Three Little Words

Where did you get that girl?

Oh, you lucky devil

Where did you get that girl?

Tell me on the level

Have you ever kissed her?

If she has a sister

Lead me, lead me

Lead me to her mister

Gee, I wish that I had a girl

I'd love her, I'd love her

Oh, goodness, how I'd love her

If you can find another

I'll take her home to Mother

Where? Where?

Where did you get that girl?

Five bows and an encore.

Not bad for a Tuesday night, huh?

They loved you, Jess.

Come on, I'll buy you a steak.

Hey, wait. I wanna watch

Mendoza's opening trick.

- What, again?

- Hi, Jess.

Bert, big news.

I just closed the deal for you.

Eighty weeks solid

on the Orpheum time.

Two seasons straight.

How do you like that?

Watch this. It's terrific.

Here's your new song.

Hot off the presses.

"'Where Did You Get That Girl? '

Words by Bert Kalmar...

...co-author of 'Hello, Hawaii,'

'Oh! What a Pal Was Mary."'

- Am I an agent?

- Yeah, yeah. Now, look.

- Hey, what's going on?

- Magic is going on.

Come in.

- Oh, I thought you'd be dressed by now.

- Jess, listen. Come here.

I've got a great idea,

an opening for the new act.

I come out in one, see?

I'm a magician.

- Oh, a magician.

- Yeah.

I'm in a full dress suit,

medals on my chest...

...maybe a mustache

and a little goatee.

Yes, I adore little goatees.

And you come on as my assistant.

I hand you my gloves...

Hey, wait a minute.

- You're not walking out on me, are you?

- Not yet.

- What you open the door for?

- Because I'm a nice girl, Mr. Kalmar.

And a nice girl

always leaves the door open.

You know, we could fix all that

so you won't have to worry about doors.

We could get married.

I'd like that.

Maybe someday

when you're not so rushed, Bert.

So you don't have to propose

in short pants.

Listen, Jess, I'm not kidding.

Neither am I.

You're too busy, Bert.

A big headliner, important songwriter.

A magician.

Now you're writing a play.

You want to be everything

in show business all at once.

And I just want to be a wife.

You couldn't light in one spot

long enough for the ceremony.

Okay, Jess.

But if you ever do decide to marry me,

you'll speak right up, won't you?

You'll be the first to know.

Thanks, Jess.

Well, what about that magic idea?

Well, what's the matter?

- Just a couple of tricks for an opening?

- And for a finish, you saw me in half.

Next thing you know,

you'll be doing a single.

"Kalmar The Magnificent."

Maybe you think I couldn't.

- Maybe I'll surprise you.

- Nothing you did would surprise me.

You know, sometimes I think

you'd rather be a bad magician...

...than a good actor.

- How do I look?

- Beautiful.

- Do I need a flower?

- What for?

I think I need a flower.

- Pretty fancy, huh?

- Just wonderful.

- Telephone, Mr. Kalmar.

- Okay.

Be right back.

Clanahan's Paradise,

the best beer on the island.

See Kendall The Great,

miracles and marvels of magic.

And appearing on the stage right now,

The Four Little Boys in Gray.

Fifteen acts of...

Jimmy O'Leary said I've got a theory

She's different from all of your girls

She's not a queen

Like you see on the screen

And she ain't got

No diamonds or pearls

But she's mine, all mine

Giants 4, Philadelphia 2.

End of the seventh.

I told her I worked in a glue factory

And that's how she happened

To get stuck on me

- I'll take over.

- Thanks.

And she's mine, all mine

- Hey, Ruby.

- Yes, sir?

- Where you going?

- This is my supper hour.

I thought I'd go out for a catch.

Yeah? Well, take it on the hop

to dressing room four.

Kendall The Great needs an assistant.

Say, Mr. Clanahan, would you mind...

...if I asked one of the acts

to sing a song that I wrote?

It's called "On the Shores of Araby."

It goes like this:

I can't forget the night we met

On the shores of Araby

The moon lit up the sky

And love lit up your eyes

I kissed you once

I kissed you twice

As I held you gently

That night upon the shores of Araby

- I never...

- You wrote that?

Yes, sir. Words and music both.

Well, take it on the hop

to dressing room four.

Kendall The Great needs an assistant.

Yes, sir.

Come in.

Mr. Kendall?

Ebbetts Field is that way.

No, I'm your assistant.

Mr. Clanahan said.

Okay. Take those boxes backstage

and pile them up behind the drapes.

Yes, sir.

Now, when I'm on,

I'll give you signal like this:

Whenever you hear that

you take the top box...

...shove an animal through the hole in the

drapes and into the back of the table. Got it?

Animals, huh?

- I want them in just that order.

- Yeah.

Don't fool around with that goose.

He's vicious.

Well, they usually are.

Ladies and gentlemen,

since time began...

...man has placed his trust

in the witch doctor...

...the sorcerer and the voodoo.

Who dares to call them frauds?

Watch carefully, please.

Is this trickery or magic?

Now, I have here

a gentleman's ordinary silk hat.

As you can plainly see...

...there are no secret pockets

and no hidden springs.

I place the hat on the table.

Go on, get in there.

Go on, what are you waiting for?

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

the identical hat.

I'll fill it from this pitcher of water.

Like this.

Is this trickery or magic?

- Oh, look, a goose.

- Now, but don't go near him. He's vicious.

Look.

I would like your attention, please.

Watch carefully.

Now think of a card.

Any card in the deck.

A scientific exhibition

of mind over matter.

For my next deception,

I have here a little handkerchief...

What's going on...?

I'll be right back, Mr. Clanahan.

- You see a goose go by here?

- I saw a lot of them down there.

Watch carefully, please.

Ordinary hat. Ordinary drinking water.

I pour it in the hat like this:

Place it on my head like that.

- Where is he? Where is he?

- Just a minute, you.

That baseball player,

if I ever lay my hands on him...

Get out of my theater

and don't ever come back.

I ought to sue you

for that performance.

I ought to take you to court,

you small-time swami.

Oh, shut up.

- Hello.

- What are you doing here?

Charlie traced you for me.

Nice comedy routine, Bert.

That maniac in a baseball hat.

I was going great until then.

- I had them right there, I was killing them.

- Listen to him.

Every theater in the country

is waiting for Kalmar and Brown...

...but Kendall The Great is killing them

in Coney Island at 5 bucks a night.

What were you trying to prove?

That we ought to use magic in the act?

Not necessarily.

You know what magic is to me.

- It's a hobby. It relaxes me.

- You look relaxed.

Come in.

- Say, a couple of them got away.

- Get out of here!

Bert Kalmar.

That's Bert Kalmar, the songwriter.

Say, Mr. Clanahan, that's Bert Kalmar.

- I saw him at the Palace.

- Yeah. I heard you tell the rabbit.

I recognized him without his mustache.

Sure, sure. Here, son.

And don't look

for another job right away.

Just take a nice, long rest.

Thank you. Thank you.

Now, with your kind indulgence

we'd like to show you what happens...

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