Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Page #7

and crap-like combo right here.

Cash only. Who's next?

I told you to cure the lock,

in the frying and then smoke it.

Ma, you want me

to cut my handle off or what?

- You order a terrible piece of fishing.

- I'm like a ninja, with a blade.

Get out of here!

Hey, Sam!

Watch your reach, huh?

Take a number,

young man.

Robo-Warrior.

Know him?

I never heard of him.

You never heard of

TheRealEffingDeal.com?

You must be talking about

that amateur blog operation

with GameBoy level security.

Robo-Warrior.

It's him. It's him!

That's the guy right there.

That's him.

No.

You gotta be kidding me.

Alright, meat store's closed.

Everybody out!

Go, right now!

Wait a minute,

you know this guy?

- We're old friends.

- Whoa, friend,

you are the case

that shut down Sector 7.

Got the tie-bash

disbandment,

no more security clearance,

no retirement, no nothing.

All 'cause of you,

and your little criminal girlfriend.

Look at her now,

so mature.

Moron, where's the wifresh?

Don't catch me

with the thing.

- Yakov!

- What?

You don't get Christmas bonus

just standing around.

You want those new teeth

you saw in SkyMall?

- It's my dream.

- Help around.

- You live with your momma?

- No, my momma lives with me,

it's a big difference.

They got your face

all over the news, alien boy.

- Yeah, I know.

- And NBE-1, still kicking, huh?

How did that happen?

Don't answer.

I don't know what you're hiding,

but I don't want anything

to do with it

so, goodbye, you never saw me.

I got bagels to schmidt.

Well, give me 5 seconds.

Look, hold on,

I need your help.

Really,

you need my help?

I need--

Look, I am slowly

losing my mind, okay?

I had a little Crabbot,

placed the device

deep into the soft tissues

of my brain,

and started projecting

little alien symbols

like a whole freaking movie

and on top of that,

I'm a wanted fugitive.

So you think

you got it rough?

You said it projected images

of your brain?

Right.

Meat locker, now!

- Dead pigs.

- Yuck.

What you're about to see

is top secret.

Do not tell my mother.

Dead pigs, swine flu.

- Not good.

- Now you know.

Next time, you eat

a goat or a pig.

There's a story

behind this.

Yeah,

there's a story.

...you're saying

you believe in aliens?

Okay, files, files.

We're talking about symbols.

Hey! Still radioactive.

Hands off.

Okay, Cube-brain.

Any of these look like

the symbols you saw?

Where did you get these?

Before I got fired.

I coached S-7's

scrawny, drooly...

which points to one inescapable fact:

The Transformers;

they've been here a long, long time.

How do I know?

Archaeologists found

these unexplained markings

and ancient runes

all over the world.

China, Egypt, Greece.

Shot at 1932.

These the symbols

you're seeing in your head?

- Yeah.

- Same ones over here, right?

So, tell me, how did they end up

all drawing the same thing?

Aliens.

And I think

some of them stayed.

Check this out.

Project Black Knife.

Robots, in disguise.

Hiding here.

All along.

We detected radioactive signatures

all across the country.

I pleaded on my knees

with S-7 to investigate it

but they said

the readings were infantesimal.

That I was obsessed!

Me, can you imagine that?

Megatron said that there was

another Energon source here.

- On Earth? On another source?

- On Earth.

Okay,

and that these symbols,

the maps in my head

would lead him there.

Should you talk

to your Autobot friends?

No, no, no,

the source is before.

Whatever the Energon source is,

it predates them. It's before them.

- So it comes before that.

- Correct.

Well then, report...

Unless we can talk

to a Decepticon.

I mean, I'm not on

speed terms or whatever...

Actually, I am.

Let me out!

- It could be a little bit sad.

- Open it.

I'm gonna so many Decepticons

on your butt!

Behave.

- What is it, a Decepticon?

- Yeah.

- Can you train him?

- Tried to.

I spent my whole adult life,

coming a plan of aliens.

- You're very furious--

- And you're carrying it around

what are you supposed to make

a little chihuahua.

Wanna throw it down,

you pubic fro-head?

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry about your eye.

You know,

but if you're a good boy,

then I'm not gonna torch

your other eye.

Okay?

I'm not gonna torch it.

Just tell me

what these symbols are.

Please.

Okay.

Oh, I know that.

That's the language of the Primes.

I don't read it, but uh,

these guys...

Where the frick did you find

photos of these guys?

- Is this them?

- Yeah.

Sakers, pal.

Oldest of the old.

Oh, they've been here for

thousands of years,

looking for something.

I don't know what,

nobody tells me nothing.

Oh, they'll translate

those symbols for ya.

And I know

where to find them.

Show us.

Closest one's

in Washington.

Smithsonian

Air and Space Museum.

Land of dreams

in there.

All I ever want to be

was an astronaut.

- Hold those.

- What is that?

What?

I wear them

when I'm in the funk.

So does Jeamby, Cheater.

It's a baseball thing.

Okay. Once you synchronize,

shop-mind and empty bladder

you get caught, demand an attorney

and don't ever say my name.

Here, take one

of these pills.

Slip it

under your tongue,

it's a high-concentrate polymer

they put in Oreo cookies.

Fools the polygraph,

everytime.

Okay, now let's get this show

on the road.

Whoa, no, listen.

I can't do this.

I'm not some

alien bounty hunter, alright?

'cause I'm not gonna do this.

Guards have guns,

- I don't want to die.

- Kid, kid, kid, kid, kid, kid.

You compromise this mission,

you are dead to me.

Now look into my eyes,

and tighten up that spare tank.

The museum

is now closing.

Papa, bad news, bro.

Ran out of toilet paper,

you got any out here?

- Please tell me you--

- Sir, I suggest you get in there.

The museum is closed.

Listen man, I understand that,

but as you can see, this is important.

Dumper-dumper.

I gotta go, alright?

Sir, you are a grown naked man

around showing...

- Pull your pants up and exit--

- I'm not going anywhere.

You got that paper,

right, sir?

You should be embarassed.

This a family museum, sir.

What is going on here?

How many times

can you get tased in the nuts?

So you covered the gates,

huh, you know.

You're an amateur man,

a rank amateur.

There's now five guards.

Five guards.

- You get this stuff and get out of here.

- Give me a second.

I gotta get

the tracker, alright.

- Be good.

- I'm claustrophobic.

Look, look.

Follow him, follow him.

He knows

where he's going.

- He knows something.

- What?

He knows something!

- You got what I got?

- Yeah.

Blackbird.

There he is.

This guy's a legend,

like--like the Chairman of the Board.

Yo, freshman,

put the shard.

And watch

the magic happen.

Oh sh*t,

it's a Decepticon!

- Decepticon?

- What is it?

Find the main tail!

What sort of hideous

mosalleem is this?

Semi pulls and days,

show yourselves!

Or suffer my infinite wrath!

W-wait, old spinal called

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