Trail of the Pink Panther

He's going in.

Inspector!

Chief Inspector.

Hail to the chief.

Come right in.

Good to see you.

Your disguise

is ready for final fitting.

I'm sure you will be pleased.

Inspector Clouseau is here!

- Chief Inspector.

- Chief!

I saw some

very interesting noses.

Those noses over there

are for the amateurs.

I have some

in my private stock.

You always did

have a nose for noses.

How are you?

I'm sorry. Our Valentine Day

stock isn't ready yet,

but we have

some beauties here for you.

Let's try this one first.

Here's a marvelous one.

All right.

Can we get that on there?

- What do you think of that?

- Wait. Yes.

I call this one

"The Way We Were."

Do you like it with the profile?

It's from our Streisand line.

You like it?

I don't like it, either.

Sorry, I almost

took your nose with that.

Let's try...

what are you doing?

Come over here.

Let's try this one now.

I think you will like this one.

It's very suitable for your face.

It fits in with your lines.

What do you think of that?

I call this one

"Wino and Roses."

Did you notice that...

The veins are quite lifelike,

don't you agree?

I'm particularly proud

of the enlarged pores.

Look at this one right here.

I wasn't crazy about it, either.

We will try something else.

- Something...

- Something's missing.

- Something missing there.

- How about that?

Does that supply it for you?

That's very nice.

There is a nose, Auguste.

That is a nose.

You have a nose for noses.

Get the wigs.

I always can tell immediately

I see the nose.

We call this one

our "Inky-dinky-doo."

That's from

our Inky-dinky-doo line.

What do you have

to go with this?

We will find something.

This will keep you very warm.

This has

a nice effect with that.

- That is too legal.

- Too legal.

- I want something sort of...

- Here's something illegal here.

Leave it to Dr. Balls!

Auguste!

Look at what you've done.

- You like it?

- You're a genius!

- We need...

- Something.

Something is missing.

I know what's missing.

Here are some teeth

on the house.

Let me see how they look.

Perfect!

- Look at this!

- You are a genius at your art!

My dear boy!

He's still inside.

What do you want us to do

when he comes out?

Follow him.

Martha!

Come down and wrap

the Chief Inspector's purchase, please.

I've recently been doing

something very daring in a stump.

Arm and leg. Only 900 francs

for the complete kit.

It has been my experience that,

in an emergency,

a stump can get in the way.

Martha, you remember

Chief Inspector Clouseau?

I never set eyes

on this gentleman before.

Good evening, Martha.

I cannot believe my eyes!

That is because your husband

is a genius, madame.

Wrap these up, please.

I want that nose to go with it.

- Impossible.

- Money is no object.

That is absolutely the ugliest nose

I have ever seen in my life.

It is so revolting,

it is a masterpiece.

It is also Martha's own nose.

My compliments, madame.

It suits you.

Thank you, Chief Inspector.

Thank you.

I will get your bill.

My God, Auguste,

what have you done?

The left heel

is cleverly built up,

which gives

added height and authority.

But the real secret

is in the right heel.

The lifelike clubfoot look

is caused by a built-in spring

which digs into the ankle,

causing excruciating pain.

Very realistic, don't you think?

Remarkable.

How soon can I have a pair?

I can have them ready

for you by Wednesday.

Thank you very much, madame.

Auguste, my sincere thanks,

and to you, madame.

You like the hand?

I'll pack them up with the shoes.

We're having a hand sale.

It will come in handy for scratching

in case you have any hand jobs.

We will see you soon,

Inspector.

- Chief.

- Chief Inspector. Good-bye.

We'll see you soon.

Good-bye.

Oh, my God!

I've never...

I can't...

I've never been in such pain!

Shall I kiss it

and make it better?

It's not that bad!

And, so for the third time

in the memory of modern man,

the world's largest cut diamond,

the famous Pink Panther,

has been stolen.

Since the reign

of Akbar the Magnificent

in the early 12th century

until the recent bloodless coup

of the former colonel,

now president, Sandover Haleesh,

the Pink Panther

has been the symbol of continuity

of the Kurfili, the ruling family

of the tiny Middle East nation

of Lugash.

- Princess Dala...

- Yes?

- Chief Inspector Dreyfus.

- Send him right in.

...current military regime,

who have kept the gem

under the tightest security...

I came as soon as I got

your message, Commissioner.

- I commend your promptness.

- Thank you.

You have heard

of the theft in Lugash?

The Pink Panther.

Yes, of course.

It is in all the papers.

Soon, I imagine,

they will be sending us

a request for assistance

in catching the criminals.

I have already received

such a request

from the president

of Lugash personally.

I see. How many men

did the president ask for?

Only one...

Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

Clouseau?

See that he is

on the next plane.

Of course.

But, Commissioner,

don't you think that someone

more conventional would...

not to take anything

away from Clouseau...

but, in view of the tense situation

in the Middle East...

I am aware of the tense situation

between you and Clouseau.

However,

Lugash has requested Clouseau,

and Clouseau they will have.

Your finger's in my ink.

What's he doing in there?

Hello!

Nice weather we are having.

I had hoped

we had finally laid to rest

your obsession

with Inspector Clouseau.

So had I, Doctor.

Something has happened

to bring on this relapse?

No, not something.

Someone.

The one.

No, perhaps you're right.

Something.

He is a thing.

- Clouseau?

- Yes, Clouseau.

Your compulsion

to kill Clouseau... is it also back?

Yes, right back.

The thought of a world without

Clouseau fills me with delight,

like a summer

with a thousand Julys.

It intoxicates my soul with...

- Your eyes.

- What?

"Intoxicates my soul

with your eyes."

You lapsed into the lyrics

of You Go to My Head.

I did?

I apologize.

Never apologize

for Cole Porter.

Besides, your subconscious

has confirmed what we already know.

That Clouseau

has got into my head.

Precisely.

How do you suppose you are

going to get him out of there?

I don't know.

I don't suppose.

You are supposed to suppose

and give me all the answers!

The commissioner

wants him in Lugash.

Let the commissioner handle it!

I don't want to know.

I don't want to be there.

I want to be here with you.

What are you thinking, Doctor?

It wasn't Cole Porter.

It was Gillespie and Coots.

The deputy commissioner

to see you.

The commissioner?

Send him in immediately.

Come in, Commissioner.

I want to discuss

the Pink Panther robbery.

I am at your service,

Commissioner.

Allow me to offer you

a small cigar.

Swine cigars. Pay no attention

to them whatsoever.

Let them roll.

Read this most carefully.

Give me your opinion.

I will read my opinion

and give you yours most carefully.

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