Torrente 4

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The final guests are arriving for

what promises to be

"The Wedding of the Year"

The bride, Melanie Rocamora,

daughter and heiress

to Roman Rocamora,

a virtual dynasty

My family's musical too

sister plays the violin

and Dad sticks it in.

"Sticks it in",

Solis

Yes, sir.

Why does he

look like that?

Uh sir,

Torrente said he'd

wear his Sunday best.

Well, I've seen sh*t dress up

better than your friend there.

Not big on classical?

Classical is "The Candy

Man", this sucks.

- Back to France!

- I'm Bulgarian.

What, you want pity?

Hey what's this?

A spread of mousse, nuts

and cream of foi

with crispy licorice, sir.

How stuck-up is that?

What no Tootsie rolls,

pork rinds, chips?

This wedding blows.

Where did you dig up

this slimeball?

Don't let him fool you,

Oswaldo, Mr.Torrente

-is highly recommended.

- Yeah, by you.

Whaddaya got?

McCallan or Cardhu.

Here we go store brands

Serve me a bit of both.

Jerk.

An officer with prestige,

years of service on the force,

and, most vital

lots of poise.

What a work of art

I don't know who I like more:

grandma or granddaughter.

You're amazing, madam

for your age, that is.

Were it not for the huge

respect I have for you

and because I'm personally in

charge of wedding security,

I'd do you a favor

right here and now.

You are a crude man.

Enough or I call security

What are you saying?

I am security, ha ha.

Who could you be safer

with than yours truly, ma'am?

Your granddaughter has your

lashes, your nose...

...and your my God, what nipples!

They resemble a pair of missles.

Come here! Tell him

to go the f*** home,

hide him wherever,

but if I see him here again,

you'll both be

out on the street.

- Understand?

- Understood, Oswaldo.

Right away.

Hey! This isn't

a whorehouse.

Sorry, I have work.

- Not so fast.

- Let me be.

Let's see ooh,

laughing powder

- I'm security.

- What?

I have no choice but to report

this regrettable incident.

Oh, please, don't

tell my father!

Sorry, but it's my job.

Please!

Well, perhaps I could...

...look the other way.

Fabulous wedding for your

daughter, Rocamora.

A kid only yesterday.

Don't let it dry up.

Give it some spit, let it slide,

let that baby slide, yeah.

Regarding those matters, I hope we

don't end up angry with each other.

No I won't get angry,

I'll just cover my back

and defend whats mine.

Hey, you bit the head

with one of your teeth

Swallow, use some technique,

try the Peter Pan move.

Deep, ring that bell.

Like Greek yogurt, eh?

It's Spanish goat cheese.

Cream rises!

Uh, Torrente!

C'mon in, there's

plenty more!

Where you going

I was half done!

Man, why didnt you get some?

Jos Luis, you're gonna

get me in deep sh*t,

they'll fire me, and

with the crisis and all

I can't allow it, Jos Luis.

Look, kid, you're offending me.

I only took a second to

be human with the girl,

doesnt mean I

wasn't doing my job,

or wasn't on full alert.

I'm in total control sh*t!

What were you guys doing when

I walked in? It was the

Peter Pan move ...?

Nothing gets by you.

Shh I think the

curtain just moved.

Look, Torrente, look

what we have here!

This'll make 'em happy.

A "par-apache". Hand

over the roll, now!

What roll? This

camera's digital.

What digital? You

think I'm stupid?

The roll or you're mush.

OK, alright, here it is.

You shitting me?

Not the battery.

Jerk your mom off.

No, no, Jos Luis, the

pictures are inside.

- I had a vision.

- What did you see?

- it's only for you

- Yesss!

Nothing and no one will

ruin this wedding.

Paparazzi, paparazzi

paparazzi!

Jos Luis!

Prick! Watch him, he's

slippery. Outta here!

Get him, Jos Luis!

Back here, you twit!

Torrente, you're

screwing things up!

Get outta here!

You're making things worse.

You're creating a scene.

Come back, for Chrissake!

Come here! It's security!

Security!

Security!

It's a paparazzi!

- There, good, good!

- Jos Luis!

Don Jos Luis!

Daddyyyyy!

TORRENTE IV:
Lethal Crisis

Since you passed on, things

arent the same, Fary.

Spain has gone to the dogs.

The whole world

is on the fritz.

Queers can get married now,

the Socialists have flushed

Spain down the tubes,

and in the White House,

there's a jungle bunny,

but not a cleaning man,

no he's the president!

It's like a joke.

What's next, a broad?

Yeah, I know we won the

World Cup last year,

but that doesnt count.

Most of the players

were barely Spanish.

What do you think?

Never mind.

Your spirit and music

will always be with us.

Damn!

Looks like I gotta

take a dump, Fary.

Some timing, huh?

Sorry, Fary.

At your service

or should I say mine.

You see:
the dead get flowers

and the flowers get fertilizer.

Shame on you! Have

you nothing to say?

Have a Kleenex handy?

OK, ifs the flowers then.

Hey, cutie!

When's the next meal?

Two o'clock.

Torrente long time no see!

Hey, Cuadraclo, what are

you doing around here?

Trying to get by,

as you can see,

like everybody else.

I'm in such a slump,

if you only knew.

No need to say anything,

it's pretty obvious.

Here, I'll get you in.

Give me a break,

that's all I need.

Think I need charity

or welfare?

Sorry didnt mean anything.

Some of us still have class

not hard-up like this rabble.

Hardly any meat left,

used to be better.

All these people like

after the civil war.

Damn, kid, beat it! What

are you doing here anyway?

Get the tuck outta here!

I was here first.

No manners, no nothing.

Roasted pork, with the

skin still on it too.

People leave the best,

then they cry poverty.

Kids, didn't I tell

you to scram!

What uh, would

you like some?

I was wrapping up here,

I'll pass on dessert.

Serve yourself, boys enjoy!

Hey, Blondie!

Jules, you're better every day.

Hey, girls!

I'm working.

- Who, me?

- Come here a sec.

Hey, what's your name?

My name is Rin-Rin,

well, my real name is Julito,

but my dad sold alarm clocks,

so the kids re-named me.

That's a good one.

Uh could you spare a couple

of euros for the booths?

- I left my wallet home.

- Uh, no!

Know who I am?

Not really.

Of course not.

I'm Torrente.

Jos Luis Torrente.

Here, keep it.

Have you heard about

Operation Woxter Asia?

- Later Woxter Hong Kong.

- No.

I directed it entirely,

the whole shebang.

Go ahead and ask around the

hood! I even got a medal.

I was Number 1 on

the force for ages.

Then I quit, now I do only

top-of-the-line P.I. work.

Two euros, I just

wanna beat off.

I'll pay you back tomorrow.

It's not like I

need it. I'm loaded.

- Really?

- Yeah, dude!

Cool!

Getting filthy

rich is my dream.

I'd spend it on babes,

what I'd really like.

Sorry to interrupt, bud, but

the one I like just came out.

Jos Luis Torrente.

Secret Agent.

- Hey, mister!

- What the...?

- Am I bothering you?

- Isn't it obvious.

Madam, am I disturbing?

Leave my wife out!

Who's talking to you?

Lady, did I offend you?

Have I been obnoxious?

You're stunning, madam,

you're an exotic beauty.

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