Touchy Feely

---

All right, I'm going to spray

some rose water, okay?

Take a deep breath.

Okay, take your time getting up.

I'll be outside

with some water, okay?

Thank you.

Um, Abby?

Will you marry me?

The upstairs toilet

is acting funny.

What?

Upstairs toilet is acting funny.

Mm.

Have you noticed?

No, I guess I haven't

really noticed.

It was making

a running sound,

like, even...

even when it wasn't...

- Okay.

- ... just when it was not in use.

And then it would stop.

Okay, well, did you look

in the back?

Like, did you look

in the tank of the toilet?

Mm-mm.

Sometimes the chain

just falls off.

And you just reattach it.

Is there... is there

anything that...

No, no, everything is...

everything's under control.

Okay, then.

I'll get it.

- Hey, Paul.

- Hey.

Good to see you.

Yeah, I beat my record

by, like, two minutes.

- Oh.

- Uh...

Aw, man.

Is everybody in the kitchen?

Are you out of your mind?

A calzone is not the same

as a Hot Pocket.

Okay, what's the difference, then?

- There's a huge difference.

- Okay, what's the difference?

Okay, you've got

your tomato-based filling

and you've got your

pastry-based outer shell.

Hold on, have you ever

even had a calzone?

Yes, I've had a calzone.

I got a pizza and I flipped it over

and I called it a calzone.

You know what we're gonna do?

I am going to make you a calzone.

- Okay.

- And you're gonna eat it

and then I'm gonna prove you wrong

and you're gonna owe me.

Okay, deal.

What do you owe me?

- I don't know.

- What's he gonna owe me?

What should I owe her?

I don't know.

How about...

how about a beer?

Okay.

I'll get it.

And if it turns out to be

like a DiGiorno's Pizza

that's just folded over

and thrown in the oven,

what do I get out of it?

Well, I mean, regardless,

you're gonna get

a delicious homemade treat, so...

- What? The calzone?

- Yeah.

- That's the treat?

- That's the treat.

Oh, God. Okay.

And what happens if I don't like it?

Then what do I get out of it?

Nothing.

That's just...

that's just not possible.

A homemade treat.

Time's up!

- Hi, babe.

- Hi.

Mmm!

- Mmm, that smells good.

- Brought wine.

- Hi, baby.

- Just put it here.

I remembered

the salad dressing.

Why didn't you make the one

that you make?

- The one...

- I didn't have any time.

The one that you make is so good.

Just tell me next time

and I'll make it.

Well, then you would know

my secret recipe.

Oh, oh, I didn't realize.

Mmm, the stew smells amazing.

What is that?

- Is it cinnamon?

- Will you take this?

- What is that?

- Beef. Beef stew.

I know, but what's that smell?

Clove?

It's just beef.

So, did you get them in?

The applications?

I didn't send them.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I'm serious.

What the f***? Why?

What the f***?

Give me a break.

What do you mean,

give you a break?

Why didn't you send them?

It's, like, a really bad time.

- It's a great time.

- No, it's not a great time.

Why?

We can barely pay Susan, okay.

What does that mean?

What do you mean,

what does it mean?

It means that we haven't

had a new client

in forever and all of Grandpa's

clients are dying off.

Yeah, and that's not your problem.

Yeah, well, that's really easy

for you to say.

Yeah, it is easy for me to say.

And it's easy for you to say, too.

You don't get it.

Look, I love you.

It's your life.

It's your life.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Should I cook these tomatoes

or does it matter?

Doesn't matter.

Dad, will you get the corn bread?

- Hey.

- Hey.

Mmm.

Do you think this is

such a hot idea?

Yeah. I think

it's an incredibly hot idea.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

You look wan.

- Wan?

- Mm-hmm.

Are you sleeping?

You've got bags.

- You're all puffy.

- Yeah, I'm sleeping.

I think he looks okay.

I should have Bronwyn

make an elixir for him.

Mm-hmm.

I have a friend who makes

these incredible energy tonics

that stimulate everything...

your liver, your gallbladder,

your kidneys...

I don't think that elixirs

are Dad's thing.

Well, maybe not...

What does it taste like?

- It tastes like sh*t.

- Garbage.

But so good for you.

Cleansing, healing.

Bronwyn's amazing.

She did Reiki on me last month.

It was incredible.

- Right?

- Mm-hmm.

You should get Reiki done.

Paul, you would love Reiki.

- Mm-hmm.

What's Reiki?

What... what is it?

It's energy work, essentially.

- Energy work.

Helps you release emotional blockages

and clear out pathways

and just makes you feel

awesome in general.

Okay.

Paul, how's the practice doing?

- Great.

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Business is booming?

Yeah, we're trucking along and...

Good, awesome.

How's the apartment search going?

- Did...

- Good.

- It's...

- You found something?

Not yet, but I have a few leads.

You have to be out by the first.

I know, I know, I know.

Well, why don't you

just move in with me?

I mean, you're at my house

every night.

- Well, it's not every night.

- Just about every night.

I mean, rent's really high

right now, you know.

I mean, it just makes sense.

Or...

you could move in here until...

you find a place that's suitable.

There's plenty of room.

The door is always open to you.

Thank you, brother.

That is a very generous offer, Paul.

- Um...

- Thank you.

I mean, it makes sense, right?

That's what I'm saying.

- Right?

- Yeah.

I mean, you're going

to regret it, though,

because I'm a complete

and utter slob.

Like I already don't know that.

I know, but once

all my stuff is there...

- All right.

- So you'll move in.

- Yeah.

- That's great.

And you guys can have dinner

at our house.

Here we go.

Tap, tap, tap.

Hold closed and grind

side to side for me.

Perfect.

And let's get our front.

Tap, tap, tap.

One, two, three.

Hold it closed.

Grind side to side.

Perfect.

All right.

Mirror.

All right, Mrs. Elvsted,

let's just take a look

and see what we've got here.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Okay, Mrs. Elvsted,

so be sure to floss.

We'll see you next time.

Who's next?

Um, no one today.

Mrs. Koppleson canceled.

Dad?

Yeah?

I was thinking, um...

I think we need some new blood.

We could advertise.

That's too expensive.

We have to...

we have to spend money

to make money, right?

I could call around.

I could... I could do

some research.

Who would you call?

I don't know.

Look at bus ads

or call some newspapers.

I'm not comfortable with that.

Okay.

You feel good.

- Yeah?

- Mm-hmm.

Oh, it's amazing.

Ah!

So, what are his...

what are your brother's symptoms?

Oh, um,

he's really uptight.

- Drink this.

- Thank you.

He's judgmental,

he's rigid and...

I don't want

a character assassination,

- I just want his symptoms.

- Oh.

He's, um...

he's really, uh, depleted.

His, like, energy is gone.

- He's all sucked in and wan and...

- Okay.

...he's not sleeping good.

I'll give him a liver tonic

and throw in

- something for gallbladder.

- Okay.

And have him come see me,

why don't you?

All right.

That's not gonna happen,

but all right.

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