Tooth Fairy Page #2

we have a problem because you just said do

we have a problem which gives us a problem.

- That's right.

- Tracy, right?

Ah, what a pretty girl's

name you have.

Don't laugh at him.

That's not funny.

That's strike two and you

don't wanna get to strike three.

- What happens after strike three?

- Strike four.

We'll get your uniform sort out in a minute

and then we can get you registered

and begin your training.

- Training for what?

- Oooh, training for what?

You, Mr. Thompson, are gonna

spend some time as a Tooth Fairy.

Calm down, everyone.

Just let him to be harmless.

- Everyone alright?

- Oh really, is that what, your fairy patrol?

I'm 230 pounds, gonna take a lot

more than just eight fairies to get me.

Fairy, hands off!

Is this fairy etiquette?

Where were we?

Help please! Wake me up! I'm in a

nightmare, please! Please, help me!

The nightmare is just beginning.

You want a shot at the title.

Is that it? You're feeling lucky?

Maybe I am. Hold this, baby.

I can see nothing, give it back.

You want a piece of this?

I'm ready to go.

- You just made a big mistake.

- He's got a magic wand.

What's next? You gonna

pull a rabbit out of the hat.

Fairy fight!

Oh, now I got one too. Let me

introduce you to the Hammer Brothers.

Sladge and Jack, who do you want?

Who do you wanna meet?

Oh dear, looks like you

pick on the wrong fairy.

Oh, magic wand.

Oh my gosh, the magic wand.

What is going on here?

Stop it! You're behaving

like leprechauns.

He's got such a major attitude problem.

Oh, I'm well aware of his attitude.

Believe me.

- Hello, Mr. Thompson.

- Hi.

Sorry about the follow up

with your outfit.

Budget problems. Tracy

will take care of it.

Who him? Yeah, sure.

You, sir, are guilty of

disseminating disbelief,

killing dreams, committing

first degree murder of fantasy

which by Fairy Law....

Wait a minute. Is this because

of what happened with Tess...

Excuse me.

I haven't finished speaking.

Did I look as though I

had finished speaking?

I don't know. Everybody's got

a British accent around.

You've just interrupted me again

while I was admonishing

you for interrupting me.

Do I not look official enough?

I don't understand why policemen

or firemen don't get interrupted.

But you had a pair of wings and

suddenly all manners go out the window.

Shouldn't you be more in awe

of somebody with wings than without?

You have no idea

what I'm capable of.

I could just fly up into the air

and do something crazy.

Maybe I breath fire.

You don't know.

I'm sorry for interrupting you.

I didn't mean it.

That is better.

In order to pay your

debt to humanity,

you are hereby ordered to

serve time as a tooth fairy.

Normal sentence is one week but

because you have the

nerve, the unmitigated gall,

to actually call yourself

the "Tooth Fairy"

thus make a mockery of

everything we stand for.

I'm sentencing you to two

weeks Tooth Fairy duty.

- Ah, no, no, no. No, it's unfair.

- Interrupting.

Interrupting again.

Unbelievable.

Take him away and see

that he's properly outfitted

and get him into

flying school.

- I'm sorry, what?

- Oh but first, you get to meet Jerry.

Excuse me, Fairy Godmother.

I have one last question.

Does this tutu make

my butt a little big?

Yes...huge.

- Egg on the face.

- No, don't, no.

Oh good, you got the male version.

Get to a little spin so I can see.

How about I give you a little

spin of my fist around your nose?

Okay, what does that mean?

- It's a threat. That's what it means.

- You just said, you're gonna do that.

- No, I'll punch you right in the nose.

- Just say that, it's much clearer.

- What's that? Oooh...

- It's just pathetic. It's like a child.

Chicken is fine. I

don't hate you, chicken.

I like you, chicken.

I hate your brisket.

Yeah, I'm coming.

Goodbye.

Never marry a leprechaun.

Oh, the dream popper.

Hey, did it make you feel

good to lie on that kid?

I didn't lie to a kid.

You told her there was

no tooth fairy, right?

- Right.

- Liar.

Look, I'm sorry. I...

Sorry is a beginning. Now,

if you're gonna be a fairy

you gotta be ready although...

Dude, there is a pill.

I mean, amazing pill.

If you take this pill, you

don't have to do any of these.

- Really?

- No, I was just kidding.

See, you're mad at me.

You believe and then I took it away.

Be mad at me. I don't care.

I have tenure.

Come on, walk with Jerry.

Okay, here's your tool pouch.

Waterproof, lot of compartments.

- You can get a lot of stuff in there. You dig?

- Yeah.

Okay.

This...

This is your wand. Tooth detector,

radar jamming, keeps picking up radio caliente.

- I don't know what that's about.

- Okay, what's that?

Magic generator button. Does what

you ever wanted to do

but you

have to believe otherwise it won't work.

So it's pretty much useless to humans.

Ah this, you don't ever wanna lose this.

- What is it?

- Well, it looks like an IPod adapter.

- Right, so what is it?

- It's an IPod adapter.

- What's it for?

- Listening to your IPod.

You get it for your IPod.

Did you not ask for your free IPod?

- No, really?

- I'm just kidding.

You know, why do you keep doing that?

I'm not well. I actually just

have a few months to live.

Oh, you're kidding.

Of course, I'm kidding. Why

would I share that with you?

I just met you plus

you lied to the kids.

Come on, we got business to do.

Invisibility spray. You use it, nobody

can see you except for other fairies.

And this, Dude, trust me.

Shrinking paste.

You put a little on your tongue,

you shrink down to about six

inches tall. You wanna do it?

Come on, let's do it together.

Come on, let's do it. Come on,

we'll jump into each other's hands.

Well, I don't wanna jump

in your hands, Jerry.

Really, come on, let's get small.

Sometimes when I'm home with the

wife, right. I'll take a double hit,

I'll get down to about that big and

let my feet dangle in the inkwell.

Then, when she's out.

I walk all over her body.

So when she wakes up,

there's these little footprints all over and she goes...

and I go, "Hey, I don't know."

See when you're married a long

time, you'll do stuff like this.

Alright, let's see. What else?

Oh, would you like a mint.

I made them myself. Here. Have a mint.

Taste it. Come on. Really good.

Go ahead. Come on.

Taste it. Help yourself.

These are good.

Well, these are good.

- Dog bark mints. Comes in very handy.

- For what?

Cats, mailmen, dogs

that comes up behind

you forget my drift or another kid

that you lied to comes after you.

How many times I gotta

to say I'm sorry about that?

Six times.

I'm sorry, I was just kidding.

I can't believe you did this.

Did you play for years

without a helmet or something?

What is with you? It's like your brain

is in the penalty box. I'm telling you...

and you got like the eyes of

a shark but like deader.

Alright, listen.

Cat away. Very important.

If you're not a cat person, this

thing will come in very handy.

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