Tremors 3: Back to Perfection Page #2

oughta sell me my refreshments at wholesale.

- Because?

- It's a natural part of our symbiotic relationship.

Oh, "symbiotic relationship. "

That's a good one, Jack.

You see, Jodi,

all things are related.

My business brings business

to your business.

Probably like an increase of about,

approximately around,

uh, 50 percent.

Actually...

22 percent,

with questionable sustainability.

"Questionable

sustainability"?

Do you have

a business plan?

I try not to plan too much. I trust

in the ebb and flow of the universe.

You have to plan to be a viable entity

in today's economic landscape.

See, me, I'm in phase three

of establishing my product identity.

You know, L.L. Bean...

canoey, outdoorsy.

Land's End...

golf clubby, sailboaty.

I see. I see.

Chang's Market.

Is that, you know, that, uh,

kind of deserty, underground monstery?

Exactly.

All righty.

Sure hope nothin' stops you

from becoming a viable entity,

'cause I hate

when that happens.

I'm billing you for

that complimentary ice.

You know,

I really like this clay.

It doesn't crack in the kiln,

but it is so expensive.

Oh, I can get 10 percent off

if you order 200 pounds.

Yeah, I can't

even afford that.

- Hi, Jodi.

- Hey, Mindy.

- Can you give these toJack when he comes in?

- Sure. Throw 'em on the table.

Thanks.

Hey, Mindy, I thinkJack

was expecting you to sew those pants,

not just stick

tape on them.

Mom, tape is

a total statement.

People likeJack and I

understand that.

Oh, I was into

safety pins myself.

- Hey, Burt.

- Hey, Mindy.

I thought you were

off at school.

Mom didn't tell you?

I- I had to drop out.

We couldn't afford the tuition.

So, I'm back working

at the Arby's down in Bixby...

and trying to

survive my mother.

Well, I hope things

work out.

Thanks.

Beer's inside.

There you go.

Watch your step.

Gummer?

Is that you?

It is, isn't it?

God damn!

Real pleasure to meet you, sir.

Jack Sawyer.

Listen, I've started up

this little tour business.

You know, kind of

an homage to you guys.

I would be honored if you

would consider being a part of it.

You know, sign

a few autographs...

maybe a little

weapons demonstration.

Mom, take a picture

of me with the tremor.

Cute idea.

They're called graboids.

Hey, come on

over here, folks.

Look who I've got for you.

Come on down!

The legendary

Mr. Burt Gummer himself.

Mom, it's the gun guy.

Oh, it is.

Here, Milton.

Stand right here, up straight.

You don't mind, do you?

Straight, honey.

Nice and tall. Taller!

Say "graboids. "

- Graboids.

- Oh, great.

Thank you so much,

Mr. Goober.

Come on, honey.

You had that look on your face.

- What was that about?

- Don't start, Mom.

They're out of

their gourd right now.

I've been listening to my inner voice

and it's telling me,

you and I are destined

to work together.

- So, what do you think?

- I think if I had an inner voice,

it'd be telling me

to tell you to get lost.

Well, you know,

take your time.

You just think about it

and get back to me now.

He'll come around.

Buford! Get your head

out of your pants, boy.

- Just looking at the scenery.

- Droolin' on yourself. Go set up for the next group.

You don't have to

be so mean.

Boy, you're about as sharp

as a bowling ball.

Oh, yeah, tough guy.

Hi, Mindy.

That skull was ripped

wide open, boy.

Eyeballs poppin' out.

Oh, ugly!

Now as I said, you're in the heart

of graboid country.

Yeah, you're-you're

right in the heart of it.

Let me tell you

something, boys,

you're right in the

friggin' heart of it!

- Honey, did you see that?

- SweetJesus! Look!

Having a little engine trouble, folks.

Stay calm. Stay calm.

- Where is it?

- All right, just stick withJack, you'll make it back.

- Hold on to your hats.

- Help, help, graboid attack.

This is what you guys

do all day?

I mean, no offense, Buford,

but it's, like, tragically lame.

Huh? Oh, this is

a good livin'.

I mean, especially compared

to what I was doing before.

Which was?

Well, I was...

shoveling roadkill

for the county.

Okay, I get you, but...

why's a guy likeJack

wasting his time,

scamming yahoos with

this Scooby-Doo routine?

I mean, I bet there's a zillion

better things a guy like that could do.

I bet he's nursing

a broken heart.

- Why are you stopping?

- Or something totally tragic.

I bet he's just dying to talk

to somebody who understands him.

All right, we got

everybody now?

Damn it's hot out here.

Anybody up for an ice-cold beer?

You know, I couldn't help

but notice that you're getting...

awfully red

out here in the sun.

Do you really have to

keep doing that?

When is this tour

gonna be over, anyway?

You don't enjoy

my company, huh?

You know, a man could

take offense at that.

What's that?

Freeze!

Is he all right?

Come on, gimme your hand!

What the hell?

This thing's not even real!

- Everybody, shut up! -

Who's that? - Listen to her!

- Who's that other guy?

- Shut the hell up!

Okay, Jack's jeep can outrun it,

but we have to create a diversion.

Some noise!

Everybody, grab something.

- Here!

- Like what?

Anything. Okay, we're gonna

throw stuff out that way,

and then we're gonna pile in

the jeep and haul ass this way.

Got it? Okay. On three.

One... two... three!

Okay, come on!

Hey, where's my camera?

You threw away my brand-new camera?

This time

we're ready for you.

This shipment of graboids

has four tentacles instead of three.

They look ridiculous.

Nobody's gonna buy them.

What the hell is that?

It's Burt's siren.

The graboid ladder?

It can't be real, Nancy.

Well, he wouldn't blow the siren unless

it was for real. Come on!

Oh, God. I hope Mindy's okay.

Hope she doesn't do something stupid.

I'm not paying for them!

If you ask me, there's something very

amateurish about this whole operation.

I mean, you take people into a life-or-death

situation, and you don't have a real gun?

Are you even licensed

to do this?

You wanted to see a graboid,

you saw a graboid.

So, I strongly advise you... hit the highway

and don't stop till you reach Seattle.

I expect you

to pay for that camera!

Mindy, thank God!

What's going on?

Mom, they're back.

We just made it out of there.

Graboids?

Live ones?

Burt! Burt,

we found one.

Son of a b*tch killed Buford. I mean,

things... just boom and he was gone.

The thing's like

the size of... a whale.

Yep, I've seen 'em.

Burt, is it okay?

Can we come down?

Come on down.

They're not close. You check

the seismo-monitor I gave you?

It's not working very well. I think

the batteries are dead or something.

Come on, Burt.

It's been, what, 11 years?

Yeah, Burt here.

Talk to me.

Hey, Burt, was that siren noise

for real, man?

- Affirmative.

- No me chingas.

- You on your roof?

- Damn right I'm on the roof.

Have you checked

your seismo-monitor?

Any graboid activity

near your ranch?

Burt, that aerial thing, it got bent,

man. I've been meaning to fix it.

Well, now it's all hands

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