Tower Heist
Good morning, New York.
Today we are talking about
cheese until the sun comes up.
Specifically, bouchon cheese.
I like to pair this with a
nice '77 sauvignon blanc.
It's perfect for an intimate
meal or for a large gathering.
You will never go wrong
with semi-soft cheeses.
Let us go to Scott
in Crown Heights.
He has been
wondering about Brie.
dropped its noisy effort
to take over the New
York Stock Exchange.
It slunk away
saying it became clear
regulators wouldn't
approve a merger
of the US's two dominant
stock exchanges.
we have Barbara in the Bronx.
She's got a question
about cheddar.
Go ahead, Barbara.
JOSH:
You can have my rook,but I will take
that.
Boom.
FEMALE RADIO HOST 2: It seems investors
may be in for an equally wild ride.
(DOG BARKING)
SLIDE:
Get that bike around back.Come on, empty the truck.
Hey, it's the man in the suit.
Hey.
What are you doing walking
on my side of the street?
Very funny.
Punk-ass b*tches walk on the
other side of the street.
Same jokes as yesterday.
Walk by me again and I'm
going to whoop your ass.
Good morning, Mr. Shaw.
You are looking lean and mean today.
This is why I love you, Lester.
You're the best
liar in New York.
Morning, Mr. Shaw.
Hiya.
Everything is set
for your dinner party.
I'm sending up some bouchon paired
with a '77 sauvignon blanc.
Very nice.
If you don't mind my saying,
are you sure you want
Secretary Lowe and Janet
Ramsey at the party together?
They were mentioned
again on Page Six.
Jesus! I totally forgot
they were screwing.
Yeah.
Nice save, Josh.
What the hell
would I do without you?
You would have to
read the Post yourself.
No, I'm serious.
I am kicking the tires
on a couple deals.
I might buy a hotel
in Saint Bart's.
I'm looking for a GM.
I'm going to try
and steal you away.
we might have a deal.
(LAUGHS) Okay, deal.
All right.
Have a good one.
Josh, one more thing.
What is that, sir?
Checkmate.
(HORNS HONKING)
(GREETING IN SPANISH)
You got a security
report for me?
Not much, Mr. K. A car alarm, two
homeless and a really loud dog.
ROSE:
Good morning, Josh.Hey, Rose.
How was your weekend?
Good. I was here.
We steam-cleaned the garage,
had some killer take-out
from Punjab Palace.
You are a wild man.
That's me.
ODESSA:
Mr. K.Hey, Odessa.
My work visa's about to expire.
You must find me a husband.
Okay. Can I have
my bagel first?
I need a man before these pricks
throw me out of the country.
All right, and what about Manuel?
He's a catch.
I tried.
He couldn't handle me.
Okay. Rose,
don't write that down.
KWAN:
Morning.Morning, Kwan.
We have birthdays
in 3714 and 4399.
The Jameson twins like the
cupcakes from Magnolia,
Mr. Causwell likes the hot
fudge sundae at Sardi's.
And Mrs. Hightower
landed three days early
from Cairo, be here in an hour.
Does Mr. Hightower know?
Josh, a word, right now.
Yes, sir, Mr. Simon.
Where's Charlie?
I got an empty concierge desk.
I think he's checking
on Mrs. Cronan.
Now that's bullshit!
Mrs. Cronan is at physical therapy.
He has got three minutes.
...can only be convicted if the
prosecution proves all the...
Miss lovenko.
Holy sh*t! What?
We do this thing, you and I,
where you pretend not to
study for the bar exam
and I pretend not to notice.
I'm sorry, I don't know what
you're talking about, sir.
See, we're doing it.
Doing what?
Right now, we're doing the thing,
where you pretend not...
No.
I know the exam is coming up
this week, so study in my office
during your lunch break, okay?
Because I never use it.
Okay, but I'm not studying, so
it would not make much sense.
Wait. Shh! Hear that?
Someone is buzzing.
Hey, shush!
Everybody, shush!
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
Who's buzzing?
I hear it.
It's faint,
it's muffled, but I hear it.
Fess up!
Who's buzzing?
Come on!
Who the hell is buzzing?
It's me, my bad.
I had it on vibrate.
Josh, this is
Enrique Dev'Reaux.
He's our new elevator operator.
I didn't hire you.
He's a quarter Cherokee,
you know we need an Indian.
So give him a shot.
It's a pleasure to
meet you, Mr. Kovaks.
I've spent the last three
years working at the BK,
and I'm ready for
the big leagues.
BK? What is that?
A building downtown?
No, it's a Burger King
in Times Square.
All right.
Walk with me, Mr. Dev'Reaux.
The average apartment at The
Tower costs $5.6 million.
It's the most expensive real
estate in North America.
We have the best views, the
most advanced security system,
keyless entry, 24-hour
video vibration detection.
But you know what these
people are really buying?
White neighbors?
Us. The staff.
They pay for our full and undivided
attention seven days a week.
So there's no
cell phones, iPhones,
blackberries, texting, tweeting
They had a rule at the BK,
no sex in the storage room.
Same as your phone rule, right?
No, not the same,
because your dick
has to come with you
to work, Mr. Dev'Reaux
but your phone
can stay at home.
So don't hide it in your pocket
or tuck it into your sock,
don't tape it under your balls
or stick it up your ass,
because, eventually,
I will find it.
They never checked
my balls at the BK.
Sir, you can call me "Enrique" or "Lil'
Disco" or "The Puerto Rican Mohican
that's my hip-hop name.
JOSH:
Morning, Judge Ramos.How did you do?
I ran the Reservoir, 15 flat.
Nice.
Where's Charlie?
I need my cigars.
I think he took Mrs. Cronan
to physical therapy.
I'll bring them up
the second he gets here.
Thank you.
BOY:
Hey, Lester.GIRL:
Good morning, Lester.ALL:
Hi, Lester.What's invisible
and smells like worms?
ALL:
Bird farts.We've heard that one before.
Have a great day at school.
Morning,
Mr. Hightower.
Ma'am.
Sir, that package you ordered from
Cairo arrived three days early.
Hmm.
Yeah.
It's on its way from
the airport right now.
Josh, can you
have the chauffeur
pick us up at the back, please?
Already done.
Thank you.
Darling, let's go.
That guy's daughter
looks like a prostitute.
We're all about discretion
here, Mr. Dev'Reaux.
Right, right.
How do you guys split up the tips?
We don't. We never
take tips at The Tower.
No, I don't really want to
Charlie.
CHARLIE:
Sasha!Your brother's coming, I'm at
work and I can't talk right now.
You're 20 minutes late!
Where are Judge Ramos' cigars?
Right here.
Josh, I'm freaking out.
Can I help you?
Go.
What?
We just went to the OB/GYN, the
baby is in the third trimester,
its head is six inches wide,
your sister has a tiny vagina.
Everyone tells me to stop worrying.
I said, "Stop worrying?"
In labor its head is
going to get crushed
or it's going to blow
out your sister's vagina.
(WHISPERING) Don't say the
"V" word in the lobby.
He said all the women in your
family have teeny tiny vaginae.
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"Tower Heist" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 24 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/tower_heist_22147>.
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