Top Gear: The Perfect Road Trip

It's a normal Tuesday in Britain.

There's a hint of drizzle in the air

and traffic is at a standstill.

We know that driving is meant

to be more fun than this.

We know that cars are meant

to be more fun than this.

So we decided what we'd do is

give you an hour or so of escapism,

of perfect roads and perfect cars.

Yeah. So, what we're going to do is

strip away all the things

that drive us mad,

roadworks, Peugeots, speed cameras...

- James May.

- Yeah, we'll get rid of him.

He's always holding us up.

And then we will end up with

the perfect road trip.

Strangely, Jeremy insisted

we should start here, in Venice,

where all the streets are full of water.

Why are we in Venice?

Because I wanted to drive

the Riva Aquarama.

Why?

Because it's the most

beautiful thing ever made

and because it's got two V8s.

Okay, we are starting in Venice because

he wanted to drive a... What is it?

- Riva Aquarama.

- Riva Aquarama.

- The most beautiful thing ever made.

- The most beautiful thing ever made

and it's got... Two V8s?

- Two V8s.

- Two V8s!

And we're going to set off from here

on a journey across Italy,

across France, to... Where are we going?

- Pau.

- To Pau... Pau?

Why are we going to Pau?

Because that is where the first ever

Grand Prix was held.

- Pau?

- Yeah.

- Never heard of it.

- The track's still there.

We're going to drive the very first

Grand Prix track.

Whatever. Between here and there,

we're going to be on motorways,

mountain roads, rally stages,

racetracks and cities.

And in every place, we are both going

to pick what we believe

is the perfect mode of transport.

It's going to be the perfect week.

Perfect weather, perfect start,

perfect boat, perfect everything!

- Perfect.

- And no James May.

That's better than perfect.

Over the next seven days,

our quest for perfection

would take us from Venice

towards the Italian Lakes.

From there we'd head south

to the Mediterranean,

for a drive along the French Riviera

to Saint-Tropez.

Then we'd swing inland again

towards the finishing point at Pau.

Do we look like Tubbs and Crockett?

Or Tubby and Crotchety?

- No, seriously. That's perfect, though.

- Tubby and Crotchety.

Venice Vice.

Having docked

the L200,000 speedboat,

I switched to an even

more expensive car.

The new, grown-up, less tail-happy

Black edition of the SLS.

In Victorian times,

people would come through Venice

on what was called "the grand tour",

so that's why

I've gone for the Mercedes,

because it is the ultimate grand tourer.

Mmm-hmm. Except, it isn't the ultimate

because this is, the Ferrari F12.

No, no. That's too powerful.

- Too powerful?

- It is too powerful.

I said that... It is!

You did say it on the programme

and I thought then...

You see this?

I will be able to use all of the power.

Yes?

In that, you will not

be able to use all of the power

because you'll end up

halfway up a telegraph pole.

No, I'll be able to all of the power

but there will be more power than

you've got, that's all that's about.

A grand tourer should be powerful

- and creamy and grunty and...

- Uh...

Six hundred and twenty-two horsepower,

it's not a wheelbarrow.

- Seven hundred and thirty! It's more.

- I know.

Hammond!

Let's just go across Italy, shall we,

in our grand tourers?

Yes. Yes.

I'LL go quickly, you big girl.

Oh, God!

Oh, that's a lot of power!

Maybe that's too much!

No, it's not too much.

Jeremy's being a wuss. It's just enough.

It's just I don't need

to use all of it right now.

I'm going to use a bit Less.

Maybe this much of it.

The changes from that gearbox

are incredible.

It's a double clutch gear box.

In actual fact,

it's exactly the same unit

as in Jeremy's Mercedes SLS.

It's just Ferrari have

put their own mapping,

their own computer control

on this particular one.

And it's set up so that

when you change,

it spikes the engine revs

so it surges when you change.

Dear God!

This body isn't just pretty,

it's been sculpted to maximise the air

flowing over it to generate down force

to stick it to the road

There have been a number of

Black Special Edition Mercs in the past

and almost all of them have been,

well, dreadful, really. Undriveable.

They generated too much torque.

So every time you put your foot down,

it felt like they were trying

to tear themselves apart.

You'd be going along

and it'd be sucking birds

and trees and squirrels into the engine

and then ripping up the road and hurling

chunks of tarmac out of the back

and it was just... They were ridiculous.

This, though, Mercedes has been clever

because, yes, it generates more power

than a standard SLS

but 11 fewer torques. So now...

You put your foot down, it translates

that action into speed,

not destructions.

Oh, but you can't beat a V8!

I mean, yes, a V12 is nice.

But a V8 is nicer.

It just is.

I'm just saying you can't beat a V8.

Oh, I like a 12, I do like

a big powerful, slightly angry 12.

That's a great car, that.

It's...

You just give it a little poke,

"Excuse me, could you... "

That is insane!

I was very happy.

And therefore a bit surprised

when Jeremy suddenly veered off

toward some old Italian town.

There it is.

- What? That?

- Yeah.

That is the actual balcony

from Romeo and Juliet.

- Yeah. Couple of points.

- What?

I've got a Ferrari,

it's a beautiful day, I'm in Italy.

You're looking at a balcony

that was in a story... Story!

Made up by a man

who you said you don't like.

I hate William Shakespeare but it's...

Come on!

It's not real, it's a story.

It was pretend.

You're on a tour of Europe,

you need to see stuff.

I'm on a tour of Europe, in a Ferrari,

except I'm not in a Ferrari,

I'm standing here

Looking at an old building.

Happily, a big crowd of

Italian Top Gear fans then stopped him

from getting into some old theatre

so we could get back on the motorway.

If he's going to ruin this road trip

by stopping off to look

at old things that don't move, I'll...

I should've

remembered, of course,

Hammond isn't going to want

to do anything cultural

and he isn't going to want

to eat anything interesting.

It's like travelling around

with a garden chair.

I therefore decided

to annoy him some more.

- Hammond?

- What?

Shall we turn off here?

What, now? Why would we?

Well, because I'm bored of driving on

motorways, I want to go on other roads.

Is there an old pile of bricks

or a gate that once featured

in a fairy tale down here?

No, no.

It's driving but just on nice roads.

We're not going to look at Hansel

and Gretel's handbag or something?

In fact, we were heading

for the Italian Lakes,

a sparkling jewel in the golden crown

of our perfect journey.

And soon I realised that cars like these

on days like these

have been used before,

at the beginning of. The Italian job.

I know just the music we need

for this bit of our drive.

Cue the Monro.

Ooh, this is pretty,

Looking at all of these Italian things

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