This Is England Page #7

- Can we go to the chicken factory?

- Just f***ing do it.

- What shall I put?

Anything. Put anything you want.

WOMAN:
F***ing bastards!

Don't f***ing come back,

you f***ing little whore!

- F*** off.

(Combo chuckles)

Go on. On your own.

Yeah, f*** off, you Paki bastards!

- F*** off.

- Go on, son!

Hey-hey!

COMBO:
Look at these

little f***ing sewer rats. Look.

F***ing vermin.

Oi!

COMBO:
Now, that's our ball now.

Right? And we're playing here.

So, I suggest you take f***ing

Tweedledum and Tweedledee

and f*** off home.

If I see you on my streets again...

...I'll slash you.

And it'll be a hundred times

f***ing worse.

- All right?

- Yeah.

Now run home,

cos Mummy's cooking curry. Go on.

Meggy!

Get in goal, Gadge.

Have a look in there.

- Is that for me?

- Yeah.

We need to fly that with pride.

See you tonight, Woody.

Hey, Meggy, how do you spell "off"?

Is it one "f" or two?

Meggy, one "f" or two?

(Bell dings)

Get me... a hundred fags,

two bottles of wine, a bottle of whisky,

and ten cans of lager now.

You know what you're gonna have?

Nothing.

What?

You know you're not supposed

to be here. Go. Out.

Just f***ing get 'em, you Paki bastard!

What did you say?

Get them, you filthy Paki bastard.

Right, that's it.

- Just... Wait till I just...

(Shaun laughs)

Get off!

- Get out!

- What's going on, mate? Problem?

He's been calling me a Paki bastard.

Open the door.

Get your f***ing hands off him now!

F***ing hands off him!

Take what you want, kid.

Take the f***ing whisky and the ciggies.

Oi, oi!

Go on, lads, get the gear.

Come on. Everything.

Come on, hurry up, don't f*** about.

What are you f***ing doing?

- I'm having a sh*t.

- Oh, for f***'s sake, man!

- Put your arse away.

SHAUN:
You bastard.

Come on, hurry up. Get the stuff, mate.

For f***'s sake, we need booze

and fags for tonight, lads. Come on.

F***ing hell, Gadge, could you get

any more f***ing sweets, man?

F***ing hell.

- Put 'em in the car.

- Come on.

Paki!

SHAUN:
Yeah, Paki.

Picking on a kid, mate? F***ing hell.

Picking on a f***ing kid, was you?

- Eh?

- Take what you want and go.

Shut up! I'm talking.

I'm your f***ing size. F*** with me.

You've got what you want. Just go now.

Don't you f***ing dare backchat me,

cos I will slay you now where you f***ing

stand, you f***ing Paki c*nt.

Right?

You listen to f***ing me!

That f***ing kid's dad died

for this f***ing country.

What have you f***ing done for it?

F*** all, but take f***ing jobs

off decent people.

Now, listen, son, listen good.

We'll be back here whenever we want,

right, cos this is f***ing ours now.

This is ours, this, f***ing Sandhu.

Don't forget that. Any f***ing time.

And clean the place up.

It f***ing stinks of curry.

F***ing stinks.

Reeks of the f***ing sh*t.

What yous doing, boys?

Get in the f***ing car, will you?

Get in the f***ing car!

You've got the f***ing keys.

(Laughter)

Get in the f***ing car now.

Look at my f***ing arse!

Get in the f***ing car. Hurry up!

MEGGY:
This is a very posh area.

BANJO:
What did you say

her dad did for a living, Gadget?

- Works on the oil rigs.

- F***ing hell.

MEGGY:
I fancy some posh totty.

COMBO:
Which one is it?

- The one with the balloons.

BANJO:
Here.

F***ing hell.

MEGGY:
Put the brakes on.

COMBO:
That'll do us, won't it?

SHAUN:
I can't wait to see Smell.

- So, Smell, you're finally legal.

- Yeah.

Not that it ever made a difference.

(Laughter)

- Ready? Three...

- Wait, wait.

Come on. Wait there. Are we all here?

COMBO:
Right.

(Knocks on door)

- Smell, get us a drink.

MILKY:
I've had chronic pains.

- Strippers!

- Constipation.

- Someone at the door!

- Stop now, yeah?

Hi, lad.

- Hello.

- Woody! Woody!

SHAUN:
Hello-o-o.

- Hello-o-o.

- Hello-o-o.

Hello-o-o.

# Happy...

# Happy...

# Happy...

# Happy...

# Happy birthday

# Happy birthday

# Happy birthday

# Happy birthday

Happy birthday, Smell!

(Lads laugh)

GADGET:
It was better in the car.

Woo! Well, I'm gonna get off.

Past my bedtime and there's a...

I've got to tape summat on aardvarks.

- You're not going, are you?

SHAUN:
Woody, stay.

- Are you coming, Milk?

- Yeah, mate.

Please, Woods, man, don't go.

Oh, no, it's nothing personal

with you, mate.

I'm just gonna get off.

Come on, Wood. F***ing hell,

I've brought booze and everything.

Can't we bury the hatchet?

I know what you've come for, man.

I'd rather get off, like.

It's this thing on aardvarks,

I'm really eager to watch it.

Come on, then, let's have you.

Come on, let's have you, folks.

You have a good birthday, you,

all right, lovey?

Sorry to be missioning it off.

Nice one, mate.

You look after yourself, you.

- Bye, Woody.

- See you, Tubby.

Bye, Milky.

- Bye, Pob.

- See you later, folks.

- Come on, Puke.

- See you later, Puke.

You're a twat, mate!

You're a f***ing w...

See you later. Have a good night.

- (Laughter)

MEGGY:
If only you knew.

Happy birthday, Smell.

- Smell!

- What's that?

Porno?

What are you giving her porno for,

Meggy?

She's a woman.

She's got her own nipples.

I thought she might like it.

Smell, are you ready?

The er... magicians.

- Are you ready?

- Yeah.

SHAUN AND COMBO:

Three... two... one.

BOTH:
Alakazam! Yeah!

- Alaka... Alakazam.

- Alakazam.

Wahey!

Happy birthday, Smell.

- Happy...

- (Laughter)

- Happy birthday.

- Thanks.

- Do you want me to put it on the table?

- Yeah, please.

- Here you are. Put that on the table.

- Cheers, love, thanks.

You don't mind us coming, do you, Smell?

It's just...

My little man, here, wanted to surprise you

on your birthday and all that.

Happy birthday, Smell.

Do you think my party's going all right?

It's been all right, yeah.

Better if Woody was here.

Yeah, I know, man.

I don't know why they left.

They just kind of got up and went.

I don't think Woody was standing

any of it from Combo.

I mean, I don't know what's going on

with those two,

but there's some real tension.

I can sense some real tension

between them.

Was you happy when you saw me?

Yeah.

I liked it when you gave me that cake.

I thought it was cool.

Did you make it?

Yeah.

- You didn't, did you?

- No.

I didn't think you did.

Did you buy it?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, you bought it.

But what did you think to the other night?

Yeah.

Do you know what I'm on about?

In the shed and stuff.

Yeah, that was...

It was all right, yeah.

Did you not think much to it?

Oh, yeah.

It was really nice.

You know when I asked you

to suck my tits and stuff,

I just thought

that you weren't that into it.

I only didn't suck your tits

cos I've never done it before.

I thought you'd seen a pair of tits

in Germany or summat.

No, I've seen a pair of tits, but...

I didn't suck 'em.

Oh.

Right.

That's why then, isn't it?

It's not cos you didn't want to or anything?

Yeah, I just...

Cos I bet you've had

loads of boys doing it and...

I felt a bit embarrassed

just in case I couldn't do it.

Rate this script:4.0 / 3 votes