Tin Men

FADE IN:

1 EXT. CADILLAC DEALERSHIP - DAY 1

BILL BABOWSKY ("BB"), a wiry, dapper-looking man in hismid-thirties, is circling a baby blue Cadillac. A

SALESMAN follows on his heels.

SALESMAN:

She's a beauty.

BB:

(looking at Salesman)

Who?

What?

SALESMAN:

BB:

Who's the beauty?

SALESMAN:

The car.

BB:

I thought maybe you saw some chickwalking by. I lost my concentration.

Why do they call cars 'she'? Theynever say 'he'... always 'she.'

The Salesman shrugs his shoulders. BB walks around the

Cadillac.

BB:

Very nice... very nice.

CUT TO:

2 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - LINE OF ROW HOUSES - DAY 2

We hear YELLING.

3 INT. ROW HOUSE - DAY 3

NORA, a rather plain, but attractive woman in her early30's, is yelling up the stairs.

NORA:

You're a sick man! Sick! Do yahear me?! Do ya hear me?!

(CONTINUED)

2.

3 CONTINUED:
3

Peeking around the bannister from the second floor isERNEST TILLEY, also in his 30's, handsome in a boyish

way.

Who's sick?

TILLEY:

NORA:

Who do ya think I'm screaming at?

How many of you are there up there?

There's only you, and you're a sickhuman being.

TILLEY:

(quietly, comingdown a few steps)

Where's my white on white shirt?

The nice one, you know.

NORA:

It's like yelling through a wall

to you. I'm carrying on aboutwhat a disgusting human being youare, and all you want to know iswhere your white on white shirt is.

TILLEY:

Yes, the one with the permanent

stays.

CUT TO:

4 EXT. CADILLAC DEALERSHIP - DAY 4

BB is now sitting in a cubicle in the office with theSalesman, going over the contract on the car.

BB:

Now don't try to hustle me here... you know what I mean. I hate

being hustled. Give me an honest

price, not one of your 'special'deals... give me an honest price.

Do I make myself clear?

SALESMAN:

Now, how much are you willing topay?

BB:

There ya go... there ya go...

you're doing it... you're doingone of those hustle numbers.

(CONTINUED)

3.

4 CONTINUED:
4

SALESMAN:

I'm just trying to get an idea

how much you're willing to pay.

BB:

Four dollars... I want to pay four

dollars a month.

SALESMAN:

That's not an honest answer.

BB:

What do ya want to hear? That I'd

love to pay three hundred and fifty

a month... is that what you want to

hear? Tell me how much you want me

to pay and I'll tell you how much

I'll pay, but don't do a hustle on

me... I don't like that. How much

do I want to pay? I'd like to pay

nothing!

CUT TO:

5 EXT. TILLEY'S HOUSE - DAY 5

Tilley's leaving the house with his tie undone around

his white on white shirt. He carries his sports jacket,

and Nora is standing at the door yelling at him.

NORA:

You're being unreasonable. You

don't even want to listen.

TILLEY:

I don't know what I did... I got

no idea. If it's my fault, I'm

sorry... I'm sorry. I can do no

better than that. A full

unconditional apology.

Tilley walks down the steps of the house and goes to his

car -- a Cadillac. He gets inside, STARTS the ENGINE and

pulls away. Nora remains on the porch watching the car

... one lonely figure in a neighborhood of hundreds of

duplicate houses.

CUT TO:

6 EXT. CADILLAC DEALERSHIP - DAY 6

BB and the Salesman are coming out of the office.

(CONTINUED)

4.

6 CONTINUED:
6

SALESMAN:

If you even have the smallestproblem, call me personally andI'll just shoot you straight intothe service department.

BB:

And I get a loaner if the car'sgot to stay?

SALESMAN:

As we discussed, you get a car ifthe car has to be kept overnight.

BB:

I get a loaner?

The Salesman nods.

CUT TO:

7 INT. TILLEY'S CAR - DAY 7

He drives along, mumbling to himself.

TILLEY:

She's gonna drive me to my grave...

I'm headed to my grave... thewoman's driving me insane... it'snot supposed to happen this way.

He starts moving his head -- stretching his neck fromright to left.

TILLEY:

It's not even eleven o'clock

and my neck is stiffening up.

He juts his jaw out.

TILLEY:

My neck's tight... it's tight.

CUT TO:

8 EXT. CADILLAC DEALERSHIP - DAY 8

BB gets into the shiny, baby-blue Cadillac, puts it inreverse and starts to back out of the car lot.

5.

9 INT. TILLEY'S CAR - DAY 9

Tilley is doing neck exercises, rolling his head fromleft to right as he drives. He sees a red light aheadand starts to slow down, continuing to roll his head.

10 EXT. BB'S CADILLAC - DAY 10

BB sees the light is red and starts to back into the

street.

11 INT. TILLEY'S CAR - DAY 11

Tilley rolls his head back as he slows to 15 miles anhour.

12 EXT. BB'S CADILLAC - DAY 12

BB backs into the street thinking that Tilley's car isgoing to stop.

13 INT. TILLEY'S CAR - DAY 13

Tilley is still rolling his head.

CUT TO:

14 EXT. STREET - DAY 14

Tilley's Cadillac and BB's Cadillac CRASH into oneanother. The entire right rear of BB's shiny, baby-blueCadillac is smashed. Both men are shocked and momentarily

confused. After a beat, both Tilley and BB boltfrom their cars. Tilley looks at his buckled hood. BB

races up to Tilley's face.

BB:

Are you a lunatic? Can't you seeI'm trying to back out of thislot? There's a red light, youshoulda stopped.

TILLEY:

Me? What are you, crazy? You

just want to back into the middleof the street like that. A man's

just driving along and you backinto the middle of the street.

What kind of driving is that?

What kind of driving?

(CONTINUED)

6.

14 CONTINUED 14

BB:

There's a red light, I'm making

a space for myself... that's

what I'm doing, in order to get

into the street... that's

something ya do!

TILLEY:

You came out of nowhere... you

bolted out of no place... bolted

out of nowhere.

BB:

Bolted! At six miles an hour I'm

bolting into the street! You

schmuck! You schmuck!

He moves toward Tilley.

TILLEY:

Back away from me, do ya hear me?

Back away from me.

BB:

Back away? You want me to back

away? I'll back away.

He turns to walk away from Tilley, walks and then turns

back and kicks in the headlight of Tilley's car.

TILLEY:

You're a f***ing lunatic!

He goes for BB, jumps him and they both fall on to the

trunk of BB's car. People have started to gather and

immediately jump in and pull BB and Tilley apart.

BB:

You're a madman! Smashes into

me, attacks me... the man is

crazy!

People continue to pull them apart.

MAN #1

Come on now, calm down, calm down.

He holds BB's arms. Another MAN grabs for Tilley and

tries to pull him off BB.

MAN #2

Take it easy... take it easy...

(CONTINUED)

7.

14 CONTINUED:
(2) 14

TILLEY:

(to people watching)

Get this guy! Will ya get thisguy? Backs in front of me, and

then kicks my headlight in...

and I'm crazy. You lunatic!

Tilley makes another jump for BB.

pulling them apart.

Again, people try

BB:

You're going to prison. Death!

Death! They're going to giveyou death!

BB looks at his brand new Cadillac with the smashed-in

side.

BB:

Car only has one sixteenth of amile, and I've been hit.

He turns back and looks at Tilley.

BB:

I'm gonna get even with you,

you son of a b*tch... I'm gonnaget even with you. This is no

ordinary traffic accident.

TILLEY:

You want to drive a Cadillac,

learn how to drive. You want

to get even with somebody? You

picked the wrong person to geteven with. Nobody backs intotraffic, smashes my car andsays they want to get even.

I'm gonna get even!

CUT TO:

15 INT. DINER - DAY 15

Seated at a booth are three aluminum siding salesmenhaving their late morning breakfast. SAM PICKLES, a

heavyset man in his 50's, delicately butters his toast,

and is shaking his head sadly.

SAM:

Did ya see 'Bonanza' last night?

Can you tell me why Ben Cartwrighthad a colored guy stay over?

(CONTINUED)

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