything to anybody - but really.

Pity you don't keep quiet then.

Who are you to talk to me like that?

I've had about enough of your nagging!

Ah, shut up, Sylvia.

You know it's no good arguing with her.

I don't know any such thing!

I tell you, I'm sick of it!

Morning, noon and night it's the same thing!

She's at me all the time, and I won't stand it.

I've got as much right to be

in this house as she has.

Just because she's old and pretends her heart's

weak, she thinks she can say what she likes.

I tell you one thing here and now,

and that is I've had enough trouble...

and sorrow and suffering in my life

without having to put up with...

her eternal, nagging

and nasty insinuations!

She's nothing but a spiteful,

mischief-making old cat!

If I have any more of it, old as she is...

I'll slap her face till her teeth rattle!

[Sobbing]

- Just you try!

- Now come on, Mother, keep calm!

[All Shouting At Once]

I'm dying a painful death,

and I won't spend another night...

under the same roof with her.

It's back! It's back! The car's back!

Now come on, Mother.

It's time to go to the church.

- Come on, Granny. You come with me.

- I'm all right.

You'd better, dear. You know what you are,

and it's quite a long service.

Well, take her to the outside one, Vi.

It's quicker.

I tell you I'm all right!

Come on, everybody!

The driver says he's got a funeral at 12:30!

Oh, shut up, Edie!

[Sobbing Continues]

Me boa. Me feather boa, it's gone.

- I've lost me boa.

- I'll get it!

[Baby Crying]

[Children Shouting]

[Children Chattering]

[Rain Trickling]

[Switch Clicks]

[Floorboard Creaks]

[Bell Clanging In Distance]

[Clock Chiming]

[Chiming Continues]

[Door Closes]

[Rain Falling]

Heaven help poor sailors

on a night like this.

- Where's the light?

- Over by the door.

Oh.

It's lucky this was open. We'd have woke up

Ethel if we'd come in by the front.

Here we are.

Psst!

[Groans Softly]

- Now then.

- Now then what?

One more nightcap.

You won't half have a thick head

in the morning.

- Well, how about you?

- I'm past caring, old man.

That's right.

Say when.

Hey, hey, hey. Go easy.

Hold it while I put the soda in.

Your eyes look terrible - all swimmy.

Never you mind about my eyes.

Yours don't look so good from here.

[Laughs]

- Oh, dear.

- [Mutters]

Now I've wetted my Victoria Cross.

- Don't you wish you had one?

- Eh, a fat lot of good it had done me if I had.

I'd like to take this opportunity

of saying...

that my old regiment

is the finest in the world.

Next to the East Surreys, it is.

Here's to the Buffs.

Here's to the East Surreys.

Ah!

And, uh, your old regiment's

the finest in the world too.

That's right.

Here's to the East Surreys.

Here's to the Buffs.

Here. What was that one that chap told us

about the couple in the park?

[Both Laughing]

Shut up. You'll start me off.

Heh, that little so-and-so, he can't half

tell 'em, and no mistake about it.

You know, it's not so much what he says

as the way he says it.

Dry, you know. That's what he was. Dry.

- That reminds me.

- What?

One more.

- Hey, hey, go easy.

- Go on. It will do you the world of good.

[Groans]

[Mutters]

We won't half look silly

if Ethel catches us.

Well, it's me own house, isn't it?

I can do as I like in it.

An Englishman's home is his castle.

Hmm.

- Bungo.

- Bungo.

Hey. Have you heard from Billy lately?

Yes. He writes once a week.

He's in Malta now.

Good old Billy. He's a fine boy.

You know, I haven't said much about it,

but I've often thought...

that maybe Billy and Queenie

might one day -

Ah, Queenie. She gives me a headache -

all her airs and graces.

A good hiding's what she needs.

That wouldn't be any use.

Girls get like that.

No doing anything with them.

I think Billy'd stick to her

whatever she did.

How do you mean?

He just loves her, that's all.

It's funny, isn't it? Having kids

and seeing what they grow up like.

Hmm. I'll have to be

pushing off in a minute.

Here. Have one more for the road.

The road? I've only got three yards to go.

Yeah, well, we don't have a binge like this

every day of the week.

[Chuckles]

Ah, it's a strange world, no mistake.

You know what I was thinking tonight,

looking at all those chaps in the old regiment?

One or two of them

looked a bit under the weather.

Yeah. We've been lucky.

You said it.

I wonder when the next war will be.

Not in our time -

or our sons' time, thank heavens.

I wouldn't bank on that.

How could there be?

Everyone's disarming.

We are.

Well, there's the good old

League of Nations.

[Chuckles] Well, they don't seem to have

stopped Japan turning nasty.

Japan! Who worries about Japan?

Nice, long way off, that's one thing.

Yeah, well, a lot of trouble can start

from a long way off.

Nah. Don't you worry your head

about Japan.

We've got a nice new government now...

and everything in the garden's lovely.

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