Tooth Fairy

Battle One on the boards with both

teams really digging for the puck.

Now, it squats loose and the ice wolves have it

and the puck is cleared out of the zone.

Give it up!

What a hit!

Come on boys! Use the body!

Take him away! Take him away!

- Rafton's going up the ice!

- Take him to the offside!

He shoots... nice save by Grant.

What a hit...What action!

The Ice Wolves are just getting hammered.

There is the familiar chant, Jim.

and the coach is going for the big defenseman,

Derek Thompson and here comes the Tooth Fairy.

Go in the dark jersey and hit it.

- That is an incisor.

- I got the tooth. Oh, I got the tooth, baby!

And the tooth fairy,

Derek Thompson has struck again.

You can't handle the tooth and that's

the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

I pledge allegiance to the tooth.

Open the door for the Tooth Fairy.

Who's the Tooth Fairy?

Am I the Tooth...I'm the Tooth Fairy!

Stop it. Stop it.

- What's going on out here?

- Hey Thompson, come here.

- I want you to meet the future of our franchise.

- Ah... new kid.

He's probably not

gonna be here for longer

than a cup of coffee till he

gets snapped up by the Kings.

But listen, while he is here.

Your job on the ice is to take care of him.

- Okay.

- Nothing else matters, alright.

Alright.

- Mick.

- Yeah.

Derek Thompson, Mick Donnelly

here first line striker.

Mick Donnelly, Derek

Thompson, he's your bodyguard.

- What's up, man?

- Welcome to pro hockey, kid!

Yeah, is there an

old-timers' game today?

I didn't realize you're even still

playing, man. I used to be a big fan.

Alright... See you later, man.

Mr. Thompson!

Sign the autograph for me.

Yeah, sure. Absolutely!

What's your name, buddy?

Gabe, I'm the third leading

scorer in my hockey league.

- And my team might with the Championship.

- Wow, that's fantastic. Good for you, Gabe.

One day, I'm gonna play hockey

in the big leagues just like you used to.

- You work pretty hard at hockey, do you?

- Uh huh, I play almost everyday.

- And I drive him almost everyday.

- Ah...uh huh.

- How old are you?

- I'm eight.

You're eight, you're eight, okay.

Well, here's the deal, Gabe.

So, you're eight and you're

the third leading scorer

in your league behind

two other eight year-olds.

- Well, one's nine.

- Uh hmm. Okay, well.

See, Gabe, somewhere in this country

there's a seven year-old playing against

twelve year-olds and

he's outscoring them.

I mean, he's killing them. Making them

wanna get run over by a Zambonian guy.

And there are a bunch

like that kid in every rink.

And when the time's right,

those kids will battle it out

and only a handful of

them will get signed.

Now let's say, you do make the NHL...

You won't...Now let's say you do.

Let's say you hit the show right out of

college but the show hit you right back.

And before you could stay slap shot,

you're pushed down to the minors

with a blown out shoulder

and nowhere to go.

Listen, lower your expectations.

That's how you're gonna be happy.

There you go, Gabe.

I want to suck your blood... What, what

are you looking at and laughing at?

- Why aren't you afraid?

- Because those are French fries.

No, I can't eat French fries.

French fries are fatal to vampires.

- Hey, I have an idea.

- Can't talk, still dead.

Mommy, my tooth came out!

- Hey, yehey! Oh, congrats.

- The tooth fairy's gonna visit me tonight.

You bet, let's see.

Oh, you are such a big girl.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm a tooth fairy.

- Thought you said you're a vampire.

You got some inconsistent mythology.

I have a lot of homework.

Can I be excused?

Yeah.

Mommy, it's time for you to go now

and Derek can start babysitting.

Not just yet. You wanna go

and put your jammies on?

I wonder if it would help if Randy and

you had some one-on-one time.

Ah..sure. I could do that. As long as

I don't have to be alone with him.

Calvin is here.

Oh, little ketchup.

- Oh, Tooth Fairy.

- You know what, I got it.

- Look, I put on my pajamas.

- Dracula's back from the dead.

Hey, what do you guys think of Donnelly?

- Oh man, that kid is fast.

- Even to Nitz Gresky.

I love him already.

Like a long lost brother.

Can we just play?

Next to you.

Alright, I'm a little short. But this

autograph that says the "Tooth Fairy."

It's worth ten bucks on EBay.

Ten of these is a

hundred bucks, so I'm in.

No, no, no, no.

You have to pay.

Hey, it's me.

I'm a good boy.

- I'll be right back.

- He took his cards.

Hey Derek, don't the kids have

like a piggy bank or something?

- I'm home. Hey, guys.

- Hello, gorgeous.

You know what... I'm a little tired.

I'm not gonna hang out

but I walk you guys out.

Mommy, mommy!

Mommy, mommy!

Mommy!

- What is it, honey?

- My tooth is gone.

- Well, that's cause the Tooth Fairy took it.

- But there's no money.

- I looked.

- Let's look together. I'm sure it's here somewhere.

- The vampire has returned!

- Not a vampire moment.

- It's not anywhere.

- Well, I bet that they took it to where...

...on the Toothometer

to see what it's worth

before they bring you

the money. Right, Derek?

Sure, that's how the

whole tooth thing works.

No, that's not how it works.

You put the tooth under your

pillow, the tooth fairy flies into

your room when you're sleeping,

takes the tooth and leaves a dollar.

- Where is it?

- Okay...

You tell me when to

stop when the Tooth Fairy

has been here coz I have five 10's...

Derek.

(Stop)

Okay. Tess, you're a big girl now.

You're six. So let's just

get this out of the way.

- There's is no such thing as a Tooth...

- Bingo, here it is.

How did it get down there?

Oh, you must have rolled over in

your sleep and it fell on the floor.

I forgot. People forget.

So then, your big idea to handle it

was to tell Tess there is no tooth fairy.

Carly, come on. The way

I see it, is the reason

why there are so many

unhappy people in the world

because all are clinged to

some version of what if...

Okay, so dreams are bad.

Well, they lead to unrealistic

expectations then yes.

- This is ridiculous.

- I know.

- I'm going to bed.

- Carly.

You...are leaving.

Don't get all dramatic.

I'm her mother. I get the say on

her childhood fantasies, not you.

Disbelief...Fairy...Summons...

What?

Thompson, Derek Thompson.

Yes, yes, God, it's me.

Is that you God?

- You're Thompson?

- You're God?

I'm Tracy, I'm your case worker.

What is this?

- How disappointing.

- Come with me, please.

No, thank you, thank you.

Fairy questionnaires.

What are you wearing?

I don't know what I'm wearing.

What are you wearing?

- Who is this guy?

- Dream Killer. I don't like your assault.

What did I do? Why am I here?

Where am I?

No one likes your kind, right here.

No one likes your attitude, the

way you always show up here acting

all strange, "Oh, why am I here?,

What are these giant wings man?"

Do we have a problem?

Yeah, we have a problem. Do we have a

problem, he said. We have a problem. Yeah,

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