Tooth Fairy Page #3

I almost have a senior fairy

moment. Don't you move.

This is my greatest invention ever.

Amnesia dust.

You throw a pinch, the

kid forgets everything

that happened for the last few seconds.

- Yeah, right. Come on.

- That's how it works.

That's how what works?

Amnesia dust. You throw a pinch,

the kid forgets everything

that happened for the last few seconds.

- That's how it works.

- That's how what works?

Amnesia dust, you throw a pinch

the kids forgets everything

that happened for the last few seconds.

- That's how it works.

- That's how what works?

Never gets old.

You wanna fly, you gotta believe.

But you gotta learn to use your wings.

Use my wings. You know how

ridiculous you sound right now.

Oh, who's your hobbit

friend over here?

Wait, you stay here, okay.

You have to learn from the best.

And some dang fool accused

this guy of being the best.

Well me and flying is just

not gonna happen, okay.

I've got an old hockey injury so

I probably got a bad wing.

That's one I've never heard before.

- How's it going, Duke?

- What's up, man?

- Want me to turn a He-Man into Peter Pan.

- Oh, don't get me started, homey.

Oh, what is that? Your little

secret fairy jiving now.

Maybe you didn't hear me,

I said I got a bad wing, I can't fly!

- Is this okay?

- Yeah.

- I'm tracking this baby up.

- Put me down.

- I think you're ready to practice FOA.

- FOA? What's FOA?

Flying Object Avoidance.

I'll throw something at you,

you get out of the way, okay.

Oh, you better not

throw anything at me.

- You wanna get on him, Tracy?

- Put me down!

Imagine they're your responsibilities.

You're avoiding them.

- Bring it on.

- We will do!

Raise your right hand,

repeat after me:
I, fill in your name

I, Derek Thompson...

Swear to uphold and perform...

Swear to uphold and perform...

The duties, responsibilities

and obligations...

The duties, responsibilities

and obligations...

of a Tooth Fairy.

of a Tooth Fairy.

of a Tooth Fairy.

And that I will not drink and fly.

Drink and fly?

Okay, now, it's serious.

That's serious.

That I will not drink and fly.

Welcome aboard.

These coupons are all

redeemable at the gift shop.

Oh, maybe I can have

a fairy bumper sticker.

Alright, I can see. That

it's real. Fairies do exist.

It's too late. Your

sentence begins tomorrow.

No, no, no...There's gotta be a way

to postpone this like jury duty.

I'm sure up here you have fairy duty

or whatever it is you have up here.

I got the coaches breathing down my neck

and I've got to patch things

up with my girlfriend.

The interrupting thing.

I'm sorry.

Any assignment you miss,

you get another week.

And if you fail your terms of service

or tell anyone you're a tooth fairy,

your time will be extended indefinitely.

- Oh really? I'm not leaving.

- Goodbye, Mr. Thompson.

No.

I'm sorry.

For what?

- What I said last night?

- Which part?

All of the parts that

deeply offended you.

Okay, everything I've ever said.

Or thought. Even before I met you.

- Wanna come in?

- Oh yeah.

You can spend that

one on one time with Randy.

Yeah.

You know what,

let me go to my car

and get something

and I'll be right back.

Me and Randy.

Alright, yeah.

- I don't know you could shred like that.

- What do you want?

Well, I bought you a present.

Can you guess what it is?

Is it a puppy?

Why it's a guy and a puppy?

It's one of my hockey sticks.

And now after I signed your pal...

The "Tooth Fairy"

Now, it's worth lot

of money. There you go.

Okay, I'm just gonna

leave it right here.

I bet you get a lot of chicks

with that guitar, don't you?

Can we stop this now?

- Stop what?

- You're just like my mom's last boyfriends.

Just pretending to be

nice to me to impress her.

You're wrong. I'm much better

looking than your mom's past boyfriends.

Big boy pound for

trying to break the ice.

- No, it's going away.

- Look, I have to get back to practice.

Okay, how about you

come over to my place.

I could break out my old drum

kit, you can bring your guitar

and we could have a

jam session together.

Or how about I just go and tell

my mom you're actually pretty cool.

- and you stop trying to bond with me.

- I'll take that deal.

You'll never believe what Randy

said about you after you left.

He said that you're

actually pretty cool.

- Well, I am pretty cool.

- We'll see.

But whatever you're doing is

working so why don't you keep it up.

- Hmmm, who's T?

- I have no idea. I don't know.

What I do know is I would love

for you to close your eyes

coz I have an amazing surprise.

- Really. Okay.

- Yeah. Alright.

- Close your eyes.

- Okay.

I'll be right back.

Is my surprise 6 foot 3

with dark brown eyes.

- Oh, you'll find out shortly.

- I love surprises!

Get ready!

- I know you're right in front of me.

- You should keep your eyes closed.

Okay.

- Everything's okay. Don't peek.

- Okay.

- I need some air.

- What?

- I'm not feeling well.

- Oh, should I come over.

- No, no. Give me some toilet paper.

- Of course, where is it?

It's upstairs in the bathroom.

It's way upstairs.

Oh my gosh!

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Who's this?

- It's me. It's Tracy.

- Tracy who?

- Tracy, your case worker.

Listen, your first assignment

is just falling asleep

so get yourself over quick.

- To 663 Shelter Cove.

- I thought that was a dream.

- Well, think again.

- Derek.

- Oh no, no.

- Where are you?

Bushes. Please don't come any

closer you can't see me like this.

It will ruin your

romantic image of me.

Oh, honey.

You are so sick.

I checked the entire bathroom

I couldn't find anything.

You gotta look underneath the sink.

Underneath the sink.

Way back deep underneath the sink.

Okay.

You heard the rules.

You can't miss an assignment.

Plus those wings will stay on

your back until you get that tooth.

- Oh, man.

- You could clean up a little.

My wing.

- Delicately done. Well done.

- I can't believe this is happening.

Well, it is happening so can you get

in the house please and fetch the tooth.

No, no, no...I'm not going anywhere.

Why don't you go in?

- Oh, because it's not my job.

- That doesn't make any sense.

You're a fairy so why don't

you just go in and get the tooth?

Because I'm not a

winged fairy, alright.

I'm a case worker fairy which actually

bears a lot more responsibility.

You know, those little filing and

putting stuff along. It's tricky.

Ah, so what you're saying

is you're not good enough.

I'm not saying that.

- And they stuck you behind the desk.

- Now, I tell you what...

They did, alright, there's a lot of

wing discrimination in the workplace.

Very funny. Okay, tell me how are you

gonna enter the house and get the tooth?

- Maybe I'll wing it.

- Brilliant. How are you gonna get in the house?

- On a wing and a prayer.

- This is very very funny stuff.

But how are you gonna get the tooth?

Which wing of the house

should I start with first?

Do you want another week?

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