Tootsie Page #9

It's as though I want something

that I just can't have.

You know what I mean?

Do you?

- Dorothy?

- Julie!

- My God!

- Let me explain.

Don't say anything.

- There's a reason.

- I understand.

That's not the reason.

I'm not who you think I am.

- Just wait a minute.

- Nobody is.

- It's me.

- No, it's me.

- No, it's me.

- No, it's me.

I'm not well-adjusted enough.

I'm sure I've got the same impulses.

Obviously, I did.

Don't jump to conclusions about

that impulse.

If you could just see me

out of these clothes...

What? What?

That's my father!

You've got to tell him.

- Tell him.

- Tell him what?

That I...

That's a corncob.

Hi, Dad.

Fine.

I'm here with Dorothy.

I can't tonight, Daddy.

But wait.

You've got to see him.

Just don't lead him on.

- Please don't make me do this.

- You gotta let him down gently.

- I can't.

- You owe me that.

Hi, Les.

I'm fine. How are you?

Tonight, sure.

Tonight?

- What'll you have?

- Just water.

- Water and bourbon.

- Make that a straight scotch.

Scotch and bourbon.

I'd like to...

- Let's dance.

- What?

- It's my favorite dance.

- Oh, really, I don't dance.

- You'll love it.

- What?

- Follow me. Follow me.

- Please, I don't...

You know what? I'd...

Really, I'd rather not.

- Just relax.

- You're very good.

- My wife and I took a course.

- I could tell at once.

- Emily, we love you.

- You're fabulous!

- Just wonderful.

- Wonderful.

- You're even prettier in person.

- Thank you.

I'm sorry. I forgot that

you're on your feet all day.

- Come on, sit down.

- Yes, I think we should stop.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

I was happy you could

come out tonight.

I know you usually

got a lot of lines to learn.

- There's something I'd better say.

- I want to say something too.

Wouldn't it be funny

if we both said the same thing?

It'd be hilarious.

But I doubt it.

Well, mine's pretty simple.

I'm not too good with words anyway.

I only took two pictures in my life...

...my high-school graduation

and my wedding.

My wife stood next to me in both.

I never thought I'd want anybody

to fill her place.

That changed last weekend.

- Lester.

- Lesley.

- Lesley...

- Don't interrupt me.

I gotta do this in one go

or I won't do it.

I know this is kind of quick,

but that's how I am.

Never did believe in

not getting down to it.

Don't say anything now...

I know it's fast.

But take time to think about it.

If you say no, at least I'll feel

you took me seriously.

Would you mind?

I just need to be alone.

I'd like to start thinking it over

as soon as possible.

Dorothy?

This is a nightmare.

Don't be angry.

I had to talk to you.

- How'd you know where I live?

- I followed you.

- What? Followed me home?

- I didn't have the courage to phone you.

- Could I come up for a drink?

- No, you can't! I have a headache.

Please! I'll only take

a tiny moment of your time.

I'll see you on the set tomorrow

and we'll talk about it.

Go home.

Have you been drinking?

Shh! Are you out of your

cotton-picking mind?

Come on up!

I'm on the third floor!

Hurry before someone

calls the cops!

Jesus!

Come in, but you can

just stay a minute.

Can I have a drink?

Anything alcoholic will do.

- Just one drink and I'll go.

- Oh, all right, but I...

Nice mirror.

Here.

What is it that couldn't wait?

I'm just an untalented

old has-been.

Were you ever famous?

- No.

- Then how can you be a has-been?

I love the way you never let me

get away with anything.

- Dorothy...

- Yes?

- I want you.

- Pardon?

- I've never wanted a woman this much!

- Please! Perhaps another time.

Turn me away, it'll kill me!

- I don't want emotional involvement.

- I'll take sex.

- I don't want to hurt you.

- I don't mind.

Oh, sh*t!

John Van Horn, Jeff Slater.

Jeff Slater, John Van Horn.

How do you do?

How do you do?

- I'll be going.

- I think it's best.

- Gee, I hope I haven't...

- No, I hope I haven't...

I want you to know, for the record...

...that nothing happened here tonight.

Thank you, John.

I'm sorry, Dorothy.

I didn't understand.

I'm really sorry.

Please don't talk about this.

My lips are sealed.

You slut!

Look, don't start in with me.

Don't do that.

Rape is not a laughing matter.

That guy wanted me.

You cannot believe

the night I have had tonight!

- I think I can imagine.

- No, you can't.

I saw his eyes.

I was in trouble.

If you don't come in,

I'm in the Daily News the next day.

How did you ever let him in?

What do you mean?

He was singing.

- Is he that good a singer?

- What do you..?

That's him!

Say I'm in the bedroom crying.

Don't let him in!

Michael.

It's Sandy.

Sandy?

It's Sandy?

I can't let her see me like this.

I hear you in there.

Open the door. It's me, Sandy.

Open the door!

- Sandy, is that you?

- Yes!

What time is it?

I fell asleep, I guess.

I was having a nightmare

and you were in it.

Mike's in the shower.

I'm in the shower!

I got soap in my eyes!

I'm not dressed.

I was asleep. I was dreaming.

You were in my dream.

You had big teeth.

I had big what?

- I gotta get something on.

- Are you having a party?

I'm in the shower!

Turn on the water!

It's stuck! I got soap in my eyes

and there's no water coming out!

I can't come out

with soap in my eyes!

Open the door!

I can hear you in there, you guys.

Open the door!

- Open this door.

- The door was open.

You must think I'm really stupid.

No one would say it to your face.

I've been out there for 10 minutes.

It sounded like a party in here.

Well, Mike was in the shower.

You know.

- Hi, I was taking a shower.

- He was in the shower.

- Good shower?

- Good shower.

Why haven't you returned

my phone calls?

I'll go do some writing.

Excuse me.

Wait, I'll be back.

I got a present for you.

Pigs!

I'm glad you came over.

I've been meaning to give this to you.

- I suppose this means nothing's wrong?

- Nothing is. Is it?

I've called you all week

and you haven't called back.

- You treat me like I'm a jerk.

- What?

- I called and you didn't call back!

- No, it's...

My new answering machine is no good.

I'll answer my own calls.

- I went to six stores for your favorite.

- Chocolate-covered cherries?

That's sweet.

Oh, and a card.

Oh, yeah. No, no!

Don't, don't read it!

I was very angry when I wrote that!

"Thank you for the lovely night

in front of the fire.

Missing you, Les."

This isn't for me.

It's another girl's candy.

I wouldn't give you

another girl's candy.

- Then, whose is it?

- Mine.

A guy named Les sends you candy?

Yes. He's a friend of mine.

He can't eat candy. He's diabetic.

Why is he thanking you for

a lovely night in front of the fire?

My mind's a blank.

Are you gay?

In what sense?

Just be honest with me.

For once in your life tell the truth!

Because these stories

are very demeaning to me.

No matter how bad the truth is...

...it doesn't tear you apart inside

like dishonesty.

At least it leaves you with

some self-respect and some dignity.

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