Toilet Stories

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Herbert's datang.

Hello.

Punya money, Herbert?

Cukup untuk membeli beberapa high-tech Japanese toilets.

Kiri-atas saham.

mereka akan be a hit.

OK today. Money tomorrow. Double-meat.

Ok, pasti.

HERBERT TAPKEN:

...is a orang yang berprinsip

Ada masalah, p*ssy?

- Tidak ada, kawan.

KEVIN AND TARKAN

...memiliki rencana besar untuk hari ini

Hi, sweetie.

Saya sangat stress.

Kamu tak dapat membayangkannya

PATRICIA SCHWACKE

...Tidak bergantung pada keberuntungan saja

MARTIN ROLFES:

...Hanya ingin sendiri

No. I said 300 grams.

RENATE SCHOHUSEN

...Tidak akan membiarkan wol menutupi matanya

My God.

Uschi, gawat !

DR. MAXIMILIAN DIETRICH

...Selalu ada ketika dibutuhkan

OK, OK.

I'm coming.

MR. JANSEN

...Selalu benar

CHARLOTTE VON LAHN

...Orang yang Dapat membayangkan yang lebih

MANFRED KASUNKE:

...Orang yang melihat hari berikutnya untuk kenikmatan

Very good.

Another 1000 meters.

LONI NORDAHL:

...Orang yang ingin berada di atas podium (kemenangan).

Very consistent, Loni.

Very good.

Terutama on the last 400 meters.

Better than on Saturday.

How about...

..Target besok yang harus mencapai

dua persepuluh lebih cepat per lap.

Three.

Three?

Setidaknya saya bisa melakukannya tiga putaran

Fine.

Let's try it.

Tonight:

400 grams of pasta,

120 grams of lean poultry,

two apples and no chocolate.

And wawancara olahraga kamu.

Senang kau di sini, Ludmilla.

- Huh?

Kami Anti-Doping.

- What?

NADA mengatakannya kepada saya.

Kleinschmidt's coming.

- Oh, God.

What's wrong?

Kleinschmidt's coming.

Impossible.

I was checked two weeks ago.

Your European record on Saturday.

Saya sudah mengatakan bahwa tidak berusaha keras

pada akhir 50 meter,

But you didn't listen.

Saya coba

Mereka yang tercepat daripada catatan anda.

- Ini adalah Insulin.

We memiliki waktu 30 minutes untuk ke atas.

Apakah kamu mengambil sesuatu Sabtu kemarin, Loni?

1,000 epo and a vial of clenbulerol.

Yang telah disepakati, Doc.

38-17.

Dijual minggu ini: Rosi gunting taman.

Membuat halaman Anda terlihat sempurna tahun ini.

Sebuah garansi untuk lima tahun ke

depan hanya 14,95 Euro di Honnom Construclion!

Hello?

Hello?

Saat ini bahkan tak ada kait di toilet.

Is it made of cotton?

Maksud saya jaket Anda.

Hati-hati saat di Laundry.

Aku juga punya satu yang seperti itu,

Saya Membelinya di Heidelberg pada tahun 1963.

Sejak di bawa ke Laundry saat itu, jadi sudah 23 kali.

Ini bahkan tidak lagi cocok Werner,

dan dia jauh lebih kecil dari saya.

Maaf, tapi ini adalah toilet staf.

Anda adalah pria muda yang baik

dari departemen taman.

Aku pada istirahat makan siang.

Pernahkah Anda berada di Heidelberg?

I met my wife there.

You should go there some time.

To Heidelberg. It's worth it.

GOLD MEDAL CANDIDATES

But when people go on vacation nowadays,

most of them go as far away as possible.

America, Australia...

But it's so beautiful in Germany.

We always went

to the Bavarian Forest.

Every year, without exception.

But,

by now,

if you believe it or not,

I haven't been on vacation for years.

The obligations at home.

If only I'd known.

My God.

Do you have any toilet paper over there?

Do you have family?

I need some.

I asked if you have a family.

Yes, but I'm not married.

Children?

Two.

- Well then.

See?

You know about obligations.

Thanks.

I live with Werner.

Yeah, and now a situation has arisen

that may require our separation.

I don't really know

how to tell Werner that.

He has nobody but me.

"A situation has arisen?"

- I might have to go to prison.

What do you want from me?

I want to confess.

I want you to hear my confession.

Mrs. Schohusen?

My name's Herbert Tapken.

We talked on the phone yesterday.

Who? - It's concerning the brochure

for raising your husband's toilet seat.

I was in the neighborhood.

- I'm not prepared for visitors, Mr...

Tapken, I won't cause you any trouble, but

it's better to see your plumbing personally,

or I'd send you the wrong brochure.

Fine, if you're already here.

But lake off your shoes.

It's harder to vacuum at my age.

Of course, Mrs. Schohusen.

Nothing's better than sound technical advice.

Lots of people order online

and end up miserable.

It's a plumbing salesman for your toilet.

Calm down, Willi. I won't let anyone

like that palm something off on me.

Daisies.

Meadow daisies.

Here's the good old thing.

Washdown.

1970s.

- My Willi installed it himself back then.

Good work.

Some of my colleagues

could learn a thing or two from him.

My Willi always did it all himself at home.

Then all of a sudden...

Stop it, Mrs. Schohusen. My sister-in-law

had a stroke last year. She was 51.

I haven't eaten any meal since then.

- You don't eat meat anymore?

Because of the blood lipids.

- It wasn't the fat. I'm a good cook.

It can all add up, Mrs. Schohusen.

It was his blood pressure.

Have you seen the mosque on the corner?

Winkler Street.

Sure, I installed their plumbing.

Stunning building.

Very nice people.

- They're building a minaret. 30 meters high.

My Willi got so upset.

You're right, 30 meters is quite high,

Mrs. Schohusen.

But you called me

about the raised toilet seal.

The nurses recommended it.

The Washlet-G.

What's that?

The Mercedes of raised toilet seats.

The customer reactions

have been extraordinary.

I don't want a space ship.

I want a raised toilet seal.

I can sit Willi down on it,

but can't gel him off of the bowl again.

I'll be honest, Mrs. Schohusen.

- I hope so.

The body has to go.

The raised seals won't fit on it.

But my Willi installed the toilet himself.

Don't worry, I happen to have

an exhibit piece in my van.

You can pay me the wholesale price.

Right, you happen to have one here.

And I'd give you

a special price on the Washlet-G, too.

Young man, I've heard enough about

your Mercedes. I have to cook dinner.

Mrs. Schohusen?

I'll leave the brochure here for you.

Take it with you.

Have a nice evening, Mrs. Schohusen.

Awesome, man.

Look.

What was that?

- Mesut ...zil, man.

Stop, man.

- Why?

Are you gay or what, man?

- Calm down, man.

Know what I think?

He's gay.

Is he right?

Are you gay or what, huh?

Weren't you listening, man?

Tarkan asked you a question.

Don't got no respect?

You disrespecting me?

Are you antisocial or what?

Give us a smoke.

Sorry.

I don't smoke.

- What did you say, pops?

Yo, he just bumped into me.

Did you just bump into me or what?

You want trouble? You want trouble, huh?

You want some real trouble?

Are you a Nazi?

What now, d*ckhead?

F***ing Nazi.

You're taking a shower, dickface.

Hey, Nazi,

you stink.

He's done now.

It's his own fault, the Nazi c*nt.

Kung fu and sh*t, right?

- You think you can do kung fu or what?

Sure, man.

Yo, that's gay sh*t. Watch.

That's kung fu.

Cool, man. Kung fu and sh*t, yeah?

But you forgot something.

- What'? - This Mr. Miyagi technique.

Wash on, wash off!

Gentlemen?

You want more?

Son of a b*tch.

I don't know why Michi

just gave away our Kandinsky either.

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