Toronto Stories Page #2

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It just hasn't happened yet.

Ah, it's late.

I gotta bounce.

I like your beard.

It suits you.

Thanks.

- It's kinda like Ernest Hemingway.

Yeah, I thought I'd grow it out.

- You mean for warmth?

Well, yeah...

Y eah, I mean, kinda.

I thought it'd be cool.

It's kind of a female repellent.

You know,

when you got, like,

a ton of guys hanging off you,

and you're just like,

"Whoa, chill, chill out.

No, I-I...

don't know what that's like.

It doesn't really work...

... is the thing,

'cause some girls really like it.

I guess you...

I guess you go out...

on a lot of dates?

Tch...

Y es.

Like romantic dates?

No. No, no, no.

Well, I mean,

aren't all dates romantic?

Not necessarily.

Is this a date we're on?

I think so.

"Dative... dating agency...

date rape...

"date:
A particular day

of the month or year,

"the time

at which a particular event

has occurred or will occur."

There's a "To date."

"An appointment,

especially a romantic

or social engagement."

So there you go.

Romantic.

Social. I mean...

... we're both right.

Imagine if you knew

every word in the dictionary.

I'd have a hardcover.

Oh, well, that was a gift.

If it was up to me,

I'd have a hardcover, too.

Boris,

I have to tell you something.

I think...

I think I have a crush on you.

Yeah, I thought you might.

Is it okay if I kiss you?

Yeah.

Ahem.

Willia...

... I never

would've approached you.

Are you a shy guy?

Yeah.

"Love shy" refers

to a debilitating shyness

that impedes the ability to form

Iong-lasting romantic relationships.

Love-shy sufferers experience

an overwhelming fear of intimacy.

Love-shy men are prone

to anti-social personality disorders.

How to get a guy to like you.

Make conversation.

People with Asperger Syndrome

are neurologically unable

to understand other's emotions.

... and respect you as you are.

Rekindle the energy

that dilutes your...

...attracting confusion

in your relating.

Crown myself the prince of buzz

Can't wait until you can't wait

Till you unsubscribe

I'll be a lonely scribe

Whoa.

Imagine trying

to fight a war in that.

Y eah, not very practical.

That look is deadly, though.

Happy belated birthday.

- Whoa, this is all for me?

Yup. Yeah, this is one of

my favourite books.

Oh, and this -

that is the night

that I first saw you.

I knew I liked you right away.

Did you mean to draw it

in this shape?

Like, with everything?

No. Um...

I-I actually just started drawing

and it... turned out that way.

It's, uh...

it's so...

awesome.

It's...

it's really a nice card.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

So what do you think

of what happened

between us the last time?

I was surprised.

A good surprise,

or a bad surprise?

Well I...

I had a good time.

Phew.

I thought I had come on too strong.

No, it's okay.

I wouldn't know, really.

I'm not...

that experienced, actually,

so...

How many times

have you had sex?

Four...

four times.

But one was like a...

two-night stand?

What if we made a trade?

I mean,

I've never built anything ever.

You could teach me how.

I mean,

we could design it together.

And if you teach me

how to build something,

I could teach you about sex.

Sounds like a good deal to me.

Whoo!!!

Marine-grade, uh, teeth..

might be nice.

That's what... Seriously!

Are we gonna do this, or what?

Slit!

Thank you. Oh...

Ow!

- Ow!

You're gonna have to take that off.

But it's my protection.

Not anymore.

Okay, T each.

Wow.

You shave.

Well, you know...

it's like, uh, not as messy...

and I like the way it looks.

It's, like, less...

animalistic.

It looks good, right?

Y eah.

Good.

Alright, dear,

brace yourself.

At the count of three,

breathe in.

One...

two...

three!

How's it going?

Good.

So...

I got...

a...

What?

I got a--

- A what?

I got a tat...

- You got a tattoo?

No, not a tattoo.

- All right.

But I got a--

You're killing me over here!

What is it?

I GOT A BRAZILIAN!!!

So you wanna come in?

Actually, I promised my dad

I'd watch the World Cup with him.

I see.

Well, call me sometime, will ya?

Yeah, yeah...

fo' sho.

Uh, have fun with that Brazilian.

When am I gonna see you again?

I... I dunno. Whatever.

I'm kinda like Polkaroo.

Who's Polkaroo?

Well, Polkaroo's like a creature...

who kinda comes and goes.

Like me.

Polkaroo

is the imaginary creature

from the children's TV show

Polkadot Door,

broadcast by TV Ontario.

Polkaroo never spoke,

other than to exclaim

its own name.

Only one of the two hosts

could see Polkaroo at a time,

Ieaving the other to cry.

"Polkaroo was here

and I missed him again?"

Howdy do

Polkaroo

How are you

Polkaroo

What do you say

Polkaroo

Polkaroo

Hey...

What are you doing here?

Excuse me.

There's a boy.

I think he's lost.

Boris, I need to talk to you.

I had to see you...

Because I need to know...

Actually, I have to know.

Are you interested...

in a romantic relationship with me?

Well...

... it's a really...

it's a really hard decision...

to make...

.... but no...

... I'm not.

Y'know, it's not you.

It's me. I-I have to...

stay open to some things.

It's okay.

Now I know. Y'know?

It was the not knowing

that was driving me crazy.

I couldn't stop thinking of you!

I had no idea you felt that way.

I mean, I...

I never think of you.

I mean, I never...

really think about you

when you're not...

around.

It's fine.

I'm glad we cleared that up.

I feel a lot better.

Does this mean

we can't have sex?

Are you sure about this?

Yes.

God, you are so beautiful.

And the crazy thing is,

you don't even know

how amazing you are.

Omigod...

Okay, hold on.

Wait.

No...

Oh, God... Oh, God.

Oh, no.

Oh.

Oh, crud. Oh, crud.

Oh.

Are you okay?

Yeah... Uh...

I never...

I never should've come over here.

I...

I should've trusted my instincts.

Where are you going?

I can't...

I'm going... home!

Okay, slow down.

I have to go!

- I'm not a monster

trying to keep you captive here.

- All right, what?

So talk to me.

- I'm talking to you!

When are we gonna

see each other?

I don't know, okay?

I can't say!

- Why?

Because, Willia, you don't...

It's too defining!

Stop! Don't go.

Run to the thing

you fear the most!

Uh, you're pointing at me.

Oh. Sorry.

Oh... Willia.

This is really...

hard to explain.

I'm doing my best.

I have to... go.

Boris, come on.

Remember when we first met?

You told me that you believe

that you'll fall in love at first sight.

It doesn't work that way.

Real love takes time.

You're probably right.

I never...

got to choose.

I was never chosen.

Goodbye, Boris.

Bye.

A young male child reportedly

of North African descent,

age nine or 10,

has gone missing

from an Immigration holding area

at Pearson International Airport.

Police have issued

a citywide Amber Alert.

We'll continue to bring you updates

as this story develops.

Turning to the weather for the--

Ahem.

Get outta here!

Ha-ha! You're shittin' me!

What's up, man?

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