Time Out of Mind Page #6

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He fell on the tracks.

He was all diced and sliced up.

You know, it was interesting

'cause he lived in the subway.

On the E train, which is small.

Because the E train

stays underground.

They don't come up above ground.

$60,000 in his shoes,

in his sock.

He...

you don't get it.

The man didn't have to be

who he was.

He had all the help

he needed in his feet.

He didn't have to be homeless.

The disease told him

he was homeless.

The disease told him

that he wasn't worth anything.

Would you say something?

Anything!

Did you hear

what I was just saying?

Are you the idiot or am I?

Am I what?

Because I... it's what

I've been thinking about.

I've been feeling

for the last...

Yeah?

...10 years maybe

that I am...

...just one stupid, f***ing...

...loser of an idiot.

And I'd...

You know, uh, I'm just

not so sure anymore.

Am I homeless?

No, no, no, you just need...

Am I homeless? You're reduced,

on your way up, George, that's all...

I'm homeless. I'm homeless.

I don't have a home... No, you're not.

That's not what this is about.

I'm homeless.

I'm nobody. I... I don't exist.

We're reduced...

What do you mean we don't exist?

Oh, f***ing, we don't exist.

Maybe you don't exist.

I... I exist.

I'm gonna prove

to you that you...

...that they... they think

you're a f***ing clown.

You're a clown.

They think we're clowns.

We're cartoons.

I'm a clown now?

You and me are cartoons.

Okay.

Okay, I'm... okay,

I'm a cartoon.

I'm a little cartoon.

I will do some animated...

Woah, woah, a cartoon.

I'm animated.

I know who I am.

I am a cartoon.

Alright, look at me.

I am a cartoon.

Oh, oh, oh!

Hey, hey, you okay in there?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Da, da, da, da, da.

Hey, hey.

Wash your hands.

Wash your hands.

You should be working.

You should get your own place.

But you don't wanna.

Why? Why is that?

'Cause you're sick in the head.

You're not well.

You got no support system.

I mean, you... you got old

and, uh, you know, you love

this... this sauce too much.

You don't like yourself.

You're depressed.

You don't believe in yourself.

So what's society

supposed to do with you?

Why should they care?

It's all your fault...

If you keep talking

like this about me

I am going to hurt you.

Do you understand that?

I will hurt you, I swear.

I'm not talking about you.

I'm talking about myself.

Uh, do you guys, uh

do you guys want something

like rice and vegetables

Yeah, thank you.

Give me 1 minute, alright?

Sure thing, sure thing.

Hmm, vegans.

Kindest people on the planet.

Takes a man

who don't eat animals

to treat a human being right.

Sit on down.

We will stay a minute.

And don't you tell

those other f***ers

down in the... at the...

at the shelter about this, okay?

Uh-huh.

Oh!

I... I, uh, I'd play

but it's out of tune.

You know, it's just here

to decorate the place.

You know, class it up,

that sort of...

I don't believe you.

What?

You don't believe

it's out of tune?

I don't think you can play.

Is that so? I don't believe it.

I don't believe it at all.

Oh, oh, oh, so,

so I... I gotta play

or you're gonna... gonna hurt

me like you've been saying?

Is that it?

Is that... is that right?

Mm?

I'm sorry.

You sorry? You so...

Yeah.

Would you stop

f***ing apologizing?

I don't need you

to believe nothing.

You keep talking,

you just keep talking.

Yeah, I keep talking

'cause I know who I am...

No wonder nobody likes you.

Nobody likes me?

People don't like you.

No, they don't like you.

No.

Oh, it's, uh...

It's almost definitely

out of tune.

Ah! I told you.

Yeah, it's my dad's

from years ago. See.

No one's played in a while.

But, um, if you guys, uh...

If you guys can play,

by all means.

Tickle the ivories.

Oh, I can play.

I can play like the devil.

I don't need to prove

nothing to nobody.

You can't play.

You Marcus Junius Brutus.

You are Judas.

I am a musician.

I'm a damn good musician.

I don't hear you playing.

I don't hear it.

It's, uh, did you... did you

hear what the man just said?

The man just said

it's out of tune.

I said it's out of tune.

Would you get the damn wax

out of your ear?

It's out of tune.

Think about my reputation.

How can a great

jazz musician like me

Alright, okay.

Well, it's... it's all good.

Here, I... I made some rice.

I made some for the both of you.

I ain't giving him nothin'.

You two are like, uh, an old

married couple or something?

Oh, oh, oh, yeah,

I give you that.

I don't believe in gay marriage.

Or even straight marriage

either.

A man should be free

to have fun.

Marriage is... isn't

a God-given gift.

It's a life sentence.

That's what marriage is.

Finally, finally, finally, we

got some peace and quiet here.

Alright? Okay?

Give me. Can I... Oh, oh.

Thank you.

Oh!

Hmm.

...and we lost our insurance.

I lost my job.

I fell hard, long.

I started drinking.

Home, lost that.

And then...

then she died.

My... my daughter...

...was 12.

At that time, Maggie was 12.

She, um...

I couldn't...

I kind of went down

the rabbit hole.

Then I couldn't...

So she was raised

by her grandmother.

My wife's mother.

Uh...

I couldn't even look at her.

I... I just felt...

I don't know, that was

a... about 10 years

that just kinda went away.

About 10 years, I was...

My mind just wouldn't

become quiet, and then...

The noise, and then...

...some lady friends...

...who were incredibly...

...generous, and kind,

nice.

Gave me their bed,

gave me their couches

and then, they gave me the boot.

So, I don't know

anybody anymore.

Oh, hey.

Hey, man. How's it goin'?

I thought they moved you

to another shelter.

What? Oh, no, no.

That jabber mouth, Dixie

gave me some dough

to switch places with him.

He said the spot

had good joo joo or somethin'.

I don't know. I just wanted

to get him off my back.

I'm gonna stick around here.

I can't get into any trouble, you know.

I'm gonna stay here

as long as I can.

Yeah. Then I'm gonna

go back to school next year.

You know, if benefits kick in.

Get some kinda tight job,

you know.

I'm thinking tech.

Good.

Alright, cool.

Yeah.

Three quarter housing,

it's illegal.

You'll get a tiny room,

and it stinks.

The bunk beds stacked up

to the ceiling.

Come on, you know, there's...

there's a... you... you...

The... the van takes you

and drops you off at this, uh

this place, it's, uh, right in front

of this Chinese restaurant.

You gotta go in the basement,

climb up these stairs.

You come at this blue door,

this little blue door.

The next day, you come back to

the shelter, and what they'll do

Stop it. Stop! Stop.

What? What?

Stop. Stop talking.

What's gotten into you

all of a sudden?

Leave me alone.

Leave you al...

Leave you alone?

Ssh!

See... see yourself...

You gotta fight the demons.

You gotta fight

those demons inside of you.

I told you... You know...

you know, f***, f*** you.

You know, f*** you.

I'm not gonna go down

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