Three Kings Page #4

GENERAL PYE:

This is not the way we service the

media, Major. Stop her --

WHIP PAN TO Cathy runs away as she dresses, MPs grab her.

MP:

You are in violation of code 37D,

grinding Major Gates.

They let her go. Soldiers in gas suits laugh.

ARCHIE GATES:

You guys have no manners

whatsoever --

Bill Smithson runs up, agitated.

BILL SMITHSON:

I told you he was with her --

GENERAL PYE:

We're handling this, OK?

The MP pushes Smithson away.

BILL SMITHSON:

I wanted help with the gold story,

and he took off on me--

ARCHIE GATES:

That's a lot of bullshit.

Smithson is walked away. Archie pulls his pants up.

GENERAL PYE:

I give you a prestige job in the

media war of the century and the

guy feels neglected.

ARCHIE GATES:

I'm helping him plenty with his

big celebration feature -- Where

did you get this f***ing star?

Archie suddenly reaches out and grabs the corner of General

Horn's collar, with its one star.

GENERAL HORN:

They made me a general, pal.

ARCHIE GATES:

For what? I don't even know what

we did over here, but Schwartzkopf

gets a book deal, you get a star,

Powell gets to be f***ing

president--

GENERAL HORN:

Are you high? This is a huge win

for us.

ARCHIE GATES:

Running the press pool's a real

big win for me.

GENERAL PYE:

You want us to kill more Americans

to occupy Iraq?

ARCHIE GATES:

I'm just saying it's ironic,

that's all.

GENERAL HORN:

What the f*** is ironic?

ARCHIE GATES:

We got the biggest army in the

world here but Iraq still has the

d-bag dictator in power, but

that's how the world works I guess.

GENERAL PYE:

Just take care of Smithson and

maybe he'll hook you up to consult

on movies.

GENERAL HORN:

It's either that or be a security

guard when you retire.

ARCHIE GATES:

F*** you, Ron.

GENERAL HORN:

I'm a general now, you can't say

f*** you to me.

ARCHIE GATES:

OK, sir, but there's another thing

I'd like to say, if you don't mind.

GENERAL HORN:

Go right ahead, Colonel.

Archie leans wild-eyed into Horn's face and whispers --

ARCHIE GATES:

Fuuuuuck yooouuuu, Ronnnnn.

INT. CAPTAIN'S TENT - DAY

SPLASH -- rubbing alcohol is poured over Vig's extended hand

by DOC ELGIN, 25, stocky, black, no nonsense.

TROY:

You've washed your hands like a

thousand times, Conrad.

VIG:

Lord knows what vermin live in the

butt of a dune koon.

DOC:

Why do you let this cracker follow

you around?

TROY:

He's a good kid.

DOC:

He's a wall-eyed cracker.

TROY:

He's got no high school, man, he's

from a group home in Jackson --

DOC:

I don't give a sh*t if he's from

Johannesburg. I don't want to hear

dune koon or sand n*gger from him

or anybody.

VIG:

Captain uses those terms.

TROY:

The point is, Conrad, 'towel head'

and 'camel jockey' are perfectly

good substitutes.

DOC:

Exactly.

VIG:

I'm sorry, man, it's a little

confusing is all.

DOC:

What can I do for your headache?

Doc Elgin opens a case full of pill bottles.

TROY:

Got any Vicadan?

DOC:

All gone. How about Caffergot?

TROY:

Excellent. Let's translate my

Iraqi ass map.

Troy pops the pills, Doc pulls a document from a folder and

opens it as he hovers over a table with Troy and Vig.

TROY:

Van Meter's at the big pow wow?

DOC:

We're cool for at least three

hours, but keep Walter on the door.

Walter stands by the door wearing night vision goggles.

TROY:

Would you take those f***ing

things off?

WALTER:

I never got to use night vision.

TROY:

They don't work during the day and

stand outside the tent.

Doc unfolds a big aerial-photo map of the Iraqi desert, next

to the rumpled ass map.

DOC:

These are definitely Saddam's

bunkers near Karbala.

TROY:

What's inside?

DOC:

According to Intelligence --

Picasso, Armani, Rolex, Mercedes,

Sony you name it -- Kuwait was

Muslim Beverly Hills and Saddam

sacked it.

VIG:

Man, get an awesome stereo system

with like ten BOS speakers --

TROY:

Silver Lexus convertible.

DOC:

Lexus doesn't make a convertible.

TROY:

Yes, they do.

DOC:

Infiniti has one coming.

TROY:

You're wrong.

DOC:

You can't get a car home from here

anyway.

TROY:

If I get enough Rolexes I could

buy one when I got home.

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