![Find This Is Where I Leave You on Amazon](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjkzNzQ2NDMyNl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMTY3MTcxMjE@._V1_SX300.jpg)
This Is Where I Leave You
Morning, Randy. Hi.
- Morning. Morning.
- Good morning.
Shelby. Caramel mocha.
Judd. You rock.
Thank you. I do rock, don't I?
- Judd.
- Wade.
Aw. Hydration.
It's gonna get me through.
- You ready?
- Let's do it.
Now, I understand you're telling me that
you think it's gay to groom your privates.
Now, are you having one of your buddies
help you run the razor?
- Is that what's making it gay?
- Ha-ha-ha.
Man Up. What do you got?
Now we got an NBA wife that's gonna
be suing her power-forward husband...
...for half of everything
because he cheated on her.
Now, here's the story, toots.
Hold and turn down your radio, please.
...Destroying dudes in the paint.
Foot and a half of rope in his pants.
I am sending it in to him. If
he likes it, he'll pick up the phone.
You don't get to be shocked when he gets
road tail in Cleveland at an away game.
Stop chasing 10s.
Bang a 4, bang a 5.
Look at the gratitude on their face.
You be the best part of their year.
Order like a man.
Can you do us all that favor?
Get yourself a bourbon or a whiskey neat.
Then why did you vote for him?!
Why did you vote for him?! No one made you!
Did you get paid?!
- Did someone give you $500?!
- Ha-ha-ha.
Wade, great show. Can we go over
some syndication numbers, pal?
Can we not do that now? I'm wiped, man.
Gotta get home and take a nap.
I'll call you. Okay?
Yeah, great. You go home. Get some rest.
I'll consolidate these for you.
How'd it turn out?
- She's gonna love it.
- Nice. Thank you for that.
How soon can you get me out of here?
Financials at 1.
I can have you home early by 3.
- Promise?
- Promise.
Quinn?
Quinn.
Approachin' hoochies with a passion
- Come on, baby, come on. F***! Quinn!
- Aah!
- Oh, yeah, yeah!
- Oh!
- Oh, sh*t!
- Harder! Yeah!
Wade! Wade! Yeah! Unh!
Would now be a great time to go over
those numbers?
Oh, my God!
- How long?
- Judd.
- How long?!
- A year.
This is the first time.
On our sides.
How long?
A year, Judd.
It's not a good time, Wendy.
Dad's dead.
What?
He died about an hour ago.
No, no, no. Hang on.
They said that he had more time.
Yeah, well, apparently he didn't.
Sh*t. How's Mom?
She's Mom. You know. She asked me
how much to tip the nurses.
Listen, there's something else:
Dad wants us to sit Shiva.
Dad's dead.
Yeah. Apparently that's the optimal time
to do it.
I asked them three times to remove this awful
tube. I mean, give the man his dignity.
I don't understand the Shiva.
Mom's not even Jewish,
and Dad was an atheist.
A Jewish atheist.
And this is what he wanted.
I'm just gonna do it myself.
No. It's okay, Mom. Let the nurses do it.
What am I gonna do? Kill him?
Mommy, leave it!
I don't know, Judd. This is what he told Mom
he wanted. And Paul is on board with it.
And I haven't managed to track down Phillip
yet. Hopefully, he'll check his texts.
Okay.
Jesus, f***, Mom!
It's better, don't you think?
Mommy, put him down. Stop touching him.
- Judd.
- Hi, Mom.
Where's Quinn, honey?
She's got a bulging disk
because of a gym accident.
- My God. Is she all right?
- She's fine.
The doctors have her on pain medication.
She was devastated she couldn't be here.
- No, of course.
- There he is, huh?
- Mm.
- It's okay to cry, honey.
- Thank you.
- Or laugh.
- There's no correct response.
- Okay.
I thought maybe I would just stand here
quietly in sad reflection. You know?
- Linda.
- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hey, Paul.
- Judd. How are you?
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hey, Judd. Hi.
Hello. Look at this.
Hi, sis. Got your hands full, huh?
- A bulging disk? Seriously?
- Yep.
You have to tell Mom about Quinn.
I'm not ready yet.
It's the b*obs. She had a little touch-up.
She's going on another book tour.
Twenty-fifth anniversary of Cradle and All.
- God help us. Hey, Barry. Hey, pal.
- Just send the last iteration.
- Seriously? Pay attention.
- Whoa. What, are you kidding me?
Say hello to your brother-in-law.
He's bereaved.
- Sorry, I didn't see you.
- Good to see you.
- What's up, little man?
- Mommy said "sh*t" in the car.
- "Sh*t"?
- Yeah.
- Oh. Have you been drinking all day?
- Yeah.
So we started out with a little booze
and profanity, Mom?
Good morning, everybody.
Mort Altman was not a fan of ritual.
So, in deference to him, I'm gonna
limit myself to a single psalm.
Okay?
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down...
Shut 'em down, open up shop
He maketh me
to lie down in green pastures.
Sh*t! Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.
Sh*t.
Sh*t.
Excuse me. Excuse me. Hey, Mr. Parker.
- Mommy.
- Phillip. You came.
Of course I came.
Hey, hey. Low five, low five, low five.
Koala Bear. Hey.
- Hey, man.
- How you doing?
- Nice ride.
- Yeah. Where's Quinn?
- Are we all set? Do you mind if I keep going?
- Holy sh*t.
Sorry, Boner.
- No, Charlie. Rabbi Grodner.
- Shh.
Nobody calls me "Boner" anymore.
That was a childhood nickname.
So now we know that.
Um...
Apologies.
Paul, Mort's eldest son,
will now say a few words.
Boner is a man of God now?
- That'll never stop being weird.
- Shh. Come on.
I see Mom's new tits are present
and accounted for.
- How about those?
- Hey.
Sorry.
Dad would've hated this funeral.
That's just one of the things I loved
about him.
He would've been counting the minutes
till he could go down the hill...
...turn on the game, heh...
...and then he just would've talked
about how full of sh*t everybody was, heh.
They didn't really miss him.
And he would've been wrong.
We do miss him.
Hey, man.
- Hi, son.
- Hey, Mom.
Hey, Sunflower.
Hey, Horry.
Hey, Horry.
- Yeah.
Thanks, buddy. How you doing?
Living the dream.
Yeah. Good to see you.
Oh, no.
No, no, Mom, you gotta be kidding me.
- It's actually more comfortable than it looks.
- I doubt that.
Wendy's kids are in Paul's room,
so I gave your room to Paul.
Nice.
Annie's ovulating,
and I figured they could use the privacy.
Yeah. Well...
Paul and Annie only live about a half hour
away. How come they have to sleep here?
I want all my kids under one roof again.
Obviously, when Quinn gets here,
we'll make different arrangements.
- But this is okay, right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- It's good.
- Be fine.
- Okay.
- Come up soon.
- Okay.
Visitors'll be here any minute.
Judd, it's starting!
You're shitting us, right?
They're Shiva chairs. You sit low
to the ground as a sign of mourning.
That's why they're like that.
- Don't some people sit Shiva for three days?
- I've seen that. That's a thing.
- It's not a thing.
- Maybe that could be our thing.
- It can't be.
- They do it in California. We could pioneer that.
Nobody here's gonna pioneer it.
The word "Shiva" is Hebrew for "seven."
Seven days, no work, no travel. Your ass
is in those seats. Those are the rules.
I'd love to find the word for "three."
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"This Is Where I Leave You" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 6 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/this_is_where_i_leave_you_21801>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In