Tin Men Page #18

MOE:

Hundred to one BB don't dance...

a hundred to one against.

There's a beat.

MOE:

I'm getting out of the business,

BB... I've got nothing for all

this.

BB:

Lot of good times, Moe.

MOE:

A lot of good times, but I can't

live off the good times.

(beat)

You know, my brother-in-law has

offered me a job at Hess Shoes.

I think maybe I should do it. You

get there in the morning, you come

home at night... you get health

benefits... I get to be assistant

manager.

BB:

That's it, Moe? You're gonna

spend the day measuring people's

feet? 'You're an "E" fit...

you're a "D" wide... you got a

high arch... I'll show you

something in an alligator...

something with a wing tip...' How

can you talk about that all day

long?

(beat)

Moe, you're the best tin man there

ever was. Nobody's a better

closer.

MOE:

It's over, BB... it's over.

(CONTINUED)

114.

121 CONTINUED:
(2) 121

BB looks at Moe for a long beat.

affected by this.

He's obviously greatly

BB:

So, May's happy about this HessShoe thing, heh?

MOE:

To say the least.

CUT TO:

122 INT. SAM'S CADILLAC - DAY 122

Sam is driving and Tilley is in the passenger seat.

SAM:

You know, when I saw 'Bonanza' the

other day, something occurred to

me. There's those three guysliving on the Ponderosa and younever hear them say anything aboutwanting to get laid. You never

hear Hoss turn to Little Joe and

say 'I had such a hard-on when Iwoke up this morning.' You know

... they never talk about broads... nothing. Ya never hear Little

Joe say 'Hey, Hoss, I went intoVirginia City and saw a girl withthe greatest ass I ever saw in mylife.' Ya just see 'em walkingaround the Ponderosa saying, 'Yes,

Pa,' and 'Where's Little Joe?'

Nothing about broads. I don't

think I'm being too picky... atleast once if they talked aboutgetting horny. I don't care if

you're living on the Ponderosa orright here in Baltimore, guys talkabout getting laid.

(beat)

I'm beginning to think that showdoesn't have too much realism.

What do you think, Tilley?

TILLEY:

Sam, I can't concentrate on

'Bonanza' sh*t...

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

115.

122 CONTINUED:
122

TILLEY (CONT'D)

I've got too much on my brain,

what with that a**hole and the

Home Improvement Commission, Idon't want to have to worry aboutwhether Little Joe got laid lastnight.

(beat)

Let's go and eat something.

SAM:

Yeah, we'll go and have some lunchat the smorgasbord.

CUT TO:

123 INT. THOR'S SMORGASBORD RESTAURANT - DAY 123

Tilley and Sam are in line at the buffet. Sam fills uphis tray and moves off to the cashier. Tilley hangsbehind staring at all the food. He looks up to theceiling.

TILLEY:

(very quietly)

God, if you're responsible for allthe stuff down here, maybe you gota moment's attention for me.

(beat)

Between the I.R.S., this Home

Improvement Commission and Mr.

Marengay, I got it up to here withthis bullshit. To be frank with

you, I'm in the toilet here. If

you can see your way...

A WOMAN with a tray starts to approach Tilley.

turns to her.

Tilley

TILLEY:

Listen, I'm praying here... goaround.

WOMAN:

I wanted to get some of the salad.

TILLEY:

It's out of order... go around.

He signals for her to walk around him.

at him and moves down the line.

The Woman looks

(CONTINUED)

116.

123 CONTINUED:

TILLEY:

(looking up to

ceiling)

Do what you can, all right? I

appreciate it. Amen.

Tilley helps himself to some salad.

CUT TO:

124 INT. SUPERIOR ALUMINUM SIDING OFFICE - DAY 124

The usual office activity. BB is at a desk. He picks

up the phone and dials.

BB:

Nora Tilley, please.

We hear a WOMAN'S VOICE on the other end of the phone.

WOMAN (V.O.)

What department is she with?

BB:

She's with Social Security.

WOMAN (V.O.)

Which department is Social Security?

BB:

I dunno... she's there somewhere

... yeah, on the third floor...

she's got a desk towards the back.

WOMAN (V.O.)

Just a moment... checking.

ANOTHER ANGLE:

In the b.g. Stanley has gone over to a filing cabinet and

is starting to look through the files. Cheese wanders

over to him.

CHEESE:

Stanley, can I help you look for

something?

STANLEY:

No, I'm just making myself busy.

CHEESE:

Well, I wouldn't do that. Bagel

don't like nobody looking at the

files.

(CONTINUED)

117.

124 CONTINUED:

BACK TO BB:

on phone. He's still holding for Nora. We hear a RING

on the other end of the phone.

NORA (V.O.)

Mrs. Tilley.

BB:

Nora, this is BB.

The PHONE goes DEAD. BB reluctantly puts the receiver

down.

CUT TO:

125 INT. TOBACCO WAREHOUSE - DAY 125

The Home Improvement Commission is in session. Tilley

and Sam sit at the defense table. Masters presides over

the commission table where four or five other commissioners

sit.

MASTERS:

(into microphone

to Tilley & Sam)

Didn't you approach Mr. Boloshevski

August 18, 1961, while he was

cutting his front lawn and tell

him that his house had been

selected, as one of only 16 homes

in the state of Maryland, for a

free aluminum siding job?

TILLEY:

What's the name again?

MASTERS:

Boloshevski.

TILLEY:

Doesn't ring a bell.

(to Sam)

Sam, does it ring a bell to you?

SAM:

(leans into microphone)

It doesn't ring a bell to me either,

sir.

MASTERS:

Didn't you suggest that for a

nominal labor charge, he would

receive over five thousand dollars'

worth of aluminum siding?

(CONTINUED)

118.

125 CONTINUED:
125

TILLEY:

That's an awful lot for nothing.

Doesn't sound like good business

to me.

MASTERS:

Mr. Boloshevski was ultimately

charged twenty-four hundred

dollars for labor, which according

to our figures is about the average

cost of an aluminum siding job.

SAM:

(leans into the

microphone)

I don't get the point of this.

MASTERS:

Twenty-four hundred dollars that

you charged for labor, is the same

as if Mr. Boloshevski had purchased

the aluminum siding and had the

labor done.

TILLEY:

Maybe I'm missing the point here,

but if he paid twenty-four hundred,

which is the cost of the job, I

can't see anything wrong with that.

I don't know the guy, but I don't

quite get the problem.

MASTERS:

What we're getting at here... what

we're trying to stress, is that

the job was sold under false

terms. The man didn't win any

award... he was not getting

aluminum siding at a special price.

A clear case of deception was

involved here.

TILLEY:

(to Sam)

What's he talking about? The man

got the job for twenty-four hundred

dollars, and that's what it costs

in aluminum siding.

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

119.

125 CONTINUED:
(2) 125

TILLEY (CONT'D)

(leans into

microphone)

Um... I don't know... we have no

recollection of this particular

job, but I don't know if this is

deception. Look, if you work in a

clothing store, some guy tries on

a suit, it looks like sh*t, but

you tell him it looks wonderful.

The guy's standing there looking

like a sack of sh*t, the salesman

says what a great suit and the man

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote