Trail of the Pink Panther Page #2

- Do you have a light?

- In the top left-hand drawer.

I'm dancing in the rice

Just dancing in the rice

What a wonderful feeling

I'm... happy in the rice

Always happy...

Allow me.

Excuse me.

Clouseau called. He wants me

to take him to the airport.

Then take him.

Let the president of Lugash worry

about his blood pressure a while.

- He's not going to Lugash.

- What?

He's booked

on the 12:
15 flight to London.

He suspects the Phantom

to be responsible for the robbery.

He said that since Sir Charles

lives in England...

Sir Charles Litton lives

in the south of France.

Yes, sir.

Shall I tell him?

Don't bother.

He would just say, "I know that."

Trying to talk sense to Clouseau

is like Einstein trying

to explain relativity to a "minkey."

Does Sir Charles know

you're coming?

No, I want it

to remain a surprise.

What's wrong?

Your pop-out lighter

is refusing to pop out.

It's supposed to

pop out automatically

when it reaches

a specific temperature.

What exactly is this

specific temperature?

I don't know.

You should have checked

with the factory.

It is obvious

that this pop-out lighter

has reached this

specific pop-out temperature

and is refusing to pop out.

First rule for the car owner...

know your automobile.

But it is your automobile.

I know that,

but it is not my pop-out lighter.

If it were, I would know

the specific pop-out temperature.

Clouseau was trying

to fix the lighter.

He's sure that someone

planted a bomb in the car.

Yes, someone should have...

I mean, could have done that.

He wired Scotland Yard

and said he was arriving in disguise.

Disguise?

What kind of disguise?

Disguised as what?

Didn't say.

How are we going to tell

how to look for him?

- Don't bother.

- Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is your captain speaking.

Please return to your seat

and fasten your seatbelt.

There is turbulence ahead.

Thank you.

Yes, very good trip.

Morning, sir.

Enjoy your trip?

Yes, yes.

Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Morning, madame.

- Can I help you?

- Thank you.

Inspector Clouseau,

I'm Drummond from Scotland Yard.

I am Henri Botot,

mustard salesman from Dijon.

Can I give you a lift,

Monsieur Botot?

That would be

very kind of you, Mr. Yard.

- Drummond.

- How is Scotland these days?

- Pardon?

- Scotland.

I have some relations

who are from Scotland.

My grandmother

on my father's side.

I'm quite fluent in Gaelic.

It is the night of moons

on the night of Gladez.

Inspector McLaren,

this is Monsieur Botot...

From Dijon.

How do you do?

I was just telling Sergeant Yard

about my father-in-law's sister

on my sergeant's side.

You go round the back.

At last.

My own house,

my own swimming pool.

My own 38-23-38.

Telegram.

Read it to me.

"Dear Chief Commissioner,

happy birthday.

Hope you enjoy

the 3,000 pounds of Jell-O."

3,000 pounds of Jell-O?

There must be some mistake.

Where would I put

3,000 pounds of Jell-O?

Besides, only Clouseau

would be stupid enough

to send me

3,000 pounds of Jell-O.

Hello, yes?

This is Inspector Drummond

of Scotland Yard.

I know it's late.

I hope I didn't wake you up.

It's quite all right.

In fact, you did me a favor.

Who is it?

What can I do for you,

Inspector?

It's about Inspector Clouseau.

Ml5 called and reported

that Libyan agents heard a rumor

that there might be

an assassination attempt

against Clouseau.

Really?

Who else wants to kill him?

I mean, who is behind it?

We don't know, but it comes

from a reliable source.

We've told Clouseau,

but he just laughed and said...

"'The moving finger writes."'

Finger.

When it's Clouseau,

he could mean anything.

- Do you know what time it is?

- Will you shut up?

No, not you.

- Where is he now?

- At his hotel.

I think you should order him

back to Paris

until we verify this rumor

one way or another.

Under no circumstances

allow him to go to Lugash.

Do you have for me

the message?

- You want a massage?

- If you have one for me, yes.

Why don't you try Tokyo Lil

at the end of the block?

Ask for Passionflower Shirley,

the Yokohama Butterfly.

- Why should I do that?

- You want a massage, don't you?

Yes, but I want it from you.

- Sir, I don't give massages.

- You gave me one this morning.

You're mistaken.

Don't you try the tricks Anglais

with me, monsieur.

I received a message

this morning

from Inspector Quinlan

of the Yard of Scotland.

- The message!

- You gave it to me!

Message.

You mean "message."

I know what I mean,

you lunatic.

Do you or do you not

have for me the message?

No, sir.

For you there is no message.

Grouse-Moor Hotel.

- Inspector Clouseau.

- Leaving?

He just went up

to his room. I'll ring.

Thank you.

Yes? This is

Chief Inspector Clouseau.

Turn your bed down, sir.

Where are you?

Can you hear me?

Yes? You were saying?

Idiot! Can you hear me?

Now then... what was that

you were saying?

Your message!

Your phone.

To the airport, my good man,

and drive like the wind.

Right, sir.

I knew that.

I've got a headache.

I don't want to hear another word.

Every time you get mixed up

with Clouseau...

- That's enough!

- What are you doing?

- What does it look like I'm doing?

- You can't.

The same thing I've been doing

every morning for the last two years.

You can't!

I'm sick and tired of you telling me

what I can do and what I can't.

Suit yourself.

I hope you like

the new pool cover you ordered.

I think you made

a mistake, Colonel.

Wrong, and never call me

"Colonel," Colonel Bufoni.

I am now your president

and I am infallible.

It says so

in the new constitution.

That you wrote yourself

when you were still a colonel.

You were a captain,

which you could soon become again.

Yes, Mr. President.

It's just that sending for Clouseau...

...was a stroke of genius.

He found the Pink Panther before.

He will find it again.

Possibly.

And then?

Then... the grateful people

of Lugash will shower me,

President Haleesh, with praise

and honor and their daughters.

And the insurance companies

which have already paid

our government's claim

of $12 million

for the theft of the Pink Panther...

what will they shower you with?

Why didn't you mention this

before I sent for Clouseau?

You didn't tell me till now

that you'd requested assistance

from somebody else's

police force.

Maybe we can withdraw

the request.

Not we, Mr. President... you.

Only you can't.

Clouseau's plane, at this minute,

is winging its way to Lugash.

Perhaps he won't find

the Pink Panther.

Perhaps he won't reach Lugash.

- Colonel, you wouldn't.

- To save my president.

Do what you must, Colonel.

Just don't tell me about it.

The president's conscience

must be unblemished.

You understand

my meaning, General?

As the hand understands

the glove, O Great One.

Try to get control of yourself,

my friend.

Giving in

in this way is not healthy.

If I were healthy,

why would I be here, Doctor?

I was referring

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