Tigerland Page #3

to see a J.A.G. officer, sir...

...then under the uniform code

of military justice.. .

...l can file a complaint

with the inspector general.

And nobody can keep me.

Jesus Christ!

When did ''My country, right or wrong''

turn into ''F*** this''?

lt's Private Bozz, sir.

l can smell him from here.

No, sir, it wasn't Bozz.

l read it. In a book.

You read it? In a book?

Yes, sir.

How far did you get in school?

Almost sixth grade, sir.

l guess they study law early

where you come from.

Sir, if l may speak frankly.

You underestimate the harm

someone like Bozz can do.

He's bad for the Army, sir.

Haven't you heard? Everything's bad

for the Army these days. Even war.

Now drive your knee through his face.

Shove his brain through his ear. Good!

Thank you, sir.

What's your solution?

Sh*t-can him out of the Army?

Of course not. That's what he wants.

-Exactly.

-Court-martial him.

l guarantee he'll snap sh*t then.

Sergeant, you know we won't

court-martial him.

lt'll cost beaucoup dollars...

...and battalion will ask why l can't

keep one a**hole trainee in line.

Five weeks from now,

he'll be in the war.

And he'll soldier then, by God.

Good or bad. Sure as sh*t.

Maybe not. Got Cantwell out.

Two other guys from his squad.

Every son of a b*tch J.A.G. shrink

bleeding heart pissed down on us.

That's Bozz, sir.

X-ray vision for loopholes in the ARs.

Sergeant, we are losing a war.

The whole goddamn Army

is falling apart.

You want me to fiddle-f*** around

with one smart-ass barracks lawyer?

l think he's something more, sir.

-ls that all, sergeant?

-Yes, sir.

What the hell you doing, soldier?!

Goddamn it, Bozz!

You're supposed to strangle him,

not become his f*** buddy!

Yes, sergeant.

P*ssy-f***ing-coward.

What the f*** you looking at,

you bunch of no-nut sad sacks?

Get your little pussies back to work!

You try that again,

you're gonna be pissing blood, Bozz.

Now get those little pussies

back to work...

...you bunch of sad sack,

no-nut f***-ups!

Hey, Bozz, you did well by Cantwell.

He's two-stepping from the poorhouse

with a crazy wife. l envy him.

You saved his life.

Sh*t, sometimes when we talk,

my stomach hurts.

l don't care what you say.

You should feel good.

Good sh*t, p*ssy-f***ing-coward.

l won't be proud until Wilson's out.

l{now what would settle your ass?

A blanket party.

Put a blanket over you,

hit you with a rock.

Shut up, Wilson.

l'll stop this damn truck.

-Both of you can walk back--

-You bastard...

...you think you so damn smart.

l hear Northern boys

are the first to go in Vietnam.

Yeah, but at least

we can find it on a map.

Real f***ing funny, Pax.

Ain't nobody gonna die.

l{eep that talk to yourself.

Ain't nobody gonna die? Sh*t, Miter,

you're one damn dumb cracker.

When you go home, they'll call you

''Mr. No-Legs Motherf***er.''

-That any better?

-You watch yourself, mister.

l still got these stripes.

Acting sarge.

You're chicken without

that stripe down your back.

-l ain't seen a dink that can take me.

-Jesus, Wilson, you a dumb-f***.

Them motherfuckers

killed the Chinese ass.. .

...and the French ass.

They gonna kick ours.

-Who are you? ''Ask Mr. Negro Wizard''?

-My brother was there in '68.

Don't make you no hero.

You know what your problem is, Wilson?

You need to listen for the pop.

What's ''the pop,'' Johnson?

The sound you'll make when your head

exits your ass for the first time.

Damn, Johnson,

l know you a damn coward.

Now l believe you a damn communist.

Maybe a damn f*ggot alongside

being a goddamn n*gger.

-Oh, hell no!

-Ain't this some sh*t.

-Want a piece of me, chump?

-Get him!

-Get him!

-Get off of me.

Get off, motherf***er!

Come on!

That's enough.

Which one of you motherfuckers

killed my truck?

-Get off me, man!

-Get off!

All right, now, you truckload of sh*t.

Fess up, or the whole

damn drag-ass squad...

...does the airborne shuffle

six miles back to base.

Goddamn it, sh*t for brains!

Who did it?

l did it, sergeant.

Good. Come down here, boy.

And bring your sh*t!

Rest of you, sit your asses down.

Nobody saves anybody,

you stupid son of a b*tch.

What the f*** are you doing, man?

lt's not doing me any favors.

Charlie 6, this is Charlie 2.

Miter has properly demonstrated...

...the use of the TA-31 2 field radio.

Except for this,

which is not in the manual.

lf you ever catch Charlie...

...you might want info on where

the rest of his buddies is.

Only Charlie is a close-lipped

bastard who won't tell you f*** all.

That's why you tie his gook hands,

take down his gook pants...

...and grab his gook balls.

Here, Miter, hold these.

You pinch these clips on each

of his slant-eyed nuts...

...and you juice up the radio...

...that'll send enough shock so

he'll tell you anything you want.

Hell, he'll tell you

the minor league baseball scores.

-You read me?

-Yes, sergeant.

He'll tell you how his mother wipes

her ass if you give him this juice.

Not only that, you'll be able

to find him real easy next time.

Because he'll light up

the f***ing night.

No one said you could leave.

-Why?

-Why what?

Why would l do that

to another human being?

Brother's right.

What the f***'s wrong with you?

That's one of your men.

Get him back here, boy.

-Bozz!

-Go get him, boy.

Jesus, Bozz.

Don't do this to me.

Get back here,

you worthless sack of sh*t!

You can't control your own men,

it is your ass.

Drop trou.

-What?

-Drop trou!

Double-time, come on! Skivvies too.

Well, what do you know?

You do have a pair of balls after all.

Wilson, get over here.

Crank this thing.

We'll now demonstrate

the proper way.. .

...to give information

when connected to the TA-31 2.

See if you can tell me

why you can't control your men.

See if you light up tonight.

-Light him up.

-Shut the f*** up, Hicks.

Contact.

Never even touched you, son.

That's it. Class dismissed.

Go on to your next class.

Go on.

Go on!

Wilson, looks like we're having

roasted nuts tonight, huh?

l didn't know you

was so goddamn funny.

l can't wait to catch me a VC,

spark his balls off.

l'll start with you tonight, Miter.

Got this, Pax?

The crazed, sadistic soldier...

...who flips out and kills people.

l think l saw you look at

Miter's balls earlier.

Funny there, Bozz. Funny, yeah.

You're a disgrace to the uniform,

f***ing piece of sh*t!

Hey! Hey, what the f***?

Break it up, man!

Get the f*** up! Civilian bullshit!

What the hell is going on? Miter!

You better do some fast explaining

or your men in a world of hurt.

There was an argument...

-...and one of the men--

---Slipped on the soap in the shower.

Wrestling. It got out of hand.

lt happens when people live together,

f*** together.

Sorry, soldier, you must've

slipped on some soap yourself.

What's wrong with you?

Look like you ate some frozen sh*t

for breakfast.

Nothing's wrong, sergeant.

lt better stay that way,

you read me? All of you.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote