Toad Road

---

I met a guy once,

who told me about a place

that contained the seven gates

that lead to Hell.

I thought that it was the

most beautiful thing

I had ever heard.

What's up, man? You all right?

Cold as sh*t outside.

You out here camping?

Look like sh*t.

Look man, if you

ain't gonna talk,

I'll just let you out here.

I'm trying to be nice.

You got any friends

around here or anything?

Get off of me!

He is f***ing foul.

- Get up.

- Who the f*** just said that?!

Me.

I'm gettin' out.

- Let me lay down for a sec.

- F*** you.

Hold on! Take my cigarette!

That was James' head.

James, wake up.

I got him.

- I've got to go pee.

- The bathroom is that way!

Killing me!

Oh my god!

A**hole!

Beat him up when he's upstairs!

Oh my god, Nicole

is beating James!

James, I should help you!

Let me stand up! This

bathroom is repulsive!

No, it's OK. The bathroom

downstairs is repulsive.

This one is too.

No!

All right.

You're good.

Oh God!

Oh god!

Ow, my nose!

Please pull your pants up.

All right, all right,

all right. C'mon.

Ride 'em like a surf board!

James.

I have heard something

about you obviously,

over the years.

Yep.

I know you're not thrilled

about being here,

but I'm sure there's a reason

why you're coming to see me.

Uh, my father will continue

to pay my rent as long as I

come and talk to you for

however long we have to do this,

and that's what

I'm going to do.

I want to try to

figure out exactly

what your conception of

a normal relationship is.

Um...

- Be gentle. Be gentle.

- Oh!

- Oh my god.

- Oh your burnt him!

- Sh*t.

- Oh my god.

See that's one of the problems

that Bob has brought up to me.

He feels that in some

cases your friends,

or the relationships that you

key in to your friends,

um, I guess to put it in

a different way,

are not reaching the heights

he'd like you to reach.

I know how he feels

about my friends.

Is it music that aligns you

with these people?

Is that a common bond?

I'm wondering if music is a key;

An alliance here that builds up?

It's a symptom, rather

than, y'know, the cause.

It's a downward slope too.

It's a gradual progression.

You start out going to shows

and meeting these people.

And then it grows from there.

Their circle of friends becomes

your circle of friends.

And deeper and deeper down

the wild world we go.

You f***ing dick!

What's up? What are y'all doing?

This f***ing guy - ridiculous.

You take the scissors out.

I'll tell you when.

That looks all right.

Dirty ass.

Just grab the tweezers.

That's gross. I'm not

doing that to you.

Sure you don't want any?

No thanks.

All right.

Hold up. Gay chicken.

We're playing gay chicken!

Gay chicken! Gay chicken!

James! Gay chicken!

Watch out! Watch out!

I f***in' win!

I win, you f***in'...

You won't do it.

Gay chicken! You have to!

Gay chicken that b*tch!

I'm callin' it right now!

You guys won't do it!

I can't do it, dude.

- You all right?

- Yeah.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

What's up?

You guys get them shrooms?

Want some?

Why not?

C'mon. Grow some balls.

Hey, I'm not playing babysitter

while ya'll are trippin'.

So are they all

eating mushrooms?

Yeah.

I guess it's really nice out.

It's a good day for it, right?

Yeah, they're gonna

have a blast.

- You want to do 'em?

- I want to do 'em.

You are f***in'...

Not havin' that...

Watch this.

What are you doing?

Table toppin'.

I forgot how to do it.

Ow! Ow!

This is called a cradle.

Ow!

I know that one hurt.

I'll help you up

whenever you're ready.

Na, I don't need your help.

F***! Ow!

Dammit.

Hey, can you do this?

Who's the boyfriend now?

You gotta stir it.

There you go.

Our jumbalaya's not

gonna turn our so good.

See, like I'm dropping sh*t

left and right.

The worst experience I

ever had was, um...

that night that we

all ate acid...

The acid was great when

we went to that show

at Barclay House like...

It went off without a hitch.

Then we got back

and me and Scott,

like everybody were

up in his room,

and rippin' those

three foot bongs.

Like everything I saw

around me was manufactured

by like some greater,

like evil malicious like thing.

Like I thought that I was

like stuck in this like...

Like some how in a past life I

had done some wrong or

something so my entire life

up until that point was like...

Always like my parents were

at war with my friends...

See that's the thing. I

don't have the experiences

I've never done like,

drugs like that.

I mean, I'd like to.

You become accustom

to the f***ing

culture itself and you surround

yourself with drug people

then by the time you

realize like where you are,

waking up in places

you've never been before,

like it's beyond the point

of no return. You know,

it's like you cannot... Where

do you go? It's all you know.

It's like, it's like f***ing...

It's like a walk down Toad

Road for Christ's sake.

Like, you're there. You're

f***ed already.

What's Toad Road?

Oh yeah! You're a city girl.

You don't know about Toad Road.

All right. Well, um...

Toad Road is uh, like the local

high school local legend.

It's only in York.

Like, it's this, uh this

road that used to be behind

this mental ward or mental

institution or something,

and uh, you walk down this road

and like you go through

this first gate.

Like right at the

front of this like

big woods, wilderness. It's

just a little, tiny trail.

And then as you go, you

see like your second gate

and your third gate, and

you keep going through

and like things keep getting

more and more f***ed up.

Like you start, like...

It's like a bad trip.

Which I know doesn't

mean anything to you,

because, but maybe it will,

if you had it your way.

You go through you first

gate then your second gate

and like you start hearing

things and seeing things

and like people

are following you.

Things that just aren't there

and time changes and...

Well have you ever been there?

Na, of course not.

Because it's a f***ing... It's

like the, the man in the mirror.

The f***ing Bloody Mary sh*t.

It'd still be fun to go.

Like will you go with me?

No! It's the opposite of fun.

It's getting drunk and going

down a trail at night,

with a bunch of people who don't

know where they're going...

What if you're tripping?

Then it would be

even f***ing worse.

You would never

even make it home.

You'd get lost in the

middle of the woods.

If you really want to, this

weekend, me and like you know,

the gang are going to that

cave up off of like,

in uh, where ever, it's that

little like, landmark cave

and we're going to do

mushrooms in there.

And that'll be scary and spooky.

It'd be better than

Toad Road, though.

And I can eat some mushrooms?

Yeah. I'm not gonna

give you permission.

I don't need your permission,

but if I'm going to

be with you...

Whoah! Wow!

Look at you.

I already made up my mind. -Clearly.

Oh well, that's fine. That's fine.

Do what you gotta

do. I'll be there.

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